Part 5
Khushi walked in a trance towards the poolside. It was illuminated by her favourite fairy lights, the ones that she would always entangle herself in. The instant this thought crossed her mind, flashes of that night surrounded her. She looked at Arnav, remembering the way he had disentangled her at this very place. She remembered his exhilarating touch on her hand, her back while removing those twinkling lights. A tear escaped from her moist eyes. The poolside had been their secret haven. They had spent most of their private moments in this place. Yet, instead of feeling calm, she felt a strong pain in her heart. This very place had shattered her dreams time and again. He had hurt her, pushed her, pulled her. She remembered the cold nights that she had spent, sleeping on this very floor. Recalled the way he had treated her after marriage. She shut her eyes immediately, trying to block out the painful past. How much ever she tried to leave those dark days behind, she would never be able to run away from them. Her past would keep haunting her all her life. She heard him speak softly.
"Khushi, I did not do this to remind you of all the hurt. Khushi, please look at me." She could not look at him, so she just walked a little away from him. Even now, in such situations she felt affected by his warm body close to hers. Her entire being felt consumed by him. She needed some fresh air, so she moved a little away and breathed a sigh of relief. She heard his voice crack again, "Khushi, please don't walk away from me. I cannot bear to be apart from you anymore." This surprised her. This was the same man who would manhandle her and shout at her for walking away from him? His voice speaking words through gritted teeth resonated in her ears, 'Do not walk away from me when I am talking to you Khushi.' She shivered, even though it was just a distant memory. So many wounds had left her tiny heart scarred. She wondered if she could really move on. As if he had heard her thoughts, he spoke...
"I know how much I have hurt you, Khushi. I remember every hurtful word that I threw at you, every moment that I tortured you, because all those terrible memories are etched in my mind too. All those moments have damaged me more than you can imagine. And the damage is so strong that I cannot even demand anything from you anymore. So please I beg you to look at me, just this once?" His soft plea always melted her heart, as it did today too. She turned around and looked into those mesmerizing caramel eyes. He looked so frail, she noticed. And then, a thought crossed her mind, that in the past few days she had not noticed him at all. In the need to avoid him at all times, she had missed seeing those dark circles developing under his eyes. His slumped shoulders were not those of the proud Arnav Singh Raizada she knew. What had happened to him? His always handsome face looked gaunt, and his always gelled to perfection hair was a messy affair.
She saw him looking back at her intently. He was trying to read her expressions and she knew that he could well understand what was going through her mind. Then she saw his mouth trying to form the right words, and after a couple of seconds, she heard him speak again, "Khushi, after all the pain and hurt I have given you, you chose to forgive me. Something, which I did not truly deserve. At this very place I have done some really cruel things. And trust me..." He laughed out loud, a bitter sound, making Khushi look at him in surprise. "I said - trust me... How could I even ask you to, when I have given you every reason not to? But Khushi, I want to create beautiful new memories that will replace the harsh old ones. Give you every reason so that your heart could trust me again, could love me again. Will you give me that one chance, Khushi? To promise you a tomorrow filled with all the love that I have to give. To mend every broken dream, to heal every painful wound, to bring that beautiful smile back on your face, Khushi."
His breathing labored, due to his choking throat and non-stop talking. Khushi realized that in this past year, she had never ever seen him talk so much. He had never needed to put across his emotions to anyone, not even his Di. She could feel tears flowing down her face very easily now. She heard everything that he had to say, she saw everything that he had done for her. If it was a few months ago when he would have done all of this, she would have rightly honored him with the title of her 'Prince Charming'. But she knew it was too late. She could not bring her heart to trust him again. She was scared of his anger, of his love for his family and of his hatred for her. Months of this frustrating feeling could not be forgotten for a few days of his kindness. She walked towards the pool chair and slumped into it, holding her face in her hands as her body shook with raking sobs.
