Cocktail
Life can be a bitch at times and hit you right in the face.
Except it was being bas***d to me.
Yep he hit me right in the f**king womb.
And believe me it hurt.
Part 1
"Oh my God!" I groaned and slammed myself down onto the sofa beside Pari.
"He's tired you out" She looked at me sympathetically.
"Tired me? f**k he's killing me. Please please let me sell him!" I almost pleaded her.
"Baby heck I would love it myself to get rid of him but seriously you can't" she shook her head at me.
"No, no no..." I whined like a kid. "Why me? Seriously why did I end up with Tarzan for?" I wanted to cry right now, it may be my hormones making me like that since I was about to start my periods. I hate my periods. "Hope he slips into coma whilst he's sleeping" I pleaded looking up at the ceiling hoping. You so cannot hate me for saying that.
"Yeah and you'd only go bat shit crazy crying your eyes out" Pari replied.
"Can I sell him?" I pleaded her once again. "Please please please"
"Babe get over it, you're stuck with him. You could always give him to his dad"
"Don't remind me of the f**king virginity stealer. That bas***d disappeared without a word!" I grit out remembering that one night.
The one night that changed my whole life and the one night that gave me Tarzan as my son. Yep. I had a son, Ansh. I didn't name him by the way it was my dad, I probably would've named him Tarzan or Demon instead because my little man suited that very much rather than Ansh, he was so not my Ansh. Anyways moving on, I guess we all know how babies are made but if not I'll tell you.
So one night, I got drunk after drinking like 4 cocktails at a frat party (yeah I am light when it comes to drinking, give me one drink I'll end up being tipsy already) then ended up wrestling naked (having sex by the way) with the hottest guy under the covers then in the morning I left without a word and left him sleeping (because I was too chicken to face him since I'd given my virginity to him). After that I never saw or heard from him, heck I didn't even catch his name. And from then onwards 3 months down the line I was pregnant! Yeah f**king pregnant. Heck I didn't want kids, I still don't want kids, I want to sell my own son off every single day of the year, and believe me you'd want to do the same had you met him. Oh yeah after I found out I was pregnant I searched, and searched and searched but no one knew him or saw him. It was like he dropped from the sky for that night and flew away the next morning.
"Mommy" I inwardly cursed hearing Ansh yell for me, turning my head I saw him with his pants down to his ankles and his little willy on show.
"Ansh pull up your pants" I narrowed my eyes at him.
"Look my willy got big" he pointed excitedly. "And its hard"
f**k no. I didn't want to know this or hear this. Why the hell wasn't I told that 4yr olds get hard, *not in the dirty way hard but when they're excited hard also in the morning*
"Aunty Pari look" He turned to Pari who was laughing like a maniac and snorting away.
Bitch! Some f**king mom she'd make. And I was one to talk, trying to sell my son off each day.
"Ansh pull up your pants now" I snapped at him.
He pulled his pants up shooting me glares.
"You can stop the staring" I scowled at him. "Or I'm dropping you off at Darren's, he told me Misty misses you" I reminded him of Misty who happened to be Darren and Ali's cat. The cat was one clawing f**ker; I still remember it clawing my shoulder once, the thing hurt like a f**k.
"Oh yeah what happened with Denise?" Pari asked pulling my attention away from Ansh, hearing Denise's name was enough to set me off, I was laughing so hard I'd started to wheeze and choke, Pari patted my back whilst Ansh kept shouting mommy's having a heart attack and he wasn't shouting because he was scared, the little monster was shouting in excitement. Remind me to throttle his father if I ever get hold of him. And by God that day I'm going to kill the f**ker. What the f**k was in his DNA that I'd gotten Tarzan?
"Done having a heart attack?" Pari questioned quirking her brows up.
I snickered clamping a hand to my mouth not wanting to start laughing again.
"Well tell me as well so I have something to laugh on"
"Alright alright" I held up my hands and turned to Ansh. "Go and play Ansh"
"Can I play with your nappies mom?" Can I kill him? like seriously? They're called pads you dumb ass and I knew as hell parents would frown upon me for saying shit like that to my kid but get your heads out your asses you dumb f**king parents, it's not cute when your son comes out with your pad in front of a room full of guests. Yeah. You guessed it right, Ansh apparently found it *in reality he went treasure hunting through my things hoping to find something, what the hell was he going to find in a pile of undies and bras. Chocolate? So anyways so he was curious and came to the living room where I was with all my friends wanting to relax after the hectic day at work, he walked over and held out his hand showing the pad to all my friends then asked. "Can I wear this nappy mom?"
Can you f**king believe it? I still remember I was flustered so bad, I wished at that moment I sold him off when I had the chance.
"Well I'm waiting" Pari snapped me out of my little nightmare. I looked back at Ansh who was still waiting for my answer.
"No, go do something else" I waved him away.
"Fine" he grumbled and walked away and somewhere I knew he was definitely going to be doing something which will make me clean-up his mess for an hour.
