Was it Love? : Part 9 Updated

Part 1:

His world had come crashing down. The day Dimpy and Karan had informed Nachiket about Ragini's marriage, his world had come crashing down.

His Ragini, his beautiful Ragini, his beautiful wife.. Perhaps he should stop thinking of her as his wife now. But he couldn't bring himself to. Ragini was his. She'd been his since they were both young and happy. And he'd built a future with her, or hoped to at least.

Nachiket had spent sleepless nights for fifteen years. Though the separation was bitter, it had not in anyway diminished his love for Ragini. She was the woman for him. Why? How? He had no idea. But he'd fallen for her. And was still in the process of falling for her every single day, even after fifteen years.

Pam had asked Nachiket to move on. She'd been after him to find a nice girl and bury the past behind him. But Nachiket, or Neil as he called himself now, could not replace her. Despite everything, he was her Nachiket. He'd always be. 

Then, how could she? How could she just move on and find happiness with another man? Their love had been strong. So strong that Nachiket believed it was enough for him to last his whole lifetime.

Part 2:

What was Nachiket's problem? What exactly was his problem? Ragini fumed. Why couldn't he just let her be? Why?

He'd waltzed back into her life. Just like that. With no warning. With his arrogant swagger. As though he owned her place.

And when Nachiket had asked her about her marriage, she was surprised. It had come right out of the blue.

And despite the hurt and pain and tears of the past fifteen years, in that moment, all Ragini's eyes searched for was pain in Nachiket's eyes. In spite of being away from him for fifteen years, her heart ached to know that she still cared, she still cared for him.

But looking into his eyes, all she saw was a cold, vacant and withdrawn expression. It killed her to know that it didn't matter to him. her being with another man had had no effect on him.

What about all those years of love they'd shared together? Did it not mean anything to him?

If only Ragini knew ..

Standing there in front of Nachiket, Ragini knew she could not give him the satisfaction of knowing that she was still stuck in a rut, the very same rut he'd left her in fifteen years ago. She lied to his face, going through the motions of the words, not feeling any, not meaning any.

She later explained to herself that she was defending her self respect and pride in front of Nachiket. But her heart knew, deep down, she was only preserving the memory of that rut. She wouldn't let Nachiket take that away from her too.

Part 3:

Nachiket grunted, taking in the sight of that man. How he hated him. Nachiket never knew himself to be capable of so much hate. But with this Aman character, it just came naturally.

What the hell? QUIT HOLDING RAGINI'S HAND, Nachiket's brow furrowed. He could not keep it together when it came to Ragini. His insides were burning. He wanted to strangle Aman.

I'll count till five, Nachiket tried to calm himself. If he doesn't let her go by then, a murder will be committed.

One.. Two.. ThrEE.. FOUR.. FI-

Dr. Neil, how was the surgery?'

Sucessful.' Spiteful and curt, all in one word.

Dr. Aman, do you want to have coffee?'

Nachiket mentally smirked at Ragini's expression. Oh Ragini, I can read your every expression. Even when you mask it so well.

Why then could Nachiket not see past the faade Ragini had so devotedly kept up with? Perhaps, he wanted to believe in the lie. After all, it was the only thing keeping him from falling in love with her all over again.

Aman and Nachiket walked to the cafeteria. Nachiket was taking it all in. The man's gait, the man's personality, the man's eccentricities. He could not for the life of him figure out what had drawn Ragini to this man.

So, Dr. Aman, when did you meet Ragini?'

Damn it. This Dr. Neil is after my life only. For a man who claims to have nothing to do with Ragini, he sure asked a lot of questions about her.

Some fourteen, fifteen years, I.. I guess.'

And when did you fall in love with her?'

I.. I..'

And what do you like most about her? Her dominating nature or her huge as a mountain ego?'

I..'

Does she let you put your feet up the table? Does she..' Nachiket trailed off.

He was letting himself get sucked back into her world again. But he also wanted to know about her life, her relationship with Aman. Was it different for her this time around? Had she changed this time around? He wanted to know, whether Ragini had been willing to make an effort and bridge the gap this time around. He just wanted to know whether she was willing to go the distance with Dr. Aman, when in all honesty it was the very thing that had tore them apart. He wanted to know because if she did, then may be what they'd shared wasn't as deep as he'd thought. He wanted to know because if she didn't, she was the same Ragini, wound up in her same issues. He wanted to know. But he wasn't sure whether he was ready to know.

