Posted:
Ok, so tonight's episode of DABH was very interesting.
She doubts she could ever be the wife Bhabo and Suraj wants - a willing body on the bed, a tireless machine during the day who is also expected to remember all the numerous details that really a grown man should be able to do himself.
Sandhya from day one made no secret of her desire to a police officer more than a desire to be a bride or wife.
Fate played dealt a rough hand and she got cheated by her brother. He is trying to make amends but its 'too little, too late."
We have seen Sandhya being quiet, almost submissive under Bhabo taunts and tantrums, some almost inhuman and beyond all that is decent. Many of us asked why is she keeping quiet, an educated girl wouldn't and so on. Again true but remember people aren't the same. No two educated women would behave the same, therefore we cannot really put ourselves in Sandhya's shoes 100%.
So really, all this culminated in today. Over the last few days, it has been intensely pointed out that she is a failure as a wife. No matter what she does, it's not good enough. The only person who understands that she is trying her best - having never done housework 24/7 before - is Suraj but he only unfortunately speaks at the last resort (would it have hurt him to say 'I've started liking cauliflowers now?'😆)
Sandyha is not denying that she cares for Suraj or wants to do best by him. What she is having doubts with is herself.
She doubts she could ever be the wife Bhabo and Suraj wants - a willing body on the bed, a tireless machine during the day who is also expected to remember all the numerous details that really a grown man should be able to do himself.
Because she has the eternal conflict within her: She wants to be more than just a WIFE or a DIL or even a DAUGHTER and SISTER. She also wants to be a CAREER WOMAN, taking pride in her own accomplishment without it being related in any way to a husband/brother/ father.
This is the conflict that has driven her from day one. It wasn't so clear cut at her parents because they supported her. When she married, she repressed that side in a bid to win over her new family. But as days went by, she realises that winning them over will be a neverending a job because they never accepeted her - her true self, which she had been hiding by playing at being Suraj's wife, Bhabo's beendni, Meena's Jethni and so on.
They never got to see the true Sandhya and what she could achieve. The truly heartbreaking moment was when she realised it will never be so (at the moment of staring at that shadow). This is why she spoke to Suraj about. That she can never be a 100% wife to him, because a part of her will be a Police officer with duties and loyalties elsewhere. She can't cook or serve him 24/7 or even remember what he likes because its not important, it truly isn't. But in his household it will be the end of the world if she serves him dhal when he should have been given chicken. The house will cave in if she is on night duty as watchdog Bhabo will notice her son has gone 'without' his wife one night and make her life hell !!!😃
That she cannot deal with. SHe feels pressurised, I think to consummate, to be the wife that she is not ready to be - Yet. I am pretty sure, tomorrow she will explain the conflict within her. I am also hoping she will talk about her desire to be an officer and that is why she cannot dedicate her heart and soul to him. She cares for him, she is too honest to forget all he had done for her but she also knows she cannot spend her days being the person they want her to be and I suspect this is her breaking point - a time for her to initiate change.
This is the conflict many of us women face all over the world, no matter our religion, creed or the society we come from. The struggle between our true self and what society (often dictated by patriachal rules) wants from us. Many do achieve a balance, but majority often sacrifice their own desires and dreams.
So I am glad Sandhya spoke up. It's time the message got out there. Woman too have dreams and want more than just to be married or to be a hanger on for their husband.
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