Healing:
He woke up to the sound of someone sobbing and slowly opened his eyes, willing his body to not even move an inch. He turned his head just a tad bit to clear his view and his heart clenched at the despairing sight in front him. Raavi was curled up in a ball against the windowsill, tears streaming down her face. Her entire body was shuddering, and she would hiccup every once in a while, air barely making its way into her mouth.
He felt as if he was intruding on a private moment and wanted to give her space but knew if he made any sudden movements, she would feel even more awkward. His last attempt at consolation had ended up agitating her further and he respected her enough to let her grieve in peace. He closed his eyes to shield himself from her cries, but the sound ringed in his ears. He lied there, cursing himself for adding more to her troubles. He just couldn’t help it. Even if he tried to be nice to her, something would always happen to trigger his anger and he would take it out on her. He had no control over his reactions, especially when she was the recipient.
Eventually her sobs had died down and he felt the bed dip beside him. He looked over to see her back turned towards him and tried to sleep as well. But her sadness had infiltrated his thoughts and the image of her crying was constantly replaying in his mind.
The next day he had expected to see her damper mood but was surprised to witness a wide smile plastered from one corner of her face to the other. She behaved as she normally would and even indulged in some playful banter with Krish, but he didn’t miss the flecks of despair in her eyes. He tried avoiding her as much as he could as he knew their interaction would only hurt her more.
The following night he woke up to her incessant cries again and this time when he looked over, he saw her clutching onto her diary for dear life. Her hand trembled as she tried to write something down, but she was shaking too much to pen anything. In frustration, she closed the diary and threw it across the room. She curled up back into a ball and bit her arm in an effort to stop her cries, but it proved to be unsuccessful. Shiva formed a fist with his hand, each sob of hers pricking his heart. He had always seen her writing in her diary since they were children, and knew it was a form of therapy for her. But even her diary had given out on her today, and he couldn’t help but wallow in her sadness with her.
Over the next several weeks, the exact same events would repeat at night and Shiva would painfully watch her from afar. These little moments had become theirs without her knowledge and Shiva didn’t want to unfold her ignorance. He knew an entire day’s worth of putting up her happy façade was exhausting and these few hours during the night were her chance to let out her true emotions. He knew if he interfered, he would be snatching away the chance for her to heal on her own and pick up the pieces of her broken heart.
He had actively begun to understand her throughout the following weeks, more than he had ever done in the past ten years. He would notice the tiniest things about her and though he would never say it to her face, he appreciated how she helped his Bhabhi in almost everything. He even started gravitating towards her, engaging in small conversations without the usual ugly arguments they had. They still fought over the smallest things, but their banter had returned to what it used to be – fun and light-hearted.
He had started to anticipate when she would start crying at night and was surprised when she hadn’t shed a single tear one particular night. He opened his eyes to check and found her looking out the window, with not one tear in sight. She stared blankly out of the window, and it was as if she had run out of tears to cry. Shiva’s heart ached even more from the numb look on her face, and he much rather preferred her crying over this dead state. At least when she was crying, he could tell what she was feeling but her stoic form revealed nothing.
Another four weeks had passed with him observing her numb state, and all he wanted to do was shake her incessantly to snap her out of it. He had resolved to do just that but stopped when he saw the hint of a smile on her face. It was very small, but it was still there, and it was the most beautiful sight he had ever seen. Tears of joy accumulated in his eyes, and he thanked Bholenath for slowly returning her real smile.
As the days passed, her smile grew even wider and during these times, Shiva would never close his eyes or look away. He wanted to drink in each and every moment of hers and imprint that beautiful smile of hers in his mind. The image of her crying had been long replaced and his heart was content.
Soon he would wake up to her laughing as she scribbled at lightning speed in her diary and Shiva would fall asleep listening to the sweet sound. The three months of suffering had been worth it, and he knew both of them had needed that time to mend their broken hearts.
Her heart had healed bit by bit and his had followed suit.
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