Sonali Kulkarni's "Lazy Women" jibe: Controversy or Facts? - Page 4

Posted: a year ago
Originally posted by tournesol


You give two interesting examples on two different women. But I don't think homemakers can be entirely left out of the context Sonali had spoken in.

I think the soon-to-be married woman, who plans to rely on her partner for financial support, will be a homemaker tomorrow in her family (that includes her future kids), and the homemakers we see today were once married off by their families to a financially stable man. Maybe she was not working, or maybe she was working before marriage and she consciously made the decision of giving up her financial independence to be there for her family (and her future kids) full time.

Personally I am a strong advocate for financial independence for women. But it's not right to judge a woman as 'lazy' if she gives up her independence in an already male-dominated world. From the outside, we only see her depending on her partner's finances, but never consider what might have led her to that decision.

In a world where a woman gives up her job to be with her husband in a different city/country, the same is not expected from a man, even if she is earning more than him. A woman will be called 'lazy' for depending on her partner's finances and 'selfish' for being career driven. But will a working man be called 'lazy' for not sharing responsibilities inside house? No. Will he be called 'selfish' for leaving his sick kid to his partner (who might also be working) because he has something equally urgent at work? No.

We live in an unequal world which doesn't respect a woman for the choices she makes. And not many women have a family supportive enough where the woman can have a highly demanding career with her partner supporting her no matter what (including not blaming her for leaving behind their sick kid for an urgent work commitment).

I just think the usage of the word 'lazy' was a bit harsh. Yes, every women should definitely be independent, although sometimes circumstances are not always favorable for her to assert her independence.

I must say that it is one of the best posts, with a well defined roles for both genders. ⭐️

Undoubtedly, every woman needs to be financially independent, but when given the option to choose between their work, financial independence or their family's comfort, most women choose the latter. Well said.

Posted: a year ago

There is another real life case. I used to meet a girl while travelling. She was expecting her baby. Almost everyday, would speak about her in laws, asking her to contribute 80% of her monthly income & pay some bills from remaining amount. He stress level was high, was not good for her baby. Both in laws were in govt job, now retired, have regular income from pension. In spite of having all financial stability, they want more from her. Once she asked why do you need so much money. They replied, you live & eat in this house, so you have to pay. Her husband's income was used to pay loan amount of the house. 

Most of the financially independent girls would happily contribute in the house. But demanding major part of her income, doesn't sound right. In such circumstances instead of respect, strained relations dominates their future. She wants to live separately as soon as possible. 

Posted: a year ago

Post update: I just saw the whole thing about what she said. And I think she's correct she's not trying to tell that all Indian girls/women are like that. And for a fact she's stating something true. (Yesterday I just read the post but did not see the video) I have seen, heard girls telling how they want a rich boyfriend/ husband so that they can live a lavish life. Her part of saying about demanding is also true! There are women who do that. 

But this is not about all Indian women especially today. Women are working, making their own money, making their own choices and living the way they want to. And relationships have now equal partners ( I think she's just stating things from her own experiences) But today for a fact Girls/Women focus more on their education, career more than just marrying a rich guy. About she saying that boys/men are pressurised to earn at a young age, well don't women also face the same? To get into the kitchen, learn household chores at an young age?! So i think that part I won't agree with her that only Men are forced or pressurised. Both men and women face diffrent or forced to do different things at an early age! 

She's also right if you want to have a lavish life, want luxury make your own money. And girls and women are doing that today. In relationships also I think nowadays it's very understanding and I have seen many splitting bills, paying equals etc...

Edited by .BarunSanaya. - a year ago
Posted: a year ago
Originally posted by mnx12


There is another real life case. I used to meet a girl while travelling. She was expecting her baby. Almost everyday, would speak about her in laws, asking her to contribute 80% of her monthly income & pay some bills from remaining amount. He stress level was high, was not good for her baby. Both in laws were in govt job, now retired, have regular income from pension. In spite of having all financial stability, they want more from her. Once she asked why do you need so much money. They replied, you live & eat in this house, so you have to pay. Her husband's income was used to pay loan amount of the house. 

Most of the financially independent girls would happily contribute in the house. But demanding major part of her income, doesn't sound right. In such circumstances instead of respect, strained relations dominates their future. She wants to live separately as soon as possible. 

 Mina, you bring up an excellent point; we should refer to it as forced labour; forcing a woman to work for another person's needs is repugnant. Family conflicts will result from such forced labour because both the husband and the wife must care for the family. This position and responsibility may be carried out differently by different people and families, but it still entails working despite being heavily burdened by childbirth and other duties. 

Yes, she deserves to lead a life from demanding in laws. 

Posted: a year ago

Madhuri, today's girls are not fools. They have grown up seeing various examples of marriages around them, in family. These life time experiences have dominated their thought process. 

They just don't form an opinion out of whims & fancies. But want to avoid pain their relatives, friend's families have undergone since many years. They are ready to take responsibilities but with conditions, they are comfortable with. If that's being Aalsi, according to Sonali, then let there be more & more Aalsi peole around us. 😆

Posted: a year ago
Originally posted by Viswasruti


I must say that it is one of the best posts, with a well defined roles for both genders. ⭐️

Undoubtedly, every woman needs to be financially independent, but when given the option to choose between their work, financial independence or their family's comfort, most women choose the latter. Well said.

Thank you Madhu 🙈

Yes, a woman tends to choose the needs of her family and kids more often than her own career aspirations (esp if the kids are small). But if she is forced to make a choice, say forced to choose her family when she actually wants a career, or forced to work when she actually wants to care for her family, then that's problematic. A woman's choice needs to be respected.