"Well?"
"Oh yeah. So we went out to the restaurant with Denise and Kat, Ansh was thankfully behaving though he did shout out to the kids on the next table there was a monster beneath their table and was coming to eat their foot, other than that he was fine and that too because I threatened to leave him outside in the night"
She giggled shaking her head at me. You can't blame me for wanting to throttle Ansh every single day. He killed me each day with his nonstop talking, his weird demands and swear down even when he's asleep he talks about all the bullshit in the world.
"So yeah he was good whereas Denise madam decided to play up, the amount of swear words she used, f**k me man, people stared, literally shooting accusing looks in my direction like as if she was my daughter and I was teaching her all that shit, heck couldn't they see the difference between us? Heck we were poles apart, she was ginger, I was dark haired, she had the small dark chinkey eyes and I had the hazel big eyes, she had a small pointed nose, my one was small button type, she had the an M shaped lips whereas my lips were curvy m shaped. She had the mouth of some old grouch grandma and I had the mouth of well... well my mouth was my own with the colourful words I learned from my dad and passed it down onto my son. And the winner of the best mother of 2013 goes to Madhubala Shamsher Malik. Pffft. Sure.
"She kept on swearing and yelling so much bullshit throughout the dinner and I was sure Ansh would repeat it soon and I couldn't take anymore of it. So we went to pay and told her to go and wait in the car, we got in and drove about 3 streets away realizing it was too quiet, Kat looked behind and yelled to stop the car panicking then she said Denise wasn't in the car" I burst out cracking up, Pari joined as well this time. Yeah I was definitely winning the award for the best mother. If I only I could replace Denise with Ansh... But then thinking about it someone would've found him and come to know him then send him back to me.
I wanna party and bullshit
And party and bullshit
And party and bullshit
And party and bullshit
And party, and party
"Ansh" I called hearing him sing, I was about to give him a lecture for singing that song and remind him that he cannot say shit or any other big word till he walked into living room.
"What?" he stood there with a tube of toothpaste, his face covered in the white paste, every single inch from his forehead to his chin, even his damn eye lids.
"What the hell did you do?" I stood to my feet.
"It smells nice" he grinned.
I shook my head and led him to the bathroom, I entered and almost groaned seeing the sight of the bathroom, the floor had the towels strewn all over the floor, most of it had toothpaste, I made him stand on the toilet seat and walked to the cupboard to get a clean towel.
"What were you thinking?" I asked as I wet the towel.
"You said to go and do something" he replied back.
"Do something, something useful not create mess for me" I responded back tightly.
"I'm tired mommy" he yawned as I wiped his face, I brushed his hair out the way wiping off each inch of the toothpaste from his face.
"Already? Why don't you and mess something else for me?" I asked sarcastically.
"I'll do it when I wake up mommy" he responded in a serious tone which I couldn't help but smile. "Come on Tarzan, let's get a little nap"
"Can you read me Lion king, I liked it when scar kills the lion king" he told me wrapping his tiny arms around my neck holding onto me whilst I carried him to his bedroom. Obviously he'll love anything with fighting and killing, I just hoped one day he didn't end up killing someone.
"Pari I'm putting Ansh to sleep for a bit" I yelled informing her as I entered his room, settling him down I pulled the covers over him. I didn't even need to get out the lion king as he was already closing his eyes slowly, I ran my fingers through his hair and within the next 5 minutes he was knocked out. I stared at him as he slept, who'd have thought I'll have a kid despite my hatred for kids? I was always saying it since the day I came to know where kids come from, I decided I'll never have kids but life was being a right bas***d to me so I ended up not with only a kid, but one who played Tarzan, one who pretended to be daddy, one who loved pulling at Darren's cat's tail, one who loved pouring yoghurt in his cereal and making it into mush and I could go on and on. Regardless of the embarrassment and the punishment, the stress he gives me I loved him, I loved my little Tarzan, it took me time to love him because when he was born and put into my arms, I was horrified and in shock knowing I had a kid so I ended up saying the sweetest thing ever said in the history. "Who the hell are you?" Yeah I did. I ended up asking a 5 minute old baby who turned out to my son who the hell he was'. So it took me time to love him, I was probably the worst example of a mother but I sure as hell wasn't choking him when he annoyed me or when he cried for no apparent reasons like some psychos do, I did end up loving him and my little Tarzan was my little world. Every day when I looked into his eyes, the stress, burden, everything disappeared, now I knew why people loved their kids so much and thought the world of them.
Okay this is a completely different to The Inevitable
As you can guess it's going to be a pretty crazy journey.
Those offended by any jokes made I will suggest you avoid this as this is only going to get crazier 😛
Hit the like and comment please.
It's an SS which will complete by the end of this month as It'll only be about 10 parts hence I'll be quickening the story line. 😊
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My other works (On RishBala)
All he asks is for his wife's love.
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