PhatPhatiya Post - Mistress of Spices

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Smriti

@serialjunkie

IF-Sizzlerz

+ 5

Posted: 10 years ago

Rudra: Run, Paro, Run

Paro: This would be infinitely easier if I had my Nike shoes on! Duh!

Rudra: Yahan Bhi Aman, Meri car mein dhamaka acha hua, Shabash!

YBA: Sir, abhi bahar bhi dhamaka hoga. he he he

Rudra: Apni ghi ghi band karo!

YBA: Sorry sir! Bhabhi ji are you ok?

Rudra: Of course, she is fine, she is with me. Now tell me do they really buy that she is dead.

Paro: Dead, me? why? I am not dead, see I can still hyperventilate, see, see, see

Paro begins to furiously hyperventilate her chest. Rudra suddendly remembers the injury caused by Paro's hyperventilating underwire lingerie and winces in pain.

YBA: Sir, every one thinks she is dead. Postmortem report confirms the dead girl had cotton stuffing for brains.

Rudra: good, now She is all mine to play with, bwahahahaha!

Paro: Nahiii, I have a life you moron, i was supposed to canoodle with Varun and renovate his house and have 10 kids.

Rudra: hey, Drama queen, don't hyperventilate, it physically hurts. Forget your dreams of domesticity when I am promising you night after night of hot passion! So listen to me carefully, you will do as i say

YBA: Sir ji, please dont scare her, she will faint again.

Rudra: Hain? I am surprised she hasn't yet. Let me take care of that. Abhi faint karatha hoon.

For the 100th time Paro faints, this time aided by Chloroform Rudra smuggled out of the hospital

YBA: Where are you taking sir ji?

Rudra: Hai ek jagah, the Consumashuns Center of Spices

Meanwhile Thakur sa has ordered a ban on all measuring tapes sales in Birpur. His Jodhpurs throw a party in his closet for the relief they feel months after being subjected to torture. He calls a conference of villagers. Then he pours the crocodile tears harvested from his pond of crocs in his eyes.

Thakur Sa: Who is the CEO of this village?

Villagers: You are!

Thakur Sa: Do you believe me when I say, I am not money laundering.

Villagers: Yes!

Thakur Sa: Do you believe BSD is the basher who posts low TRP posts on India Forums

Villagers: Nine inch se be zyada!

Thakur sa: What is BSD?

Villagers: Sirf Piddi Piddi!

Thakur sa: Phir se Bolo, what is BSD?

Villagers: Sifr Piddi Piddi!!

Mamisa: Please, I want to skype or whatsapp Nandini

Thakursa wishes the budhiya would stop asking questions. He so wants to believe that once the girls go Sarhad Par, they become high class socialites with Ferragamo shoes and Gucci bags. Why would they ever want to come back to cowdung patticake village?

Rudra arrives with Fainting Beauty to Consumashuns Center of Spices, where Masala Queen is rubbing Red Chillies to her employees sinuses.

He has a flashback that should be giving us tears of pain.

Rudra: F*** Every time I come here, Mujhe mummy yaad aathi hai. F*** F**** F**** Sh** Sh**F****

We get rare insights into his past life. Paro, please note Karein

Rudra hates aloo ki sabzi

Rudra loves to be fed food by hands

Kaki cum Maasi cum Witch of the Wild West is your new TRP generating Sasu masa. She loves to add Masala to everything will feed you an entire bottle of Masala, with no water, if you are not careful.

Rudra checks out the bedrooms to locate the best one of the lot. He finds one that is nice and secluded in the far corner of the house. It has good sound proofing, a nice firm King bed, and can buffer any screams and moans. The bed looks luscious and windows face the open desert. Good place for consumashuns.

Rudra: Yo Kaki cum Masi cum Mistress of Spices, I'm bringing a free bahu muft mein for you to torture. Don't make my consumashuns into constipations

Kaki cum Mami: I am the Masala Queen for nothing, forget consumashuns, constipations, I have loose-(e)motions in mind!

Rudra: right, i thought so. So heres the deal. Sarhad ke is par All time All consumashuns. Sarhad ke uss par All Time Constipations. Try crossing this side and I will turn you to Chutney to go with your Masala poori

Edited by serialjunkie - 10 years ago

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Frequent Posters

StripePurple

@StripePurple

Senior Member

Posted: 10 years ago

How to Move House: Lock, stock and smoking barrel style:-

Chloroform your future housemate/consummation partner [after starving them and making them run a marathon ityaadi]. That way, zero interference in how many dirty chaddhis you pack.
Move to a house which is full of your old dirty chaddhis from childhood. The smell of which is still emanating from the woodwork.
Always carry a gun. Whip it out when you need to shoo away termites/ dust old furniture/ tackle poisonous spiders who were ruling the roost till now.
Ropes and handcuffs are a must. Mutiple uses include marking territory, safeguarding bathroom breaks, and other X-rated activities which the ten-year olds on the forum need not read about.
Always leave your Man Friday behind to take care of the paperwork.

