The forgiveness that I seek- A Lakshman-Urmila fanfiction IF_NC_Entry - Page 3

Chapter 9

Shanta sat opposite his brother. Her son's family had gone to her daughter in law place to attend her brother's wedding. Now only she and Lakshman were there in the ashram. Lakshman had just finished dinner.

Shanta looked at her brother's face. She knew from the time he had come her brother looked conflicted. She felt as if a storm was raging in his heart and he had come there to get some solace. She had not questioned him and even now she sat silent. She wanted him to speak. She wanted him to tell her about his problems, his conflicts.

Lakshman took a deep breath.  He knew he had to talk. Else neither the pain in his heart will go nor will his problem get solved. Slowly he started opening upto his sister. Shanta listened patiently as her brother poured out his heart. Once he finished and looked upto her Shanta saw tears in his eyes. She gently wiped his tears and made him sit beside her.

"Lakshman I understand you are going through a very big dilemma. But brother you need to understand one thing. Your decision to follow Ram was not wrong. You were very much needed with him. Agreed you left Urmila behind. But would you have been able to enjoy your married life with your brother and his wife roaming from one jungle to another. Also, what Ram would have done alone when Sita was taken by Ravan. Who would have consoled him?

I very well know how much Ram loves Sita. Her disappearance would have broken him. He needed someone beside him to handle him in the hour of grief. You were his biggest support during the hard time. Without you Ram would have never fought the war with Ravan with confidence. I have heard how much my Ram broke down when you were stuck with Meghanadh's Brahmastra.

You were his right hand Lakshman. Coming to Urmila. I know her. When I visited palace at the time of father's death, she was the one who was handling everything. It was like without you telling her she knew what her duty was. She had taken charge of the palace, the wailing mothers as well as Mandavi who was broken because of Bharat's decision to move away from palace.

Urmila had done what your wife should be doing and she had taken this duty as a tapasya for fourteen long years. In these years I have visited the palace couple of times and I have always seen her with a smile. A smile that was from her heart.

Lakshman you need to understand as a woman I can very well tell Urmila had no complaints of your accompanying Ram. She understood your decision. She understood what happened in Ayodhya at that time was beyond anyone's control and to ensure things didn't deteriorate   further everyone had to act maturely in the given condition.

It would be good if you don't compare my decision to marry your brother in law with what happened to Urmila. Yes, I was an unwanted daughter, a daughter who couldn't give happiness to her father as a princess. So, I took this way so that I could give him some happiness, let him have some benefit of having me as his daughter.  

But Urmila was never an unwanted wife Lakshman. I know you love her immensely and even now you are guilty of hurting her. You feel in front of her sacrifice you are nothing. It is nothing like that brother. Urmila has survived these fourteen years in your love. The smile on her face when she did her duties was your love. She was a woman who was loved Lakshman. Don't take away that love from her. Now for the past three months Urmila would have felt lonely. She might be feeling you don't love her anymore and that is not the truth.

Go back to her my brother. Give all your love to her. She deserves it and you too deserve her love. Remove guilt from your heart. The sacrifice done by both of you is unmatched.

Shanta smiled at her brother and saw a smile spread on his face too. She asked him to take rest. In couple of days he had to go back to palace. Lakshman nodded.

Soon Shanta prepared bed for him and then went inside. Lakshman lay on the ashram bed looking at the moon. He thought about what all his sister told. The most important thing that struck him was Urmila was never an unwanted wife. He loved her immensely. It was a great assurance to know his sister believed Urmila loved him the same way. He was surprised to know his wife had gladly done her duties and his sister believed it was his love that made her do it.

She loved him. She was not angry with him. She was willing to accept him. Hearing all this from Shanta rejuvenated Lakshman. It was like a big burden off his chest. His wife had accepted his decision. He wanted the night to end. He wanted to just go and meet Urmila. He knew she would be happy, very happy to see him and together they will begin a fresh chapter of their married life. He smiled to himself as he drifted to sleep.

