Why bashing Dhara? - Page 4

wao you all said everything realy well now i dont have to say anything just wanted to share few things of course Dhara is becoming over possessive towards boys and their wives she want to take control in her hand wants to be praised but the things she have done are not worth of praising if Suman takes her side realy i will be very annoyed and thank God they have not shown hitting session , she is hiding everything from Suman who is the mother of the boys and today i read that she hid it even from Ravi as well who have to spend the whole life of her , now she is pushing them to come closer it will happen by the time and pushing the boys to respect Rashita who does not even know what the respect means it is earned not by pushing they might stay quit infront of you and never going to agree to it let them have the time . when my boys and girls were even studying one day my husband said our duty is to make them study and become the good human being after that its their lives never hope anything back from them , he passed away long time ago so i worked hard for their education to become them established but never ever interfered into their lives or homes . Just one thing if you want to be peaceful in your life never intere into others lives otherwise you will be creating the mental stress for your self . i have never even asked about their earnings even if they ask mum do you ned any thing i always say no thank God i am fine .so basically Dhara madam is crating the mental issues for her self .sorry for the long post .just one thing to say if you want to be happy let the others be happy . 

Originally posted by: HanaKB

I can see your point! I can see why you are saying what you are saying!

Except, as a child of an abusive household, I will have to disagree with everyone on your justifications! 

Everyone is thinking that we are bashing Dhara just to hate on her! This is not the case!

It's a show, we put the effort in to watch it, love it and support it in many ways, we are allowed to put our points across too and say when the characters are acting weird!

No parent should not beat their kids to teach them a lesson. Especially if they are grown adults and you are beating them in front of others like an animal! Dhara is the one who made the decision to raise the kids without having kids. The kids never asked her of that, neither did her SasuMaa! She made the decision and Gaumbi agreed too! This is on them! 

Dhara is the one who made the decision and sacrifice but that should not mean that the kids should pay the price! She is their bhabhi-maa, not their mother! Even if we agree that she is as good as their mother, still doesn't give her the right to physically abuse the boys! Her emotional abuse that she pushes onto Raavi and Shiva is not cool neither!! I don't agree with Suman hitting the boys either if we get onto the topic!

Just because you give birth to someone or raise them, does not make them your property to do as you please! People are not objects! Dhara is wrong and now she should pay for her mistake! 

I don't normally share my private life but here goes: 

Case in point, my older sister once slapped me in front of my brother-in-law when I was 18 years old. That was humiliating for me! I resented her for that, it led to more problems between us, and till this day I refuse to speak to her! I am 28 now!

Another example: my mother herself is the devil incarnate! She physically abused (hit), emotionally blackmailed and psychologically tortured my siblings and me, to the point, where both and my other sister at some point thought about suicide! My mother has always told us how much she did for us, how much she sacrificed blah blah...she did nothing but keep us with her that's it....I cooked for myself and my little brother, made sure we both had clean clothes, we both had our homework done, picked up my brother from school, made mine and his lunch etc! Basically, I raised my little brother as well as myself! 

 

DID I ASK MY MOTHER TO SACRIFICE? Did I ask to be born? Did I have a say in my birth? In my upbringing? In any of the decisions made before my 18th birthday? No, I did not! I endured physical abuse and mental torture until I was able to leave my home! 

Being made to feel like I owe someone for raising me is wrong. 

When you are a good parent, your kids won't feel like they owe you, they will look after you because you have given them so much love and they want to reciprocate the love back to you! 

I refuse to speak to my mother for her bull-sheet about how a mother should be respected, how we should listen to her and talk to her and blah blah...ALL the things she denied my siblings and me! 

Sorry but the older I am getting, the better I am getting at calling out the BS in our culture! Especially the one, where young ones shouldn't challenge the elders and they should just respect them.

WRONG! We should challenge the things that are wrong so we can create a better world for the coming generations, for my kids at least, I want to leave a world where they feel respected and loved at the same time! 

Don't even get me started from a feminist perspective in this drama! 

Hana 🤗 and tons and tons of love and  respect coming your way. You deserve every bit of it❤️

Dhara is emotionally manipulative. Many find this behaviour mahaan or normal because such figures are very common in Indian households. They are put on pedestal and emotionally manipulate their dear ones to listen to what they want. 

and dhara wasn’t like that. Her obsession with the brothers behaving out of line stems from her own insecurity of her not being a mother. It doesn’t matter if she is a mother or not but she is insecure about it and it shows. And the only way she’ll assert her position of mother figure is to armtwist and emotionally blackmail the brothers saying they don’t love her or her parvarsh mein kami so they keep running to her feet begging. She’s so toxic she doesn’t realise what she’s become. Her behaviour when she caught krish smoking is the best example of this and starting point of dhara becoming a mess.

suman is strict but not toxic. She’s straightforward, gives chances to confess any wrongdoings, admit and basically a chance to put across others pov. Dhara doesn’t do that. She asserts her rights from get go.

