Fear of losing parents - Page 2

Fear of losing your parent is a natural experience. As time goes by, you start to notice that the strongest people in your life has began to age, they’re growing frail, and becoming susceptible to health conditions. Death is inevitable and ageing is a natural cycle of life. When we’re young, our parents seemed invincible, and the concept of losing them is not even perceivable. But as you get older, life becomes more precious, and you start to worry about losing your loved ones. We can all empathise with this feeling. 

When I used to imagine losing a parent, the thought alone would make me break down and hyperventilate. I only have my mother left, so I’m constantly plagued with fear of losing her too. I still sleep next to her and spend as much time with her as possible. Last month, all of a sudden, she couldn’t get out of the car. In a blink of an eye, fluid retention developed in her knee and she was forced to limp/drag herself to the house. Despite getting treatment, she’s still limping around. Looking at her breaks my heart, but unfortunately ageing is inevitable. We have to come to terms and accept this as a passage of life. We’ll all go through this same passage one day. 

More than anyone else, you know what’s best for you. We can all give you advice but at the end of the day, the most important decision should be based on what makes you happy. Don’t let the fear of an unknown tomorrow ruin your today. The most you can do for your parents is to cherish every living moment with them, respect them, and shower them with an abundance of love. Make today beautiful and let yourself face the hurdles of the future when it comes to you. I wish you all the best in life. ❤️

Talk to your parents as much as you can. Communication is very important. Wherever you stay, be in touch with them. No one understands children better than parents. And they will feel good too.

 I lost my father 5 years back. He passed away in sleep. I know how much I miss him, his small talks, his advice. 

This fear is inevitable. All I can suggest, just make them happy. You know what's best for you and what your parents want. Sending a lots good vibes for you and your parents. 💕

If your parents are suffering from any severe diseases which could be potentially dangerous or life threatening, can you hire a full time nurse for them?

Does any other family member (like a sibling) lives with you and your family, to take care of your parents when you leave?

Do you have direct flights, trains and/or buses from your current city to the city where you would shift for your new job, and would you be able to travel without any hassle at the time of need?

Would your new job give you leave at the time of an emergency?

Would your new job give you holidays which you consider enough to return home and spend time with your parents?

Are you sure your parents could take care of themselves if they're on their own?

Are you sure your parents REALLY want you to leave for your new job and are happy about it? 

Do you REALLY want this job?

If the answer to 6 or more questions out of all are a NO then don't go. 

If the answer to 6 or more questions out of all are a YES then definitely go!

If the situation is 50-50 then it depends on what things you consider and give more weightage. In that case talk to your parents and ask your close friends for advice.

I can understand. I'm wired the same way. Regardless of what decision I choose, I will always think over and over again if I made the right choice or not. 

A couple of things to think about:

1. How far away is this city? Is it a few hours drive or across the country?

2. Have you been to this new city before? Do you have any contacts there to help ground you?

3. What would you regret more? Leaving and missing your parents, especially if their health issues continue? Or staying, and feeling that you missed out on a new opportunity?

Even though shifting sounds like a major change, it doesn't have to be permanent. If you don't like your new job/city, you can always come back. You can try out the new job for a year or so, and if you hate it, then go back. Or you can stay with your family for another year or so, and if you still feel the itch to take the job, then you can take it then

If the salary is good, and if you think your parents would be partially or wholly dependent on you financially for medical and other expenses at some point in the near or distant future, then I think it is good idea to do what's best for your career. 

This might sound a little cold - but after a stage in life, money is more important than anything else to keep your parents healthy and take care of them. 

Of course, I am talking about the situation where you feel like you have to make an either/or choice. But money and good career moves now will give you the flexibility of not having to take these difficult decisions later on. A few years apart, and you can probably get a better job in the same city as your parents, or get them to move, or whatever. 

I’m sorry for what you are going through. I think a lot of us with elderly parent(s) have been in some form or variation of this and definitely empathize with you. My advice and suggestions are along the lines of what PangaNaLe said. Weigh in all the different scenarios and see which one works best for you and your parents. I will make one other suggestion here. Whatever decision you make, whether you stay or leave, find someone or some people to talk to about this, like a support group. You are under a lot of pressure and anxiety and it is absolutely understandable. But please don’t ignore them. No matter what you decide you still need to deal with your own anxiety in a healthy and constructive way just so they won’t affect your eventual mental and physical health. 

Losing parents is my biggest fear😭

even after being married I never leave them alone or move away from them💔

Find the middle path and be positive about things around you. 

Sometimes a lot of things happen at the same time in life and you may get overwhelmed too. Unless there is something too critical with health of parents, do not think of worst. 

Station someone around parents, build a support system and move out. Later move back home with WFH option or get them with you whichever is feasible.

last year I lost my dad . If u want to spend with your parents , continue the present job n look after them . 

I dont have much to add, but as others said it is inevitable.

I am going through the same though I am 40+ and my parents are much older, they have lived a great life but the realisation that the inevitable is close is something I am not able to accept and often think of times when they were at their prime

and thne if you have your own kids, the balance is even tougher.

death, inevitable cycle of life, sorrow, human existence, especially after covid I have started thinking of meditation, even philosophy and scriptures provide solace (of course only if you are religous)

you have to balance, build your own life, do not think of not marrying because of attachment to them, of course marry only if you are ready.

 everybody has to go through this cycle of life, they have also done the same, you also have to deveop the strength to do it. 

you will have to live your life but balance with maximizing your time with them, i think they will like to see that too, to see you living your life. 

as a parent i can say that when my kid moves on it will be sad to let go but i will glad too because i can also move on knowing she had made her own life and maybe family, it will be freeing for me in some ways

of coourse, sort out the practicalities as others said