Madhumita Shukla's diary :(

The case of former Uttar Pradesh minister Amarmani Tripathi, prime accused in the May 9 murder of poetess Madhumita Shukla, who was remanded to judicial custody till October 20, has suffered a major setback.

A recovered diary, allegedly Madhumitas, reveals a story of love and heartache which Amarmani will find difficult to counter.

In the diary Madhumita supposedly refers to Amarmani as Victor and his wife Madhumani as M. The Kanpur IIT student Anuj, who she purportedly married, also finds mention in the diary.

The account in the diary supposedly reveals Madhumitas intense love for Amarmani and even indicates the time when Madhumita discovered she was pregnant. There are several references to Anuj and some indications that she disliked him. The written accounts also reveal that Madhumani knew about her husbands illicit liaison.

Apparently, Amarmani often travelled with Madhumita and they stayed in hotel rooms, like during a trip to Mumbai. In Delhi, the former minister however maintained distance and he stayed in UP Sadan (the UP Government guest house) while she was put up at five-star hotels. In relation to this, the Central Bureau of Investigation has questioned the staff at the Oberoi and Taj hotels.

Meanwhile, Amarmani did not come clean about the relationship despite undergoing a lie detector test.

Sunday Mid Day presents excerpts from the diary translated from Hindi photo copies of which are available with the newspaper.

Name: Madhu Shukla
Education: BA (graduate)
Complexion: Fair
Height: 5.5 feet
Age: 21 years
Date of Birth: 30-4-1981
Extra: Successfully participated in all-India poetry get-togethers.
Hobby: Writing poems and playing badminton.
Brother: Two 1. Vijay Shukla 2. Isan Shukla
Sister: One. Nidhi Shukla, studying for her masters in music.

November 6
He is meeting me after many days. We have returned from a 10-day trip to Mumbai. There I met him to my hearts content. I have good news. I felt good today. I felt like loving him more and more. I wanted to see him to my hearts content.

We talked a lot. Today, something new has been born. He said we would brush with the same toothbrush. After brushing with the same brush I felt that no one in the world could be as close as we are. Now I feel that all the distance between us has vanished. He has married M but he is closer to me than anyone else.

M says that he has such relationships with many girls and after a year, when he is satiated, he leaves them. But M does not know that they get into the relationship for money but do not love him like I do. I believe he is my life.

November 7
Since this morning I had a feeling that the programme would be postponed. But I finally managed to catch the flight. While going to Mumbai, one hindrance all along was the son of As friend.

But nevertheless we were able to enjoy the flight. On reaching Mumbai, he went for a meeting and I kept waiting for him. My programme is
He returned at 9.20 pm. I said let us sleep. But he said lets go out. We went out and had dinner; it was nice. But while eating dinner he kept making sarcastic comments.

In the room, I asked him to stay for one more day but he declined and we had a tiff. He went to the bathroom and I lay down. He tried to pacify me but then turned and went to sleep. As usual, I had to pacify him.

November 8
He shouted at me all morning. He said he couldnt stay at any cost. I started to make preparations to leave. Then he sent me to the market and went for a meeting himself.

I shopped a bit and went to the airport but even during the flight we kept fighting. Earlier, when I used to call him, Victor would come on time and I used to force him out. But now, he is always in a hurry to leave.

In Delhi, I was at the hotel and he was at the Sadan. I kept calling him till evening and later he said he was tired and called me over.

I insisted he come instead. He did not want to come, but later relented. I insisted and he agreed to go to Greater Kailash with me. Initially, he told me to dance with the boys.

I was hesitant and declined. But during dinner, I started dancing with one boy. He was angered by this and slapped me. I felt Victor had become distant. He asked me not to go with him to his place. I tried to pacify him the whole night.

November 11
He instructed his servant to lock the entire house. Till late into the night, I begged the servant to let me go and eventually he did let me go.

November 12
Victor woke me up early morning and sent me home. I asked Victor two things. He got me a saree and ordered that I immediately return to Lakhimpur.

Undated
It seems that Victor is not going to listen. He is now angry. He called me up thrice. I reached at 11 am. I kept waiting for his phone but he did not call. My saut (rival) M, had gone with him. He called to inquire about the vehicle.