Urmila looked at the unusual silence in Ram jeeju. It has been a couple of days she has been observing the same in him. He was asking very odd questions to everyone. She didn't understand the objective of those questions. She had tried to ask Sita didi what was jeeju trying to achieve by asking questions about perspective on woman. Society's viewpoint on woman. Sita didi looked tired and didn't want to think too much about it. She had asked Urmila not to worry too much. It might be something connected to him being a king and he will have to take some decision or frame new law she had assured Urmila.

But Urmila was not satisfied. She felt as if a dark cloud was looming above Ayodhya. Once more darkness was coming to Ayodhya though she was not sure what it was. As if echoing her thoughts, a thunder sounded in the horizon. Urmila looked up worriedly as rain began to splash across Ayodhya followed by heavy winds. The rain was untimely and Urmila felt an unknown fear. A fear that was seeping through her very bones. She closed her eyes and prayed to Mahadev silently for the welfare of the royal family and Ayodhya.

 

 

 

"Yes, I was an unwanted daughter, a daughter who couldn't give happiness to her father as a princess. So, I took this way so that I could give him some happiness, let him have some benefit of having me as his daughter. "

Sruthi , what a chronological narrative of a woman's plight in those ancient times, the sisters' detailed  discussions regarding the life of a wife there in Ayodhya ,sharing their earnest feelings and opinions on the life of a girl after the marriage , the imposing  duties and the demanding  rights  from  a girl by the society in particular and the kingdom in general .Very interesting read , and in a way educative , many quotable quotes in these chapters. Waiting for the decisive part, I know, the next chapter will be a testing one for you as a writer and a very interesting one for us as your devoted readers.🤗 Best wishes to you Sruthi. 👏

 

Thank you Viswasruti. Ramayana itself is a deep epic with multiple layers to it. I am happy you are liking it.

Chapter 10

Lakshman said goodbye to his sister and her family. His mind was calm and composed. As he mounted the horse he thought about Urmila. He knew by nightfall he will reach Ayodhya. He would surprise her by walking into their chamber. He imagined the happiness he will see in her face. He will take her in his arms and as he imagined her keeping her head on his chest, he blushed a bit.

"Lakshman I hope you will reach the palace safely. Lakshman looked around and his face became deep red as he realized his sister was teasing him. He assured his sister he won't get lost in dreamland during the journey. As he moved outside the ashram, he felt happy as the gentle breeze blew across his face.

Urmila was in Sita's room. Sita was telling before her pregnancy proceeded to advance stages, she wanted to visit the ashram of rishis and take their blessings. The rishis and their wives were very kind to her during vanvass. She mentioned she had kept the request to Ram jeeju and he had agreed he will send her to the ashram as soon as Lakshman was back.

Urmila was intrigued. She had heard from people gossiping Lakshman was arriving to Ayodhya that night. But if didi was to be sent with Lakshman why none of the ladies in palace was informed. Didi was pregnant. If she was going to ashram then Sumitranandan alone cant take her. Some lady has to be there. Either she or Kirti or one of the mothers. Also, the royal servants have to accompany the queen to take care of her needs. But no such arrangement she saw. She heard Ram jeeju's footsteps at the door and decided to take leave. She will ask didi the questions next day morning. Anyway, didi won't be going to ashram late in the night.

Lakshman entered the road that lead to the palace and saw a footman running towards him. He stopped the horse.

"Prince Lakshman, the king has asked you to come and meet him as soon as you set foot in Ayodhya. It is very urgent.

Lakshman nodded to the footman and requested him to inform the king that he will be meeting him at his chamber soon. The footman rushed to convey the message and Lakshman took his horse towards the royal stable. He had come to meet Urmila and now suddenly it seemed all his plans have been changed. Why bhaiyya wants to meet him at night. What urgent task has come. Has someone declared war with Ayodhya? But none dared to do that. Ayodhya was the powerful kingdom in the entire royal map at that point of time. He put the horse in the stable and walked towards Ram's chamber.

