Samarpan
One's dignity may be assaulted,
vandalized and cruelly mocked,
but it can never be taken away unless it is surrendered.
Part 4
He
picked up a diary at random. The cover said: Aarti Dubey, Age 10 years.
Naanimaasi had diligently chronicled them over the years. He opened a page and
read:
I was bad again. I am a very bad
girl. I hurt baba again. He hates me…I deserve to be hated…..
Yash
closed his eyes in pain. These thoughts that a ten-year-old Aarti penned down
were so much in line with what she was made to believe about herself almost
from the day she had begun comprehending her environs. Yash didn't really need
to read the diaries….The content in them were after all just an extension of
what Radhama had told him about Aarti's life till Naanimaasi brought her here.
Radhama was the only person who was privy to the silent, obscure, humiliating
life Aarti was subjected to in her dadaji's house. A few months after their
marriage, Yash had visited Radhama in her village, to know more about Aarti's
life. Aarti could never speak ill of anyone and Naanimaasi couldn't give him
the details, and he needed in-depth knowledge. Aarti's nightmares gave him
sleepless nights, literally as well as figuratively. They always ended with her
clutching him and making him promise he won't leave her.
Yash
looked out of the window. A slight drizzle had begun. It reminded him of the
long rainy night in that lantern-lit small room when Radhama had narrated the
unbelievable story of an innocent child who received a lifelong sentence for
just being born….for even coming into being.
***************************************
AARTI...
"Satya!!
Stop it, Satya!! Calm down. Leave the doctor's collar…it's not his fault. The
doctors tried their best."
"How
dare they say my Shobha's gone, Suraj? She is fine. She was fine throughout
this…this pregnancy. I personally took care of her. So how can they just say…."
"No, she
was not fine?
"What do
you mean doctor?"
"Mr
Scindia, if Mrs Dubey had come to us in the first six weeks, we would have told
her not to continue with this pregnancy."
"Why
so?"
"She had
a heart condition….and I believe she knew it. I am surprised she still went
ahead and took this risk. Her blood pressure was abnormally high and she was
hemorrhaging when she was brought in. We were lucky to save the baby."
"What
the hell are you saying doctor?...No, Suraj this man's talking nonsense. My
Shobha would never risk her life. She loves me too much and knows how much I
love her. It's that damned baby. I never wanted one…but since she wanted it so
bad I couldn't say no. I should have got it aborted as soon as it came by."
"Satya,
please…take a hold of yourself. Shobha is dead…she is gone. It's no one's
fault, my friend."
"It is…it
is that wretched baby's fault….it's because of her I lost my Shobha. She is a
curse."
"Don't
say that Satya…just look at her. Nurse, please bring her here…See, how
beautiful she is. She is your daughter…your flesh and blood."
"NO!!!
She is nothing to me….She killed my Shobha. I am never going to set eyes on
her…ever."
In the
end, Suraj Pratap Scindia had to call Satyendra's family and arrange for them
to come and take both father and daughter away with them to Hoshangabad.
Satya's brother, Brijendra, rushed over with his wife, Reena. Subsequently,
Suraj spoke with Satya's employers and arranged for his transfer back to his home
town. It would be some months before Satya got back some hold on his life. He would
spend most of that time in converting his entire room into a kind of a
mausoleum for Shobha. He hung up life-size pictures of her, kept intact all her
things, and even displayed them as they used to be before. Her clothes still
occupied the closet, the dressing table had her cosmetics, and he arranged her
side of the bed each night. It was as if his wife had not gone anywhere…..as if
she would walk in any moment and continue the life they shared.
Aarti
entered her so-called home in her aunt's arms. Reena had just put her in the
crib that once belonged to her daughters when the family received the news of
Satya's grandmother's passing away. The old lady was suffering from throat cancer,
which was in the terminal stage. The doctors had given up long back. One of the
mourners remarked how the newborn turned out be a curse for the family,
bringing tragic catastrophes with her birth and being responsible for the death
of her own mother and then her father's grandmother. This tone was soon picked
up and passed across the entire clan. Satya's sister, Maya, and his mother were
more than ready to join the unjust lament and deem the baby a jinx. They always
had a thing against Shobha and were very antagonistic toward her importance in
Satya's life…The same antagonism now shifted toward the innocent day-old baby. Her
being a girl didn't help the little one's cause either. Radha, nanny to
Brijendra's two children, was ordered to ensure that "that girl" stay away from
all the customs and rituals, which as time passed by also included all the
festivals and religious functions….a diktat that would hold till she grew up
and left that house.
