Ashish caught in 'honor thy mother' web

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anonee

@anonee

Sparkler

Posted: 9 years ago

Ashish caught in 'honor thy mother' web

We all honor our mothers and that is the right thing to do. But some domineering and controlling mothers can make a web where their son/daughter can be trapped into the 'honor thy mother' syndrome (my terminology - not a medical one).

Today we were given a full view of how controlling Ashish's mom can be! I say full view - because yesterday we were given a glimpse.

We do not know when Ashish's father passed away. Irrespective, since birth Ashish has been living under the wing of his mother (literally 😉). She is extremely disciplined, hard headed, and demanding (poor guy 😕). She uses her authority, her illness, and any other trick in a way to get Ashish to live her way of life . But Ashish wants to live his life his way.

Ashish fears stating his needs - he thinks ... err he knows it will boil down to a confrontation - with his mom emotionally blackmailing him. So, rather than upset the apple cart - Ashish, now leads two lives. One as married man and father. And the other, as a dutiful bachelor son!

He really does not know how to cope and work out the situation with his mom. He needs guidance (a behavior therapist or a clinical psychologist perhaps?). But we know such solutions are taboo - and would not go down well with his mother's image in society. However, he does need help to realize he has to live life his own way. This is 2006 (the period in which the serial is shown) - not 1940's!

I know he will not seek help because a story that happened in the 1940 is being re-written for TV. But yet ... ... will this thought cross through Ashish's mind? I hope it does and that it is shown on TV - for those who are trapped need to know a possible way out!

Edited by anonee - 9 years ago

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halfgirlfriend

@halfgirlfriend

Explorer

Posted: 9 years ago

Well I like your terminology. Poor Ashish has been trying so hard to keep all the ladies in his life happy and for that doing everything they demand. But one day he is going to fail miserably and after precap I can say the day is not far. It would be awesome if someone can actually give him counselling but before that he himself needs to take some stand.

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Simran Ramphal

@SimSimmer

Rocker

+ 3

Posted: 9 years ago

Nice analysis. Perfectly lays out Ashish's predicament. Im looking forward to see what decisions he makes in the future.

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anonee

@anonee

Sparkler

Posted: 9 years ago

Originally posted by: luvankit
Well I like your terminology. Poor Ashish has been trying so hard to keep all the ladies in his life happy and for that doing everything they demand. But one day he is going to fail miserably and after precap I can say the day is not far. It would be awesome if someone can actually give him counselling but before that he himself needs to take some stand.

Thank you for the comment 😊

Yep - Ashish is trying hard to please the women of his double life. The problem here is that he is not an undercover agent - who is working for the law. He is, a seemingly ordinary man with ordinary desires and hopes who is hiding an extraordinary secret from his controlling mom and society!

You are right 'he is going to fail miserably' caught in a web of lies, risks, and shame (that is, from his, Ashudi/Asha and his mother's perspective). Yesterday, Avni held the mirror in front of his and Asha/Ashudi's face. Therefore, today he is motivated to change and reveal his secret to his mom. To turn this motivation for change and being honest - into action and a belief that he can conquer all - he needs a therapist. Taking a stand against his mother's wishes (or way of life) is hard for Ashish - he needs professional help to build his self-efficacy in this regard!

Edited by anonee - 9 years ago

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anonee

@anonee

Sparkler

Posted: 9 years ago

Originally posted by: OmkaRaman
Nice analysis. Perfectly lays out Ashish's predicament. Im looking forward to see what decisions he makes in the future.

Thank you. I too am looking forward to see what decision he takes. If the story goes the Zakhm way - he will fail to turn up at his daughter's sports event and Avni like Kunal Khemu of yore will go turn his office upside down 😉 And, our 'honor thy mother' syndrome wala son will get married to the lady chosen by his mom 😕

Edited by anonee - 9 years ago

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Ambrosia

@Ambrosia

Sparkler

+ 5

Posted: 9 years ago

The only word I could think of when i saw this character was "spineless". Yes he loves his mom, yes he is an ideal son but depriving his child of a normal family a normal upbringing is not fair either! What was Asha's or Avni's fault? If his mom is so strict then why go against her wishes and marry Asha? he ruined an innocent girl's life in the process.If he was never going to stand up to his mom then he shouldnt have married in asha in the first place.