He gently knocked the door and as he heard his brother's voice asking him to enter, he entered with trepidation. The chamber was in semidarkness and Ram was standing turning away from him.

The next words Lakshman heard from his brother made him feel as if earth was shaking under his feet.

"Bhaiyya I can't do this. Forgive your brother bhaiyya but I can't do this for you. I have followed every order of yours. But this one. Leave Sita bhabi in jungle. How can you do it bhaiyya. Bhabi is pregnant. What will she do alone in the jungle? Lakshman fell at Ram's feet.

Ram was unflinching and when Lakshman didn't relent his voice turned stern. "Lakshman this is not the order of your brother. This is the order of king of Ayodhya. You very well know what is the punishment for disobeying the king. The people of this kingdom think Sita is impure and doesn't want her as the queen of their land. So, I have decided to banish the queen of Ayodhya. I have told Sita to get ready to visit the ashram. You go meet her and in the pretext of taking her to ashram leave her across the boundary of Ayodhya in the jungle. Please understand you are not supposed to tell her anything till you reach the jungle.

Lakshman got up teary eyed. He knew he has to obey the order of the king. Hardening himself he walked towards his bhabi's room. His heart bled as he saw his bhabi standing happily ready to visit the ashram. She was thinking she will bet the blessings of rishi's and will be back in the palace in couple of days. How he was supposed to tell her she was banished from Ayodhya for eternity. Hiding his emotions, he asked Sita to accompany him.

Sita mentioned she wanted to see Ram before she left. Lakshman told Ram bhaiyya was in his private chamber thinking about some serious issue in the kingdom. Sita insisted she wanted to visit her husband and Lakshman allowed her. He cried silently as he saw his bhabi standing in front of the chamber and calling out Ram bhaiyya and the door was not opened. Finally, she decided he might be too busy and kept a flower at the door and then walked with Lakshman.

In the darkness as Sita stepped out from the palace Lakshman felt with her the prosperity of Ayodhya was going. His bhabi who has loved only her bhaiyya, his bhabi who had fearlessly jumped in the fire to prove her purity was being called impure by people of Ayodhya. It was as if people in their ignorance were sending away Mahalakshmi from Ayodhya.

Urmila got up. It was a sleepless night for her. In sleep she saw many weird dreams, something like Sita didi going away. But they were so abstract and she was not sure what exactly she saw. As she heard the first sound of dawn breaking, she decided to get up. She has to go to Sita didi and see whether she was alright. Quickly she walked to Sita's room. She could see the room was open and Sita didi was nowhere to be seen. She called out Sita didi but didn't get any response. She was puzzled as to where Sita didi would have gone so early. Also, none of Sita didi's royal maids were seen. She became worried and started moving towards Ram jeeju's private chamber. Maybe he might know where didi was.

As she stepped out from Sita's room, she saw Sumitra standing in front of her with a grim face. As she heard the news from her mother in law Urmila felt she was falling unconscious. Sumitra held her daughter in law.

"Didi is banished from Ayodhya. For what. My didi did agnipareeksha. Still people of Ayodhya think she is impure. My husband has gone to leave her in jungle. How could he do it. Sita didi was his mother. She had taken care of him in the entire period of vanvass. How could he leave his pregnant bhabi in jungle? Ma, I can't take it anymore. I have lived with his apathy towards me. But I can't live with this apathy he showed to Sita didi. He should have questioned. He should have refused to carry out Ram jeeju's order. I would have been happy if my husband died trying to stand up for his bhabi. But this is cowardly act. To leave a pregnant lady alone in jungle.

What kind of new dawn has come to Ayodhya with Ram jeeju in the throne? Sita didi, why I couldn't understand this was going to happen to you. I wouldn't have allowed it didi. I wouldn't have allowed it. Urmila cried uncontrollably in Sumitra's arms and Sumitra led her daughter in law gently to her room.