Everyone (esp a woman, bcz we all know how the world is biased towards men) deserves a supportive family and a supportive partner, and each couple should be able to work out the dynamics of how they want to share responsibilities inside and outside the house so that any one partner doesn't feel pressurised.

Edited by tournesol - a year ago
Posted: a year ago

Originally posted by mnx12


It's a trend to demean other's contribution, just to show off one's biased thinking. 

Being a home maker, is itself a 24/7 job, without any holidays. Even on vacations their duty is on. Just because its on face a non paying job, but in no way running a house, raising children, looking after elders of the family, guests etc is a multi tasking, multi talented work. Its an absolutely regressive thinking by a so called modern thought person, by not valuing  home maker's contribution. 

Some times I feel these so called celebrities require a script writer for what they should speak or not speak in public.

This is one fine argument. ❤️ Good one! 


Posted: a year ago
Originally posted by tournesol


You give two interesting examples on two different women. But I don't think homemakers can be entirely left out of the context Sonali had spoken in.

I think the soon-to-be married woman, who plans to rely on her partner for financial support, will be a homemaker tomorrow in her family (that includes her future kids), and the homemakers we see today were once married off by their families to a financially stable man. Maybe she was not working, or maybe she was working before marriage and she consciously made the decision of giving up her financial independence to be there for her family (and her future kids) full time.

Personally I am a strong advocate for financial independence for women. But it's not right to judge a woman as 'lazy' if she gives up her independence in an already male-dominated world. From the outside, we only see her depending on her partner's finances, but never consider what might have led her to that decision.

In a world where a woman gives up her job to be with her husband in a different city/country, the same is not expected from a man, even if she is earning more than him. A woman will be called 'lazy' for depending on her partner's finances and 'selfish' for being career driven. But will a working man be called 'lazy' for not sharing responsibilities inside house? No. Will he be called 'selfish' for leaving his sick kid to his partner (who might also be working) because he has something equally urgent at work? No.

We live in an unequal world which doesn't respect a woman for the choices she makes. And not many women have a family supportive enough where the woman can have a highly demanding career with her partner supporting her no matter what (including not blaming her for leaving behind their sick kid for an urgent work commitment).

I just think the usage of the word 'lazy' was a bit harsh. Yes, every women should definitely be independent, although sometimes circumstances are not always favorable for her to assert her independence.


I feel Sonali wasn't able to communicate her message properly. Even when she said the word "alsi" it felt like she was struggling to find the right word. I do agree that the word "lazy" is harsh. I approve of her message of financial independence and I also understand the group of women she was talking about, but I don't agree with you that future homemakers aren't obvious.


See if tomorrow a woman leaves her job as she prepares for marriage, there are certain things you will see that will show you that she did that for the sanity of her home. You will see them learning new skills, spending time with their own family, spending time with their new family, etc. I'll give my mom as an example. She was a math professor in India. When her marriage was set with my dad, she finished her school year and then quit. She didn't know how to cook so she learnt some skills from my grandmother. She learnt about Canada and the lifestyle here. And when she got here, she made it her goal to keep her family together - which unfortunately didn't work because my dadi is the typical conniving saas you see on TV. But nonetheless, she didn't just sit at home and relax after her marriage was decided. She didn't go shopping and doing tafri.


Women get the short straw no matter what the situation. If we are outspoken at work, we are termed bitches. And if we are quieter, we are used as stepping stones. If we decide to put our career first, we are deemed selfish. And if we sit at home taking care of kids, then we are deemed lazy. If we go out after a certain time, we are deemed easy. And if we sit at home, then we are deemed subservient. There are always two extremes. But as women we know when we say another woman is lazy, we don't mean the ones who are homemakers, but rather the ones who are actually lazy. Sometimes our language - English, Hindi, Marathi, or whatever other language you speak - doesn't serve us the way we want it to. Even now as I type this out, I'm having a hard time finding that right word to describe the women that Sonali was talking about. Lazy just seems like the best fit.

Posted: a year ago
Originally posted by mnx12


Madhuri, today's girls are not fools. They have grown up seeing various examples of marriages around them, in family. These life time experiences have dominated their thought process. 

They just don't form an opinion out of whims & fancies. But want to avoid pain their relatives, friend's families have undergone since many years. They are ready to take responsibilities but with conditions, they are comfortable with. If that's being Aalsi, according to Sonali, then let there be more & more Aalsi peole around us. 😆


On a completely personal note, I totally agree with you. People ask me why I say I don't want to get married and I jokingly say cause I have HR or because I like being alone. But truth is that basically everyone around me is either living in a compromised relationship (as in they want to separate but can't because log kya kahenge) or where the woman is subservient to the man (because that's how they've been taught) or where the man is a man-child (because he never learnt basic life skills) or a combination of the three. Honestly, I don't want any of those situations in my life. I'm happy being alone and making my own decisions, spending my own money, and not having to rely on someone or having someone rely on me. I understand we need companions in life, but I feel we need to normalize having friends for that, having a pet for that, or just having entertainment for that. Tomorrow, I would rather adopt 10 shelter dogs than marry for companionship.


I feel as much as women are taught basic life skills and taking care of the house at a young age, men should be as well. And as much women are taught to be demure, caring, etc., men should be too. Why is it a woman's responsibility to do the house chores, take care of the man and children, and basically not say a word? Why is it a woman's responsibility to bend to every whim and fancy to keep the family together? Why is it that a woman's name is the only one that gets maligned if a relationship breaks or if a divorce happens?

Edited by MinionBoss - a year ago
Posted: a year ago

Edited

Edited by D_e_s_t_i_n_y - a year ago

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