November 14
He did not call all day; I kept waiting. In the evening he called and we spoke for a while. I spent Diwali happily.

Today is November 14 and on the 12th I had gone to him. He talked to me disinterestedly. On the 13th, in front of everyone he insulted me.

November 24
Nevertheless, I spoke to him on November 22.

February 1
I went to Sallus house (identity of Sallu not known) and Victor came to know. The evening went off fine but in the night, without provocation, he expressed his apprehension. I left the programme and went to him.

He was nice to me when we met. But after I returned, he did not talk to me for even five minutes. He had said he would call me during the election to stay for the entire duration but after returning, I have realised that he will not call me. Why this indifference? Is no one honest in this world? Victor is afraid of M. What will happen? I cant leave him nor hold on to him. I cannot understand. What shall I do. God! Please show me the right path. In the absence of my father, God please show me the correct path.
Only with your support,
Madhu.

Why his mention (name) did not please me,
Why his mention saddened my heart

March 29
Suddenly A (Anuj) called and it spoilt Victors mood. Before that he severely scolded me for calling Babu Saab. But then he pacified me. I felt nice. But why did that horrible person call? My heart knows that because of him, I hate even the mention of Kanpur.

He is harassing me without any reason and he is after me. I cannot love anyone in the world and I cannot bond with anyone except Victor. Anyone who comes between me and Victor, I will hate him the most. Victor does not like anyone even calling me up. He is very upset after that phone call.

March 30
He has been fighting with me since morning. Eventually, he left for Gorakhpur. He told Aayi to work for me and gave her Rs 5,000. I went but didnt get any work done. I kept talking to Victor.

At night when he called I was in the bathroom. I saw his missed call. I kept calling up but he did not take my call either from fear of M or because he was upset with me.

March 31
He suspected that I had deliberately not taken his call last night. When he called he spoke very little and was very cranky. Then he hung up, probably because M had come into the room.

When I called him, I came to know that the CM had called him and that Victor was coming to Lucknow. I said he should try and come to Lucknow alone, but I think to avoid me, he forcibly brought M along.

Why is he trying to distance himself from me? Is it true what M had said earlier, that he changes his girls after getting his fill? You can change the girl but not your love. Has he not loved me? After all what is the truth?
He did not call till 10 pm. Finally, I had to call him. He talked to me for a while. When I asked him why he did not call, he said he was busy and then hung up.

April 1
I am depressed over what Baba said yesterday. I am not feeling well. What is the truth my heart or his words?

I spoke with him on the phone. He was at home and he said he had been upstairs when I already knew that he was downstairs overseeing some labour work with M for the last 45 minutes.

He lied to me. Why this closeness with M and distance from me? What have I done wrong? The whole day I withstood his hatred and when I could not tolerate it anymore, I cried. In future, I will not love anyone as far as possible.

He called me at 9 pm. I met him in the restaurant. While giving him the letter and key, I told him I will not call him.

While on the way back, he called me and told me, Do not be disturbed. I will explain matters to you. There is no truth.

April 2
All morning I did not call him, though I wanted to. But what can I do, when even watching someone on TV, I start remembering him.

I knew he was in office; I called his office several times. I keep calling him because I like listening to him being mentioned. He called me by noon, inquired about me and said that he would send somebody to pick me up. But now it is 2 pm, and no one has come.

I talked to his aaya and got to know that 50 to 60 people from his area were over.

At 2.30 pm he called and asked if I was busy and if I was in Lucknow. He again said hed send someone over but I got no call nor did anyone come. Perhaps, it is true that he does not love me. I dont know how to pass time, I feel like running back to Lakhimpur.

Letter to God
Respected God,
Think, how much it would hurt when one realises that the one you loved with all your heart and soul has never loved you. Now I think, he is trying to get rid of me.

Please give me inner strength to bear this misery. Someone who I thought was my strength has ditched me. I have decided that I will forget everything and mingle with people, detach myself from this. Oh God! Please ensure that I do not have to talk to him due to any compulsion.
Me