Hi babies time for a OS, really do not know how it would turn out to be but yeah. Taking the chance. It will go as a Rohit monologue. Roses and chappals both welcome. Let me know how did you feel.
I knew: RoNakshi TS part 1
Stepping down to the hall through the stairs instead of taking the elevator, i guessed that this is Probably the first time i am coming downstairs like this in a month.I have lost interest in everything and everyone in the house has almost lost whole the interest in me, i knew. They lived their life, ignoring me. And i had no life remaining to live and i did the same thing they did, ignoring myself.
I no longer visited the hospital routinely, and even if i go my entry and exit routes would be from the backdoor stairs, so that i would not be facing my family. I clearly knew that they didn’t want to see me, yes including my mom so yeah, why would i trouble them. Today i stepped down from main stairs though i didn’t intend to show my face to them, because i feared, i feared that i would go insane if i stay in my room for another day more. This whole month i was holding on, but i think i can’t anymore.
Sonakshi Rastogi.Two months ago; when she came to my life as my girlfriend a fake one that is, and to my family’s lives, she brought so much with her. So much happiness, so much light, so much of laughter and comfort. She came for me; to save me from a marriage that was going to ruin my peace of mind; to be the support that i forced her to be, begging upon our friendship. I wish i knew then.
My family absolutely loved her. She gave them thousands of memories to cherish. They treated her as family. They loved her as much as they loved me, may be even more than they loved me. And i do not blame them. No one stop themselves from falling for a girl like that. Trust me, no one can. I wish i knew then.
everything was going smooth and steady. And i didn’t know when it happened but she became a habit to me. I started to see her everyday, first the visits to the set were to smile with her in the way my mom asked me to, or to bring her home for a dinner or a party. Later, it was a routine. Routine to such an extent that Ravi used to drive me there even without asking if i am to go there or not. I wish i knew then.
We didn’t need date nights.Aada raat tak saat ta hum dono, kabhi set pe, kabhi mera cabin pe aur kabhi mera ghar pe, later on mera room pe to be specific. Yes in that same room where she saw me dancing naked and ran away. How much did she kept on remembering that and laughed at me.We had a deal.If we watched a hollywood movie of my choice one day, then it should be an episode of her serial in the next time we hangout in my room. I wish i knew then.
There were times in my cabin that she fell asleep on my table while i was teaching her biology, and i just carry her to the couch So that she can sleep comfortably. Such nights i do not even come home even if i could, i spend whole my night in hospital, just watching her sleep. I wish i knew then.
Holding her hand in mine was my favourite thing to do. I had no reason to hold her but i did anyway. Just because i felt that its a part of me being normal. I held her hand whenever i walked parallel to her. I held her hand and drew her to me whenever i wanted to stop her from going. I held her hand to stop her arguing me over something silly. I held her hand always.I wish i knew then.
fast forward to around two weeks and few days later.
A normal day, a happy day with sonakshi it was. I was supposed to bring sonakshi to my place because my mom asked me to. I had no idea what was that for though. Coming home, we both realised it was to finalise our date of marriage. Clearly shocked we were, and not even ajit,the man who was the mastermind behind this whole drama could guess how to avoid this.
that is where the past i wanted to live in came running back to my present. Raima Agnihotri. The love of my past, which on that day i assumed as the love of my life. The one moment in one month that i left sonakshi’s hand that i was holding. The whole house was shocked when raima ran to me and hugged me. Now that i think of it in flashback, i remember i did feel weird at that first hug in a long time. I wish i knew then.
Sonakshi walked away at that instance. I was in Raima’s embrace when she did, but i won’t lie i hated seeing that walking away form of sonakshi. I wanted to talk to her, and ask her to stop but she didn’t stop nor she looked back. And that is when i knew.
The usual hona hi tha consequences happened. There were chaos in the house, about how can i just move on back to the square one with raima while a gem of a girl waited right there helping me to move on so much ahead in life. Daadi and mom was disappointed but things turned ugly when ajit trying to be my saviour told the entire love me and sonakshi were in was nothing but a drama. They were furious. And that is when sonakshi made it back to the sippy mansion for one last time, that too to save me. She said she did this because she wanted to avoid her mother trying to get her married, and for that i helped her out. Taking all the blame on herself she spoke up and i was shocked beyond understanding. Why did she do that? Our family believed in her and when she requested them to let me marry raima only they agreed. But then i knew.
I will be honest now. I hated it when ajit said that. I hated hearing that the love we had was a drama.i couldn’t believe myself but i didn’t want it to be a drama. Unfortunately, it was then only i knew.
The next one week of being with raima, just my physical presence was there. Mentally, emotionally and in every freaking -ally i was with sonakshi. I missed her presence terribly. I missed her feeding me my part of her tiffin. I missed watching her sleep in my cabin. I missed that loud laugh she shoots at me remembering my naked dance. I missed holding her hand whenever and wherever. I missed that woman who calmed down my otherwise messed up self so badly. I tried calling her an innumerate number of times to remain an unanswered call and unreverted message in her call logs. I tried meeting her in the set which was indeed there but without sonakshi in it. She had taken a break from the drama, which made Ms. nethra to have no option than having an opened end for parvati’s character before they moved to some leap and a season two. I went to goregaon where i found out that sonakshi has left the city and gone, practically gone missing for a few days and has called her family once from somewhere requesting not to be bothered about her anymore.And that is when i finally broke down crying out of the blue alone.damn, then only i knew.
I realised it. I realised i do not love raima anymore. I realised that love can happen more than once in life, but the thing is that it doesn’t feel the same way ever. Raima was my past, and i have been living with the guilt of not being able to save her all this while. That was it and i knew i should talk to raima and to my family.
Next week, that is one month before today.i talked to Raima who took it quite understandingly and she left to pursue her studies, career and plans. The next was the my family to whom i declared the truth about how i took sonakshi’a help to avoid a marriage and everything else made sense to them. They blamed me for ruining her career, using her for my jhoote work , fooling them, and breaking sonakshi’s heart. And i didn’t deny a single blame. Because yes i knew.
This is why i cannot be anywhere now. Wherever i move, there are memories that she left. In my room, in my cabin, in my house, in my car. Everywhere there are her memories. There is nowhere that she has left her memories. There is nowehere i can go to avoid them memories haunting me.
I should have known. I mean i think i knew. When i said that fake i love you in the restaurant for the first time, now that i remember the shine in her eyes i think i knew. I knew that she loved me. Now that i think of the way she danced with me in Janmaashtami, i knew that she loved me. Now that i remembed how she scolded me for being so silly in Pune, i knew that she loved me. When we were asked in the compatibility test about who loves who more, that is why i said woh instead of me, i knew that she loved me. That is why i smiled alone looking at that “woh” board after putting it down. I knew she loved me.
She left because her heart got broken. By myself who knew she loved me,But didn’t mind her feelings for a minute at least..She left but never taught me to how to live without her.And now, i know she loves me but i am left with nothing.
Wahee ladki jo bohot kuch apne saat lekar aayi thi,aakhir mera jeene ki wajood lekar chali jaa chuki thi.
But there is something in common among us. I knew she loved me. She knew she loved me. But She didn’t know one thing. And i couldn’t tell because i didn’t know that either.There was that one thing that we both didn’t know.
It is that,Rohit sippy didn’t know that he loved her too.
You can find the part 2 of this TS here: How I wish: RoNakshi TS part 2
comment:
p_commentcount