 

 

 

 

'Sita kept a flower near Ram's door' what a beautiful thought it is Sruthi !! In a  symbolic way, she bid adieu to her husband by paying respect to the King!

Loved reading Urmila's words , her reaction after realizing the true reason behind Sita's banishment! This is the most traumatic moment in Sita's life when she heard the real reason behind her forest visit from Lakshman. 

The story is very interesting. Bringing Santha to the forefront to convince Lakshman is a master twist you have given to this story Shruthi.🤗 

 

Viswashruti that flower thought came to me from Siya Ke Ram. I had loved that scene in that show. In the show actually the wind takes the flower to Ram. It was a poignant and heartbreaking scene.

Originally posted by: shruthiravi

Viswashruti that flower thought came to me from Siya Ke Ram. I had loved that scene in that show. In the show actually the wind takes the flower to Ram. It was a poignant and heartbreaking scene.

Is it?😊 I haven't seen that serial. That adorning the door with a parting flower is really a praiseworthy thought, a  great poetic imagination. 

Chapter 11

Lakshman was returning to Ayodhya in the chariot. His heart wanted to turn back and go where he had left Sita bhabi. But he knew he had to give the information to the king the order has been completed. His body started shaking as he remembered Sita bhabi's wails. The way she had run to commit suicide and he had to remind her she was pregnant and she was responsible for the baby. Then she had sat on the ground tired her face showing the trust that was broken and pain of not knowing what was her sin to deserve this punishment. Was her sin being that she loved her husband very much and accompanied him to vanvass. Was her sin being she didn't want the rishi to curse the entire Ayodhya she stepped across Lakshman Rekha. Was her sin being she jumped into the fire to prove to the world she loved only Ram. Was it for all these she was punished by the king of Ayodhya?

Lakshman steadied himself. He could not allow himself to be weak. He can't undo what was done. He had stood silent in front of Sita bhabi for some time. Then he had left her in that condition and had walked towards the chariot without turning back. He prayed to Mahadev that let some rishi see bhabi and offer her shelter in the ashram.

It was then his thought turned to Urmila and he knew he was not in a position to face her. This was not about fourteen-year vanvass. This was about banishing her pious and pure sister. He had no answer to give her. Once again, he will have to move away from her. He will give the information to Ram and will take his permission to go to his maternal place for few months so that he could think of how to answer Urmila and her questions.

Urmila walked impatiently across the garden. Her mind was in turmoil. She knew her husband had returned and was in meeting with Ram jeeju. She wanted to confront him and ask him questions. But at that point she had heard none was allowed near Ram jeeju's private chamber. So, she didn't know how she will meet him. For all practical purpose after meeting with Ram jeeju he will go somewhere else and she can no clue which way he will take to move out of the palace out of fourteen gateways.

It was hard day for her. She was semi-conscious only for half the day and blabbered things. It was with difficulty her mother in law had fed her some food. It was after much coaxing that she needed food to stand straight she finally decided to eat at least the afternoon meal. Also, Mandavi didi was in similar condition and she knew she couldn't allow didi in that condition. She and the life growing inside her needed food. So, Urmila controlled her emotions and handled her sisters. Once Mandavi didi was asleep and she ensured Kirti was in a position to take care of her she had come to the garden.

Lakshman looked around. He had narrated the entire story of Sita banishment to Ram. His brother's face didn't show any emotion though Lakshman could feel the deep pain in his eyes. His other two brothers Bharat and Shatrughna stood shocked. They still couldn't believe their bhabi was banished but were unable to ask a single question to Ram because of his stoic silence.

"Lakshman I knew it was a hard thing for you to do. But I am thankful you did your duty. Now I need to meet the ministers and discuss some affairs of the state, told Ram indicating the meeting was dismissed. Lakshman thought for a few moments and then gently spoke.