I am just glad we got some answers today. Like what happened to that supaari lene waala doctor. That not even Thakur knows the fate of Birpur ki byaahi huyi betiyaan. I'm also thrilled that Thakur at least asked who was behind the bomb blast. But by and by, Chachi/Masisa stole the show. Rudra might be Chulbul Pandey-esque, but Chachi sure is getting all the dabanngg dialogues. 😆

Edited by StripePurple - 10 years ago

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napk

@napk

Senior Member

Posted: 10 years ago

Oh my Rudra never ever leaves any chance of holding Paro in anyway... apart from the consumashun we have all types of cosummashun if you know what I mean...😆

Does Paro need Chloroform to faint?? If you just left her to digest the fact that shes dead she would have fainted in a couple of mins...

What the hell is wrong with Mami sa and everybody... why are they hell bent in crying only for Paro... arey everyone forgot the irritating and always excited for everything Bhindi... no one even remembers her... atleast we fangirls want her back for Aman... now that there is no chance for Aman and Paro... he declared he is her bhai... because "That all Indians named Parvathi or Paro are my sisters" ... RIP Bhindi

I think there will never be cosumashun between thakur and thakurani anymore... so much tension for thakur sa... no way he has time to go nine inch...

where as Rudra has choosen the best bedroom with the best bed in the haveli for all his consumashuns...and also no one is allowed to enter his side of the house... because "Try crossing this side and I will turn you to Chutney to go with your Masala poori"

"Kaki cum Masi cum Mistress of Spices" does definitely look like a witch...

My hope going forward:

- Paro will get a new wardrobe (I am defintely sure now)

- Maybe just maybe there will be some happy and peaceful moments (so much intense action too much to take)

- Whoever is this Nandini, Mami sa will get to talk or meet her... also maybe she will remember Bhindi 😭

- Rukmini will come back for Paro to smile/cry... b'cos if there is Rudra Paro will definitely faint when shes not supposed to and misunderwear him.. YBA will not be there to clear it this time

Edited by napk - 10 years ago

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leanne_1983

@leanne_1983

IF-Dazzler

Posted: 10 years ago

Yay, me on first page :)

Loved the post. It was hilarious as always. I wanted to pick not my favourite phrase. But there are a number of them, and I can't choose one. But if I have to then I choose 'Then he pours the crocodile tears harvested from his pond of crocs in his eyes.' LOL...That was so funny. However it reminded me of Bindi too :'(Edited by leanne_1983 - 10 years ago

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JazzyMohd

@JazzyMohd

Goldie

+ 2

Posted: 10 years ago

Aweww!!!sj.. a tight tight tight bear hug is cuming ur way!!
Hope it wont squeeze the stuffingz outtaf u!!
Thenxe fr d early PPP.
Seems this will b d fst day on jan i ill go to bed wen d clock actualy said pm on it!!!
Hehehe!!
Supaah posht ash ujal 😆 😆

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Deepthi

@Beauceant

IF-Rockerz

+ 3

Posted: 10 years ago

Oh goodness I read this before watching the show, now I can laugh through the tear jerker scenes..😭

SJ-sa you outdid yourself..👏

Mistress of spices ko lagi mirchi!!

BSD makes low TRP posts, no wonder those are so lame,as lame as their post mortem reports and fake encounter with blown up rag dolls..

What a bedroom, ab to humara sapna poora hoga..

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haminasto

@haminasto

IF-Veteran Member

+ 6

Posted: 10 years ago

Im not watching the show these days. Its the PMS-ing hormones that are showing the defiance or I was ready for Consumashuns...but "sarhad beech mein aagayi"🥱

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CheshireBilli

@CheshireBilli

IF-Dazzler

+ 7

Posted: 10 years ago

I christen today, Episode of the Sepia Tinted Flashbacks.

I am also going to cry foul.

I was under the impression that Rudra would bring Paro to live with him akele-akele. This is ramanchi. All I'd asked for was ek chutki eye sex and one spectacular consummation.

I got witchy Kaki Sa, tortured Bhabhi Sa and meek Kaka Sa in return. Still to come are unimportant brother no 1 and rival brother no 2.

Where are Rudra-Paro going to have their handcuff-walein alone times now?

I bet Kaki had a hand in her sister's disappearance. She looked happy enough from behind, while feeding Rudra something that is presumably not aloo ki sabzi. Why would she run?

Well...I suppose...Thakur Tejawat is incentive enough.

Paro's reaction to the news of her fake death was startling. Because she didn't faint. Paro would ordinarily put anesthetists out of business. I think she may be getting used to Rudra's sexy presence near her.

As for Rudra's Kaki sa. *slow clap* She recognizes him via his eyes when he wears a shiny metallic name tag. Dats 2 gud.

Rudra really needs to do something about his gun. Er...the gun he points so readily everywhere. Er...I mean the army issue one.

I see all families with last names beginning with R have the same strange tradition of carrying a bride over the threshold. Mental note-- lose 50 pounds before I marry anyone with a triple name and R-wala surname.

P.S. I have forgotten what Rudra and Paro look like in regular clothes. I would GREATLY appreciate a reminder.

Edited by Semanti - 10 years ago

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mozart66

@mozart66

IF-Dazzler

Posted: 10 years ago

I can't stop laughing at this one! Sorry!! 🤣The episode though was quite serious in terms of Rudra facing his past for the safety of the witness on hand.

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humsafar

@humsafar

Senior Member

Posted: 10 years ago

Yayyy

Cant wait for monday

Yummy scenes on our way heheheh

Missing thakur sa blue jacket 😭

But in love with his dancing sports pants 😳

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