To say that life is a circle couldn't have been more true maybe that's why she facing him all over again and those emotions which she thought had died along with her son were back but who she was kidding she very well knew that those emotions can never die even with her death.
No matter how much you run away from your past it will come back with the same impact or even more.
To say she hated herself now would be a big understatement to the loath that she was feeling for herself. Why??? She was questioning herself. Why she is again feeling all the emotions once again why was she so weak in front of him. The pain, the crave, the longing, the hurt, the affection and most importantly the LOVE why was all that still the same. The wife inside her was craving for her husband but the mother inside her forbid her from doing so she was cursing her to be so selfish, that she was ready to run into the arms of the man who killed her son. What sin she has committed to deserve this she questioned again. Seeing him in front of her all she wanted to do was just run into his arms and pour all the emotions and with the look in his eyes she knew he too wanted the same he was longing and begging for her and her love.
HIS EYES as expressive as ever she mentally chuckled ...his eyes were something that always pulled her towards him as they were pulling her now cuz they reflected his soul atleast she thought that. But right now his soul seemed SCARRED.
Three months have passed since she along with their daughter left him after that incident for the world it didn't seem a long time but only she knew how miserable these three months were for her. It wasn't though that she hasn't been been without him this long time in fact she has spent much longer time without him, his job as an army officer had made them stay apart from each for much longer time. But during those separations there was comfort, unsaid promises, there was wait and love. But now there's just longing, pain,betrayal, endless wait and whether she wants to accept or not but there's love. Its been Three months since she last saw him, touched him, felt him, heard him, three months she's longing for him and three months since he KILLED their own son.
She lost their only son three months ago and now again she was going to lose her daughter. In front of her own eyes she saw him shooting their own son helplessly and now again she was feeling same helplessness in sitting outside the museum when her daughter along with hundreds of kids and their teachers were captivated inside by the terrorists. Shravan and some soldiers were here for their rescue, he was leading them.
She was sitting far away from him with her friend who was consoling her but she knew that he saw her even if he hadn't he would have known that she's here she never knew how but they could strangely sense each other even in amidst of crowd. And now she could sense him walking towards her she looked at his direction and saw him approaching her. Her heart skipped a beat he still held that affect on her. She felt him sitting beside her , she closed her eyes as fresh tears rolled from her eyes as their bitter sweet memories played in her vision. She knew he too was feeling the same. Her friend excused herself from her giving them privacy.
"Suman" She heard him calling her with a gentle caressing voice. Hearing his voice all she wanted to do was just lean on him cuz only can provide her the much needed comfort. But somehow she gathered herself remembering how he shot their son
"What are you doing here? You were supposed to be at border right" She asked in a cold tone
"Can't you see suman I came here to save these children. I came back here two days ago "
"You came here to save these children or to kill them just like you killed him."
" Suman plz you know I won't do that"
"I was sure you won't do that to my son either but you did"
"I had no choice Damnit"
"Would you have done the same if it would have been shreya at his place. You did it cuz he was adopted right"
"Shut the heck up suman you know I have never differentiated bw them. How can you think so low of me"
"Then why you did that"
"You know why I did that, you really think I wanted to kill him. Tell me suman which father wants to kill his own son"
"But you did"
"And I die everyday thinking about that but if you ask me if I regret then my answer is no"
"He was our son"
"He was wrong"
"There must have been other way instead of that"
"You think I didn't tried other ways. Suman I tried every damn thing but I couldn't and at that moment I couldn't think of anything else "
"Then you should have forgave him"
"How can you even expect that suman do you even realise what are you saying. You're getting blinded in your son's love"
"Maybe I am but what am I supposed to do shravan few months back I lost my son and along with him my husband now I m losing my daughter how am I supposed to think rationally shravan"
"You never lost me suman i am still there where you left me i m still waiting for you. Can't you forgive me suman"
"I wish I could but that's not possible"
"Not even for our love"
"That's the problem na shravan that's why it hurts the most. You know it's more easy to live with the person whom you hate to core than the person whom you love but has given you lifelong pain. Kaash main tumse nafrat kar paati shravan then things would have been much much easier"
"Can't you give it a try atleast I need you suman"
A lone tear escaped from her eyes seeing him pleading in front of her was killing her but she can't help it she can't forget whatever happened that day.