Unknowingly, Nachiket had walked away from Aman, worrying about things that were beyond his control. Aman smiled silently to himself, he had no idea how he'd got caught up in this mess. He loved Ragini, he'd do anything for her. But here was a man, who in his unanswered questions was showing the depths of his love. If someone as confused as Aman could get it, why couldn't the smart Admin head and overzealous cardio-God get it?

Part 4:

Ragini fumbled with the lock. Her vision was blurry.

She remembered Nachiket saying to her Aankhon main aansoo lekar dhundogi toh sab dhundla nazar ayega'. She knew now, what she'd been searching for all along wasn't the bag or the jewellery, it was him. It was him.

Remembering that night she'd shared with him pained her so much. It was like a stab in her chest, the pain never ending, the tears unstoppable. Why had she let her guard down with him? She knew what Nachiket was capable of. She knew going on that path all over again was only going to give her ceaseless pain. Then, why had she let herself feel? God, she wanted to throw up.

Welcome Ragini, Welcome Dr. Aman.' Pam said to them as they walked into Karan-Dimpy's home.

Pam's invitation to dinner had taken Ragini completely by surprise. She knew what her sister-in-law was capable of. The separation had been tough on Pam too, Ragini thought. She had to grow up too soon, care for two kids who weren't even her own. She knew inspite of being a mother to Ragini's kids, Pam held only malice for Ragini. So, the invitation had alerted her. Yet she'd come, for the sake of the time when Pam wasn't as hostile as now.

Hi, Ragini.' Nivedita smiled her snake-like smile.

How Ragini abhorred Nivedita. She hadn't changed one bit. Obsessing over Nachiket was second nature to her.

Ragini sat herself down at the dining table, with Aman Sir to her right. Nachiket was nowhere to be seen.

The party of the four jumped into dinner. None of them was interested in small talk

So, Ragini, Neeshi's married. One big responsibility off your head.' Pam started off, right as we were indulging in the dessert.

Ragini smiled a faint smile.

Now, that you're free of your responsibility, I thought I should get free from mine too.'

Ragini  looked at Pam skeptically.

I am talking about Neil, of course.' Pam stated, so there would be no doubt at all.

Ragini felt Aman Sir stiffen at her side.

He's agreed to marry Nivedita!' Pam joyously announced, however her every word was a punch in Ragini's gut.

How could he? How could he agree to marry her? Ragini had given up the struggle against the lock. She rested her head against the door and bawled her eyes out.

She knew this day would come. Nachiket was an attractive man, of course he would move on. He wouldn't wait around for her. Ragini knew this was a logical outcome of the manifestation of the past fifteen years of grief they'd both endured.

But somewhere deep down, she'd thought this was Nachiket, her Nachiket. Somewhere deep down, she'd hoped he would never let go of his Ragini. 

Part 5:

Nachiket walked into the apartment late into the night, oblivious to what had transpired in his absence.

Pam fixed a drink for him, all the while talking about the impending nuptials. Nachiket phased out to a distant memory.

I hope she likes the surprise.' Nachiket thought to himself. The thing with dating Ragini was the thrill and uncertainty that she brought along with her. She wasn't like those bimbettes who fawned over his every move. She surprised him. She challenged him. She amazed him. She was different. She was special. She brought out the best in him.

Nachiket, what is this?' Oh, she looked gorgeous rebuking him for his tardiness.

I'm sorry.' He grinned sheepishly.

It's been seven minutes, Nachiket.' Oh, how he loved her. How couldn't he, she was adorable.

I was caught up.' He mumbled an incomprehensible excuse.

Yeah, right.' Ragini sulked.

Nachiket ordered some brandy for the two of them. It was an inside joke between them. Ragini couldn't hold her liquor. So, many times she'd excused herself from a glass of champagne. She'd had her first swig of brandy while she had a bad cold. And the next day, she spent hungover in bed.

I'm not having any.' Ragini said.

A little. It's a special day today.' He persuaded her.

The waiter brought the drinks to their table and before Nachiket had an opportunity to say anything, Ragini downed her glass in one large gulp.

Within seconds, Ragini was choking. Nachiket was petrified. It was his Ragini in front of him. He got her to throw up but she still felt uneasy.

Fifteen minutes later, they were in a hospital's emergency ward. Ragini was getting her stomach pumped.

After the procedure was over, Nachiket was called inside. He walked in to a Ragini smiling weakly on the bed.