"Bhaiyya I have done something which has given me a lot of emotional turmoil. To calm myself I would prefer to stay away from Ayodhya for some time. I would request your permission to travel to Kashi to spend time with my mother's family for some two three months.

"Lakshman I understand your need. You can very well go to Kashi. Bharat and Shatrughna can handle the things here, replied Ram as he walked out from his chamber.

Bharat, Lakshman and Shatrughna too came out in silence. They looked at each other for sometime and then Bharat broke the silence telling that he needs to check on Mandavi. Shatrughna also mentioned he will have to look at Kirti and ensure her well-being. As both his brothers walked away Lakshman stood alone on the corridor.

His first thought was to go to stable, take his horse and then go straight to Kashi. Then he decided he would meet his mother. Maybe she will have some message for her family. But the thought of meeting Sumitra made Lakshman again guilt ridden. What would he tell his mother if she asks how he left Sita bhabi alone in jungle? At the time of vanvass his mother had told him from that day onwards Ram was like Dasrath and Sita was like her. Abandoning Sita bhabi meant abandoning his mother. He decided to go to stable but then again, his heart stopped him. It will not be right to go to Kashi without meeting his mother. He will have to meet her. He decided to go to royal garden and sit there for some time to calm his mind before meeting Sumitra.

He walked speedily towards the garden. His mind was in turmoil and hundred questions arose in him and he didn't had answer to anything. He was so lost as he stepped into the garden only to be brought to present by a loud thundering voice.

"You came Sumitranandan. I know its your guilty that has brought you here. You wouldn't have expected me here right. But Sumitranandan how long you will run away from me. I was sure today Mata Gowri would listen to my prayer. Today she will ensure I meet you before you run away once again to hide yourself.

Lakshman looked up to see an Urmila standing in the garden with fire streaming through her eyes. She looked Kali ready to burn entire Ayodhya in her anger. Lakshman knew she was capable of doing that. Her purity, her devotion and her principles had the power to bring Ayodhya to its knees. He had to stop her. But looking at the woman in front of her he was not sure how he will calm her. He prayed silently to Mata Gowri to show a way to save Ayodhya. To give him time to make her understand his point of view.

As if the Goddess has answered his prayers, he heard his mother's voice from behind calling out to both of them.

Both of them turned and looked in the direction from where the voice came and saw Sumitra standing at the entrance of the garden beckoning them.

 

 

 

A heart-wrenching part, very emotional and the smooth flow of narration suited to the occasion. 👏 

Chapter 12

Both Lakshman and Urmila walked silently behind Sumitra. Urmila was still seething inside and Lakshman was looking down.

Once she reached her room, she asked both Lakshman and Urmila to sit and she too sat. Sumitra looked at both of them before starting to speak.

"Lakshman and Urmila I know both of you are saddened by the turn of events in Ayodhya. Ram sending away Sita was most unexpected. But I don't want you both to fight on what Ram has done. Please hear me out before you discuss Ram and Sita.

Beta Lakshman, beti Urmila I know Ram. From childhood he has ensured the welfare of others over self. If anyone else would have been in his place that person would have declared war on his father than going for fourteen years vanvass. You need to understand even sages like Vashisth were of the opinion that if Ram decides not to choose vanvass he has that option as he need to keep his father's vachans. Sage Jabali even debated with him on his decision to choose vanvass. But Ram decided to honor his father's words.

Beta with that action Ram didn't lose the throne. But that journey took him to greater heights. In eliminating Ravan he removed a threat to the world and also got allies like Vibhishan and Sugreeva.

That day none understood Ram's decision but looking back that was the action that differentiated him from the rest. Today also none understands him. But time will reveal why he took that decision today.

Another thing you have to know. Ram loves Sita immensely. Ram knows what Sita is capable of. You think of Sita as a weak pregnant woman left alone in the jungle. I know for my Ram Sita is the woman who can survive in the jungle. Infact she has survived in the jungle. For thirteen years she was in jungle and she is familiar with jungle than the palace. How could you forget Sita safeguarded herself all alone in Lanka for eight months? How can she be weak?