Honestly the show has gone into a gutter now anyways, but what’s sad is the downhill of some of the characterisations which started off as very progressive and positive 

I have problem with Dhara for three things:

1) forcing Shiva and Raavi into a relationship: She need to give them some time to sort out their issues and then build a relationship. Marriages are not instant noodles. Marriages take time, effort and understanding to become solid. And in ShiVi's case, they have been married in such horrible circumstances. So it is only natural for them to take some time to adjust with their changing lives. Dhara has no right to force or threaten them in any way to build their relationship. 

2) Beating up Shiva and Krish: That was absolutely uncalled for. If she wanted to discipline them, then there are many other ways. Beating up grown up men is not the solution for anything. And no mother would resort to such form of violence. Today Suman (who is the actual mother of the boys) were shocked to learn that someone beat up her kids. No mother can tolerate that. Dhara on the other hand was going on beating them, as if they murdered someone. Yes, that prank was totally wrong. But Dhara's reaction was extreme in many levels.

3) Dividing the house and keeping Suman in the dark: Again, Dhara had no right to take such a decision. That is Suman's right. If Dhara couldn't be responsible for devars anymore, then she should have simply said that. What's with dividing the kitchen and all. That was dramatic and nothing more. She should have simply informed everything to Suman, cleared her part and let Suman decide the punishment for her sons. Instead Dhara decided everything and then forced others to hide it from Suman by emotionally blackmailing them. That was totally unnecessary. 

I, for one, don't hate Dhara. She is a sweet person and all that. My problem is with turning her into a superwoman and then making grown up married men totally dependent on her. They should tone down all the Dhara jaap and make her more human. Then the character would be more enjoyable.

Originally posted by: HanaKB

I can see your point! I can see why you are saying what you are saying!

Except, as a child of an abusive household, I will have to disagree with everyone on your justifications! 

Everyone is thinking that we are bashing Dhara just to hate on her! This is not the case!

It's a show, we put the effort in to watch it, love it and support it in many ways, we are allowed to put our points across too and say when the characters are acting weird!

No parent should not beat their kids to teach them a lesson. Especially if they are grown adults and you are beating them in front of others like an animal! Dhara is the one who made the decision to raise the kids without having kids. The kids never asked her of that, neither did her SasuMaa! She made the decision and Gaumbi agreed too! This is on them! 

Dhara is the one who made the decision and sacrifice but that should not mean that the kids should pay the price! She is their bhabhi-maa, not their mother! Even if we agree that she is as good as their mother, still doesn't give her the right to physically abuse the boys! Her emotional abuse that she pushes onto Raavi and Shiva is not cool neither!! I don't agree with Suman hitting the boys either if we get onto the topic!

Just because you give birth to someone or raise them, does not make them your property to do as you please! People are not objects! Dhara is wrong and now she should pay for her mistake! 

I don't normally share my private life but here goes: 

Case in point, my older sister once slapped me in front of my brother-in-law when I was 18 years old. That was humiliating for me! I resented her for that, it led to more problems between us, and till this day I refuse to speak to her! I am 28 now!

Another example: my mother herself is the devil incarnate! She physically abused (hit), emotionally blackmailed and psychologically tortured my siblings and me, to the point, where both and my other sister at some point thought about suicide! My mother has always told us how much she did for us, how much she sacrificed blah blah...she did nothing but keep us with her that's it....I cooked for myself and my little brother, made sure we both had clean clothes, we both had our homework done, picked up my brother from school, made mine and his lunch etc! Basically, I raised my little brother as well as myself! 

 

DID I ASK MY MOTHER TO SACRIFICE? Did I ask to be born? Did I have a say in my birth? In my upbringing? In any of the decisions made before my 18th birthday? No, I did not! I endured physical abuse and mental torture until I was able to leave my home! 

Being made to feel like I owe someone for raising me is wrong. 

When you are a good parent, your kids won't feel like they owe you, they will look after you because you have given them so much love and they want to reciprocate the love back to you! 

