Posted:
Originally posted by: ipkknd_gbdfan
Amazing!
"You grow up with a sister/mother. You have blood relationship. You can't help but love them." - This is VERY true, even in the scientific sense - there is a principal in biology that states that you will try to protect those whose genes are closest to yours - so, a mother will protect her child, because if the child survives, then in a way, she also survives through the genes...an uncle will protect his niece/nephew more if they are related by blood and not by marriage..."But a wife is someone who is not tied to you by blood, yet part of your flesh; has no obligation towards you other than a handful of vows, yet stands by you through thick and thin; does not have to love you, yet loves you more than anything else in the world." - I loved the way you wrote it...even though I'm not married, I still find this very true...I mean, women leave their own houses to go to their husbands' house/family, consider them her own, and live with them for the rest of her life...all she is asking in return is love and respect from her husband and his family.You, and I, want Arnav to defend Khushi..."Why Arnav never roars that, 'Shut up. Don't you dare say a word against my wife. She is my pride and my belief. She does not need to justify anything for anyone.'"We've all seen Arnav defend Khushi - remember the Dadi episodes before the bed collapsed? So, it's not that Arnav doesn't defend Khushi...I just think that Arnav values Anjali more than Khushi - and since I HATE Anjali (even now since I believe her to be the sole party responsible for the entire MU, etc. - what woman can't realize a cheating husband, and if she became a mom, she needs more strength to fight for her child!), I don't like that Arnav-Anjali relation - I don't look at it and say "aww! That's so sweet!"So, I think that a better question would be, WHY DOESN'T ARNAV LOVE KHUSHI AS MUCH AS HE LOVES ANJALI?I can see how much you love and respect your husband:"Having a husband who is willing to fight for me the entire Canadian Government if needs be...""...who puts you before even himself.""It's funny. I'm married to a Canadian man. But he treats me like the true sense of the word 'Ardhangini'. He stands by me even if everyone is against me. Because he made vows to stand by my side." - I don't see what's funny about it - marrying a Canadian man is not different from marrying an Indian man - the most important thing is the man's values, characteristics, and feelings towards you...there has to be love, respect, and trust in a relationship for it to blossom - and ethnicity doesn't really matter."The day, Indian men start to realize the true sense behind 'Ardhangini' and Indian women start to demand their right as one, the story of Indian household will be entirely different." - I have a different opinion of this...It's true that many men in India treat their wives like shit, but there is a common thing in all of them - they are all arranged marriages. I'm not saying that arranged marriages are bad, but if the man and woman don't know each other, don't trust each other, then after their marriage, isn't the guy going to support his mom/sister more (since they are people that he grew up with and trusts)? Then, by the time the guy starts trusting his wife, wouldn't it just become a habit to tell the wife off...because if he says anything to his mom/dad/sister/etc. then they will all say that he has become a "jooru ka gulam". And another thing is that sometimes, the wife would expect too much without giving anything in return. I've seen women who treat her in-laws badly, and don't give them respect...in such cases, isn't it the son's duty to support his parents? There are a lot of things affect the behavior of Indian men towards their wives, and most of them are social factors.As I mentioned before, not all arranged marriages fail - my parents' marriage was arranged, and they have their own sets of weird arguments but they still trust each other. I am not saying that all love marriages are successful - a distant cousin aunt of mine loved someone in college, and got married to him, and now - almost 10 years later, she wants a divorce and is in "love" with another person...So, I don't think that the opinion you have of Indian marriages is entirely correct... :DExcellent insight though!
I agree that some Indian men might be the exception. But by large what I have seen with them (including men in my own house) do not put their wives first before their own family.
But I can't completely blame them because as you said, we teach our boys that a man who is devoted to his wife is a wimp (jodu ka gulam) but a woman who is devoted to her husband is an ideal wife (pativrata).
The same way, when a son or daughter-in-law take care of his family, it's their duty. But when a daughter or son-in-law take care of her family, they are doing something special.
This double standard exists in every strata of the society and arranged marriage or love marriage don't differ in this. I grew up in Kolkata, a very metropolitan city with modern outlook and I have seen even in love marriage, what starts out as equal in everything eventually changes into the same social equation.
Yes, I have seen wives being insulting to in-laws. But tell me something, why the ratio of a wife being insulting to her in-laws is higher than the ratio of a husband being insulting to his in-laws?
I will tell you why. Because a man never lives with his in-laws who directs his life the way their lifestyle is whereas almost 99% of the cases of a wife being insulting to her in-laws are all living in a joint family where the family tries to mold the wife to their way of living. Do you see the difference?
A woman is expected to mold herself to her in-laws way of leaving. If she doesn't she is not a good daughter-in-law. But a man is never expected the same. It sounds harsh, but as much as joint family structure gives more stability to the off-spring when every person willingly follow the same edict or they are all allowed to follow their own way of living, it's equally harmful to the husband-wife equation when every person doesn't want to follow the same edict and they are forced to follow the family way.
This is what I meant when I talked about Ardhangini. Ardhangini means half of yourself. Her honour is your honour, her insult is your insult, her happiness is your happiness and her sorrow is your sorrow.
But the son expects his wife to continue living her life the way his family live theirs and not rebel or complaint. Why not? What if your wife comes from a different culture or life-style? What if she doesn't want to change her way of living? What if she doesn't want to be molded into your family's ready made mold? What if she wants to have her own kitchen, her own privacy, her own space which is impossible in joint family system?
The problem starts then. Between the long-suffering family and the witch of a wife who is trying to snatch away the son. But everyone forgets that wanting to have her own husband to herself and having her own way of living is not a crime. It may not be the society approved way of thinking, but it's a human approved way of thinking.
Kyunki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi 2
