SS-Mr&Mrs Asad Ahmed Khan's Room lst prt ch8 pg51 - Page 8

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princeegoyal thumbnail
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Posted: 10 years ago
#71
i m glad u shw me d mirror...thnks alot...i try to keep all the things...in my mind...try to improve as well...

love u sandy...u r my true friend...

pari

Originally posted by: Sand_Princess

You wanted me to read so here I am. πŸ˜ƒ I read it and I have a few things to say.

1) It was your first try at writing something, I presume? So, keep writing and try to form your own style which gives your readers a sense of belonging. They must read your writing and feel the emotions YOU put in it. It comes with practice and I sincerely hope that you will reach there.

2) Believe me, I've read crap. What you wrote was not perfect, but certainly not the worst. Don't think so little of yourself!

3) Consider getting a beta/ informal editor who'll help you to understand your grammatical mistakes. I'm sure a lot of people will agree to helping you out.

4) Read a lot of stories... fan fiction, originals... it doesn't matter. They help with the flow.

5) Try not to write what the CV's are writing. You just seemed to deviate from the first part in the second one. Read the parts and tell me what you think.

READ your OWN work. That's the key. Critically analyze your work like any reader would and you'll do awesome. Obviously, if you take writing very seriously, only then put in the time and effort to take my criticism.

I meant no offense. I'm sure you know that! 😊 And I must say that I'm very hard to impress. So go ahead and don't listen to me if you think what I said was utter crap! πŸ˜›

princeegoyal thumbnail
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Posted: 10 years ago
#72
glad u like it...

pari

Originally posted by: Kaya13

super awesum prologue!!!!! and the chapter was amazing as well!!!

jst gv us the nxt chap already!!!

kabhiasya4ever thumbnail
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Posted: 10 years ago
#73
awwe di...it ws simply sooo good...
princeegoyal thumbnail
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Posted: 10 years ago
#74

Chapter2

 

Asad was running like a maniac'.ali & asad reaches at the top of cliff'.

Ali- meine zoya ko yahein dekha tha'wo us duppate wali aunty ne zoya ko yahan se dhkan diya tha(I saw zoya  here'when tht veil covered girl pushed her from this cliff)

 

Asad pov

Like a thousand bullets fired into asad's heart'.i can't lose her''.i can live with  this meaning less'lifeless life without her..if she doesn't want to come to me..if she doesn't love me any more'as I never trusted her'..'but I can't live with a fact tht becoz of me..smthing happened to her'.no zoya '.nothing cn happen to her'.NO allah u can't do this to me'

 

 

Asad  saw downwards''& gasp at the depth of the cliff''he got sacred'

Asad- ali'.tum yahi ruko 'mein niche ja ke dekta hun'.

Ali stands there..& start praying to god to save tht girl..& unite these two loveable people..

Asad..went down step by step.in search of zoya''night already fallen'he is screaming with one name with top of his lungs'..ZOYAAA'..'but'he could n;t be able to find her'.it already evening'time around an hour before the twilight'.

suddenly  he fell smthing on the rock' a body'.tht.have covered with leaves''

He went close to tht'.he saw her''. zoya

His eyes started tearing. He couldn't lose her now, not after all he'd found out. Not when they had a chance of a happy life together. Not now. Flashes of Mangalpur came back to haunt him, as he remembered the feeling of having lost her. Of her body lying there on the ground, lifeless. 

 

"ZOOOYAAA!"

 

'there she is ..completely'lying lifeless'..he went down on his knees..to sit along with side of zoya'😲.he shrug her shoulders'our mangalpuriyan asad is back'.😲

Asad- zoya'..zoya''ZOYAAA'..

He remove all the stands of her hairs'.leaves', dirt, .from her face'a blood ws coming from her  left side'forehead'.he immediately  clean tht blood'.by his  handkerchief'to stop the blood'.he check her breath'.she is not  breathing ..he try make her up..but her hands fell from his grip'he got scared..like all colors fainted from his life..& he himself come to his end..πŸ˜•

 

Asad'zoya'get up..i said get up'..why can't u jst listen to me'..tum meri baat kyun nhi manti..i said get up''.pls'.zoya..utho'pls'..get up'.4 god sake'.pls''😭

Thn he start rubbing her hand with his hands'..

U can't..u can't leave  me like this'..get up'get up'..he is jst pushing her chest so tht she can breath'.but no..she doesn't'..react to it'..

Asad try to give her mouth to mouth air'..but again she is lying there 'with no motion'.he held her close to his heart'.embarrass her into his tight grip'

 asad'pls mujhe chode ke maat jana😭'I can't live without u'.mein maar jaunga zoya'.pls I m sorry'pls..forgive me..pls  mujhe chod ke maat jana'..tum mujhe aur koi bhi saza de do zoya..but yeh nhi..u can't so this to me'...i love u'.i love u'I love u zoya'..  no god u can't do this to me'.allah..meri madad kro''.plsss''but again no reaction from zoya'..he feels..like 

 his life came to an end'😭

He jst said one word'..
Asas- ZOYAAA/''''.