Brij and
Reena watched helplessly as the little one was subjected to unfair dealings of
the worst kind. They had two daughters of their own and as such were aware of
their family's archaic thinking. They wanted a better future for their girls,
away from the norms of this orthodox society, so Brij had wasted no time in
accepting the job in the United States when it came his way and were to leave
in a couple of months' time. He tried to protest when Radha was asked to get
the store room in the backyard, which was next to the servants' quarters, ready
for the baby, but was shut up by his mother who untruthfully told him it was
Satya's orders. Actually, they wanted the cursed child to stay out of the
family realm; they very well couldn't tell him that. So they told him that it
was a practical move since Radha had to in any case take care of the baby, it
was better the baby be put up close to her. Satya had washed his hands clear of
the child, saying, "Do whatever you wish to. Leave me alone with my memories."
Brij had even approached his father, who refused to get himself involved in the
affairs of the women of the house, as he called them.
Brij
tried to contact his Shobha bhabhi's family, but was told her mother had
suffered a heart attack on hearing the news of her daughter's death….and that
her sister was tending to her. Given the circumstances, Brij couldn't do much.
His brother seemed totally detached from the baby, which he at the moment
naively thought was because he was still mourning his wife's death. So he tried
to be of as much help as possible before leaving for the States. He got the
room ready for the baby and filled it with all she would require for a year.
The girls stacked their old books and toys for her in one almirah, instructing
their Radhama to give those to their little sister when she grew up. Brij
arranged for medical care, paying in advance for all the required vaccinations
and introducing Radha to the doctor, arranging for their interactions as and
when required. When the doctor asked for the baby's name, they faced a fresh
problem. None in the family was ready to arrange for any ritual, even a cursory
one, given the family was under mourning for a year and as such could not
indulge in any religious rites. He, Reena, and the girls took the baby to the
temple, hoping the priest would suggest a way out. The baby needed a name. As
the priest came with the Aarti thaal to bless them, the baby reached out from
her aunt's lap and grabbed the thaal, toppling the sindoor in her hands. The
priest laughed and said the little one had chosen her name….she wishes to be
called "Aarti." That was the beginning of a very interesting relationship
between little Aarti and the priest, who loved to talk. In the later years,
Radha would be worrying sick looking for Aarti, only to find her sitting on the
temple steps listening to some or the other stories narrated in full flair by her
Pandit dadu. They were such an unlikely pair: One who could talk endless, and
the other who would listen and only express with her eyes and gestures.
Brij
left with a heavy heart, folding his hands in front of Radha and extracting a
promise from her that she wouldn't leave Aarti till Satya bhaiya had come
around or till Aarti was old enough to take care of herself. Radha held Aarti
close to her and gave her solemn promise that she would do everything to bring
up the little girl the way her mother Shobha was.
Satya
continued to shun his daughter and blame her for Shobha's demise. He could
never forgive her for snatching Shobha away from him. He refused to even look
at her and instructed Radha to ensure she was kept away when he was in the
house. The only responsibility he undertook was open a bank account in Radha's
name so that she had access to all the money required to look after Aarti. His
family too soon realized the reason for his resentment and refused to involve
themselves in improving the fractured, almost nonexistent relationship between
the father and daughter. For them Aarti was a curse, who was to be tolerated
because she was born into the family. Over the years they would belittle her
for every little thing, calling her names and even putting her through physical
abuse if she ventured in places that were not meant for her. Her dadi's main
mode of punishment was to shut her up in a dark room and leave her there for
hours, an act that resulted in nightmares that Aarti suffered with even after
she got married.
*******************************
"B…A…B…A"
"No, no
Aarti. The alphabets start with A….B comes after A."
