A mother's dilemma !

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lifelessons

@lifelessons

Dazzler

Posted: 11 years ago

#21

Originally posted by: VerboseG

Who said I am not one of these sad souls suffering from the onslaught of the MIL?

However, I am truly lucky that my hubby knows how to distinguish between the wife and the mother (and their deeds).

So, if I am wrong, I get told off and put in place and if my MIL is wrong, she gets told off and put in place (in both cases, politely and firmly).😆

I am in same situation as you Gina...My MIL is crazy but my husband is very sorted and tells straight to face (of course politely and firmly) whoever is wrong be it my MIL or me. So my MIL has to think twice to say anything to me (not that she hasn't done that)

But she is totally torturous towards my husband's younger brother's wife as he has no spine to stand up to his mom. We always have to interfere on her behalf.

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VerboseG

@VerboseG

Stunner

+ 3

Posted: 11 years ago

#22

Originally posted by: lifelessons

I am in same situation as you Gina...My MIL is crazy but my husband is very sorted and tells straight to face (of course politely and firmly) whoever is wrong be it my MIL or me. So my MIL has to think twice to say anything to me (not that she hasn't done that)

But she is totally torturous towards my husband's younger brother's wife as he has no spine to stand up to his mom. We always have to interfere on her behalf.

Hahaha... we have to do that for my husband's older brother's wife 😆

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seetha74

@seetha74

Dazzler

Posted: 11 years ago

#23

Originally posted by: Blukitten
One of my best frn ended up getting divorced due to her intefering MIL 😡
She was obsessed to the point of madness n the son was a spineless idiot
anyways...there's point whn parents have to accpet that their kids have grown up n they will have a life of their own..they cant be babies all their lives

Neha ...I think when there is a clash between the 'mother ' and 'wife ,' the husband often takes his mother's side. Why is this so? It happens mostly in India and other Asian countries ...because of the societal influencess and the ritualisic way of bonding of a son with his mother since childhood !

According to me the husband would either stay out of the picture, or would try and mediate a reconciliation!Some men adopt this policy at home as well, and prefer staying out of squabbles between the mother and daughter-in-law. But many men get into the thick of things, and try playing judge or placing the blame - and all too often the blame falls on the wife and that is the main reason for breaking up of relationships !

This is high time to sideline the man from the thick of affairs and deal with MIL in either with love and understanding ...or with stern attitude ...according to the situation and the matter involved ! Both have an emotional bonding with him , normally he loves both ...so it is always better --settle the matter at the budding stage itself with a little bit sympathetic and sensetive way !

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seetha74

@seetha74

Dazzler

Posted: 11 years ago

#24

Originally posted by: lifelessons

I am in same situation as you Gina...My MIL is crazy but my husband is very sorted and tells straight to face (of course politely and firmly) whoever is wrong be it my MIL or me. So my MIL has to think twice to say anything to me (not that she hasn't done that)

But she is totally torturous towards my husband's younger brother's wife as he has no spine to stand up to his mom. We always have to interfere on her behalf.

Ayesha and Gina ...most of us are bearing the brunt in one way or the other since marriage ...and with experience ,learnt how to tackle with such situations ...because of nuclear families ...the clashes between the titans [Sas ..Bahu ]are lessening because of infrequent meetings !! Yes ...sure ,whenever there is a festive get together or a ritualistic interaction ,the Bahu is always a victim of circumstances and a tray carrier ... After reading all the comments all I want to say is that life is too short to be worrying about petty issues...golden moments in life are very less and we should enjoy them to the fullest given the fact that majority of life;s moments are serious ...My advice to every husband is that stay away from the fight of saas and a bahu...remember we are seperated by a big gap called the generation gap...neither your wife is wrong nor your mother...if you have to interfere ,then make sure that who so ever is at fault ,does not receive your comments in front of the other..if your wife is wrong...tell her in private...if your mother is, then replicate the same action...do not be judgmental about either of them...and never take sides...if you do take sides the latter will be double hurt...be it your mum or your wife...remember if there's a 3's company in a quarrel...one will always be outnumbered...For wife , I advice that...you cannot change your MIL...she's been like that for many years...we don't want the wife to change either...just be a litle tactful...be tactful in keeping your point of view in front of your MIL...if you don't like something your MIL does...there are better ways of communicating the same to her...life is beautiful ,and for a wife who feel like comitting suicide...don't waste it...BE TACTFUL...Not all the MIL's in the world are wrong...INTROSPECT your self as well...it could be a revelation for you...Divorce is never a good solution ! Sorry for my long post ,please excuse me !

Edited by seetha74 - 11 years ago

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