Hi guys...This is the final chapter of my SS...As i mentioned earlier, my SS is based on the events on the fateful night...Hope you guys like it
Chapter 5
Driving to the Kapoor's house, I was battling with myself. Voices in my head were holding arguments...
The irrational side was instigating me telling me to make sure that Pakhi suffers and not to let anything come in between. After all, everything was fair in war right? I have a duty towards mom and that was to ensure her wishes were fulfilled.
The rational side was appealing to me not to do anything that I would regret later. There would be no coming back and the normalcy of life would be lost..As it is, I had already hurt many...
Grappling with these thoughts, I didn't realize till late that I had unknowingly taken the route to the chawl. Call it force of habit , maybe...but this was not where I was supposed to be...It was then I noticed that Kalpi and her family were back from the hospital. I parked the car near the shadows and looked on. Vitthal dada and Pakya were pacing in the corridor. Pakya was trying to calm dada who was angrily pulling out the decorations. Through the open window, I caught a glimpse of Kalpi...even from this far I could see she was in tears (gifted by me)...Kamlama was trying her best to console her...I saw my love breaking down in front of my own eyes..Kalpi was never one to publicly display her sadness...She would always try to bottle them up so not to upset her loved ones...I could not take it anymore..I so wish I could just run up to her and hug her tight and apologize for my actions. Alas, I myself had messed up any possibility of that. I should have been the one to wipe her tears...My eyes started getting moist. I summoned all my strength to look away from her and I drove off. Darn those Kapoors...
Tears of pain and regret were welling up...I was trying hard to control myself. Doubts started emerging in my mind...
"Will Kalpi ever forgive me??"..."Yes, she will"..."Not after what you had just done!!"
My head was pounding...
"Will she accept me again??" "Of course she will"..."Don't even hope!!"
I could not focus on my driving..
"Does she still love me??"... "Love does not fade away easily"..."---------"...I could not even bring myself to think negatively. I wanted to hold on to a glimmer of hope.
Wanting to block out all the voices in my head, I switched on the radio...
Do, pal ruka, khwaabon ka kaarvaan ; Aur phir, chal diye, tum
kahaan, ham kahaan
Do pal ki thi, ye dilon ki daastaan ; Aur phir, chal diye, tum kahaan, ham
kahaan [Veer-Zaara]
I quickly changed the station...
Teri meri, meri teri prem kahani hai
mushkil
Do lafzon mein yeh bayaan na ho paaye
Ik dooje se hue juda Jab ik dooje ke liye bane [BODYGUARD]
I was getting all hazy...God!! It seemed as if even the radio stations were hell bent on adding to my depression...I kept on switching between stations but was indecisive on what I wanted to hear...just wanted something to calm me down...I was feeling exasperated. Finally, I settled for a station
"Meri kismat ke har ek panne pe ;Mere jeete ji baad marne ke
Mere har ik kal har ik lamhe me ;Tu likh de mera usey" [1920 Evil Returns]
The lyrics pierced my heart- they were aptly reflecting my own pleas.
Har kahaani me saare qisson me,Dil ki duniya ke sacche rishton me
Zindagani ke saare hisso mein, Tu likh de mera usey
Aye Khuda aye Khuda jab bana uska hi bana
I could not stop the tears that I had somehow
restrained till then...
Uska hoon uss me
hoon uss se hoon, Usi ka rehne de
Main toh pyaasa hoon hai; Dariya woh zariya woh jeene ka mere
Mujhe ghar de gali de shehar de; Usi ke naam ke
Kadam ye chale ya ruke ab usi ke vaaste; Dil mujhe de agar dard de uska par
Uski ho woh hasin goonje jo mera ghar...
I felt short of breath. I quickly parked
the car at the side of the road and got out...I leaned against the car and tried my
best to control my emotions...
Mere hisse ki khushi ko hansi ko; Tu chaahe aadha kar
Chahe lele tu meri zindagi par; Ye mujhse vaada kar
Uske ashqon pe ghamon pe dukhon pe; Har uske zakhm par
Haq mera hi rahe har jagah har ghadi haan umr bhar
What had I done?? I had hurt the one person who was willing to stand up for me, no matter the situation; who had loved me for what I was and not what I possessed- my true love...