Five-year-old
Aarti was asked to write the alphabets for her admission test to Class I. What
the teacher did not realize at that point was that Aarti was already forming
words and short sentences. She had mastered the alphabets when she was
four…having learnt them from Pandit dadu's (the priest's) twelve-year-old granddaughter,
Malti, who liked the quiet girl and would drop in on her way back from school and
teach her. Two days after teaching her about phonetics, Malti was surprised to
find Aarti writing…BABA and MA. She was showing her knack for language already.
Radha had spoken so much about her baba and ma to her that those words were the
first things that came to mind when she tried using the knowledge Malti was
imparting. Soon she picked up three-/four-word sentences.
The fact
that Aarti was not yet put into any school was pointed out to Satya by none
other than Suraj and Gayatri Scindia. They had come to attend a marriage in
Hoshangabad with their sons Yash and Prateek and had decided to meet their old
friend, Satya. Actually, Gayatri was keen to see how her friend's daughter was
doing, as Satya had ceased to be in touch with them. He had still not come back
from work, so Radha was summoned by Aarti's dadi to get Aarti. Aarti came
trailing behind close to Radha, and when Gayatri called her, she clutched on nervously
to Radha. No amount of cajoling would make her come out from behind Radha.
Gayatri asked the family as to the class she was studying in, and was met with
blank looks. Suraj and Gayatri were taken aback when they were told Aarti
didn't go to any school yet as she was rather short of intelligence and hardly
spoke. Gayatri had just got up to go near Aarti when they heard Satya's voice,
"Ma, there's a car out front. Who has come?"
Only
Yash noticed the little figure back off fearfully as her scared eyes came into
view, and the next moment she had sprinted out through the door. Without
thinking twice Yash followed her.
"Wait!
Aarti….wait." As she abruptly paused in her stride, she tripped over the
threshold of her room. Her hand shot out to grab something and found Yash's
hand as she gripped his index finger tightly. He pulled her straight.
"Whoa!
Be careful. Why did you run away? Ma wanted to meet you."
In
response the little girl went and hid behind the door, her head down looking at
the floor. He smiled. So she was shy. He went and knelt in front of her and
extended his hand, "Hi! My name is Yash. Will you be my friend?"
He
wanted to laugh out loud when he saw her shaking her head vigorously, even as
she put both her hands behind her. He looked around and saw some picture books
lying about as well as a couple of notebooks. He picked them up and saw pages
of alphabets and numbers written in very neat handwriting. Then there was a new
one that had BABA and MA written many times. On a page there were crookedly
drawn figures of a man and a woman….written beneath them were sentences, "This
is baba…….This is ma."
"Beta,
your parents are calling you." Yash looked up to see Radha by the door. He saw
two eyes peeping at him from behind her, as Radha tried to coax Aarti to come
in front, "Aarti, come out beta….He is a friend. Don't be scared of him. He is leaving.
Won't you say goodbye?"
Yash
stood up, "It's OK. Let her be. Goodbye Aarti! See you sometime." Saying that
he reached out and patted her head before stepping out of the door. That's when
he heard…a faint, soft and sweet voice, "Goodbye!!" He smiled and walked away.
Yash
walked in the living room to find his mother visibly upset, as Aarti's dadi
repeated what she had said earlier, "She really won't be able to keep up with
other children in school…that's why we have someone coming home to teach her.
Poor girl! She is just not bright enough."
"That's
not true," Everyone jerked their heads at him as Yash spoke, "Yes ma, Aarti
knows more than kids her age. I just saw her notebooks. She is writing
sentences in English, as also the numbers. She is very intelligent ma."
That's
when all hell broke loose as Satya's mother whined to her son that she was
being called a liar, making Satya turn to Yash, asking him to apologize for
being rude and lying.
"My son
never lies, Satya….Don't you know anything about your daughter? Don't tell me
you are still carrying your prejudices. In any case she should be in school at
her age."
"Don't
preach as to what I should do Suraj? I think you better leave now." With that
even the semblance of relationship broke. Having totally turned his back to his
daughter, he really had no knowledge about her and expected the family to do
the needful. After Suraj and his family had left, Satya was very angry at his
family….He admonished his mother and sister about how this could have ruined the
family's reputation: Today Suraj had pointed out the slip-up, tomorrow someone
else could. One good thing came out of the Scindias' visit though: Satya got
Aarti admitted to a school through a friend.
