Hello YHMians...as promised, I have managed to write something but not my best one...written in a hurry because I am going on a sudden trip. so excuse me for the errors and typos.
probably, not the type of OS you wish to read on this thread or expect from me. it isnt romantic but poignant and intense.
OS: Choti Choti Baatein
He
had lashed her out for no fault of hers. He blamed her and accused her for
spoiling his sister's life. He knew it wasn't true and Mihir was perfect for
Rinki and Ishita's choice was right. It was just that Mihir needed some time to
move on and get over Mihika. Rinki wasn't mature enough to understand and give
him the time he required. Perhaps, it wasn't her fault too that she was pushed
into marriage all of a sudden and she began to dream of a fairy tale romance
with her husband. It wasn't anyone's fault but as always, he took the easy way
out to vent it out, his wife Ishita.
Not
just that but also asked her to get out of the house. This wasn't the first
time he was doing this. He didn't know what came over him when he heard his
sister saying about how he was immersed in his own life and happiness. She even
said that he didn't know or care about his sister's life. It was the deepest
pain and hurt that transformed into anger because eventually Raman Kumar
Bhalla's only way to let out his own sorrows was anger and his only avenue to
do so being his own wife.
He
couldn't get angry or lash on anyone else except her whom he thought as his own
self. He knew he was not right in doing it but he had no control over his own
emotions which sort of overwhelmed in him, suffocating him and forcing him to
throw it out on her. He wasn't doing it right and he knew it. Perhaps he knew
she would understand his reasons without even saying it out. Perhaps she knew
him like no one ever did. She could read his silence, his anger and the hidden
intensity of what made him throw away such words at her. But even that realization
of their undying bonding and strong equations didn't make him feel better, in
fact it made matters worse for him.
Just
a few moments ago, he had promised her that he will respect her feelings and
would never hurt her. And here he was doing the same. Hurting her, hurling
insults on her and making her cry. His heart bled when he saw her cry but he
was a mute spectator and didn't make amend to what he said neither did he try
to console her.
He
understood Rinki's plight and perhaps that and her accusing words had left him
mad. In a rage, he had poured out whatever came up in his mouth. He couldn't
deny that he was never cautious with his words when it was to her. He never
chose what he had to say and what not when it involved her. By the time he
realized what he had uttered, it was too late. It had caused her immense
sadness and she was gone.
Yes,
why wouldn't she? He had asked her to get out of his house. He had asked her
amma to take her and leave. He couldn't take back his words neither could he
apologize for what he said. He knew no apology can set right the damage he
caused. So he turned away from her direction.
He
reprimanded himself a thousand times as he walked back to their room.
[If you read the story hearing the song, it would be perfect😊]
[YOUTUBE]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jX5ZqfapWjM[/YOUTUBE]
In the
loneliness of the room, their private sanctum, the shadows of their together
moments haunted him. He couldn't get them off his mind simply because those
were moments which touched his heart and soul. They hadn't consummated their
marriage but that far fetched reality never dared to hamper the love and passion
they shared in those moments. It would be amusing for a 3rd person
but it was their truth, the reality of their relationship which none would
understand.
In
that same dimension of thoughts, he still believed that she would understand
him and forgive him without him having to seek her apology.
The
entire fiasco had left him exhausted and so he slumped to the side of the bed.
Finally he could let his hair down and cry for himself, for his own loss or
probably for her tears which were a dreadful vision that he couldn't erase off from his mind.
He
let his tears flow and wet his pillows. Silent tears were nothing new to him
and only his pillows saw those tears always. The bed sheet had her scent. Ever
since her fracture, she slept on the bed and that left her fragrance on the
sheets. A strand of her long soft hair lay trapped between the two pillows. He
smiled amidst his tears and took it in his hand. How much had he desired to
bury himself in those!
He put back the strand on his pillow and rested his head on it, relishing the feel of it beneath him.
