Posted:
This is a random entry from my journal. A message to my parents, especially my mother, which I obviously never gave them... But something which crosses my mind sometimes... And this doesn't imply in any sense that my parents are mean or uncaring; its just my venting...
My teenage years seem like a blur now, right from I was 13 to somewhere around 19, every year was filled with stuff; atleast for me... I never kept track of those years, never stopped to think where I was heading to or what I was doing. All I know now is that I changed. Somewhere, somehow during those years I changed... But what amazes me is that, this never caught your attention - or maybe you pretend to not notice...
Ofcourse change is normal.. Maybe you think, I just stopped being an obedient kid and turned into a rebellious teen and then into an adult who differs a lot from you and your point of views and has a point to counter you in everything from A to Z... And yes, this happens in normal cases. That's called growing up! But this doesn't apply to me, to my life, and you very well know that...
I dont know how you never asked me - why I was involved in a serious scandal in school or why I was socially withdrawn or how I fell from the school balcony... my excuses convinced you? Or did you purposely avoid the truth?
Inspite of my teachers warning you, about my sudden academic disinterest, about my sudden withdrawal, you never took it seriously... You thought I was acting out and yelling and hitting me, would bring me back to normal... Really? It didn't work though, did it? You called yourself unlucky, to have me as a child. Unlucky indeed...
You never gave a thought of why I resigned from my prefect's post, why I stopped dancing, or why I started losing weight, or how did so many new bruises and scars start to appear on my arms... You never stopped to ask, whether I was ok... I was foolish enough to think you would notice something was not right...
You knew I was alone, but never offered a shoulder to lean on..to cry on... you were so busy being my parents that I lost the friendship that we once shared... Over the years you lost your ability to read my face, I shut myself in, and you believed my pretensions...
I sometimes feel like we are roommates now... people sharing the same house... smiling and greeting each other... arguing over minor stuffs... and cracking jokes the next minute...
I love you both a lot and I know you both love me too... but things between me and you are so pretentious, I feel like I have two lives... one as your daughter- happy and normal; the other as myself- broken and alone...
Cricket
Ye Hai Mohabbatein