"I can forgive you shravan but how am I supposed to forget everything. Every time I see you that day comes flashing back in my mind I will die shravan it will kill me to see my own son's murderer in my husband whom I love."
Though her words stabbed him but she was right she was a mother along with his wife it was already difficult for her and he is making it miserable he has to control himself it's not the right time.
"We have surrounded this buildings we are just waiting for their move they can't escape. Trust me this last time suman I promise you our daughter will come back all safe and sound AT ANY COST."
She couldn't hold herself anymore she needed him and his comfort so she decided to let down her guards for once and did what she wanted to do, she hugged him as if her life depended on him. He too wrapped her arms around her if she needed him to comfort her then he too needed her.
"I need her shravan I can't live without her I'll die if something happens to her. She's the only reason I am alive till now after shubh's death what will I do without her"
"Shhh nothing will happen to her I promise if I will come back then only with her otherwise I won't."
"I shouldn't have allowed her to come here. How can I be so irresponsible it's all my fault I m such a bad mother"
"Suman look at me you're not a bad mother infact you're the best mother one can have"
"Then why is this happening with me ... us what have we done to deserve this"
"Suman we haven't done anything wrong it's just god is testing us be strong everything will be fine have faith"
"Nothing will be fine shravan our son can't come back and now I am going to lose our daughter too"
"Listen to me suman you're not going to lose her you get that have faith in me plz I won't let anything happen to her"
"I want to trust but I can't do that shravan I m sorry"
"Was I that wrong suman you really think I did that willingly you know how much I loved him. You left me taking shreya along with you, you had her. Have you ever thought about me how I lived these months without you two I have died everyday suman and no one was there for me. The thought that I had to kill him myself kills me everyday even if I know that I was right but still it kills me I need some to tell me that I was right but here my wife herself thinks that I was wrong even after knowing everything what am I supposed to do suman."
He took a long pause and looked at her who was lost he had no idea what was going on in her mind but with the looks on her face he lost the hope. Maybe she'll never forgive him atleast not anytime soon. So he stood up to leave
"I need to go now they must be waiting for my orders. Suman for once trust me I'll get her back even if that costs my life I won't back out. But I want to request you to think abt whatever happened that day with my pov think about what you would I done if you were at my place. Think and then decide after that I won't bother you ever again."
She saw his retreating figure going towards his soldiers. She didn't knew why but she was trusting him with his daughter even after whatever had happened. Her mind flew back to their past.
*FLASHBACK*
10 years ago
Shravan and suman were happily married from past two years even though they had pure arranged marriage the bond they shared was everything that two lovers had they were deeply and madly in love with each other the only thing they missed was a child which was going to be fulfilled in few days. But fate has other ideas, Suman got into an accident during her last days and that's how she lost their child later on it was said that she couldn't conceive and if she did it would cost her life. The incident badly affected suman she started to remain aloof from everyone even shravan. Few days later he decided it's high time for suman to move on so he took her to orphanage where she actually used to forget everything and become indulged in those children. They become regular visitor of that orphanage. Suman was very much attached to all those children but she shared a special bond with a child named shubh. After few days shraman decided to adopt shubh, he was a nine years old back then. After addition of shubh in their family, it became complete. Everything was back to perfect they did mistakes but corrected as soon as they realised that there were quarrels fights but more than that there was love. Shubh took his own time to accept them but he soon did because of the immense love and care shraman showered on him. He was attached to both shravan and suman but he was little bit more attached with shravan as shravan was his hero. Two years after arrival of shubh in their life suman become pregnant again, at first shravan denied her to go further with her pregnancy but after assurance of doc he agreed and after nine months shreya. Shubh was more than excited to have a baby sis he only gave her the name 'shreya' when he got the news that he was going to be a big bro and he has to take care of suman he got overprotective for. It was difficult next to impossible for sumo to step out of the bed and when she did she has to face his wrath but it was all worth it as it showed how much happy he was with them. No one knows how he started feeling insecure cuz of shreya during first year after shreya's arrival everything was fine but later on he started distancing himself from shreya, he used to find ways to seek attention of his parents as he thought they were showering all their love on her which was partially true cuz shreya needed them but truth was also that they tried to mend up things whenever they got chance. When shraman got to know about this they tried to make him understand that it was all cuz shreya needed them more but that didn't worked for much