Part 1
"Nidhi...I need a favour please?"
Nidhi looked up from the case reports that she had been studying. It appeared to be case of DVT. The patient clearly needed a referral to the resident haematologist and, if need be, to the vascular surgeon.
"Yes...Dr Priyanka...?"
Priyanka sighed. How formal was that tone? She could not believe that this was the same warm, full of life Nidhi who had danced with such abandon at her wedding. It seemed she had been taken over by an alien who wore work blinkers on her eyes. She did not see anything beyond her duties, her patients, her profession. Priyanka was amazed at the similarities between her and the old Dr Ashutosh. It was like they had both had a personality transplant! Well, it was a good thing at times. She was in need of someone who prioritised work above all else.
"Dr Nidhi...am sorry...but could I please request you to cover up for me over this weekend...I know it is your time off...you haven't had an off in three weeks...but well, your dedication and commitment to work are unmatched...and anyway patients are always asking for you...so, I thought I too could request you for this favour?"
No harm in buttering her up a bit, although Priyanka recognised that every word she spoke was true!
A small smile of pride appeared on Nidhi's face. It felt good to know that your professional skills were respected and appreciated. It gave you a high that relieved you of all the accumulated strain brought on by work pressure. Of course, the fact that she was sought after by the patients themselves was icing on the cake. Fingers crossed, she would be able to get into the MS programme at AIIMS. A frown marred her forehead. There was something else to be dealt with before then. But she would get over it, she told herself fiercely.
"Dr Nidhi...is it okay with you?"
Nidhi nodded. Impelled by some curiosity, she asked,
"Why are you taking off though?"
Priyanka blushed prettily. She lowered her voice to a whisper,
"My mom-in-law did not want me to share it with people till we got past the 100 day mark...the thing is I am four months pregnant now...and we are having a small family get together to celebrate!"
Nidhi was taken aback. She could see no evidence of a baby bump.
Priyanka laughed.
"I am not showing at all, na...well...actually I have a tiny little bump...but I wear loose clothes so as to not make it obvious...do you want to touch it?"
She reached out to hold her hand but Nidhi withdrew it.
"Don't worry...it is not contagious!"
She laughed nervously on seeing the expression on Nidhi's face.
"Just joking...thank you, Dr Nidhi...I knew I could count on you...Dr Jyothika is not free either...her fianc and she are going wedding shopping...and Dr Jayesh has a PTA meet at his son's school...of course, you have no such personal commitments...so I thought it best to ask you...!"
Nidhi felt a twinge. Was she being taken for granted? That she had no children or other family commitments?
"Of course, we know Dr Ashutosh volunteers his free time at the children's home run bySo he won't have any issues either...And anyway he is so supportive of your career...you are lucky that way, Dr Nidhi!"
Nidhi nodded again. Then, before she could stop herself, she asked,
"So, was this an accident?"
She pointed towards Priyanka's tummy.
Priyanka looked horrified.
"Don't call my baby that!"
Nidhi was mortified. Why had she said that?
"I did not mean it that way...just wondered...since you've been married for just over a year now...what abut your masters?"
Priyanka laughed.
"It will be a long while before I am done with specialising and all that. My husband and I want to have our children while we are still young and able to enjoy them. We plan to have at least two and would like good gap between them. So, it seemed sensible to make a start now...and who's to say I can't continue with my education after having my baby...I'll probably go back to medical school when my baby starts pre kindergarten..!"
Nidhi nodded as Priyanka turned to go. She went back to looking at the reports when Priyanka interrupted her again.
" See you at Anjie's godh barai this evening...you'll be coming, right?"
Nidhi was annoyed now.
"I do have a life outside of the hospital, Dr Priyanka...thank you very much...!"
"Am sorry...I just meant that you have such stream of patients coming in...and all keen to see only you...!"
"That's okay...I'll see you then"
Priyanka rushed out of the door.
Nidhi leaned back against her chair wearily. Why did life have to be so complicated? All she wanted was time and space to focus on her career. Was that such a crime?
She knew Dadi Bua would get started this evening. How she wished she could claim an emergency and just not go. She could not do that to Anjie though. It would break her heart. She had been so excited, planning for this evening.
Her eyes strayed to the AIIMS application forms again. Time was running out. And so was the time frame that she has asked of Dr Ashutosh. She felt resentful. Why should she guilty? Wasn't this her life at the end of the day? This was the time for her to focus on her career. Even if she went ahead with her MS, she would still be only in her late twenties when she finished. Plenty of time to have a baby after that. It was not like it was her biological clock that was ticking. How did it matter if she pushed the baby decision by another three years?
He was anyway quite old to be a father. What difference was a few more years going to make now? Why did she have to pay the price for his delayed fatherhood? It was not like she had asked him to sit around and wait till she walked into his life.
Nidhi felt a twinge of guilt. Why was she thinking this way? Was this man not the love of her life? Then why was she feeling so resentful. She couldn't help it though. She did not want to be obligated to him for a few years of her own life. She wanted to be able to go look him in the eye and tell him that she was going to do her masters. So, they could well put the baby plans on hold for the duration. This was her life and her womb at the end of the day. She must have the freedom to choose what to do with them and when. She wanted to say all this to him but resented herself for not being able to do it. What kept her from doing it? What made her weak? Was it love?
The worst part of it all was that she had no clue what went on in his head. He never said very much. In fact, they had not broached the topic of a child in a long time. She could not even remember when they had actually had an in-depth conversation. They were both so busy with their respective schedules. Post Khushi being restored to her parents, Dr Ashutosh had immersed himself in work. He had also started working with the children at the orphanage that they had taken Khushi to. It was like he did not want to have a minute to spare. That suited her fine too since it meant she could spend as much time at work as she wanted to, without feeling guilty. But, on the flip side, it now seemed that they did not even know each other. They were like two polite co-inhabitants of a house. Yet, they shared a curious intimacy, turning to each other in the darkness of the night when their bodily urges got the better of them. Nidhi imagined that most marriages came to this with time. Particularly when both partners were focused on their careers to such a degree. It would all be fine in time!
Her blackberry beeped indicated an incoming message. It was from Ashutosh.
'My surgery has been pushed. Looks like I may not be able to make it for the evening'.
Oh God no! He was her buffer against Dadi Bua. She could not handle her independently.
Her fingers frantically typed back.
'Please be there even if late. Counting on you. Don't let me down'.
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