I was so worried, Ragini.'

The nurse showed me the reason I choked.' She was still smiling.

She did?'

Yes. It's there, in the tray.'

Nachiket walked up to the tray and picked the object lying in it.

I guess, in a way, we're exactly where we need to be, for this to happen. The place where it began for us. So, Ragini Patel, will you marry me?'

She pulled him down with all the force she could muster and mouthed a yes, before leaning in for a kiss. It was the first time he'd seen Ragini with no inhibitions.

It was the best valentine he'd ever had.

What then was he doing sitting here, listening to his sister plan a wedding he had no desire to be a part of?

Part 6:

Aman was processing the events of the past few days. That dinner had shaken Ragini to the very bones. She was an image of distress that night and for the nights that followed. He had never seen Ragini so affected by anything. This was a woman who raised a family of six on her own. No adversity was strong enough for her to back down. But no adversity before had involved Dr. Neil. Aman tried to forget the look of anguish that had now become a constant companion to Ragini.

Ragini tried to think beyond the happenings of that night. But she couldn't. It's like she was stuck there. She couldn't bring herself to look at Nachiket that day forward. She feared that her countenance would reveal what she'd stashed away in her heart.

Nachiket had tried to get through to Ragini every opportunity he could. It was like she was building a wall, brick by brick. It was the same as it was fifteen years back. She'd begun building a wall, brick by brick. He had felt it then, he felt it now. Pam had revealed her misdoings the next day. He understood what Ragini felt. The same turmoil he'd felt when he'd heard, she felt too. But he could not, for the life of him, figure out why Ragini was so affected. She'd moved on, hadn't she?

Part 7:

Ragini, are you..' Her mother caught her eye and promptly shut up. She knew not to awaken the dormant volcano.

Ragini huffed and stalked into her room. She was not having this conversation again. She was tired of being looked at with pity. She was tired of being judged. She was tired, tired of it all.

The days were rushing ahead, closing in on Nachiket's engagement day. She couldn't help but feel tortured.

Her mind ran back to the day she had begun to live an elaborate lie.

No. No. No. No. Ragini. No. I am not doing this.'

Aman Sir was livid when Ragini had told him about their supposed marriage.

But Sir, this is the only way now.' Ragini explained to him about Nachiket's impact on her, failing to convince even herself with her hollow words.

We have another way, Ragini!' Aman Sir's face brightened.

What, Sir?' The skeptic in Ragini spoke.

The truth, Ragini.. it's not too late.'

She knew that she should have put an end to the charade then. She knew, yet she could not bring herself to. She would not let Nachiket have the satisfaction of knowing she was in the same place he'd left her fifteen years ago. She wouldn't.

Ragini, Nachiket was here.' Ragini's raised an eyebrow at her mother.

He was here to apologise.'

Nachi.. Nachiket .. and .. and apologise?'

Yes. For Pam.. her..'

Auntyji, hello!' Pam had made an unexpected visit to their home.

Come in, beta.' Mother ushered her in. What can I get for you?'

Oh, green tea'll be just fine.'

Ashaben exchanged looks with Ragini.

Oh, of course.' Pam cut in. Ragini's house. I can't afford the luxury of green tea here, normal'll be just fine.' Pam could never resist a dig at Ragini.

Anyway, I am here to invite you guys.' Pam flung an envelope onto the table, with her distinct air of arrogance.

Neil is getting engaged to Nivedita next week. You definitely have to come, Ragini. This time you'll see how things are actually done, Khanna style. The last time we couldn't afford such extravagance. I mean, of course, you couldn't.'

Ragini took a deep breath  but before she could get a word in, Ashaben stopped her.

He seemed so.. sincere, Ragini. Like he would never hurt you on purpose. He didn't have an inkling about Pam's doings. Dimpy told him yesterday and the first thing he did was come here and apologise. Nachiket hasn't changed very much, has he? He was as warm as he was the first time he met me...'

Nachiket had always been her mother's favourite. She loved him like a son. And he revered her like his mother. Inspite of their failed relationship, Nachiket and her mother's relationship was intact, it almost like they'd been in each other's lives for the past fifteen years.

How is Ragini?' Nachiket asked Ashaben.

The same, may be even a little more bitter, if it's possible.' Ashaben smiled wryly.

I am sorry, Maa. I really am. None of this should have happened. It just shouldn't have..'

