Originally posted by: arabianpaki
"something to do with a room"..lol
Puhleeezzz , the youngest had already condoned herself into that territory...😛
Shaheda baji will never approve of us.. after all someone has to play the good guy ..lol
Part 13
She sat there staring, careless if her companion thought her to behavior to be rude. But she couldn't help it. This wasn't something that happened every day. That you see the one person you've been meaning to say so much to for so long just appear before you without any warning. For a moment she thought her eyes were playing tricks on her. But no, there he was sitting across the room having lunch with a simple yet pretty woman. Seeing him after all these years she realized not much had changed in his appearance. Yes, the youth was long gone, now masculine ruggedness had taken its place and he was more built. Time had worked in his favor and became only more handsome. However no amount of his physical appearance could draw her attention away from the masked grief that was lying underneath.
She
never believed it when mutual friends spoke of his carefree nature disappearing
after everything in their life started to unravel. She assumed they must have
been exaggerating his condition to make her feel guilty. That thinking again
reiterated what his last words were to her, that she was nothing but selfish.
Undoubtedly she thought otherwise back then but time also changed her. It
caused her to grow, to leave behind the spontaneity of youth and the drive that
was only impulse. Now she was mindful, aware and most of all, repentant. But
time doesn't forgive. It always lingers if not to remind you of what's left
behind then to make sure it pays you back in kind. And that was nothing short
of the truth for her.
She
noticed how he tried to keep up with the woman's animated conversation.
Although she didn't know exactly what relation they both shared it was
obviously something special and a part of her felt jealously. She chided her
weak heart since she had no right to feel even that but couldn't help it. The
feeling of knowing what could've been but couldn't be was downright agonizing.
It was only when she lost her career then gradually her friends did she comprehend
the importance of love and human connection. Then it became obvious just how
empty and painful a life lived alone was. And that was when she broke,
realizing that was exactly what Maan had to go through. As the days turned to
months then years the weight of her mistake started to become too heavy and she
started to cave into the depths of despair. She began to feel nothing but
angst, guilt and shame. It haunted her day in and out from then on realizing
the extent to which her one action amplified his pain. It was only after it was
too late, way to late did she realize how wrong her actions and thinking were.
She
glanced at his table again and didn't know if she could do it anymore. All this
time she contacted him not to make excuses or beg to be taken back but for
forgiveness, nothing more, nothing less. But now she was losing will, she felt
scared to even ask for forgiveness. She knew it wouldn't change anything, the
pain felt during all this time won't go away, it also wouldn't heal the open
wounds but if anything she concluded it would show him that she accepted the
fact that he was right. He was right in thinking of her to be selfish,
irresponsible and cold-hearted. If she could give him anything after all these
years then it was this. She wanted him to know that his judgment had always
been right about her and she was willing to accept defeat. Having re-built the
courage to speak to him she looked towards their direction again but found them
hastily walking towards the exit.
In
reality it was more like Maan practically dragging Geet out of the restaurant
by clutching her wrist. All throughout lunch he felt someone's eyes on him but
for the most part was distracted by Geet's ceaseless chatter. It was only when
they were finished and he was scanning the room for their waiter to get the
bill did his eyes fall on her. Maan didn't know whether she had seen him or not
but only wanted to leave immediately. After settling the bill he stood up,
jerked Geet's arm and started to direct her towards the door.
Geet
wasn't happy with his behavior and told him so. "Maan, why are you dragging me
out like a 5 year old?"
"Geet
I just want to go now." He was about to finally push the door open and walk out
when he heard her.
"Maan,
please wait." Knowing this might be the one and only chance she sprinted
towards the door to speak to him. She was out of breath not from the physical
strain but from emotional strain. The heaviness only grew within reeling her
mind as to where to begin. But seeing him ready to walk out again without
listening she spoke. "I know you don't want to talk to me let alone see me but
just hear me out for a moment Maan…I'm sorry. I understand the depth of my
mistake and want you to know that you were always right."
He
closed his eyes trying to contain his surging anger knowing this wasn't the
time or place to be acting disruptive. He just didn't understand why though. It
was only a few hours ago he decided to accept the changes and live again. Why did
it seem to be that every time he decided to move on life wanted to remind him
of the past? Why was it that the universe seemed to enjoy his despair? He
wanted nothing more than to walk out and ignore her completely. To pretend she
never existed, to think these past few years in hell and the few before in
bliss were a part of his imagination but had that been the case his life
wouldn't be the way it was. But he tried that for so long all these years and
it hadn't gotten anywhere. The only way he could move forward and live a somewhat
normal life was by removing one of his many ghosts from that haunted him. And
that's why he stopped. He wanted to live again, breath again, drift away from
some of the agony that lingered within his soul but he couldn't until he wiped
it away little by little. And she had to be the first to go.
He had long ago removed her
from his heart but painful memories connecting with her always remained. And
that simply doesn't disappear in an instant with a mere apology and statement
of him being right. He had always known he was always right. His only qualm was
not seeing the truth earlier, being right earlier so he didn't have to go
through some of ache she brought upon. But he didn't want to waste any more
time drowning in their past. He only wanted to let all thoughts of her go now.
Maan
tried to maintain sternness in his voice but emotions took over and couldn't
help the pleading tone. "Sam, I want to move on. I want to forget some of the
past that I can…however much that maybe I want to drift away from it. I know it
won't ever be gone from my memory because certain mistakes are never forgotten but
I am human too and I want to live. Completely blocking you won't help me forget
but it might ease the pain. So if you are genuinely sorry and have any sympathy
after all this time then leave me alone if not for me then at least Piyu…. because
I'm all she has and I need to be there for her." A deep sigh followed, he
wanted nothing more than to leave the restaurant now.
