They say when a person hits rock bottom, i.e. THE most traumatizing event imaginable in their lifetime, the mind fractures with grief. Humans are governed by their mind and feelings, its only natural that when a person is so aggrieved, thought processes become abnormal, strange even.
In this AsYa OS, you will find differing thought processes within the same mind, warring with each other, each trying to reason with the person, like multiple friends. It is not considered a mental illness when you hear voices in your head in times of trauma. Only when you can't stop hearing them when you're better, or they make you do things that are dangerous, that seeps in the zone of psychosis. ( I guess what I'm trying to say in a roundabout manner is Zoya is not insane in this OS, just traumatised! ) Differing thought processes of Zoya will appear in different colors. There, let's see if this works...
We all know that Zoya as a child saw her mother die in the gudiya factory fire. It was so traumatizing to the child that she went silent for months afterwards. Despite that, the nightmares haunt her. With that in mind, I would like to revisit the scenes where Asad unintentionally (*sobs*) leaves Zoya at the altar, and her subsequent discovery of him and Tanveer in an intimately compromising situation.
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Zoya sat gripping the steering wheel of Ayaan's car. The sound of her breathing was deafening in her ear, heartbeats like loud drums beating. Everything in sight was jerky and in sharp gritty focus, but she had no control of what she was doing.
Where am I going? Why am I wearing still wearing this ridiculous wedding dress? What the hell just happened?
WHAT HAPPENED YOU ASK??! MR. KHAN CHEATED ON YOU!! ON YOUR WEDDING DAY, WITH HIS WONDERFUL' TANNU!!! GET THAT IN THAT THICK SKULL OF YOURS ZOYA! NOW DO YOURSELF A FAVOUR AND GET THE HELL OUT OF THAT STUPID DRESS! YOU LOOK LIKE A FOOL! THEY HAVE ALL MADE A FOOL OF YOU!!!
Where did this anger come from? I never knew I could be so angry...
" LET GO OF MY HAND !! DON'T YOU DARE TRY TO TOUCH ME MR. KHAN!! YOU GET IT !! YOU WANT TO TRY AND EXPLAIN THE TRUTH ? YOU !! YOU ARE NOT EVEN IN THE VICINITY OF THE TRUTH!
I KNOW THE TRUTH !! THE TRUTH I SAW WITH MY OWN EYES !! THAT YOU ARE A WEAK AND GULLIBLE MAN!! TRUTH IS YOU HAVE BETRAYED MY TRUST ! YOU BROKE MY HEART ! YOU BROKE ME!! I AM SORRY TO HAVE LOVED A MAN LIKE YOU!!! "
" KUCH NAHIN SUNNA MUJHE !!!!! "
As Mr. Khan staggered with the hostility in her eyes, she dashed for Ayaan's car and drove away...
She sat in the car outside the nikaah hall, not sure how she got back there in her state. She wanted to run away from everyone.
Don't run away Zoya, be calm. Aapi is inside. Go see her! She is your true family. That you know!
Zoya walked into the hall with wooden legs. All guests had left, and the family members were pacing the hall awaiting news. As she walked in, her eyes locked upon Aapi, went straight into her arms and wept. Everyone was stunned with Zoya's dishevelled and wet appearance, and everyone started asking her questions at the same time. She swallowed hard and spoke in jarringly clear and dull voice.
"I found Mr. Khan with Tanveer. I walked in on them in bed together and I left. I don't know where they are now..."
Everyone gasped. "What...?!"
After some moments, Dilshaad stuttered, " Could you have misunderstood the situation Zoya?"
Zoya broke down and shook her head. Then she looked up she saw Asad, standing in the doorway, his eyes fixed upon her. He looked awful, but he also looked determined. Why was he here? Isn't he ashamed of what he'd done? Gullible though he was, possessing courage to face consequences was also his trait.
She yanked her eyes away from his beseeching gaze. And saw the pretentious feline witch standing next to him, faking tears and shame. She would've spat on the floor in disgust but her throat was so parched. But Dilshaad took up her fight. Like a mother lion protecting her cub, she walked up to her son and waited for him to speak. When he kept silent and hung his head in shame, she raised her hand and slapped him hard.
Oh No! What have I done? Why have I come in between Mr. Khan and his mother? Why did he have to face this from his own mother? Over me? Someone he obviously didn't love? Oh no...'
Asad kept his head low as Dilshaad ranted at him for his soiling her upbringing and her pride in him. But Zoya was too distraught to interfere. Like father like son! " Dilshaad screamed.
Dilshaad turned to Zoya, "Come Zoya, let's go!" Aapi and Najma half carried her up the steps and to the exit. Upstairs Aapi took Zoya aside and asked for them to be taken to her hotel, not to Khan Villa. Dilshaad found herself facing an angry Zeenat who wanted to take Zoya away from all of the Khans.
This is the last thing Zoya needed at this point. She needed to get out of these heavy stinking clothes and she needed to think without people shouting, crying and going into monologues around her. "Please Aapi, I'll go with Phuphi, I just need to get cleaned up and get my things. Please don't fuss". Zeenat relented and they all went back to Khan Villa.
Zoya went into her bathroom and took all of the offending garments off, in her underwear she sat under the shower and let the water beat her body. They say water therapy helps in times of stress and anxiety. Anyways she was all cried out. She just allowed her senses to absorb the feeling of the water running all over her body, washing all the raw wounds.
