Dream: Destined to be
true and doomed!
A Daydream...
I often
think what is life? Is it a dream where people are imagining of everything they
want, only to wake up into a reality where they can only earn what they deserve
truly? Or is it living a dream of my own which till date was so unknown and
distant to me. But how can I say so? If it was unknown to me how could I know:
she's the one! She's the one, to whom this heart of mine belongs too. She owns
it and every damn beat of its. Or not...whenever I look at her, I feel she is
engraved deeply in somewhere in my core. As if my soul was in a dreamless
sleep, keeping her with him, my mind only functions solely based on my
intellectual part. All the emotions: love, pains and pleasures, joy and sorrow;
it feels...come in my life after She
Enters My Life. She is like the vital potion...my mom used to tell story
about it- Amrut...the Elixir of life, for me. When she wasn't in my life, I was a
human who day and night has worked hard, always topped in the classes, was
young, shrewd and successful businessman. But since the day I set my eyes onto
her, I found this new side into me. As if I awaken from a dreamless sleep into
a dream that becomes alive and moving around me. I feel blessed to experience
all these emotions that make my heart cry, smile and elated; to be in love. I
feel blessed to have her as my wife. My Wife...these
words; make my stomach do somersaults, knock all the air out from my lungs and
I forget to breath as my heart races with the wild horses. And when she is
standing before me, just like this instance I can't move away eyes from her, as
if she's a magnet and my eyes are irons helplessly drawn on to her.
Zindagi ne ki hai kaisi
saazishein,
(Life has conspired in this way)
Puri huyi, dil ki woh
farmayishein,
(My heart's that one desire has
fulfilled)
Mangi duyaaein, tujh tak jaa
pahuchhi
(I said my wish in prayers and it
reached to you)
Parvardeegaraa...
(My Lord)
It seems
like yesterday. I first saw her in my own engagement party! I know you all must
be laughing out loud by now as I just have said that I met my wife at my own
engagement party!? I know that's what should be natural but not in this case. I
was about to get married by next 3-4 days with my childhood best friend- Tanvi!
Anybody would assume that I must be very happy as I was in love with her for a
long time, that was dream come true and I was about to get married with my
childhood sweetheart. For those day dreamers- No, I hadn't thought Tanvi, my
best friend from childhood in that way, had only agreed to marry her on my
mother's insistence. In fact till that time I was aware of different kind of
love and affection that I witnessed in friends, brothers, sisters and of course
in my parents, in my family. But the Love kind of love"Never! But that day it
has to come in my life, it has been destined to cross path with my fate, to
capture me as hers forever. That day I saw Her!
Shivanya. Oh sorry! In excitement of singing praise of my wife and love of
my life, I forgot to mention her name. Her name is Shivanya, and she's a great
Chef! And I first time met her in my, that god forsaken engagement party. She
was cooking and catering in that party. In her, I found a sweet innocence which
was very captivating and charming. I couldn't move my eyes from her, and begged
to someone like God (I didn't believe in God or Goddess of any kind, honestly
though my whole family did.) to grant me just one glimpse of her face. Yes, she
has covered her half- face in her dupatta, to stay incognito in everyone's
eyes. And she was successful in her mission except I have witnessed her serene
beauty in her eyes. Her eyes! Doe shaped, long, deep black eyes of her are
itself a mystery. It shows and plays so many emotions within a moment and tells
you stories. That day too they were conveying different emotions- joy and
sorrow; pain and pleasure; ecstasy and agony. I couldn't read through those
emotions to find out what stories they were telling but I realized in that very
moment that I would spend next awakening seconds of rest of my life trying to
decipher and read those stories...
Kaisi sunni tune, meri khamoshi
(How did you listen it..my
silence and the desire in it)
O Parvardeegaraa...
(O My Lord!)
In my 24
years 11 months and 25 days life, I had never heard of my heart. Even seeing it
silence that long I doubted whether I ever had that particular organ in my
body. I had never been very bothered by heart (that was why I doubted back then
whether I had "heart" or not?) and the feelings and emotions it churns in one's
mind. I had seen many of my friends talking about them and suffering from
theirs impact. I always laughed at them; mocked their incapability to not get a
hold on their thoughts and differentiate and reason their mind with logics. But
now I understand- it was uncontrollable. Love! It is indeed uncontrollable and
unfathomable. It can make people do anything and everything what they couldn't
even think about in logical, rational mind. Love - heart's way to express that
it has finally found out why it has been beating this long, for whom, it has
been beating. Love- it is the heart's way to tell the mind how incomplete and
lonely the soul has been, until the moment it realizes that it is living
without its mate! Soulmate! I never believed in Soulmate, let alone in Love. I
never believed once that someone is out there waiting for me who has come in
this world only for me. I never thought that within my icy, insensitive heart I
found this much warmth and passion. Passion for someone so badly that I would
end to beg to that God-like someone for her, for Shivanya.
