Fear of losing parents - Page 4

Originally posted by: Deviant_Pixel

After losing my nani to cancer when I was 10, I literally never faced mortality for many years. Post covid though, it was a gateway to losing loved ones. Started with my cat who passed away unexpectedly which itself was heartbreaking and traumatic then grandfather then my dad due to cardiac arrest. I remember vividly when my pet died my sister said, this is it , I feel this is the gateway to losing more loved ones.

I’ve literally spent my entire life having an actual fear of death, which is crippling but somehow when I had to face it, I did. When the time comes you will find the strength, I tell you from personal experience as I felt I was one of the weakest people alive. It is life changing and you will lose a part of yourself and be numb.

Now away from my mom in another country, it makes me scared but that’s life for you. We just wake up the day after no matter how impossible it seems and deal with it. It seems like a waste all this time I don’t see her, all the months wasted we could be together. I just call her all the time which helps but still can’t deny it pains me.

You won’t be wrong to take the job and you won’t be wrong to not take it. Never feel guilty because life will continue to put you in such situations.

Truer words have never been spoken, last two years have been extremely gruelling for a lot of us. We have seen, witnessed and experienced things which we never thought of, even in a nightmare. Yet looking back, world has moved on, all of us have collectively moved on from one of the worst wrecking ball situations. Now as we look around, there is void, anxiety and gloom in plenty as an aftermath, but also a realization of life, its fragility and eventuality. During Covid, the whole process of coming in terms with your losses was rushed and how. You feel extremely strong and very vulnerable all at the same time. Right now I feel even the most sorted ones are just learning how to comprehend all of it, just like how even medical experts were and are trying to comprehend the potential harms till date. It is a new world we are all getting adjusted to.

I have the same fear

Do have good communication with your parents, hopefully you will make the right decision

Sending good wishes to your parents. Hope they get healthy soon

.. I can totally empathise. Similar situation. Every year since the last 4 years either one of my parents lands up in the hospital

I went for a job to a different city. In a month i ended up coming back thrice bec my dad was diagnosed with a tumor. I finally quit after 3 months.

As an only child I've realised that i need to be in the same city as them. Its too stressful otherwise. Both for them and for me.

Like a lot of people suggested you need to talk to them and figure out who can be there for them when you are not there. Also is your job something that allows you the freedom to come back at a moments notice? Its tough but i hope you find a solution that is best for your family

Sending prayers your way ❤️

I understand your dilemma. I came back after my Masters because I felt like my parents might need me, if not now, but in the future as their eldest daughter. And while I am not going to be earning on a very high payscale as my degree could have offered in another place, atleast I can cherish all the moments that I can spend with them. My dad has had slip disc issues and three cataract surgeries, and I cannot help but think that it is best I am with them atleast for the next few years. My parents too are happy with this, as this has been their expectation from me from the start; that I live with them post my studies till I am ready to settle.

A diverse scenario too happened though: We initially brought my Nani home after my Nanu passed away during the COVID-19 time, but she got unwell because she was homesick, and wanted to live in her own house that she had built with my Nanu, and not with her children (my Mamu lives overseas, we also live on the other end of the country as her). We hired a caretaker for her, and keep in touch via technology frequently (we talk to her at 5 pm every Mon, Wed, Fri and Sun) so she feels comfortable in her space and we are also aware of what is happening with her.

Ultimately it depends what you want and what your parents think is best for you. You can speak with them and discuss what to do. Best of luck 👍🏼

I’d start by saying this isn’t advice. It’s a life lesson that I have learnt over the years that I am sharing because you asked.

Job opportunities come and go. Parents aren’t forever. They don’t have the years we have ahead of us and will grow sicker before they leave this world. When they leave, we suddenly realise that they are likely to be the last people who loved us unconditionally. Thank genetic hardwiring, but most parents are incapable of not loving their children, no matter how the kids behave.

The current lifestyle forces us to leave our families to work as a corporate slave (employees are slaves, no matter how much they are paid). Employees are taught to strive for more money, more power, more opportunities, when the things that matter are the basics - food, shelter, clothing and the people who love us. Our consumerist culture and social conditioning has taught us to strive for “more” each time to be called “successful.” What is success, really? Who defines it? How much money is enough?

But don’t worry. Even corporations are slaves - slaves to this word called “growth”, where there is a need for infinite growth every month, quarter and year. This growth comes at the cost of a steadily deteriorating environment and bulldozing of the rights of animals, indigenous groups and beautiful forests. This environment without which no living being would survive in the long term, but do these companies care? You know the answer.

They destroy, lobby and block everything that hinders their “growth” agenda, and this is where most of us work, giving up our glorious youthful years, our precious time with the people we love, our peace of mind…Until we finally realise that time has moved on, we have grown old and our parents are no more. The company is in profits though, and shayad agle saal promotion bhi ho jaye.

Is it worth it? Only you can decide.

As an only child, it is my biggest fear.

Even just thinking about it makes me feel like I don't want to exist in a world where my parents are not there. I don't know how else to explain.

I feel grateful that I have the opportunity of working in the same city as my parents. Covid time was the worst. I hated it that my father still had to go to office and I was unemployed then. I was worried sick during the second wave.

May be, even too much attachment is not healthy for one's personal growth. I ended a relationship because I would have had to move out of the city and be away from my parents and lose my current job. It was not an easy decision but now I know I did the right thing.

So, yes personally I would chose to stay if the parents can't move to the new place with you.

Many would disagree and it doesn't mean they're wrong and I'm right, ...you just have to chose what feels right to you.

All the best and wishing your parents the best of health.

I am 40. My dad is on disability and my mom is the caretaker and breadwinner for my dad and his mother. I could potentially be a lot more successful in my career if I moved to a larger city. I am phenomenal at what I do. However, I stay in the same place in order to be there for my family.

However, deep down truth be told I am terrified of change. It is damn difficult to make new friends and settle into a new life as an adult, and I am wary of making such changes. Plus, imposter syndrome is real no matter how great you are at what you do -there is that constant fear.

Anyway, if you hold yourself back from chasing your dreams for the sake of your parents - you will ruin your relationship with them. Because consciously or subconsciously, you will develop bitterness and resentment at being held back. You will blame them for your choice.

But if you stay back for your own insecurities and use your parents as an excuse you can continue the great strong tradition of generational trauma that is the crowning glory of the immigrant experience.

Originally posted by: Lord_Voldemort

Thank you everyone for your thoughtful responses! Lots of wisdom I've gained from reading these opinions. It helped.

Just follow your heart. I pray whatever decision you make is the best for you and your family❤️

Originally posted by: TheekThaak

Truer words have never been spoken, last two years have been extremely gruelling for a lot of us. We have seen, witnessed and experienced things which we never thought of, even in a nightmare. Yet looking back, world has moved on, all of us have collectively moved on from one of the worst wrecking ball situations. Now as we look around, there is void, anxiety and gloom in plenty as an aftermath, but also a realization of life, its fragility and eventuality. During Covid, the whole process of coming in terms with your losses was rushed and how. You feel extremely strong and very vulnerable all at the same time. Right now I feel even the most sorted ones are just learning how to comprehend all of it, just like how even medical experts were and are trying to comprehend the potential harms till date. It is a new world we are all getting adjusted to.

So well put, literally spells out how I feel! Also people are generally exhausted, and cannot seem to fully return to the fast paced life we lived before.