This word  echo in that place'.like allah has listened to his prayer'..

As well said by elder people..

JAKO RAKHE  SAAIYAN..MAAR SAKE NA KOI'..😊

suddenly he FELL  A BREATH on his neck'..yes it's a zoya..breath'. he  break the embarrass  little way'.& say her'zoya is still breathing..she is trying to open her eyes'..& she held tightly the color of asad;s  shirt..as she can fell the touch on her body'tears tht are flowing from his eyes..& falling on her face''she can easy identify the warm breath'tht tight embarrass'..tht its her ASAd'..😳

they come face to face'MITWA ISHQ PE ZOR NHI'..big tune'

asad pov

asad saw her'.. a tear fall down from his eyes..    .zoya'his love''is okie nw'...he feel like..his life again come back to him'.'.zoya is alive'..yes my zoya is safe..a small smile came to his face'..& he thnks allah..for saving his love..his zoya'πŸ˜³πŸ˜†πŸ˜ƒ

-------------------------

zoya pov

zoya saw her love'..her asad..with tears..tears of love,happiness..tht zoya is okie'hw cn smone love her so much'.he cn u asad'.u r my savior'nothing cn happen to me..when u r there 4 me'.my jahanpanah six packs'.a small smile cm to her lips'.& he thnks to allah for sending this man into her life'..her ASAD'her LOVE..her LIFE'..πŸ˜ƒ

 

they both hug each other with all their almighty''.hug like they want to get all the pain out from eachother'.asad want to suck all the pain tht he actually saw in zoya's eyes'.when he confess his love to zoya'.& make her realize tht he will be always be their for her..no matter wht'πŸ˜ƒ.

Zoya'..hug him tightly'.as she doesn't want to get out his embarrass..his life..as her life depends on him'he is her life'..she want to suck all the pain tht she saw in his eyes..his guilt'4 which he is not responsible'pain'.pain of separation'..πŸ˜ƒπŸ˜ƒ

There is no space between their bodies..they sat in tht position for quiet a long time'' there ws a silent 'silence which speaks so much'..love, care,happiness, concern'.its like'. soul mates are  trying to unite'no need of words'.MITWA ISHQ PE ZOR NHI'..😳😳😳

they r there'..for sm time'.as they both try to figure out  wht to say..is there is anything to say'..

thn asad realizes wht she said'tht she can't forgive him'.as  she is right..why she will forgive him''he never trusted her'whenever she try to explain'.she try to confronts tanveer'.he never supported her'infact..he always'blame her'..& .became more rude with her'..😲

asad..broke the embarrass'& get up'.& turns his face'.& covered with his palm'..zoya won't understand wht happen ho him''.she knw he love her..but why suddenly he left her'..😲

there ws a silence..thn asad spoke up'.

asad- aap theek hai..(still face turned..as his back facing zoya..)..😭

zoya- hmm(still 'confused' looking at asad..as his back towards her)😊

thn again a silence'..

but this zoya breaks it'

zoya- Mr.khan..aap theek hai..

asad..(ws surprised..as zoya come out of her death  situation & she is still concern abt me'whether I m okie or not..she is unbelievable----)-hmm..thts wht he said..

zoya'Mr.khan'mujhe apko kuch batana hain'I want to tell u smthing'...(as she can't bear this silence anymore)

asad- mein janta hun zoya'.(I knw zoya..)

Zoya(shocked..)- Mr.khan aap jante hain'aap jante hain ki tanveer'ne hum sab se  jhooth bola'.apke aur uske beech uss raat kuch nhi hua tha''kuch  bhi nhi Mr.khan'..us raat usne aap ko drug diya tha'.tak ki hamre beech galat fahmiyan peda kr sake'..

(Mr.khan u knw..tanveer lyind to us'.nothing between u two on tht night'..she drugged u'so tht she cn creat misunderstandings between us..she manipulate the whole situation'..nothing happened b/w u two..)

Asad- I knw zoya'.

Zoya..stand up on her feets'.but asad back 'sill towards her'..she was shocked..hw he knw abt it'..'.

Asad ' tanveer   jst manipulated the whole situation'..i knw the truth nw'.wht she did with u'.i knw'I can't forgive myself nw'.never..all tht happen wd u jst because of me'.

Asad- ali show me the video'wht happened between u & tanveer..i saw tht'hw she confessed all the truth'I knw'

 

Zoya pov

Zoya nw understand tht he again feels guilty because of my situation'he is considering himself responsible for all tht happens'.she knw he has a mistake to trust his friend blindly but he is always a true friend to tanveer to help her thinking tht she is in trouble'he himself is not wrong'.wht if he has a wrong person in his life as his best friend'.there r few people whom he trust his ammi,najma, tanveer,'thts it'.hw he cn think tht his childhood friend who ws always there with him at his bad days..during child hood'.she understand him'although she has a mistake ..she shouldn't have taken tanveer's challenge lightly''.but whtever happened..why is he behaving like this nw'when we both knw the truth''..