He was there in a minute, she felt him the moment he stood in front of her. And then he knelt down in front of her, pulling her hands away from her face. She looked at him with her teary eyes. Both of them were transported to a time during Diwali last year. How she was seated exactly the same way and he had knelt down to put her amma's Payal on her foot. The almost kiss had followed, after which he had broken her heart for the first time. She could see the guilt creeping back into his eyes. As she blinked slowly, tears flew down her cheeks again and she felt his fingers brush lightly against her cheeks to wipe them off. That touch seared her skin. The intensity with which he was looking at her burned her from within. She looked away knowing that she could never say what she wanted to, if he looked at her this way.
"Arnavji, I just cannot trust you again." She felt him sigh deeply, yet she continued "Arnavji, when I look around this beautifully decorated poolside, all I remember is the hurt that you have given me. Each corner is echoing with memories of my horrible experiences. I do not expect anything from you anymore, Arnavji. You do not need to do anything for me out of guilt. I told you I have forgiven you, so you don't owe me anything more." She saw the nerve of his jaw twitching and she could feel his wrath coming to devastate her all over again. But, she was surprised when she heard him speak, his tone and temper both controlled.
"Khushi I am not doing anything out of guilt, I am doing everything out of my love for you. I know you cannot trust me. And as I said earlier, I will not try to force you either. But I will keep trying to win back your love, even if you say you don't have it in you anymore to love me back. I will wipe away each bad memory and replace it with a new happy one. I am doing this for us... and hopefully one day you will see beyond just you and just me... you will find us" saying that, he walked out of the poolside, straight out of his room. Khushi sat rooted by the poolside for heaven knows how long. Then when she was exhausted, she walked into his room and lay down on the bed. The twinkling stars did look beautiful. The last thought before sleep overtook her was of deep caramel eyes, and the love that shone in them.
Khushi woke up with a smile on her face. She didn't know why, but she felt lighter today. The memories of the night before, flooded her mind and she sighed. She didn't know what to make of Arnav's behavior. A part of her wanted to believe him, give him another chance but she was too scared to get her heart broken all over again. Khushi knew this time, she would not be able to pick up the pieces together. She let go off that thought, as she needed to get dressed and go to Gupta House. She had to take babuji for his treatment today. Today's session was very important, and his progress would determine how fast Shashi Gupta would heal. She noticed that Arnav wasn't around but thought that maybe he had an early meeting. She freshened up and had a quick breakfast to rush to her home and take her babuji to the hospital.
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Sleep evaded Arnav that night, just like it had for the past few weeks. He kept staring at the peaceful face of Khushi sleeping in their bed. He felt at peace just looking at her, listening to her soft snores. After their conversation last night, he had been left unsure of her feelings. He had been scared of losing her. She was not fighting him any more, but neither was she willing to give him a chance. He knew he had a long way to go, before she could trust him again and he had to keep on trying. He had to mend so many things, that it would take a lifetime to make it up to her. And that's exactly what he intended to do.
'Arnavji, I just cannot trust you again' these words echoed in his ears. He had to win her trust back again. With that one thought in his mind, he got off the recliner and went to the bathroom for a shower. After coming back, he saw Khushi still sleeping. He did not feel like disturbing her. Her innocent face brought a smile to his own. With a new certainty, he set out for a chance to surprise his dearest Khushi.
He had been discussing babuji's condition with the experts that had flown down from the US today. He had been persistent with the doctors here, that they should get all the equipment required for the quick recovery of Shashi Gupta. He knew that Khushi's concern for her father had been nagging her for a long time. She was putting in extra hours of work just so she could afford his treatment. And Arnav Singh Raizada's wife should never be worrying about such issues. He was still her husband and he would do everything in his power to make babuji hale and hearty again.
It had been over an hour of discussion with the panel of doctors, who had suggested a few machines for physiotherapy that would hasten the process of recovery. Shashi Gupta was almost forty percent healed as he could move his fingers, hands and a little bit of his legs. It was only a matter of the right medicines, regular physiotherapy sessions and his will power to overcome this illness. Arnav had instructed the doctors in Delhi to get the required machines, as soon as possible. As he was speaking to Dr Sharma, he felt her around. He knew Khushi was here, and he turned around to see Khushi walk in with Garima and Shashi on the wheelchair.
