Swamini's marriage-- listen up all

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Rucha Mulay

@RuchaMulay

Voyager

+ 2

Posted: 13 years ago

I have noticed a new trend in the forum for Swamini bashing.

People are saying that she is an unmarriied lady staying at her father's house. She may be divorced/ separated/ widowed we don't know. But any way a 50 something single lady let's say staying at her father's house and giving gyan on maaaykaa and sasuraal and relationships. Who is she? She doesn't have this right at all.

I find this trend very very sad. I mean we are well into the 21st century now and still thinking these thoughts? I think we need to rethink. Is being married everything for a woman? if she is not married or single despite being married, is it wrong? Is it a personality flaw to be single? Being at the age of 50 she would certainly have seen the world and have experience, so cannot share that expereince? Just because she is not married and not the DIL of this VM, she has no right to be the head of the family,so to speak? When a DIL of a house has a strong and haughty personality we like her to some extent at least (take Kokila from SNS) but not Swamini because she's a mere unmarried / single daughter?

Tell me how many of you ladies of this age, including me, think that that the viwes of your brothers are always wrong and it would be so good if your parents listened to you more thank them? As a daughter don't we want to influence our parents and maayka? Some of us who have strong personality and dominant nature might be even succeeding in that. So just because she's single she doesn't have that right or what?

I really think we should grow up and stop thinking on these lines.

I have no sympathy for the character herself, I too think that rigid rules are suffocating. So please don't misunderstand my POV. This is not really about Swamini. It's about us. I want us to grow up and think in a truly modern way.

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-preetiVirMan-

@-preetiVirMan-

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Posted: 13 years ago

I agree with your post.

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phatbunny

@RamanIshita

Navigator

Posted: 13 years ago

Nobody is saying she doesnt deserve respect because she is single. It's about her attitude and maturity level rather than her marital status. A woman in her 50s so immature and egoistic shouldn't be the one offering advice to people like jeevika who at least has some manners and is down to earth. I think the less swamini tries to guide her the better. For swamini its all about her "i want this i like that blabla". Grow up swamini. Viren's mom is also a woman in her 50s who actually has the first right to viren but is such a humble and cooperative lady. But sab ne is swamini ko hi sar pe charahke rakha hai. As far as her being alone goes, it would be safe to assume that its hard to find a guy who wants to marry a woman with a character like hers, so full of herself. She goes around ranting about her high class but which she gets from other people's money (none of it earned by her). And she doesn't have a right to be the head of the family because dadaji is still alive, and after that it should be the eldest daughter in law. Or should she go back to her maayka as well to claim her rights like swamini?

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Rucha Mulay

@RuchaMulay

Voyager

+ 2

Posted: 13 years ago

@ Sonya, exactly my thoughts. We should bash her only for the points you have mentioned. We should not bring her being single into it.

I noticed that her being single is being linked to her being bossy and haughty. ANd there is tone that being an unmarried lady staying at father's home, she does not have any right to teach people about sasuraal and maayka etc.

My post is about this tone. As i said, i have no sympathy for swamini, she is the most arrogant conceited brat!

I just wish we keep he rbeing single out of this equation...

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raji_b

@raji_b

Navigator

Posted: 13 years ago

Isn't it the story of all our households though and some what like a tradition. Just look into your lives too and you will see some similarities.

Our Bhua's ruled the house, dispite there marrital status, whenever they came over they gave some bhashan to our mothers on how to run the house, how to raise the kids.

And our mothers, thinking she is the daughter of the house, did not respond negatively to their these so called bhashans. Our grandmothers preferred an input from their daughters rather than daughter in laws when making their own household decisions. And it goes on. How much our mothers resented this interference but they were not able to say anything to their sister in laws coz of society, family or just to keep peace in the family.

And I do understand what my mother went through now as I go through it myself at times.

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kavyakomali

@kavyakomali

Explorer

Posted: 13 years ago

v ll b tooo much involved in d serial soo it happens n ...