He loved her hair splayed across his pillows. He
remembered the first time when he was forced to sleep beside her on the floor
after his bed broke. It was in their previous home but memories never fade or
change with time and place. He remembered how in their sleep, he had by mistake
rested his head on her tresses. When he had turned around in his sleep, he had
for the first time taken a whiff of her jasmine fragrance, probably due to her
constant wearing of jasmine strands or was it her oil? He didn't know but he
had known then and there that his ultimate wish was to wake up to that
fragrance around him, all over him...within him!
He
couldn't stop himself from taking out his mobile to scroll through her photos
which he had clicked in various occasions, some with her knowledge and some of
them stealthily which captured her off guard with her cute smiles and gestures
intact. Many were during her childish games with Ruhi. At those times she would
become a child herself. He taunted her always as "Paagal madrasan" for her
crazy antics and silly fights but he always envied her for the same. Her
innocence and equations with his daughter was something which he wished for too
secretly.
A
photo of Ishita caught his attention in specific. He had taken it during holi
when she stood all alone without allowing anyone to put color on her. He had
known that she was angry on him and also knew ways to cajole her. He clicked a
photo of hers secretly before he colored her in his colors. In a matter of few
minutes, she was completely drenched in colors or rather he had bathed her in
colors. She had fumed and walked off in anger. Next of course was his chance to
bath her in his colors of love. The same day he had promised her about taking
their relationship ahead. And yes it would have happened only if Ruhi hadn't
interrupted. He still remembered how he had nailed her to the walls, nuzzled
into the hollows of her slender neck. His nails had dug into her back
causing marks on her. It lay on her showing off his undeniable desire for her.
For
the next 2-3 days she left her hair loose and never dared to knot it up. He had
laughed and mocked her when she tried to find hair styles which would hide
those marks from the teasing eyes of the family.
His
teasing games and gestures often made her voice her favorite line, "Aiyooo
murugan"
Even
tonight, he could hear echoes of her Aiyooo murugan'. Her kuch bhi' was
another comment of hers mocking his one liners. He had almost forgotten his own
funny self after Shagun had betrayed him for Ashok and his money. His madrasi
padosan had literally barged into his life as a Jhansi ki rani to retrieve back
the Raman Kumar Bhalla he once used to be. He owed it all to her and yet he
took her for granted when angry. He expects her to understand and tolerate his
angry words. He wondered if his love was conditional and selfish, quite unlike her unconditional love for him. Perhaps yes, he was selfish...he was greedy for love. In fact grown greedy and selfish for love after losing it all once in a bitter way. He heaved a deep sigh wandering into his memories that he made with her.
Chhoti chhoti
baatein, yoon hi aate jaate
Yaadein sehla ke
jaati hain
Raaton ko sirhaane,
baasi muskaaneN
Mujhko sula ke jaati
hain
Milna nahin hai
mumkin,
itna batao lekin
Hum phir mile kyun
hain
Tujhko bula na paaun,
tujhko bhula na paaun
Yeh silsile kyun hain
Sab kuchh wahi hai,
par kuchh kami hai
Teri aahatein nahin
hain
Small things, just
like that, while passing by,
memories go, stroking
me,
in the nights, below
the pillow, old smiles,
make me sleep..
it's not possible to
meet,
but tell me this much
why have we met then..
I can't call you,
can't forget you, why is it so?
everything is the
same, but something is missing..
the sound of your
footsteps isn't there..
He
couldn't help but think about the night when they had forgotten all about her
injury and immersed themselves in the passion and desire for each other.
The
feel of her smooth skin lingered on his finger tips. Her taste when he had
nuzzled and nipped her sensitive skin on her neck still lay fresh in his
memories.
The
entire room, now echoed her absence though her presence filled him up. Her
memories made him breathe and there was no second thoughts that he needed her
to live.
Despite
all that, she was away from him or should say that he had thrown her out.
He
forced himself to sleep but it was no less of a nightmare. He had realized long back that his dreams, his happiness, his peace and solace were all because of her and tonight was just a confirmation of the same. Without her, he had nothing but anguish and pain.