But why he is blaming himself'he is not responsible'.he loves her..& she loves him too'tht the ultimate truth of their life'which will be their till their last breath'.

 

Zoya- Mr.khan is mein apki koi gakti nhi thi'..kissi aur ne apke barose ka galat fayda uthaya hain'.

But asad cut her '

Asad-  tht women''anger grows inside him'.. has done all this '.to u'jst because of me'.i m responsible 4 ur this condition'mujhe aap pe barosa krna chahiye the..meri wajah se aap maut ke mooh mein pohanch gyi thi'.yeh toh allah ka shukar hein aap theek. Hain''.he turn back  to face zoya'..wd still head down'he jst said'..

Asas ------I M SORRY 'I M SORRY ZOYA'..'a guilt can easily be seen in his eyes.as tear fall from his eyes'.

Zoya ran towards..him'cup his face..with her palm'.& kiss him'.kiss him on his whole face'..kiss him on his forehead'on his  left cheek first thn on his right cheek'.thn on eyes.. kisses Asad's tears off his face. ...to stop tht fallen tears'she kissed him fully on his face'..like she want to suck all his pain'with her kiss'..(MITWA ISHQ PE ZOR NHI- tune )😳

Asad..was surprised'firstly  by her gesture'but thn he close his eyes..as he wants to feel her'...

 Zoya-  I LOVE U Mr.khan..i love u '..yes .i love u..she said'.while kissing him on his face'(MITWA ISHQ PE ZOR NHI'with words.)😳😳

Asad heart missed a few  heartbeat..wht he jst listened'.can't believe his ears'😳

HER KISS say a lot of things'.her kiss define him tht she is their , no matter what..she loves him..thts the ultimate truth..she wants to be with him'.she wants him to be in her life'.she jst forgive him'.like she always do'.his one sorry..& her heart melts like an icecream'..she can't be angry wd him for long'.she jst loved him so much'.no matter wht ever happen between them'.any number of MU cn come up but the soul-full truth is tht  they love each other'..they can't live without eachother..this last month has prove it to them tht they r inseparable'if they want to stay away   there memories..their destiny always bring them together'...zoya love asad'.jst love him deeply , truly  '..  a small  smile come to his face'.😳

Thn after smtime..zoya came in front of him after kissed him truly with all her desire tht ws hidden deep in her heart'..the pain  thy felt due to this MU..this separation'..she kissed him'like  she wanted to  sucked all  d pain from him..she blush  when   she   sense d small smile tht come up to his jawline while she is  kissing him'she still cupped his face'...their foreheads  meet..& asad cupped her face' & they both smile'.

 

Asad- I LOVE U ZOYA'.I LOVE U'.😳

THAN THEY BOTH HUGGED'..HUGGED  TIGHTY'THT THEY WANT TO LET GO OF EACHOTHER'HUGGED EACHOTHER WITH THEIR ALL ALMIGHTY'..(FULL MITWA ISHQ PE ZOR NHI)πŸ˜›πŸ˜Š

 

Precap-

Asya marriage'.& SR'😳


SORRY for all my grammatical mistakes...


pari😊


a small req...those who r nt in my buddy list..pls add me..because its difficult to send individual pm's...hope u all  understand...😊


Edited by princeegoyal - 10 years ago
LuvUAsYa thumbnail
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Posted: 10 years ago
#75

res

Edited by LuvUAsYa - 10 years ago
cool_sri thumbnail
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Posted: 10 years ago
#76
very emotional update!!!!!!!!! very well written..awesome...
Linsie thumbnail
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Posted: 10 years ago
#77
waiting for the next update❀️
nilusoni thumbnail
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Posted: 10 years ago
#78
Wow loved it continue soon i send you buddy request but if u didnt get it u send me one
plz pm me for next part
Gudduluvs thumbnail
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Posted: 10 years ago
#79
Wow..awesum update..luvd it...waitng fir nxt prt..thnks for pm
princeegoyal thumbnail
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Posted: 10 years ago
#80
love u too..alisha...β€οΈπŸ€—
i m really glad tht u like it.....bas thodi si koshish ki thi...
truly speaking i ws actualy waiting 4 ur bandars,...πŸ˜†

lots of love..
pariπŸ˜ƒ

Originally posted by: LuvUAsYa

r

im baaack... πŸ˜ƒ
 
 
yipppe im 3rd...  
woooww pari...
tussi to kamaal ho yaar...
 
yaaar tu kitnaaa achha likhti hai...
 
 I mean it ws just just just amaaaznnn... πŸ‘πŸ‘ 
 
suuuperrb yaaar...
 
inaaam bindaaas...

Edited by princeegoyal - 10 years ago