Come on Raghav, get a grip on yourself ...I muttered to myself
Ab faqat ho yahi woh rahe mujh me hi; Woh juda kehne ko bichhde na
par kabhi
Aye Khuda aye Khuda jab bana uska hi bana; Aye Khuda aye Khuda jab bana uska hi
bana
Sensing some movement form the side of my eyes, I looked up to find the young Raghav- the second time this night- sitting on the bonnet with his legs crossed and hands resting on the car looking up at the starry sky...I felt frustrated and relieved at the same time. Frustrated because I was in no mood to hear another lecture; relieved because I was feeling very lonely!! "Please don't get started again...my head is pounding...and I don't think I can take it"...Not averting his gaze from the stars, he said "Ignoring feelings when you are alone is the toughest thing. Denying those emotions is the worst thing you can do...You don't have to be ashamed of what you feel. No one is going to question your manliness..." That was it. It was if I had got permission to vent out. I could not control myself any longer...All the varying emotions that had been built up till that moment- apprehension, , anger, anguish, disappointment, fear, shame, regret -came rushing and I broke down.
"I..Kalpi...mom...didn't know...hurt...revenge...they...dad...hate..."[sniff] I kept mumbling words disorientedly...The whole time the young
Raghav just kept staring ahead and I was
glad for that...
To anyone else, it would have been a strange sight to see a grown man crying like a child and talking to himself on the deserted road at midnight...But I didn't care...I just couldn't stop the tears... It took me a while to compose myself...
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Standing outside the Kapoor's appartment, I took a deep breath before entering enemy territory. This was it...There was no one around which was a relief. I swiftly reached Pakhi's room and turned the door knob. I took a moment to observe the decorated room..I must say, it was decorated beautifully... I agreed with most of the decorations... As for the rose petals scattered on the bed and the floor- that was too much!! I didn't like it...Nah, not my style!! A simple design with the rose petals would be sufficient yet elegant...I would have ordered more white orchids ...included more pastel draperies... use softer lighting... lots of fragrant lavender candles ...yes, Kalpi would have liked it... But there was something wrong; the figure in bridal attire standing in the middle of the road looking at me shocked!! That should have been Kalpi...
I felt my jaws clenching. I looked on as Pakhi came forward and enquired about my state. I was sure she must have not expected me in this condition. I kept quiet uninterested...She demanded an answer stating she was my wife...I reprimanded her "Wife!! How dare you even use that word??"...She was shocked...I continued "To be called my wife, you should be married to me...which you are not. This is not a marriage for me...just a deal. Do you get it, just a deal... A deal which I did so that I could take my revenge on your family and destroy them"
"Revenge!!" she nodded her head confused. "What are you talking about?"
I narrated to her how her dad, Sahil Kapoor had cheated my dad , usurped his business, finally murdering him and all the atrocities carried out on my mother...
She was in denial, not willing to accept anything...She retorted "I know my dad well; he would never stoop to such level!! Ok.. Neetu is cunning but she too would never participate in such heinous crimes...You are mistaken...You are simply making this up"...
I really got pissed off and held her roughly... "Me ..making this up!! Look at me...do you think I am joking...Don't act as if you don't know what your parents are capable of...Don't you remember the circumstances under which I came to live with your family...Look at me, tell me do u see any happiness in my eyes..No...only hatred ..hatred for your parents... I came back just to avenge myself...You were merely a pawn in my game...My ultimate aim was always to destroy your family"
She was in tears..."But why use me? I haven't done anything to you so why hurt me..."
I replied "Its simple...When your parents destroyed my family, I was the one left suffering...What goes around comes around...So if I hurt you, your parents will suffer won't they...Now don't tell me that they don't love u...They do hold you dear, right especially ur dad...So when you suffer, they will be enduring slow torture..." I was enjoying the moment.
"No..Raghav...You can't do this..I know you won't do this to me because..because..you love me"
It was then I realized as to how delusional she was. Even after telling her everything, she still refuses to open her eyes to the truth and want to believe that I love her...I was partially responsible for her delusions but not to such an extent that she refuses to accept something which was glaring at her face. Apart from the "planned" proposal, I was sure I had not led her on...Yes, initially I might have subtly hinted that I was interested in her. But after I had confessed my love to Kalpi, I didn't give any attention to Pakhi...It was a surprise to me also when Kamlama revealed that Pakhi continued to harbor feelings for me...But what more could I expect from a person who has not stayed grounded the whole life? Pakhi had always obtained what she had laid eyes on -like Kamlama's undivided love and attention..So she must have assumed I would also be hers...
I didn't want to be associated with any girl except for my Kalpi...Therefore, I told her frankly that my love was only Kalpana...She was shocked. She had never expected such a revelation. She had always presumed that it was Sammy who loved Kalpi...