I refuse to speak to my mother for her bull-sheet about how a mother should be respected, how we should listen to her and talk to her and blah blah...ALL the things she denied my siblings and me! 

Sorry but the older I am getting, the better I am getting at calling out the BS in our culture! Especially the one, where young ones shouldn't challenge the elders and they should just respect them.

WRONG! We should challenge the things that are wrong so we can create a better world for the coming generations, for my kids at least, I want to leave a world where they feel respected and loved at the same time! 

Don't even get me started from a feminist perspective in this drama! 

Thank you for sharing that! Very beautifully put and I agree with all your views 

I'm glad you've fought against everything wrong and have emerged victorious ❤️

Few of my viewpoints : 

Being a parent has its phases: When your children are young- it is about them being your kids .. when they start their teens- it is about you starting to step back, So they can fly!  

It is a thin line & requires balance...Knowing when to step back & when to step forward to give that selfless support as your children need. 

Many & most falter at one point or the other, at one time or the other & many & most move forward. Only, everyone's approaches are different. 

*Dhara inherited & took on being the mother to +/-10-year-olds at the young age of 19-20. Not easy, and she did well. She had no option, and she willingly stepped up. Deserves credit.

*Children developed a strong bond with her- Naturally. She was anyways a friend /didi before ..now Bhabhi who took care of them as maa. This bond deserves love, and this bond is one that will stay forever.

*Not having children of her own- A foolish decision- on part of both Gautam & Dhara. - Their own choice. Could have been avoided. (simply looking at Suman: Who had Gombi & then after 10 years had other bachhas- could have explained to GauRa that: having younger siblings is ok. Having their own child post a few years- maybe when boys were teen would have been ok)

*Now looking at past few weeks/ month's happenings in Pandya family's timeline: A LOT has happened.

Pushing Dev's wedding forward post knowing R for rishita -was a mistake. though buck stops with Gaumbi. 

Shiva & Raavi's connection: Buck stops with all of them. Dhara did not order anyone- she asked. All chimed in : with their own pushes & pulls. Could have waited- instead of doing it in same mandap. And definately deserves sensitive & considerable time & space for this relationship to grow as couple-  For now, Let's leave that on destiny & drama. 

*Happenings post that: is where Dhara is losing her plot.

From forcing Shiva & Raavi to be normal from word go -to going extra mile for Rishita... Dhara is overwhelmed+ confused+ lost on what she actually can focus on & how she can make it easy for all by letting things be.

Need of the hour was to focus on positives... acknowledging unease that all would feel at jumbled up equations & let time build its course.

Need of the time was to make Dev & ShiVi talk.. to make Dev & Rishita talk .. to have more chilled family titbits like bbq... to give all some time to figure out next directions ...inshort, make all comfortable to proceed at their own pace.

*Instead, she went on snap point & overstepped when she got hold of danda. kesarkand wasn't that big of a deal & it certainly didn't require an amount of physical abuse she unleashed. It was an absolutely avoidable situation. 

Blame is on Gaumbi too. He could have & should have recognized her overwhelm & stepped in. 

Beyond Gyan, Gaumbi does need to speak up at the right time. He does have some mute tendencies like Dev. Be it in early days speaking to Suman or hiding Rishitachakkar from Suman & moving on with wedding or not stopping Dhara from danda pitai or not telling Suman all on the pretext of 'kasam'... you can't gerua away all troubles! Have to speak up on time. (I am hoping Gaumbi & Dev do spell things- let Suman know why Krish & Shiva pulled bhootkand)

*Dhara has now gone into a phase where her stubbornness is overpowering all her other emotions. She is neglecting rightly put concerns & frustrations of Raavi & Gaumbi. She is neglecting Rishita's unchanged behavior. She is ignoring the widening rift her stubbornness is causing & hiding behind this false self-assurance of 'snap-click-allwillbegood' belief of hers. Life is not lego blocks. This chaos mastered by her stubbornness is going to leave some forever scratches on this grown Pandya family.

Her stubbornness is being seen by Rishita as a control issue- & being questioned by Raavi proves that her method to mend ways failed miserably. 

*Dhara falters here bigtime on stepping back part of being a mother.

Letting it go part of being a mother. Let your children see+feel+fall+get up part of being a mother. 

Batwara doesn't heal- it widens the rift.

Thats what has happened with Pandyas.. has taken out the happiness focus of two newlywed couples & has put the focus completely on Dhara. 

It has worked exactly the opposite way she had anticipated. 

