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Some of you asked me details about Bengali Wedding Rituals. I don't know them in detail mind you. I edited my own wedding to my satisfaction. But here goes.
The groom proposes to the bride with a ring, western style. When bride says yes, the marriage is on. This happens for both love and arranged marriage because Bengali men and women date even an arranged bride or groom before they say yes.
Unlike other parts of India, the parents' decision is not the last decision. They just arrange for couples to meet and then let them decide like online matchmaking site.
Although they might throw an engagement party for their friends and siblings/cousins (not the parents or elders) where they only celebrate the engagement, the ring has already been given to the bride.
Once the wedding is on, it starts with Aashirwad ceremony (similar to Roka). But unlike the way you saw during Ritwik and Sona's ceremony, it happens separately.
Groom's family minus the groom comes to bride's house and gives her gifts and Bride's family minus the bride goes to groom's house and give him gifts.
Bride and Groom's Aashirwad happens in two separate days.
After the Aashirwad ceremony, they sometimes wear Mehendi the day before (These days everyone does).
Then on the morning of the wedding, bride gets up early and they do something they call "Dadhimangala" where they feed the bride Mishti Dahi and chiwra (I didn't do it because there's no way in hell I am getting up that early).
Then all the married ladies go to the nearby waterbody (river/sea/pond) to fetch water for Haldi ceremony with Band baaja. If they are in Kolkata, they go to Ganga ghat (Again, I didn't let them do it. Because a. widows and unmarried women are left out, ergo, no one gets to go in my wedding and b. Band baaja at 5 a.m. in the morning? I want blessings from people, not curse)
Then the bride wears Shakha and Pala (white and red bangle) before Haldi ceremony. Then groom's family sends haldi with Tatwa (Explaining later) and when they leave, bride's family sends their Haldi for groom.
Then Bride's family uses their fetched water to bathe the bride. Groom's family do the same ritual for groom.
Then everyone gets their shower.
Later after lunch the make up person comes and prepares the bride and whoever wants to get ready.
Then wedding happens at night.
It starts with bride's mother welcoming groom and then the groom proceeds to the alter or mandap.
The bride sits on a flat stool which is carried by men of bride's family with the bride on it and her face covered with paan. They circle the groom three times with the bride. Then the bride removes the paan and the bride and groom looks at each other. This is called Shubha Drishti.
Then bride and groom exchange garlands three times and then sits down for wedding. Typical saat phera, sindoor happens. Mangal sutra does not happen. At wedding the bride puts ring in groom's finger, she already has hers. After the wedding, bride and groom takes everyone's blessings.
Now what is Tatwa? Bride's family tells the groom's family who in their family should get a "welcome to the family" gift and groom's family tells the bride's family the same. The number has to be equal. No side gives more gift than others regardless of money...
Both sides might also mutually decide to give gifts to their respective families if they have more people on one side than the other. That way they can spend as much or save as much as they want.
These gifts are arranged on bamboo trays with cute little poems or decorative labels along with trays with bride and groom's gifts like outfits, make up, cosmetics, honeymoon lingerie etc. and these are called Tatwa or as Westerners called Trousseau which probably British learned from Bengalis or Bengalis learned from British. Not sure who came up with the idea first.
All the gifts for bride and groom are bought with them. The soon to be in-laws take them shopping so that there is nothing at Tatwa that they are never going to use.
Vidai in Bong wedding happens next day. The wedding night is spent with all the siblings and young cousins teasing and gossiping with bride and groom. No one sleeps that night.
Next morning, the sister in laws of the groom asks for money in exchange for trip to bathroom. The groom is much more desperate then.
Then in the evening, the bride is sent home with the groom as in Vidai. But that night is Kal Ratri. So the bride and groom don't see each other's face after all the rituals are done like kalash with rice, game with ring etc. and all that.
The bride sleeps at the groom's bedroom with one of her chosen family member who comes with her and stays with her that night. And the groom sleeps somewhere else with whichever family member he wants. From that night, the groom's room is hers.
Then the day after is the reception. This day in the morning, the bride cooks something for the family (sometimes the cooking is done by someone else, the bride just serves food). It's called Bou-Bhat (as in Bou - bride, Bhat - Rice).
Then the groom gives the bride a saree and some jewellery thanking her for cooking/serving her first meal.
That night is the reception party and Suhag Raat. The groom's family decorates the groom's room with flower. And you know the rest.
The day after the bride and groom go to Bride's home and they both stay there for three days giving the groom time to get to know the bride's family. This is also the time when the groom takes his new cousins and sister/brother in laws for dinner. On third day, they both return to the groom's house and start their life together.
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