time cuz few months later shubh started distancing himself from them also. At first they shrugged it off as they thought it was cuz of adolescence none of them knew that it was cuz of the fact that he thought that was adopted that's why he isn't getting the love that he needs. After few years when he was 14 he adruptly asked shraman that he wants to go to hostel to which they denied at first but later on they agreed for his sake. Years later when he came back to them he was a completely different person not their son who had left them. The shubh who came back was a complete different personality from the shubh who left he wasn't the same lively kid he was just an angry irresponsible teenager. His daily routine was completely messed up even his academic records were disappointment only god knows how he had managed to complete his schooling. He used to wake up late usually at afternoon and spend rest of the day with either his friends or in his room the only time suman got see him was when he used eat with them which also was irregular he always used to eat a little or many a times he used to skip the meal much to her annoyance. Few weeks later she got to know that shubh was a drug addict after asking him she got to know that he has been taking even before going to the hostel. She didn't knew what to do so she informed shravan about this he immediately came back and tried to talk to him but that didn't worked. They removed all the drugs from their house but still shubh managed to get them, then they took all the money they had given him but that too didn't worked as shubh started stealing. Having no other option they sent him to rehab centre but shubh ran away from there, they searched him everywhere but couldn't find him a week later when he came he looked a complete disaster he was completely in disheveled state he was begging them to take him back which they did he promised them that he won't take drugs just don't send him back to the rehab centre to which they agreed as they couldn't see him in that state. After that incident shubh was back to normal though not completely as he was still recovering but still he was trying really hard and that was visible. Few days later shravan was asked to come back but shubh has insisted him to stay back atleast for his birthday which he couldn't deny so shravan asked his seniors to extend his holidays to which they denied at first but later on they agreed.
It was his birthday he had taken suman for some shopping in the morning now it's been 7 o'clock in the evening but there's no sign of them he was getting worried he was calling them constantly but their mobile was switched off. Suddenly after few minutes he got a call from an unknown no. he picked it up hoping it to be shubh or suman but it wasn't them but what the person said next shaked him to core. The person had kidnapped shubh and suman and if he wanted them to be safe then he will have to give them a file which had proofs against them. His mind has stopped working two most important persons of his life were in danger and to save them he has to betray his country he was blank. But it wasn't the time to panic it was time for some action. He knew those people must be having eyes on him and his calls were also tracing that's why he didn't called anyone but he knew his colleagues will be here anytime soon so he left them a note outside his house which only they can notice. He left to place where they had asked him to come with the file it was an abandoned building. He took his own time to step inside the building so that his colleagues can reach them asap. As he stepped inside the building some men surrounded him and took him to a room which looked like a basement. As he reached the room they asked him for the file to which he demanded to see his son and wife first that was when he felt his mobile vibrate and he knew it was his colleagues he had mentioned in the note to call him when they will reach there thanks to god they didn't noticed that. They agreed and brought shubh and suman there. His blood boiled looking at their condition but he controlled. They again demanded for the file and this time he gave it to them. As they took it from him he got a hard punch on his face as it was a wrong. But soon tables got turned soon his colleagues barged in and a huge fight they got control of the situation. After freeing shubh he was about to free suman but he got shock of his life his son had pointed gun on suman and was demanding for the file. Both shravan and suman felt as if ground has slipped from beneath their feet. They didn't knew whether it was a nightmare or reality. If it was a reality they didn't wanted to believe it and if was nightmare they just wanted to wake up asap. But what shubh said next made them realise that it was the truth
"Dad give me the files I need it or else they won't give me the drugs anymore pls dad I know you don't love me you both don't but atleast you love mom isn't it so just give that to me"
"Shubh you've gotten mad do you even realise what you are asking for who these people are"
"I know very well these people are terrorists and they're asking for the which has proofs against them and their leaders why do you think I came back after running away from rehab centre do you really think I loved you that much that I couldn't live without you. You are highly mistaken dad I came back for that when I ran I came straight to these people at first they gave me the drugs but later on they demanded for money which I hadn't. So they made a deal I will have to bring that file to them and they'll give me as much drugs as I want for a year. What would have I done you took all my money from me so I had to agree. I never left the drugs."