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anonee

@anonee

Sparkler

Posted: 9 years ago

Originally posted by: Ambrosia
The only word I could think of when i saw this character was "spineless". Yes he loves his mom, yes he is an ideal son but depriving his child of a normal family a normal upbringing is not fair either! What was Asha's or Avni's fault? If his mom is so strict then why go against her wishes and marry Asha? he ruined an innocent girl's life in the process.If he was never going to stand up to his mom then he shouldnt have married in asha in the first place.

You are right - when it comes to standing up to his mom, Ashish is spineless.

However, I think Asha/Ashudi is an equal partner in crime. She too does not think about the impact of their illegitimate relation on Avni or their unborn child. Asha/Ashudi and Ashish only thought about themselves - their happiness and selfish needs.

Avni yesterday - made them aware that she too is an individual with needs and aspirations. Ashudi/Asha is still talking about continuing the way they are used to - she will make ... err thrust on Avni the life that she wants for her! It is Ashish who has realized how their thoughtless behavior is affecting Avni. This has motivated him to stiffen his spine and approach his mother. It is Ashish who wants his daughter to experience the same 'normalcy' as her friends.

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canuck-umz

@canuck-umz

Sparkler

+ 2

Posted: 9 years ago

Unfortunately, the web will only become more entangled and Ashish is no spider who can navigate the web - he is the fly. We know there will be another woman, one of his mother's choosing and one who will get a legal standing with him in society. Ashish messed his own life up when he decided to live a dual life thinking he could get away with it. This comes out and his mother's image is slaughtered; not only is he married but he has a daughter and another child on the way. What is the solution to this really?

Asha and Ashish are both well meaning, good people but neither of them clearly thought through their actions before bringing a new life into the world. They did not think about the impact their secret marriage will have on their child. On top of that they decide to bring another child into the world. They are both kind, loving parents but in this situation that is not enough.

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ayushimehra

@ayushimehra

Rocker

Posted: 9 years ago

nice post, try to write after sometime.

Anyways serial start, to establish , his storyline, or which is 10 years before,

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anonee

@anonee

Sparkler

Posted: 9 years ago

#10

Originally posted by: canuck-umz
Unfortunately, the web will only become more entangled and Ashish is no spider who can navigate the web - he is the fly. We know there will be another woman, one of his mother's choosing and one who will get a legal standing with him in society. Ashish messed his own life up when he decided to live a dual life thinking he could get away with it. This comes out and his mother's image is slaughtered; not only is he married but he has a daughter and another child on the way. What is the solution to this really?

Asha and Ashish are both well meaning, good people but neither of them clearly thought through their actions before bringing a new life into the world. They did not think about the impact their secret marriage will have on their child. On top of that they decide to bring another child into the world. They are both kind, loving parents but in this situation that is not enough.

So true that!!

Regarding:

Ashish messed his own life up when he decided to live a dual life thinking he could get away with it.

Ashish thought what works for him in the short term. He never thought of the long term impact of his behavior. He thought short term in order to bypass having to confront his mother and confess his love for a lady of another (religious) cultural upbringing than his own. He wanted to avoid conflict - so he lied and without realizing what he was doing started living a dual life.

His partner Asha - just went with the flow. She too did not think through re: the impact of their behavior on their kids or themselves as they continue living a lie.

Now their actions are catching up - Asha would like to 'shush' her daughter into accepting a lifestyle of what she (Asha) considers a shame (closing of windows) and not having her papa around like her friends.

Ashish, on the other hand has realized his mistake and wants to correct it. He is ridden with guilt now when approaching his mother - for the very reasons you have stated. The motivation for change is there but the will power to carry it through is questionable. We could see he was not happy lying to his daughter but had to do so because his mother was listening in on the conversation. On the other hand, he was defiant of his mother too - he picked up the phone and completed a conversation that made his daughter happy!

In short, I agree with you - and I am trying to find what it is that drove Ashish to live this dual life!

Edited by anonee - 9 years ago