It wasn't a conversation that they'd had for the first time. His calls had begun a year and a half after their divorce. And even though they were erratic, Ashaben knew they were sincere and heartfelt.

Part 8:

Ragini came home to a hysterical Neeshi.

'Neeshi, what's wrong?' Ragini rushed to her inconsolable daughter.

'Maa.. Maa..' She emerged into a fresh set of tears.

'Neeshi, Neeshi.. Calm down.. Calm down, beta..'

Ragini waited for her sobs to simmer down and then she gently approached her baby.

'Maa, Jignesh's Dadi found out about that we never visited the temple, the day of my exam.' And Neeshi convulsed into fresh sobs.

Ragini gulped. Another lie. Another betrayal. Come to bite her in the wrong place.

She knew Jignesh's plan of multiple flights wad weak. Yet she'd gone with it. Instead of fighting for her daughter like she usually would. Ragini felt like a failure of a mother at that moment. She should have fought. She should have had Neeshi's back. And all she'd done was submissively agree to Jignesh's half baked scheme. 

Ragini was losing her touch with reality. All the lies, all the treacheries were now surfacing. A month after Neeshi's wedding, she was here crying on her lap. It was just a matter of time before the lies caught up to her. A matter of time.

That night after she had gone to Jignesh's place and apologised to Dadi for Neeshi and Jignesh's folly, she called him. If anything, he ought to know. Not from Aman Sir or Devika. Not from Sunny Tai or RK. But from her. He deserved that much at least.

'Nachiket?'

'Mmm..' She had woken him.

'I need to talk to you.'

Part 9:

Ragini, what is it? Is everything alright? I mean, this late night call.. It's so unlike you.. Is Maa fine? Nani??' It killed Ragini to her the sincerity in his voice. Because it only added to her guilt.

It's.. They're fine, Nachiket. I wanted to talk to you about something else..'

Nachiket was torn. At that moment, he wanted to hold Ragini's hand, give her a tight hug. She looked like she needed one.

Nachiket.. I.. Aman Sir.. Aman Sir and I..'

Did you fight? Did.. Ragini.. don't make this mistake again.. We've been through this once. Don't do this to yourself again. Even though I am not a big fan of Dr. Aman, he's not a bad guy. He seems to really love you, Ragini..' Only Nachiket knew how badly it hurt his conscience to say these things. It was not like he didn't mean these things. It was all the more painful because he was starting to believe in these things.

Nachiket.. Stop and listen, will you?'

Mmm..'

I .. I .. lied..'

He raised an eyebrow warily.

About the marriage. Dr. Aman. Me. I.. I lied.. about it all.'

Nachiket just stared at her, a vacant expression on his face.

Ragini decided to explain herself before Nachiket's wrath descended upon her.

The day you came.. you asked me how happy I was .. in my marriage. And I said I was content.. I led you on, when I could have stopped you.'

'What the hell do you mean?' It was that expression, that fury which she'd seen cloud his face only twice.

'I.. am not married..' Ragini stole a glance at his face. He was furious.

'You're not married? What do you mean you're not married? Three months.. Three and a half months, you let me believe your lie. You let me believe..'

'You know Ragini? You haven't changed one bit. You're still the stubborn, egoistic  individual that you were fifteen years ago. What do you think of yourself? We've been through this once. The insecurity.. The deception.. And yet you went that route again.'

'Stop it. You're really not the saint you're painting yourself to be. All those late calls.. Those nights you spent away from me.. Those times you LIED. What about that?' Ragini was not one to back down.

I am not having this fight all over again.'

Of course, you won't, Nachiket. You're wrong and you know it. You always were in the wrong.'

You're not the portrait of self-righteousness you paint yourself out to be. You've not changed, have you? Fifteen years and still the same.'

And where have you changed. Still the same with your philandering ways. Nivedita, really? Out of all the people you could have moved on with, you chose the sister of the woman who tore us apart.'

Oh, I'm glad she tore us apart. I can't believe we used to be happy once.'

I can't believe I ever thought you were worth my time.'

They argued bitterly for hours. They both said things that hurt the other. It was the same as it had been fifteen years ago. The fights that tore a family apart were still there. And until the two of them took a step in the right direction, it would never work. The problem with the two of them had always been their big fat ego. Neither was willing to listen or even think clearly, they both hurled accusations and made attempts to hurt the other.

Their fiery spirit had torn them apart. And it threatened to tear them apart yet again