************************************
Aarti liked
to visit her father's room when he was away. She loved to run her fingers
through her mother's bangles on the dressing table and look at their pictures. Radha
had always presented the good side of her parents….telling her stories about how
much they loved each other, how her baba took care of her ma, how he brought
her things, and so on. Aarti never understood why her father never asked for
her and why he always shouted at Radhama even if he so much as sensed she was
around him. In school she looked longingly at the parents who came to drop her
children. She ached for an interaction with her father. She would peep at him
from behind the doors and pillars but would be too scared to show herself,
knowing it would make him angry. She got her answer when she was seven.
Her
father was away again on office tour. Maya found Aarti in the room staring at
the pictures.
"What
are you doing here? Do you think by looking at those pictures you will get your
mother back? Oh no, foolish girl….Your mother won't come back because you were
a curse to her life. You killed her. She died when you were born."
Aarti's
head shot up in shock as tears welled up. Maya was thoroughly enjoying herself
now.
"I know
I know…that must have shocked you, but it is true. Your baba hates you because
you took away the woman he loved very much. He can't bear to look at you
because you remind him of that cursed day. You took away his happiness, Aarti.
You are a bad girl."
Aarti
turned and ran all the way to the mangrove at the back of the house. It was her
favorite spot….and it was her sanctuary. She spent most of her time here….Alone
she would talk out loud to the trees, to the birds sitting on the trees, and to
the squirrels who came close to her for the nuts she carried for them. Dubeys
were one of the most affluent families of the town and owned a huge estate.
Behind the house, apart from the mangrove they had a vegetable garden. The
gardener had planted few flowers for Aarti in one corner when she had
hesitatingly asked him once why flowers cannot grow with vegetables. She didn't
tell Radhama what she had learnt that day about herself, but the little girl
understood her father better now. She began to idolize the kind of love he had
for her mother.
Over the
next few years she began to comprehend her life as a burden on everyone as she was
constantly made aware of her jinxed life by not only her dadi and bua but also
any relative dropping by. Soon Aarti started believing what was being said. By
the time she was ten, she blamed herself for her mother's death and became more
submissive, subdued, and silent. She truly believed she deserved to be hated
and withdrew more into her shell. Her self-worth had hit its nadir even before
she had touched her teens.
She
focused all her energy in writing and studying. At school she always scored
very high in the exams, but never participated in anything else. She hardly
communicated with others, but if someone came to ask for her help in studies,
she was always forthcoming. She may not have any friends, but she was liked by
all because of her kind, soothing, and helpful nature. When she was seven, she
first started writing her diary. It was Malti who had presented her one for
doing well in one of her exams. She was also the one whom Aarti turned to when
she finished one and wanted another.
*********************************************
It was
her tenth birthday…not that it mattered to anyone in that house. Radha did what
she did every year…took her to the temple and bought her some sweets. Back
home, Aarti wanted to look at her mother's pictures. Radha told her to come
away soon as her father was due back. Aarti forgot to keep track of the time.
It was too late when she heard her father's voice in the corridor. She
frantically looked for a place to hide and finally stood behind the pillar in
the room, not realizing her reflection could be clearly seen in the huge
dressing table mirror. Satya entered the room with some books in his hand. He
stopped short as he saw Aarti in the mirror….First time he actually saw
her…she was a split image of Shobha. The familiar rage built up in Satya as he howled
loudly and threw the books in hand at the mirror. Aarti watched in horror as
one book went and hit the wall clock and the others the mirror. The mirror
broke and splinters flew here and there, one of them coming and getting
embedded in Aarti's chest through her skirt top. Satya then abruptly turned,
kicking away the chair in his way and stormed out of the room and of the house.
Radha and others came rushing in as they saw Aarti coming out from behind the
pillar, in shock, tears streaming down her face, and the front of her top
soaked in blood. By the time Radha reached her, she had fainted.
As
always, not once did Aarti blame her father for the incident. She blamed
herself for being bad and breaking his rule. He had every right to be angry.
She was not supposed to be where she was, so naturally she hurt him again. No
wonder he hated her. She deserved to be hated. Next day she made her diary
entry:
I was bad again. I am a very bad
girl. I hurt baba again. He hates me…I deserve to be hated…..
To be
continued……
Edited by InduG64 - 11 years ago
comment:
p_commentcount