"You know what?"
"What?"
"I think we have some kind of connection with the rain."
"Oh, is that so?"
"I proclaimed my love for you in the rain, you came running to me in the rain to confess your love in the airport, it was us against the world in the rain, we reunited and came together stronger than ever after our first separation in this weather, and now here we are' engaged in the rain."
"Okay. . . so whenever we're apart and it's raining, just know it's a message from me that I'll love you forever and always!"
"But you'll be beside me forever right? You promise?"
"I promise."
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"Arjun'" I mumbled as a smile peered on to my face. I woke up from my memories of the past appearing as a dream and found myself lying next to Onir instantly turning my smile into a stern frown. I shut my eyes tight in hopes that this was all just a nightmare and that this was all just one big imagination of mine on the day that Ovi proposed her deal to me.
"God Purvi, you're so stupid! I don't see why you're crying now, you brought this upon yourself," Purvi thought to herself.
"I know. . . but I wish I didn't," I whispered to myself.
I peered over at Onir's sleeping form and ran into the restroom as soon as I felt tears threatening to fall. I quickly searched through the drawers to find my special book where I hid all of my memories. Flipping through the pages, I landed on a page which held a picture of Arjun and I at the dhabba in Pune. I kissed the picture, then specifically Arjun's face ' something that had turned into a daily routine ever since the most horrible day of my life ' the day I gave my love up.
I used the wall as a support system when I felt my knees going weak and my body just losing balance. A kick in my stomach brought me back to my senses. I let go of one of the hands I had on the picture and put it on my stomach trying to reassure myself that I still had a part of Arjun with me. I quickly wiped my tears as my baby boy started to kick again.
"I'm sorry baby Arjun. . ." I spoke into the air, not sure whether or whether not my baby could hear me, but not caring. "I just miss your daddy. . . forgive me for making you mad."
In response, I felt a gentle kick in my abdomen changing the direction of my lips into an upward smile. I shut my eyes tightly as the memories played back in my mind from Arjun and I discussing our future, what we were going to do with our lives, and our most anticipated memory after marriage ' our baby.
"Arjun, I don't know if you can hear me, but don't think that I forgot my promise. . . I still love you and part of you is beside me always," I whispered to myself, letting the last of my tears fall down my cheeks.
"MISHTI!"
I woke up from my trance and yelled back, "coming!"
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"I have some news for you Mishti. . ."
"What is it?"
"I have this new patient. . ."
". . .and?"
"Arjun Kirloskar."
My heart fluttered and butterflies joined the baby in my stomach. I couldn't control myself from spitting my food out when I heard his name. It's been much too long. "Arjun?" I squeaked out.
"So you do know him. . ."
"What do you mean by that?"
"I overheard you one day mumbling Arjun in your sleep and when this Arjun. . . 'came to me' I figured that I should tell you."
I felt the tears threatening to fall again. "There's no point, what we had was so special, but I ruined it all." Onir reached over and wiped my tears away with his thumb. "Please don't do that. . ." I requested.
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Now, here I am again. After Onir trying to console me, I got reminded too much of Arjun, it made me sick ' literally. I sat down next to the toilet and emptied out the contents of my stomach as the hot tears started to fall again. I quickly got up and cleaned myself up. I looked in the mirror and saw myself with blood shot eyes, hair a mess, sari unpinning and coming off my shoulder and in general, a broken girl. It's been 8 months since I've been holding up and survived being without Arjun and the reality was finally caving in on me.
I went into mine and Onir's room and sat down at a desk. I pulled out a piece of paper and let my heart say everything it needed to, beginning with 'ARJUN I LOVE YOU!'
I read the letter and let myself cry once again causing the baby to kick. I put both hands on my stomach this time and wailed, "I'm sorry. . . I miss your dad so much and I can't stand to see him with anyone else, so it's either be apart from him and cry or see him every day and cry!" I quickly wiped my tears away from my face and whispered, "You keep quiet and don't do anything naughty in there, okay? And I promise you that you'll get to meet your daddy soon. . ." to her womb.
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"Crying so much isn't healthy for our baby."
"Our. . ."
"Sorry. . . I mean your baby."
"I'm really sorry Onir. . . I just can't move on, I don't know why it's so hard!" I exclaimed, finally having it. "I've seen so many people in movies and TV shows being able to move on from their first love, why can't I?!"
"Those are just movies and TV shows, they don't have a real love like you and Arjun, so of course it's easy to move on."
"It's not fair. . ."
"It wasn't fair of you to leave him."
"But aai. . ."
". . .would have reunited with your dad anyways. Don't you always say that your love with Arjun was just like your mom and dad's love?"
"Ha. . . and now we're separated like how my aai aur baba were."
"You're hardly getting by not seeing him for 6 months. . . how are you going to handle the rest of your life?"
"I. . . don't know. . ."
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Dear Arjun,
I still love you. . . and that's all I really know.
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