OS: Yesterday and Tomorrow--Fears (completed) - Page 12

Excellent.

Originally posted by: StripePurple

Edit:

Hi Napster. So, first up, a confession. I've been reading bits and parts of your RR stuff for a while, silently. I don't really watch or enjoy the show, and didn't want to step back into that puddle of expectations again which reading FFs seems to bring. But can't help reading stuff when I see familiar names like yours now, can I? Even though I'm petty enough about the show to not comment. So, apologies for that.

Thank you for commenting---and for commenting on the piece that gave me the hardest time to get down on paper and out of my head. Your incredible, detailed words were really impactful for me--i must have read this comment a 100 times! 

That said, reading this last bit about Laila...it shamed and compelled me to leave something here. Your writing has always been moving and powerful, and when there's an (unconventional by desi TV standards) character like Laila waiting to be brought to life,  I had some high expectations. And this is such a stunning piece of work. 

I remember your comments on Perfection! I'm glad that was something you liked! 

There are so many kinds of love in the world, and so many kinds of loving. For some, love is momentary, and for others, it manifests itself in an unshakeable lifelong devotion. Does that make the momentary love lesser than the other? I don't know. In many ways, the perception of love is similar to the perception of truth. I do not doubt Laila's love and devotion for Rudra one bit, wouldn't have even if you hadn't put in that heartbreaking bit about her reaction to the news of the babies.. Not having seen the show much, going solely by your description of it,  I understand she has effectively been the only female in his life for a long time. She has honoured the promises he didn't even know existed between them,  and for that, one can't but help respect Laila. But, is that a truthful relationship? For me, no. Laila hid her own heart so she could keep him longer, and perhaps therein lies her failure, and the space for someone like Paro to come in. It is such a human thing to do, but a man as damaged as Rudra needs a love he can worship (as is evident from his "devotion" to Paro), not the partner that Laila was to him. And Laila, such is her bitter fate, will never be worshipped. 

And this is precisely my problem with Rudra,as he is now. I dont think they plan on getting rid of this aspect of Rudra's. If the story follows Othello, he cannot BE happy with a woman he worships. Because for him, women, inherently, are creatures of too much deceit to be trusted. So he wont ever fully believe in a woman's loyalty even after he falls in love. Sooner of later, his idol will prove to have feet of clay, since no one, not even a Hindi heroine on a soap can be perfect and still be dimensional. And that fall off the pedestal will be magnified in his head. 

A small lapse from Paro--one incident, one random man's phone call,  one lie---that will be all it will take for him to have his beliefs confirmed. He'll always be watching for the fall, and she wont even have to fall very far for him to lose it. And someone who cannot have a human partner but must have an idol will react to the fall badly,. He will be extreme in his rage, more destructive than someone who has a real understanding of frailty. Rudra will react like Othello did--and Paro, like Desdemona, will pay. 

One of the things I loved about this bit was that you gave us both Laila's and Aman's versions of these eight years. It was ironical, and beautifully highlighted the hypocrisy of man and society. Also, human memories, such fickle things they are. Aman chooses to remember the past in a way which makes him most comfortable, in which he can reconcile it with his bone-deep respect for his commanding officer and his love for his muhboli sister. Thus, for him, Rudra's relationship with Laila is that of a benevolent benefactor. Laila's true bravery lies in that she is completely honest even in her own memories; hides nothing, shies away from nothing. 

Laila should have been Rudra's training wheels to a fulfilling relationship. Instead, she has confirmed for him that a woman is naturally unchaste and still controllable. Whether she wanted to do it or not, by giving him this much control over her emotions ad her happiness, she has lost his respect. For me, it is telling that such a stunningly handsome and powerful man chooses a wh**e for his auraat--someone he doesn't have to respect and who is disposable by the very nature of her "job". Rudra will be able to get way with his treatment of her because of who she is. 

 

Thank you! thats all! 

And finally, ( I really will stop blabbering here, promise!) Rudra's feelings for Laila. Were they, were they not, that is the question. For me, the point itself is moot. Laila's Rudra is not Paro's Rudra, and vice versa. It seems like a rather lame cop-out when put like that, but for me, that is the man. His ability to give himself wholeheartedly to Paro stems from his ability to wholeheartedly (and callously) cut himself off from Laila. What is immensely admirable about him in one relationship is equally abhorrent in the other. Is it good or honourable or just? Of course not. But it is this essential dichotomy, outside any fair moral compass, which makes Rudra, Rudra. Or at least your version of him. It does not make me like the man one bit, but it does make him interesting.

I don't LIKE the Rudra we see on screen right now!! Is it enough for someone to be kind to the one person he loves (future Paro) while being unfair to others in his life (everyone else)? And I dont see him as the "hero"--not because he is damaged, ( I mean, come on,we were rabid ASR fans, the king of damaged!)  but because of the treatment he gives to Laila. Yeah, I'm going to go to bat for the vamp!

I think, out of everyone, she is the one least deserving of his brutality. I'm even okay with his hatred for Paro right now. I am fine with his treatment of his nikamma dad, Dilsher--a few weeks of funny, snappy comments and we all forgot his 15 years of slow poisoning of his son, and his alcoholism. One is a (supposed) terrorist, the other was useless and damaging for an entire childhood.

But Laila has been his chosen companion and he tells her everything, more or less--so she is also his friend, not just a roll in the hay. I mean, she knew he had kidnapped a bride---not to mention the candle-wax scene where he discusses Paro openly. So whats with the brutality to the woman who feeds all his appetites, even beyond the baser ones?

For Rudra as he is right now, this  just his fall-back position with women, and even with someone who loves him. NOT good, or honorable. 

Oh, and did I say, thank you for writing this? 

You did! And let me say, Thank you, for writing what YOU did in response!