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Inaya Haya

@lilmzsunshine

Voyager

Posted: 13 years ago

Very good points, and well said.

If I may try to understand and speak for those who've voiced such opinions, I think it's a case of labelling someone as 'bad' - as simple as that. As my 3 year old would say - I don't like her so I don't want to like her. Profound words for a 3 year old, but very true. I think that's what the forum is doing.

When she said 'hum itne kathoor nahin ke ek behn ko doosri behn ki shaadi mein aane se rookein' I actually sympathized with her. I think the forum is just finding flaws in everything she does just because she doesn't like Manvi. And we all LOVE Manvi. So that maybe why the forum is reacting the way it is.

As for her being a single woman and living at her dad's and manning the house - that may be a consolation price. My cousin's divorced, and the oldest daughter in the family and lives with her parents. So whenever we visit her, and her brothers and SILs do, we listen to her coz she's the oldest. It's out of respect, and also the fact that since she's the daughter of the house, she's been there longer and would of course understand and relate to the parents, every day on-goings of that house the best. So we defer to her on day to day matters, and value her opinion in the bigger matters too.

That said, she knows her place. Swamini, I feel, is suffocatingly rigid, as you pointed out, but there may be a story behind it I feel. I think the dadaji is worse. Swamini atleast seems to have a heart. Yes, she hates Manvi and her thoughts are downright petty. But she does have a heart. What dadaji does with his one minute rule, and the way he treats Virat and Inder, his own blood - I feel is just out of this world. So all this maybe related to Swamini's behavior.

We're all products of our upbringing and surroundings. Each and everyone of us. So is Swamini. She does things in that house because that's how she's always done it, that's how it's expected of her, and that's how it's been set.

Oddly enough - after today's episode I felt like everyone in that family is just sleeping in this sweet dreamy sleep where they do NOT want to be woken up from. Things are unfair in that house and no one WANTS to know it, they would rather go on sleeping, and believing they live in this beautiful house, with a beautiful family, with a very respectable dadaji at the helm and a very kind disciplinarian as Swamini. No one will 'wake up'. The only one awake enough to see what's wrong is Virat, but he's accepted that it'll be this way and has moved on.

I think that's precisely what is going to change in this house - the slumber it's in. And it'll be Manvi causing the rousing. It'll be interesting to see.

But circling back to your topic - we've advanced (psychologically) enough to know that women aren't 'burdens' shoud they live with their parents. They have voices and opinons as much as the other person, and just because they're voices and opinions don't jive with ours doesn't mean they don't have a right to them. If anything, Swamini has more rights to such opinions coz it's HER house. HER father. When I go to my mayka, I can ALWAYS tell my parents what I think maybe wrong or right, w/o hesitancy. But yes, when it comes to matters with my brother and SIL, I maintain a certain respect and distance because they are their own family unit now so my opinion is given while keeping my respect for my bro and SIL in mind. That said, every girl will ALWAYS be more at home in her mayka than in her sasural (yes there are some exceptions), and she will and should always have the right to speak her mind.

Swamini's being head of the family may simply be that way coz she's the oldest.

-S

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3serialfan40

@3serialfan40

Navigator

Posted: 13 years ago

I think the problem with women is that we are our worst enemies. We have a problem with our buas if they come home and express their opinions. Arre apne ghar mei - apne opinions daene ke liye bhi they have to take permission? How many times have we seen our chachis make fun of everything in the sasural, when their maayka is no better. How many times have women come in to the family and said :"my mother does it this way, so that's the only way to do things"

swamini is very set in her ways, since she has been raised that way and that is what she is comfortable with. Manvi is set in her way because she is raised that way...swamini is wrong sometimes, manvi is wrong sometimes. swamini has lived the way she knows how for longer than Manvi lives her life the way she knows how... so rather than taking sides with one woman or another can we not call the problem for what it is. Manvi was OTT when she did a swamini bua imitation at the wedding.. swamini is so uptight - what is her issue of Manvi calls Jeevika, its not like anyone is doing anything useful to be disturbed,...
So yes it has nothing to do with being married or not... it is about being egoistical... it is all about having the "my way of the highway attitude" that applies to men and women alike so let's not criticize swamini and dadaji alone, Manvi, Jeevika, Viren, Virat, Chachaji(jeevika's) are also equally stupid about certain things...so lets comment on the story and characters and not bring our prejudices into this please!

