A mother's dilemma !

seetha74 thumbnail
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Posted: 9 years ago
A mother's longing looks for her son ..who is in the process of losing himself in the love of his maiden !

As preparations for the wedding got underway, many mothers of sons , struggle with tension between their desire to be a "good mother" and the challenge of defining their role with respect to their child's wedding  and her future role !

The mothers clearly wanted to have some role in the planning and in the actual wedding event. ...and in the later part of their offspring's life too !However, it is always not clear what this role should be, and who or what defined this role ,she ,her son or her Bahu ? The inability to define her  role was often emotionally difficult for the mother of the groom !Every mother thinks , she wanted to be involved with her son's life  at every step , yet he could not actually come and say I want you beside me mum !. She, from a distance helplessly watching her son who is busy in impressing his newly found romantic bundle !Here the mother-of-the-groom is feeling that ..she lost her control over her toddler ,. This mother's looks are stated, "I could tell ,she didn't really want my presence . I also knew she didn't allow my son to come near me ...she deliberately want to hurt my feelings! I tried to support her with minimal resentment. I wanted it to be wonderful for them...but ..but they are ignoring my presence  ...neglecting me...have to do something now ..to make them realise my importance !She felt angry and disappointed, with a sense of purposelessness, and expressed irritation that her Bahu is getting  more attention  from her son than her ...this  feeling , by evaluating positions ...is the starting point of the misunderstanding and a life long tussle ..  a vigorous  psychological struggle  , typical in Indian households ,in order to obtain  control over the precious  son/husband  ! Man ..thy name is a divider ..but always an inheritor of love from either side !

 

 

Edited by seetha74 - 9 years ago

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LiliWorld thumbnail
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Posted: 9 years ago
A time comes when mothers need to let go of their children and let them live a life on their own.  Here, it's when they turn 18...๐Ÿ˜ƒ not to mentioned when they get married ๐Ÿ˜ฒ
vibraj thumbnail
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Posted: 9 years ago
Seetha you have beautifully described a mother's dilemma but a child is one of flesh and blood and a mother should know where not to tread on areas bordering on interference. No doubt, a mother's contribution to a child's life is immense but possessiveness should not  assume the attire of love and make someone irrational! This is a delicate balance for both the parent and the child.
VerboseG thumbnail
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Posted: 9 years ago
You are right, Vibha,  in their attempt to be caring and loving, Indian mothers turn over-possessive and interfering.


Because most Indian men don't know how to draw a line and tell their mother and wife that each holds a unique special place in their lives, they have to pay for their ineptitude by being squashed from both ends, most of their lives.
vibraj thumbnail
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Posted: 9 years ago

Originally posted by: VerboseG

You are right, Vibha,  in their attempt to be caring and loving, Indian mothers turn over-possessive and interfering.



Because most Indian men don't know how to draw a line and tell their mother and wife that each holds a unique special place in their lives, they have to pay for their ineptitude by being squashed from both ends, most of their lives.



Agree. You are so right.
cygnet9 thumbnail
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Posted: 9 years ago
Seetha you described a Mother's inner feelings so wonderfully. 
I want to share one thing the other day while I was giving LU my niece who is 22 years came sat there watching HHN, when there was this scene when Bunty left Sag's on the Mandap and went to pick his mother, he was so irritated and said "what the hell he is doing, can't he do before wedding commence". Me and my co-sis could not say anything to defend or support Bunty๐Ÿ˜ฒ. And I agree fully with all your comments.

My personal opinion is we the mothers of children should get ourselves prepared for the growing up years of children and their priorities, because the men either husband/Son/brother cannot decide how to treat their women folk equally.
pussycat thumbnail
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Posted: 9 years ago
I fully agree with Seetha, Vibha and Gina...I have undergone the same kind of treatment from my MIL when I stepped in as a bride. She felt that she was going to lose her control over her only child as a result she tried several ways to make me feel as I am just third person in their lives and it was after much coaxing by my FIL that she has started valuing my importance in her child's life...Its a heartfelt wish of such mother is to dictate the life of her son be it in his career or in the selection of dress or a bride...a son has to adhere to the wishes of his mother else he would be given a tag of joru ka ghulam..,a DIL is confronted with a lots of expectations some of which are absurd and DIL needs to use her brain rather than heart to get over such illogical expectations...in my case I was lucky to have such a hearty FIL else I might have seen another Bunty in my husband ๐Ÿ˜†
cygnet9 thumbnail
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Posted: 9 years ago

Originally posted by: pussycat

I fully agree with Seetha, Vibha and Gina...I have undergone the same kind of treatment from my MIL when I stepped in as a bride. She felt that she was going to lose her control over her only child as a result she tried several ways to make me feel as I am just third person in their lives and it was after much coaxing by my FIL that she has started valuing my importance in her child's life...Its a heartfelt wish of such mother is to dictate the life of her son be it in his career or in the selection of dress or a bride...a son has to adhere to the wishes of his mother else he would be given a tag of joru ka ghulam..,a DIL is confronted with a lots of expectations some of which are absurd and DIL needs to use her brain rather than heart to get over such illogical expectations...in my case I was lucky to have such a hearty FIL else I might have seen another Bunty in my husband ๐Ÿ˜†


Agree with you. You are lucky that at least you have FIL for support, in my case none. 
seetha74 thumbnail
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Posted: 9 years ago

๐Ÿ˜ŠHave seen many heart felt feelings here ๐Ÿค—... though ...in every household it is common ,but everywhere with egos hurt .. a sort of confusion ...strong will to win over the situation ..but longing for the association of the concerned person [A son ,a husband !]If you are feeling hurt, and in pain, right now, you may feel angered , it ruined the subtle relationships !

In my case ...dealt with many a situations in my stories in Telugu ..wanted to seal that issue forever !

In the first day itself ...I declared ---be passive or evasive but never support either of us ...I can tackle any situation in a subtle manner ...have faith in me and in my convincing capability .

Yes ...she overstepped many a times ---with a smile..slipped aside and later he faced the music behind the closed door conference ...in the same manner she too tried to influence him ...but till date as usual everywhere ...he always supported the person who is at present in his presence and later did amendments with the other!

If any newly married bride is here ...here is my advise ---win him with a smile , try to convince her in a docile way ..then rule the roost my dear queen of the house ?!!! Always try to avoid confrontation with either of them ...his shoulder or the chest is always there to rest your head ...so, try more to mesmerize her [no mother of him will agree with the Dil ..when she was in her senses best !] with small or great goodwill gestures...after all ...she is the life giver of your other- half ...and make him realise that you are the guiding force from then on wards !


seetha74 thumbnail
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Posted: 9 years ago
Padma and Pussycat ...๐Ÿค—
You are not alone dearones  ... in association ,you have the  love  to support  you as the pillor of strength ...you have faith to evoke your spirits ...yes ...you are matured enough to be passive at times , sometimes with courage and confidence ,questiond ...but always tried to adjust  with great understanding  ...salutations to everybody ...who has the balancing power to withstand some rigmaroles in life !๐Ÿค—