He could see the shock evident in her eyes. He could imagine a typical Khushi Kumari Gupta 'O' forming on her beautiful lips. The thought made him smile warmly at all three of them. Garima greeted him with equal warmth. Khushi just gawked at him, as she could not get over the surprise of seeing him there. He felt like chuckling again but he controlled himself looking at the place they were at. The doctors took in Shashi Gupta to examine him and run a few tests. As Garima and Khushi waited in the passage outside, Arnav brought them, two cups of steaming hot tea. He could sense Khushi's thoughts in her behavior. He went and sat next to her quietly and spoke to both the women about what the doctors had been saying. Garima thanked him for just being around.
It was past lunch time and the doctors had told Arnav that they would need more time with Shashi. So Arnav took the ladies to the hospital cafeteria and ordered for some food that they would like. Khushi had earlier refused to go anywhere, but due to the persistence of her mother she had relented. And while she sat across him at the table, he looked at her in awe. This woman could really eat! She looked slim, yet she could eat enough for two people. Today was a day of internal chuckling for him. They had finished lunch and gone back to the Physio room. After a wait of another 3-4 hours, they were called inside for a group consultation. The doctors had given them a list of do's and dont's. They had also suggested a few exercises to be done at home, whenever they got time and they were to come to the hospital every alternate day for faster progress. Looked like Shashi Gupta would be much better within a couple of months.
It was almost seven in the evening when all of them left the hospital. Arnav insisted on dropping them home as later, he could take Khushi along with him to Shantivan. As they entered Gupta house, buaji started her interrogation, and after she was completely satisfied that her brother would be well soon enough, she spoke to Arnav, "Babuwa, please have dinner and go. You have been out all day and must be tired." Arnav refused at first, citing that he did not want to bother them, but then he saw Khushi's face fall. Before he could accept their offer he heard Garima speak, "Beta, we don't have something lavish to offer you. It's just plain roti sabji. And I can understand if you do not want to eat it. Buaji let it be, damadji should have a good dinner. He did not eat anything much since morning."
Arnav felt a pang of guilt again. He had never intended to hurt their feelings. The only reason he had refused was because he did not want to trouble them anymore. The day itself had been exhausting for everyone. But when Garima said those words with so much love, he could not stop himself from saying what he did. "Maa... I will eat. I am very hungry, can you serve the food quickly?" He saw Garima's eyes tear up as she moved towards him and asked, "What did you just call me?" Everyone present in the room remembered the conversation that they had had, in the exact same place, over a month ago. So much had changed since then. "I said Maa... You had told me that day that you were fine with whatever I call you, as emotions matter more than anything else. I should call you something that I am comfortable with. So, is it ok if I call you Maa? I have missed having a mother for a long time now" Garima pulled him in a warm motherly hug, and he felt at home, after years and years of loneliness. She pulled out from his hug and kissed his forehead and said, "Off course Beta, you have always been the son I never had." And with that, the whole family moved to the dining table to have their dinner with moist eyes.
In the happiness of finding the warmth that he had craved for years from his mother, he had completely missed Khushi's reaction to the whole scenario. She had been stunned, quiet and her eyes shone with tears of happiness. There was this extreme satisfaction in her that only a daughter would understand. A daughter who wanted her husband to regard her family as his own. As they finished dinner with buaji's usual chatter, Arnav and Khushi kept glancing at each other. Arnav wanted to ask her if she was ok... he wanted to know what she was thinking... he wanted to know everything about her. But there was still time for him to get there. After saying their goodbyes to the family, they got into his SUV and drove off in complete silence. This silence was comfortable, unlike the hollow one a few weeks ago. This silence marked the beginning of a bond that would last forever.
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