When she emerged from her bath, Aapi had left to get changed at her hotel, leaving a message that she was coming back for her afterward. Zoya was thankful for the quiet, in her head and around her. Her mind was numb, exhausted but not sleepy. A tinge of claustrophobia was setting in and she longed for some fresh air. She ventured out to the garden and sat on the bench there just staring at the bushes, breathing in the clean air.
Suddenly she heard a step behind her, a heavy, unsure tread. Mr. Khan. The last person she wanted to see or speak to in her vulnerable state of mind.
She got up and faced him. Her eyes shot daggers of anger, and he met her gaze bravely with earnest determination. Zoya faltered. She needed to get her faculties reorganized first before she listened to him speak. No, I need to get out of here, now!
She stormed past him without a second look but her dupatta got stuck on his watch. Keeping a safe distance away, she yanked hard until the thread broke and she rushed away. Asad kept silent the whole time, doleful eyes watching her, begging her to hear him out.
Zoya ran back to her room, agitated. Mr. Khan had that determination in his eyes. He was going to pursue her until he gets heard, however painful or uncomfortable it would be. She was no match for his determination; he would break through all her anger. Najma came in asking for her to eat something, she just refused everything and asked to be left alone.
Do you want to forgive him Zoya? Do you want to be with him after all this? If you do, then listen to him, maybe he has a good explanation for what happened? If he were guilty, he wouldn't be pursuing you like this! You know Mr. Khan, he is not that kind of man.'
ARE YOU MAD ZOYA!? HE NEVER LIKED YOU SINCE THE BEGINNING! He never said he wanted to marry you! His mother arranged for both of you to be married because SHE had a challenge to prove to her sauten! None of this is about you and what you want!! Her kasam, Her pride, His pride, His family, His best friend, his favourites, His likes, His dislikes! WHAT ABOUT YOU!!! Where has the original Zoya gone? The strong Zoya and her pepper spray and her karate and her courage in facing situations? When did you start depending on Mr. Khan to rescue you all the time? Why did you give up your own individuality?'
Zoya held her head, it was pounding terribly. She needed to get out of here.
Aapi...
But she will make you go home to New York! You came here to find your Abbu, and somehow got messed up in Mr. Khan's family affairs. Aapi is upset enough to make you go back and Jeeju will be even angrier.
No! I will not go back. Not yet. But I know now I have nothing to do in this house.
I must leave.
Just like that Zoya walked out the door, only with the clothes on her back, no phone, no purse, no iPad. On her way out, she caught a glimpse of Mr. Khan talking to Tanveer in the garden.
Fine Tanveer, you wanted him. Now you can keep him.
And she walked out of the house undetected.
She wandered the streets without going in any particular direction. She found herself by a park, overlooking the sea. She sat there just watching the sea, thinking.
Okay, Zoya. What are you going to do now?
Why? Why would Mr. Khan do this to me? Why not just tell me he didn't want this marriage?
He loves you Zoya! You can see it in his eyes! The way he comes to your rescue every single time. He saved your life in Mangalpur! The way he brought you cheesecake when you were upset. The way he held you at your father's grave. When he chased after you in the airport and stopped you from being deported. When he put that lovely ring on your finger and wouldn't let you take it off. When he saw your scars and told you that you were beautiful despite it. When he laced his fingers through yours last night in the garden. Its there, Zoya!
WILL YOU GET YOUR HEAD OUT OF THE GROUND ZOYA!! From day one he has only passed judgement of you! He never failed to say how he wished you were gone. That you are not a good example for Najma.
<You have no sense of decency Ms. Farooqui, you don't understand the value of family and relationships>
<You're the most irresponsible girl I've ever met! I can't wait to see the day you leave>
<You will never be anyone's perfect bahu or wife. You're a misfit>
<You are not suitable for my life, my family and my future>
All Asad's words!! And yet , he never says anything against his beloved Tannu! She's the epitome of grace and virtue and his idea of perfection. She'd only need to squeal and he'd rush to her side and believe all the lies she spews.
Then it all formed clearly in Zoya's mind. There is no TRUST between Asad and her. He had never trusted her even once, as she foolishly continued to wage a war against Tanveer. For HIM.
WHY? Because of the look in his eyes? Has he even said he loved me?
No.
He doesn't love me.
That last sentence echoed in her mind over and over like a broken record.
Suddenly a ball came and hit her on the head, like a karmic kick in the backside. Zoya shook her head and blinked at the little boy who came for the ball with a sheepish toothless grin.
She couldn't help but smile back at the cheeky boy. Where's your mum little boy?' He replied matter of fact, Mujhe Ammi aur Abbu nahin, I live at the madrasa over there. Why are you crying, didi? Are you hungry?' the boy asked innocently.
Zoya was struck by the irony of the question. The boy, evidently has experienced a desperate kind of hunger for someone so young, yet he is so full of spirit. And here she was thinking of dying because Mr. Khan didn't love her.
This was her origins. She is an orphan too.
There was a lot of pain to be healed in her. But she will do it among her kind. As she followed the little boy back to the madrasa, the call for prayer sounded, haunting and beautiful.
What the future holds, Zoya didn't know. But this place will offer her the peace and solace she needed to heal herself.
~ The End ~
☢️sageflower7☢️
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