Yeh Fitoor Mera,
(This Passion of Mine)
Laya mujhko hai tere kareeb.
(Brings me to You)
Yeh fitoor mera,
(This passion of mine)
Rehmat teri...
(is your Blessings)
Yeh fitoor mera...
(This passion of mine)
Maine badla re mera naseeb.
(Change my destiny)
Yeh fitoor mera...
(This passion of mine)
Chahat teri...
(Is you Will, Grace)
O Parvardeegaraa...
(O My Lord)
I never
believed in fate and destiny. I never believed in God. Yet on the eve of my
25th birthday I was silently praying to God...that like his other miracles he
may make another miracle and bestow Shivanya to me as fruit, for this life. I
have started to believe in the heart's way. I have started feel how it feels to
be sad, happy, in pain and in pleasure. I have tasted the Love and its bitter
sweet ways to play with mind. I finally got Shivanya near me yet far away from
me.
As I
have told, Shivanya is a Chef and I met her at my engagement party where I was
about to exchange rings with my childhood best friend Tanvi. Then against my
will and also my knowledge we would be going to New York forever. But all of
this has changed, destiny walks on its own course and I get to know about
Shivanya. Shivanya is orphaned at very young age and after completing her
studies, she was working as a part time cook in a catering company as her
financial condition was worsened. But that dignified, head strong and stone
willed Lady didn't break down, decided to make her own ways out from that never
ending agony. She was already fired from her work but I insisted her to join
the work again, for me. After that lots of uncanny and weird things happened,
that I couldn't able to explain let alone understand them. But among them, the only
good thing was that I managed to bring Shivanya with me to Mumbai. She was at
first very adamant not to come with me but after encountering her beast of an
ex-fiance I couldn't able to leave her back at Panchner. She had to come and I
made her understood that.
Dheeme dheeme jal rahi thi
khwaishein,
(Those desires were burning
slowly)
Dil mein dabi ghut rahi
farmaishein,
(In the heart where all those
wishes were supressed)
Ban ke dhuyan woh tujh tak ja
pahuchi
(As smoke, they reached at You as
prayers)
O Parvardeegara...
( O Lord)
Deewangi ki hadd maine notchi
(Being Obsessive in my persuasion
I cross all those boundaries)
O Parvardeegaraa...
(O Lord...)
The last
3-4 days of my marriage was pure torture to me. That was the time when I first
realized how it was felt when you desired and loved someone from heart very
strongly that your mind only could think about her yet you couldn't have her
with you. Instead you had to tie a life- long knot with someone else, whom you
didn't love at all. I tried to talk out my family out of this marriage proposal
but they were all adamant to get me marry before I turned into 25 years old. As
per my astrological signs, I have death on my neck breathed every now and then.
And only my wife with certain specifications in her own astrological sign could
neutralize that threat by taking over all those dangers upon herself.
I had
lost my all hopes as I was going through all the rituals and rites
mechanically. But in all those formalities my heart, mind and soul only wished,
yearned and longed for her, for Shivanya.
Yeh Fitoor Mera,
(This Obsession of Mine)
Laya mujhko hai tere kareeb.
(Brings you to me)
Yeh fitoor mera,
(This obsession of mine)
Rehmat teri...
(Is your grace)
Yeh fitoor mera...
(This obsession of mine)
Maine badla re mera naseeb.
(Rewrite my fate)
Yeh fitoor mera...
(This obsession of mine)
Chahat teri...
(Is yours...your Will)
O Parvardeegaraa...
(O Lord)
If you
desire for something or someone very deeply, strongly and if there is any truth
in your feelings, it will be etched in your fate as your destiny. The one who
is in this earth only for you, who is mate, comrade and companion of your soul,
would come to you when the time arrives. You don't need to know that person by
yourself because that task is up to your soul. A soul can recognise his the
other half' by the rhythm of the heartbeats, through the depth of tumultuous
mind. That is why we all get a soulmate for our own, who completes us and makes
us whole and perfect despite of our lots of imperfections. That is why I too
get in this life my soul mate. All this time I didn't feel my heart's warmth,
mind's restlessness because I haven't found the person who could manage me to
feel all of these. But finally my wait is over as I have awakened from my
dreamless sleep into a world full of dreams or rather daydreams...who is known
as Shivanya!! She is My Soulmate who
finally wakes my soul up from his captive slumber.
Edited by mmroyalkaterick - 8 years ago
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