* Now, It's not about Blaming Dhara.. it's about her current stubbornness indirectly & unknowingly controlling everyone's lives around her. No one is enjoying Puja, nayi shaadi, family-time in haveli, jackpot inheritance.. anything.

Sure she didn't want it... and sure she needs to snap out of it. Be the mother, a friendly one- who is happy at her children's growth- and would like to sit back & watch them thrive.

I think people have already raised good points as to why people aren't liking the current Dhara. It is because the writers butchered the character by first having her physically abuse her devars and then emotionally manipulating them and Raavi. It also doesn't make logical sense in terms of what Dhara was shown previously as a character. It doesn't seem like she hit them when they were young so why would she do that now?  I think the question shouldn't be why are people bashing Dhara but why are fans accepting such crappy writing for Dhara. Everyone liked Dhara until the writers took illogical step with her characterization.  If I was a fan of the actress, I would inundate the writers and the producers to fix the the current track and demand better characterization and writing. There is so much of Dhara as a character that can be explored such as her dreams, her insecurities, her and Gaumbi wanting to have a child of their own, her adjustments with new women in her life in a mature sensible way. If the writing is good, everyone will be back to loving Dhara in no time.

the show was going well and TRP was getting better but no one pointed out all these flaws before that is why it not going up now ,disscuccion is always regarding shivi even in the disscuccion page as well ,people like us had all that build it up to discus about the show and the actual story where its going what is going wrong and what is right . i am sorry i am not pointing out the young generation what they want see but as the veuers wanted to discuss there should be discussion page left for the people to share their points and so the writers should know where they are going wrong no offence please

Originally posted by: LoveSana

I dont understand why everyone is bashing dhara so much. Imagine not having children to raise your husband's brothers. Dont give me the she is acting mahan crap. I have personally seen it, my best friend got married but refused to have children until her sister went to university because she didn't have a mother. Her husband was fine with that and very understanding. Dhara knew very well what she was signing up for and well accepted that. 

I dont know about others but i am not going to sit here and gloss over her actions just because she is playing the mother card here. it was dhara's choice to not have kids and raise and take responsibility for shiva, dev and krish. i am not calling her mahaan for that. i commend her for that as it was still a choice with choice being the key word. but that doesnt give her a free pass at all the mistakes she is committed in past few weeks. A mother is not a goddess. she is a human being and parents are flawed whether you like it or not. so putting them on a pedestal does nothing but bring issues as they also learn through trial and error when it comes to parenting. our sabhyata doesnt want to accept that and hides behind words like respect and what not. dont we respect people who are flawed or have committed mistakes and later on rectified them? e.g. life partner, sibling, friends etc.. there is no rule that says you cant respect someone who makes mistakes so treating dhara like a goddess because of what she did for shiva, krish and dev and ignoring her current mistakes and partiality is utterly ridiculous. 

If you center your entire life around raising three boys then I'm sorry you have rights on those boys, equivalent to those of a mother. I am not promoting violence but dhara is flawed like everyone else. She had tried to keep the family united, maybe she didn't make the right call with Ravi. But honestly, the society we live in, who was going to marry a girl that was rejected at the altar. Didn't she try communicating with Rishita? Also imagine, you got in a fight with your sibling and they got hurt. Dont tell me your mother never beat you in anger or screamed at you to stay away from her. I know my mother has threatened to leave our house when she gets angry but that doesn't mean that she did leave. 

Yes she has a right on them but they are not her property who she can just take for granted and not care what they want, feel or think. has she been fair to raavi or shiva? she has not even properly acknowledged that and is busy trying to shove everyone down each other's throat instead of giving it time and calling rishita's BS out. She has been nothing but partial and a hypocrite since dev got married. no mother as is perfect and as I said before dhara is flawed but that cant be used to justify her not even acknowledging her partiality and hypocrisy. she wants to be mahaan, so be it but not at the expense of shiva and krish just because she knows they wont ever hate or leave her so she is taking them for granted while not saying anything to rishita. she has even been rude to raavi. she is making others suffer the consequences. also her actions has not done anything to help shivi. they are coming close on their volition as they are slowing accepting each other but dhara is busy looking at that and thinking her plan is working.  meanwhile rishita has been crossing lines everyday while dhara is busy emotionally blackmailing the rest of the family esp shivi to not tell suman. also what kind of a mother doesnt have any maternal instinct to just go and check on their kids' wounds? it doesnt matter how angry mothers are, they always check on their kids. also this BS began because of bhoot kaand and the person who was most affected has moved on from that and even acknowledged that so how did dhara manage to make this all about herself by giving ultimatum for leaving ? i use to like dhara but since rishita entered, she has become entirely something else. everyone is busy pampering her and taking her nonsense. btw did you focus on what shiva said to raavi yesterday? he said he has learned to tolerate and she should too. it shows he doesnt love or respect rishita from heart. he did it only for dhara. he himself is not happy. so if this what she wants for her kids( to just swallow and live together and pretend to be happy), she got her wish. must say such an example she is setting.