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Inaya Haya

@lilmzsunshine

Voyager

Posted: 13 years ago

Originally posted by: raji_b
Isn't it the story of all our households though and some what like a tradition. Just look into your lives too and you will see some similarities.

Our Bhua's ruled the house, dispite there marrital status, whenever they came over they gave some bhashan to our mothers on how to run the house, how to raise the kids.

And our mothers, thinking she is the daughter of the house, did not respond negatively to their these so called bhashans. Our grandmothers preferred an input from their daughters rather than daughter in laws when making their own household decisions. And it goes on. How much our mothers resented this interference but they were not able to say anything to their sister in laws coz of society, family or just to keep peace in the family.

And I do understand what my mother went through now as I go through it myself at times.

Lol - that's so true. But remember, there may not be ill feelings behind the differential treatment. On the flip side - My parents are old and they live with me, not my brother. When they want change, they go to my other sister. Both of us are married and although my other sister doesn't have kids yet, she works till 8 pm. So while the daugthers get preferences, they also get the responsibilities. Atleast in our family. From taking care of, to taking to doctors, to staying up with in late nights when they're sick, to taking them around - the daughters do it. The DIL won't be able to - it's a mother-child bond and it's unique. My mom would not be comfortable telling her daughter in law to do her laundry. But she doesn't mind telling me to do it. Similarly - it's second nature to me to do it if my mom's living with me. But if my MIL were living with me, I'd have to make a conscious effort ot remember to do her laundry. Not that I would mind, but I know my mom and her likes/preferences and her nature - I can give her things w/o her asking. Things I know she won't ask her DIL.

So - as they say, with status comes responsibility. So if you're prefered and given a higher status in your family, you're also held accountable for a whole lot more. I know I am - as the daughter I have to do a crap load more for my parents than my brother and SIL do. And I don't mind. And as the oldest daughter, even more so. But then my opinion counts for more also.

It all evens out in the end - life doesn't seem fair sometimes, but in the end, it all evens out.

Sorry - didn't mean to give you another 'bhaashan' :). Just thought your post was funny and very true. We still see this in today's day and age - coz they're just unique bonds, mother-daughter ones. I don't have a daughter yet, but if I do, I'm sure I'll prefer her over my DILs also.

-S

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shahriddhi

@shahriddhi

Explorer

Posted: 13 years ago

#10

@ RuchaMulay

hey thanks a ton for this post!!

finally i see someone trying to understand swamini bua's nature beyond 'bossy and arrogant'

i have a general complaint with this forum. people are really biased in their opinions. There is a general belief that swamini is the 'villain' which i dont agree to. its just that she is a little hard on the outside but from the inside she is nice. ya sure she cant take the nuisance from manvi and thats because she is a very organised person. nowhere does she become evil

i really think people jump to conclusions too soon on this forum

thats why they have idolized manvi on one hand and demonized swamini bua and dadaji on the other

all i wanna say is come on guys look beyond that !! this is not a typical hero vs villain thing. every character has its negatives and positives and we should weigh both of them before concluding anything

i had joined this forum seeing the kind of things they noted from the serial earlier. i mean some good observations were made (which still happens but somehow negativity has taken over)

the writers are damn good and their creativity is undoubtedly outstanding. but these days the forum really depresses me with fights and negative posts. i feel the independence is lost. the minute ill say anything against the majority or beg to differ ill be bashed.

can we please go back to the good old days

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Swamini's marriage-- listen up all

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