One of the most important things. There are many ashrams in the jungle. The people of Ayodhya are ignorant and calls Sita impure. But not those ashramvasis. They have seen the woman who has accompanied her husband and undertook the difficult journey. I am sure Sita will be accommodated in one of the ashrams and the ladies will take good care of her and when children are born will support her in bringing them up. So, you need to stop worrying about Sita and allow time to reveal the real purpose of Ram's decision, concluded Sumitra and gently caressed Lakshman and Urmila's cheeks.

Then she turned to Lakshman, "Lakshman I heard you are going to Kashi. But before you go, I want you to talk to Urmila. From the time you have come I have wanted to talk to you. You didn't give me a chance.

There are lot of misunderstanding that is happening between you. You have given up fourteen years of your life in the service of others. It is time you leave everyone aside and concentrate on your life. Ram and Sita knows to handle themselves. My Ram can't leave Sita and Sita cannot leave Ram. There is no need for anyone to worry about them. So please take your wife to the garden and have a chat, commanded Sumitra to Lakshman.

Lakshman nodded and got up looking at Urmila. Urmila was teary eyed. Sumitra's words had dispelled her anger but, in its place, came another feeling. A deep pain and she couldn't control her tears. They reached the garden once again. Urmila sat under the Asoka tree silently. Lakshman stood beside her for sometime as she shed tears. Then he sat beside her and gently took her hands. Urmila looked up.

"Urmila I am sorry. I don't know what else to tell. It was not that I wanted to leave Sita bhabi in jungle. But then you know Ayodhya. It was a king's order. How can I decline. Sita bhabi is like my mother. You think it was easy for me to leave her alone in the jungle. For fourteen years I had guarded bhabi. I had removed thorns in her path. I had supported her in getting things for kitchen. She loved me more as a son than devar and have told many times I am her elder born. Then it is Hanuman and the child she will have now comes only after us. The taste of the food she has served is still in my tongue. My bhabi whom I have seen jumping in the fire to prove her purity it was never easy for me to leave her. But I had to do it. Forgive me if you could.

Urmila wiped her tears, "Sumitranandan, I should have known your limitations. When Maa Sumitra spoke, I realized if she had not come on time, I might have done some grave mistake in my anger. How can I forget Sita didi knows jungle? Its not a new place for her. As Ma said I will not delve into the decision of Ram jeeju to banish Sita didi.

However, Sumitranandan why you didn't come to meet me. It has been five months since your return to Ayodhya. But not for once you thought you want to see me. Even today you didn't come to see me. This meeting happened by accident. Why Sumitranandan you no longer want Urmila in your life. Are you so used to the single life you had led for fourteen years that you are unable to give space for a second person in your life? Tell me Sumitranandan what is my fault for you to avoid me.

"Urmila how can you even think I want to lead a single life. It was the need of the time I left you here in Ayodhya. Urmila, I love you. I always want you as my life partner. But I was feeling guilty on whether I was a good husband and that's the reason I didn't come to meet you. Then Shanta didi made me realize you had accepted my decision to go for vanvass wholeheartedly. Yesterday I had come happily to meet you. But then I was given another hard responsibility by Ram bhaiyya. I have done it but once again my mind is not calm. I need to go to Kashi. I need to make my mind calm. I request you please give me another three months' time. I promise I won't disappoint you this time, concluded Lakshman and looked at her eagerly.

"Sumitranandan I will give you three months but not more than that. This Urmila can't take more separation, she kept her head in his hand and Lakshman felt her tears in his palms. He lifted her face and caressed her hair.

"Urmila I will be back. Now please smile else with you crying I won't be able to go and you need to know it is important for me to go. Urmila looked at her husband and smiled a small blush appearing on her face and Lakshman gave her a gentle hug and got up.