"How can you do this to your own parents shubh. Do you know on whom you're pointing the gun now that's your mom damnit" he almost shouted
"She. Is. Not. My. Mom. Neither you're my dad I am an adopted kid remember whom you guys had used to fulfill your wish to have a child now that you have your own blood you don't need me. I was a fool to think that I am your until my friends made me realise that they only introduced me to drugs. If you guys really loved me then you wouldn't have snatched my drugs from me or sent me to rehab there those ppl were killing me and here you guys were enjoying your lives"
"How can you think so low of us shubh where have we mistaken we always tried to become good parents for you maybe we made mistakes but we made up for it we learnt from that so that we can't do that again. Shubh you still have time leave all this and come back please it's ruining you."
"Dad I need that just give me that file or else I'll shoot her."
"You'll shoot your own mother for that bloody file"
"She is not my mother and yes I'll shoot her if that's the only way I can get drugs then I will."
"Do you even realise what you are saying shubh"
"I do realise but what can I do when you've left me no choice. What do you think I am enjoying this huh there was a time when you guys meant a lot to me i always used to do all the stupid stunts to get your attention but you guys were so busy with shreya. You guys only ruined everything now you're shouting at me. Listen dad I don't have much time just give that file to me or else I mind shooting her I hope you love her or that was also fake."
"Shubh think about what you are ok you don't accept her as your mom but still she's a human atleast for humanity leave her."
"And what am I gonna get by this humanity jail or rehab if this is the prize of humanity then I am better inhumane. Just tell me you're giving me the files or you want me to shoot her. "
"Shubh think about what you are doing"
"You're giving me the files or not."
"I'll not!!!!"
"I m sorry mom I thought he atleast loves you but I was wrong here too"
With this last word he was about to shoot but before he could do that a bullet hit him hard on his chest just above his heart. All this while suman was too numb to react she didn't knew what was happening her own son was willing to kill her. Whatever was happening in front of her eyes she didn't wanted to believe only god knows how shravan had gathered courage to react but she couldn't she didn't want to believe that her own son hates her this much that much that he was willing to kill her. Were his friends and those drugs this much important to him. Whatever they had done till now meant nothing to him those sleepless nights which they had spent in taking care of him were just nothing. No this can't be happening this is not her son it's not him she didn't want to believe that it's him she won't believe this. She closed her eyes not wanting to face the reality but a loud gunshot brought her back to the world she opened her eyes to see shubh lying on the in pool of blood his own blood and shravan on his knees having a gun in his hand. This is a nightmare this can't be truth. She didn't knew how she was freed from the ropes that were tying the only thing she registered was her son lying lifeless on the ground and shravan having gun in his hand. She moved like a zombie towards shubh and put his head on her lap and shook him first gently then harshly
"Shubh wake up. ... didn't you heard what I am saying wake up shubh... I said wake up shubh... shravan see na he doesn't listens to me now you only wake him up"
Shravan said nothing just looked away with silent tears falling from his eyes
"Shravan please wake him up..."
"I can't"
"Why you can't huh"
"Can't you see suman he's no more just face it suman "
"I won't... you're lying... he'll wake up"
"He'll not... I myself have killed him."
As he said this he got a tight slap on his cheek
"How can you say that it's not true "
"It is suman face it see that's your son and this is the with which I myself have shot him cuz he was trying to kill you."
"You... you can't do that... he'll wake up I am saying na..."
"He'll not wake up suman plzz accept it he's dead."