I am not saying that she is perfect but she is a decent human being and shouldnt be trashed so hard. 

A decent human being realizes their mistakes at some point by assessing the circumstances, acknowledges them and corrects them. dhara is busy trying to justify her actions by literally trying to force her decisions on the other three. she doesnt care about anyone's opinions on this. that much is clear with the way she is adamant on this even when gautam tries to explain her.

Originally posted by: LoveSana

I dont understand why everyone is bashing dhara so much. Imagine not having children to raise your husband's brothers. Dont give me the she is acting mahan crap. I have personally seen it, my best friend got married but refused to have children until her sister went to university because she didn't have a mother. Her husband was fine with that and very understanding. Dhara knew very well what she was signing up for and well accepted that. 

If you center your entire life around raising three boys then I'm sorry you have rights on those boys, equivalent to those of a mother. I am not promoting violence but dhara is flawed like everyone else. She had tried to keep the family united, maybe she didn't make the right call with Ravi. But honestly, the society we live in, who was going to marry a girl that was rejected at the altar. Didn't she try communicating with Rishita? Also imagine, you got in a fight with your sibling and they got hurt. Dont tell me your mother never beat you in anger or screamed at you to stay away from her. I know my mother has threatened to leave our house when she gets angry but that doesn't mean that she did leave. 

I am not saying that she is perfect but she is a decent human being and shouldnt be trashed so hard. 

@bold - I will just ask you one simple question - 

Who would be that insane to bring a newborn into such a mess?

Aren't we aware of what was the condition of Pandyas at the time of GauRa marriage? They were dealing with Suman's illness, the store issues, the financial issue, and those three brothers-in-law of Dhara were kids themselves. All the responsibilities naturally fell on GauRa. Now, when they are so deep in trouble why would anyone want to have a baby? Think about this in a practical way, please!

Babies raise your expenses and at that time GauRa were in no condition to handle that extra set of responsibilities! Bringing a newborn baby into that would be an injustice to the baby, to Dhara, and to the rest of the family as well. That wasn't a sacrifice! That was the sanest, wise, and practical choice that Dhara made at that time considering their family's situation. So no, definitely not a sacrifice!

This world doesn't live and feed on emotions and emotions alone. You have to make practical decisions too which again should not be called a sacrifice!

Dhara became a mother to those three, and yes, if she can love them, she has the right to punish them. But it is also her responsibility to not be biased! Why in the world did she not punish Dev for what he did with Raavi? What Shiva and Krish did was a prank, something that ended up bad but what Dev did, that was a crime!

No matter whatever his reasons were, he played with somebody's feelings, lead her to the wedding mandap, and then just left her there because Rishita arrived?! Raavi was about to kill herself, she was played! So shouldn't Dev be punished for this?

The situation with Raavi could have easily prevented, if and only if, Raavi as told the truth! And every member of the Pandya family decided to hide that truth, so all of them are at fault! They all should also get punished for this, shouldn't they?!

@italic - would it have hurt her in any way to communicate with Raavi too?

Now, coming back to the Dhara beating Shiva and Krish. Dude, physical abuse is abuse, no matter what. Matlab parents hain toh kuch bhi karenge? Parents hain toh hamesha sahi honge? That wasn't Dhara punishing Shiva and Krish for their mistake! That was her letting out all her frustrations regarding the problems going on in the family on Shiva and Krish alone because they became the reason for her to let it all out. The pressure cooker promo is very descriptive about this on its own. All this pressure was building inside Dhara and it found escape in Shiva and Krish!

@underline - and that just makes it all better no? Oh, they are our parents whom we are taught to think nothing less than the Gods. Everything that they do is for our benefit. Even if they hit us, that is because we must have made a mistake and not them. Oh, they are the Gods, how can they even make a mistake ever! This mentality sucks! This is not punishing your children for their mistakes, this is called ABUSE, PHYSICAL  & EMOTIONAL ABUSE!

If this was Dhara's style of punishment, then Dev should be punished this way too. Get him beaten up like this and I will stop thrashing Dhara.😃