But her next words gave me a blow "For this so called revenge, you spoilt three lives-mine, Kalpi's and yours too!!" Saying so, she broke down... That was the final nail in the coffin...It drove home what I was refusing to believe all along. It was as if everything had culminated at that point...What she said was the truth, the simple truth...
I felt myself tearing up again ...over realization of the fact that Kalpi would never be mine again..I had gone too far this time that Kalpi would never forgive me..especially for using Pakhi...
I left the Kapoor house completely devastated. This feeling was not what I expected; I expected to be elated ...Instead, I was feeling empty and lost...Everything was spinning...
As I stood there waiting for the elevator, I heard a sound- someone snickering. There was something sinister in that voice. I looked around but found no one... Maybe I was just imagining...But then I heard it again loud and clear ...that laugh followed by "Check and mate!!"...I was taken aback...and then it hit me...This was not a game against the Kapoors but my opponent was Fate himself...I had always openly challenged Fate saying he would never defeat me again...My end prize was not Kapoors' destruction but my happiness...and that was a life with Kalpi...
The fire, the entire misunderstandings , mom coming back with the truth...Fate had been stealthily playing. My moves had failed me...I was cornered...revenge had backfired...I lost out on the chance to have her in my life...to be happy!!
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When the doors of the elevator opened, I saw him- the young Raghav- yet again. He was standing inside leaning against the beam...It was strange to see him again - the third time..But I was not surprised..It was as if I was expecting him...
I bowed my head unable to face him and got into the elevator...He spoke "You know, the game is not really over till you have won" His words..there was something about his voice that I could not put my finger on...I felt weird...I looked at him "But I lost..."
He continued "You are always bound to lose the first game...It is not the first game that counts; but what you learn from this and how you use it to your advantage...You were in a winning position. But one mistake and you spoiled that chance. Your opponent didn't want to lose and so he fought like hell. The cardinal rule in chess is to never underestimate your opponents and most importantly never overestimate yourself!! Beware of falling into traps. Your best moves should always be played when you are in a winning position because that is the time when you have to be the most alert.. "
He didn't disappear when we reached the ground floor.. Instead, he accompanied me till the car..
"But who am I playing with?" I enquired. He replied "Your moves should not depend on the size of the opponent. Even the smallest of your opponents can bring you down if he plays well...Don't think of running away. Your only focus should be on the road ahead. Think properly and move on.." When he smiled, I don't know why but I suddenly felt rejuvenated. Before going, he winked at me and said "And... now even bappa is on your side!!" ...to which I simply nodded not totally convinced "Yeah..right!!"
As I got into the car, I remembered something.. I opened the dashboard compartment and took out the Ganapati idol .It was a wedding gift which I meant to give to Kalpi. Earlier, I had gone to a jewelry showroom to get her something special when my eyes fell on this idol - gold with gems fitted onto it...It was perfect match of both our tastes- exquisite but unique...
I went over all what had happened that night...Wasn't it strange that I got a visit from the young Raghav not once but thrice that night?? In a way I was glad...The first time he appeared, he made me realize my mistake, the second time he consoled me and the third time he motivated me!! Something stood out..He had mentioned earlier that whatever he said was nothing new but things I knew all along...But now, his talks of chess...I was never into chess!! Then, how could my conscience talk about the cardinal rule of chess?? I wondered if the young Raghav was Bappa himself...But the next moment I dismissed it "Raghav, you are drunk!! Bappa..and chess!!" I chuckled to myself...It was well past midnight..
With a renewed energy and determination, I drove off...to face a new day.
I had much to plan...much to do...and much to gain!!
Abhi mujh mein kahin; Baaqi thodi si hai zindagi
Jagi dhadkan nayi; Jaana zinda hoon
main toh abhi
Kuch aisi lagan iss lamhe mein hai ;Ye
lamha kahaan tha mera
Ab hai saamne ; Issey chhoo loon zaraa ;Mar jaaoon ya jee
loon zaraa
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Note: Please leave your likes and comments. Suggestions to improve writing are most welcome. I am ending this SS for now..But never know, may choose to continue this storyline at a later stage...Thank you again for all the encouragements...Hugs to u all
Originally posted by: marushkaa
I luv d conversations b/w young & d older raghav ... Their conversations emote d feelings out so welll !!
Originally posted by: angelpureness
I loved it... U brought it out so beautifully tht the real loss n sufferings would be his... N just loved the convo... About learning from it... Gosh I wish u would continue... Showing how he rectifies his situation 👏
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