She looked at both of blankly and ran away from there to their home straight to shubh's room he too followed her there
Tears were mercilessly falling from her eyes. Never in her worst dreams she had dreamt of something like this. She had never imagined that her dreams would be crushed like this that too by the person whom she loved more than whose happiness were only aim of her. The same person has snatched her happiness from her will she ever forgive him. She clutched the nearby table tightly as if her life depended on it she knew if she hadn't holded it for support she would have fallen by now. How could he do that doesn't her happiness meant anything for him that was the only thing she had asked him to give her couldn't he give that to her.
"Why" she asked with a cold heavy voice without turning back to him she didn't want to see his face
"You know the reason and look at me when you are talking to me"
"I don't want to see your face ever how could you do that to me you loved him the most even more than me then what happened all of a sudden that you took such a step"
"Do I need to explain that don't you know that already. He was taking you away from me and I couldn't tolerate it."
"How can you be so cruel to your own son damnit that you decided to kill him"
"I had to and I don't regret that I'll do the same with anything or anyone that will take you away from me"
Saying so he left from there leaving her all alone crying at her fate. Her husband killed their own son and become a SINNER her SINNER... she took their family picture that was placed on the table in her hands and caressed the picture of their seventeen years old and then Shravan her husband who killed him with his own hands. The slight smile that had appeared on her lips was faded and soon tears again started falling from her eyes.
He came out of the room to the hall where they had done all the preparations of shubh's birthday. He moved towards their family picture when they had brought shubh home for the first time. He was so excited to see their home. Where was that kid who was once their son. The person whom he had shot was not his son. His son was innocent he loved them as his parents but the person who thought to be shubh was not him but someone else he was not the same innocent kid but a drug addict ,a terrorist who was ready to kill his own mother for sake of drugs and proofs against them. And he didn't regretted killing he did what a soldier should have done but what about a father who had killed his own son. No matter how much he tries to convince himself that what he did was right but as a father he wanted to kill himself. It was his responsibility to watch over his son to make sure he didn't do anything wrong but he had failed miserably he failed as a father. He had acted strong in front of suman and said he didn't regretted which was partially true as a soldier he didn't but as a father he did regret and this regret was going to last forever. Few minutes he saw suman with few bags and shreya.
"I m leaving"
"You think I was wrong."
"... Yes..."
" Ok... go.."
With one last look she walked out of their... his house.
*FLASHBACK ENDS*
Everything was clear she had been playing dumb all this while in her pain she failed to recognise his pain she never realised what he going through if everything was difficult for her then it would have been worse for him. He had done what he should have done shubh was involved in drugs racket and was trying to kill his own mother to get proves that were against them. He (shubh) had wronged them and their upbringing if shravan was wrong then she too was wrong. If shubh chose the wrong path then they both were equally responsible for that they failed to provide him the security he needed, they let him drown into his insecurities that led him to his destruction. But now its not the time to cry over the past its time to make peace with shubh will always remain alive their memories. She took a deep breath finally she has taken the right decision she needs to move on from shubh, she can't punish shravan for whatever happened, it wasn't in his hands, if it was then things would have been different.
She got up from the bench and ran towards shravan standing face to face in front of him leaving distance of just few inches bw them. Shravan was confused with her behaviour what was she upto but her confusion changed into astonishment as she stepped on his feet so that she could match his height and got hold of his shoulders to balance herself. All he could do was watch her in awe and let her have her way with him. Finally what felt like eternity he felt her place her lips on his this is what he needed, he decided to take control. His hands wound themselves around her waist on their own accord as he let their passion love longing every emotion that they felt in all these months, guide them not caring about where they were what ppl would say they only cared about their need and their love for each other. After a few minutes they broke apart for the need of oxygen and that's when they realised where they were. They saw many people were looking at them with their mouth wide open much to their embarrassment
"Get one thing straight Major Shravan Malhotra I want both my husband and my daughter to come back to me all safe and sound"
"Who can dare to ignore your orders Mrs Malhotra we both will come back all safe and sound"
"You better don't"
"I won't "
"Just Come back" she whispered
He said nothing just kissed her temple making an unsaid promise which assured her that he will come come back with their daughter
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