He woke up to Ruhi's
call but posed to sleep. He wanted to believe that all that happened last night
was nothing but a nightmare. Today was a good fresh morning and now his
madrasan would come in to wake him up. For a full minute he waited but when
Ruhi continued to call him, "papa uto na...itna time hogaya...mujhe school bhi
jaana hai..."
[Papa,
wake up...its late and I have to school too]
Then
without a choice, he slowly got up to get ready for the day. When he came back
after the bath, his clothes were kept ready on the bed and he smiled, "aagayi
madrasan"
[Madrasan
is here]
He
wore the shirt and was before the mirror to comb his hair when he remembered
the numerous instances when the mirror had become witness to their romance.
Oblivious to him, he blushed but he was snapped from the short trip down his
memory lane by Ruhi.
"PAPA...yeh
shirt aapko pasand aaya na? woh Ishima nahi hai na? toh main aur Neelu aunty ne
nikaala"
[Papa,
u liked the shirt na? Me and Neelu aunty picked it because Ishima is not here.]
He
dropped the comb and turned back in disappointment while Ruhi had sprinted down
the stairs already
Maine nahin jaana,
tune nahin jaana
Jaane anjaane jo hua
Kuch toh hua jo,
mujhko hua na
Tujhko magar kyun hua
Galti nahin hai teri,
galti nahin hai meri
Phir bhi gile kyun
hain
Tujhko bula na paaun,
tujhko bhula na paaun
Yeh silsile kyun hain
Sab kuch wahee hai,
par kuch kamee hai
Teri aahatein nahi
hain
Kyun, kyun nahin hai
I didn't know, you
didn't know,
whatever happened
without knowing..
something happened,
that didn't happen to me,
why did it happen to
you then..
it's not your
mistake, it's not my mistake,
why are there
complaints still..
I can't call you,
can't forget you,
why is it so?
everything is the
same, but something is missing..
the sound of your
footsteps isn't there..
why, why aren't they
there..
A
little while earlier, Ruhi sat beneath her Ishima's chair to get her hair
plaited.
Ishita
tactfully probed, "Ruhi, ghar pe sab utt gaye, kya?"
[Ruhi,
have all woken up?]
Ruhi
who very well knew what her Ishima wanted to know, "offo Ishima, seedhe papa ke
baare mein poocho na? haan papa utt gaye...maine khud utaaya papa ko..."
[Ask
directly about papa...yeah he woke up...I woke him up myself]
Ishita
let a feeble smile, not wanting to let out much to Ruhi. She spoke further,
"Ru...suno na baby...Neelu se kehke..."
[Ru,
listen baby...ask Neelu to]
Ruhi
took over her Ishima's words, "papa ke shirt aur unnke favorite parathe, hai na
Ishima?"
[Papa's
shirt and his favorite breakfast, right Ishima?]
Ishita
couldn't help but smile at her daughter's maturity and responsible behaviour.
She too had grown more than her age and Ishita was happy and proud that Ruhi
was mature enough to understand her parents. Neither she nor Raman had told
Ruhi or Adi about the big fat fight between them and how worse matters were but
they had known it all.
Ishita
finished plaiting her hair and kissed Ruhi's cheeks fondly whispering, "Ru
beta, don't tell about what I said to papa, ok? Promise me!"
Ruhi
showed a thumbs up and muttered, "Ruhi promise!"
Ishita's
state was no different from Raman. Though she was genuinely hurt and angry with
his lashing out at her whenever a problem came up, she was missing him the same
way he did but some things were beyond them and their love. It was huge enough to keep them apart while
their kids Ruhi and Adi were on a secret mission to reunite their parents,
never to separate...never ever!
*****************************
so hw was it? pls do reply...
I have left it incomplete or left an option to write a subsequent part to finish it off...probably I will do it when I am back...
Edited by vidya.anand - 9 years ago
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