Sameera was standing there agape unable to understand the words coming out of his mouth. How could he still blame himself? "Okay Maan, I won't ever bother you again but there is one thing I want to remind you before you go."
He had been facing the door the whole time leaving Sameera talking to his back. But he turned his head slightly and eyed her from the corner of his eye asking in a way what she meant. "It was never your mistake Maan it was an accident."
Maan needed no time to realize what she was talking about and instantly responded. "There is no difference between an accident and a mistake. It all comes down to one thing, consequences which in that situation were irrefutably dire…and the reality is I'm at fault for it. "
With that he walked out leaving Sameera feeling more shame and guilt than she ever had. Tears started to stream down her cheeks, she hadn't known until that moment the magnitude to which he was hurting. And much of that was her own fault, had she not left him when he needed her the most he wouldn't be so broken now.
Geet had stood there numb the whole time. She was a witness to an exchange that left her with more questions than she ever had regarding Maan's past. She'd always had a suspicion of a woman being involved for all the woes in his life and now after getting a hint that the one she met moments ago was her Geet was left more confused. Sameera was no doubt distraught and sorrowful and a part of Geet empathized with her but that empathy was tenfold for Maan. He had never let go of her hand since they left the restaurant, not even now while sitting in the car. And even if she had to Geet wasn't going to let it go willingly. He sat there with his eyes closed trying to get some inner peace she suspected. Not a word was uttered from either since they left the restaurant about what happened they only sat in silence. Her heart cried seeing him like that; it seemed as if he was carrying the weight of the world on him. His usual stern expression and stiff shoulders were replaced with exhaustion and limpness. She usually knew how to handle any situation with relative certainty but this one left her at a total loss. Since meeting Maan there was nothing more she wanted to do than help. And now knowing he also wanted to get on with his life, Geet decided she too will be there to help him every step of the way. The only problem was that she wouldn't be able to do much unless Maan himself opened up about his past.
"Ma'am, we have a problem. The highway seems to be blocked ahead." James could tell Maan wasn't in the mood to deal with anything as soon as he got in the car. Besides the fact, he seemed to be sleeping so he addressed Geet.
"What? How can that be James?" Geet peered outside the window and noticed the six lanes of traffic were now basically at a standstill with most of it rushing in the opposite direction.
"On the radio they are saying there is a storm headed inland and don't want fatalities so the police have barricaded the highways until it passes through. What would you like me to do?"
"If the police have blocked the roads James then the only thing we can do is head back into the city." Realizing they now had to spend at least one night in the city Geet gave him the address to her loft not wanting to bother searching for a hotel knowing it'd be impossible given the circumstances. Geet couldn't understand why everything seemed to be going wrong today.
It took what normally is an hour drive back into the city almost three hours because of traffic flow being diverted in that direction. Maan was so exhausted he didn't flinch the whole ride and was still in a semi-unconscious state when they reached the loft. Not wanting to take chances she had James help Maan inside and offered to give him money for a hotel. James declined politely saying he had family he could stay with for the night.
That was five hours ago. Now darkness had blanketed the city yet it was as bright and alive as it would be during the day. It most rightfully deserved its name as the city that never sleeps Geet thought as she looked out the glass walls. Time was something she didn't have before to actually enjoy looking at the vibrancy of it all. Now it was a different story though. Her life was on an unforeseen track which she travelled along on blindly with more time than she knew what to do with. In retrospect it was a bit too spontaneous for her. Geet was more of the orderly and concise types but lately it seemed like random was the new routine. And at the present moment it involved dealing with Maan's condition.
To get her mind off of the eventful day she spent her time cleaning then making dinner. But her mind couldn't stray far from Maan and all the turmoil she could see him in. After an endless tug of war within Geet decided she had to finally wake Maan up so he could at least eat something. She walked across the hall towards the bedroom where after reaching she sat down next to him and stared at his sleeping form for a few moments. She knew what it felt like to be overwhelmed emotionally and she didn't want to startle him. So Geet softly caressed his forehead then gently ruffled his hair in an attempt to bring him out. And when that didn't work she tenderly called out to him and after a few minutes he finally began to stir.
Maan felt himself being drawn out from the lazy sleep. It took him a while to adjust to the environment. The room was filled with darkness the only light coming from the moon which provided a glow against the black backdrop and the sea of lights that illuminated the city. He noticed the vast difference in the surroundings but couldn't care less. For the time being his attention was focused on Geet and her hand which wasn't only gliding over him but radiating an unknown comfort over him.
"You've slept for hours. I thought I'd have to take you to the hospital for being in a coma." She knew it was difficult for him so tried to make light of the moment. There was a thickness in the air she didn't like. Even more the look in his sullen eyes was disheartening to her. "I can't bear to see you like this." She whispered. He looked away from her curious eyes towards the window and bright lights. He knew what her questions were but didn't know if wanted to answer them. He said he wanted to move on but realized it was easier said than done.
She didn't want him to turn away from the problem anymore. Geet cupped his
cheek and made him face her before asking, "Maan tell me what is it that is
eating you up inside?"
He only looked into her eyes and pondered what her reaction would be to all the
truth. By this simple knowledge of caring of what she thought of him Maan
realized she was special to him. Not only special but important enough that he
couldn't think of seeing her go. "I'm a broken man Geet, I've done
things that I'm not sure God will forgive me for…and even if he will I won't
ever forgive myself." She could see the water
glistening within his eyes. "And the simple truth is I'm afraid that
if I tell you…I'll fall in your eyes and I can't
bear to lose the one person I've grown close to after all this time."
Geet was trying her best not to break and cry herself listening to him but it was hopeless, drops of water started to escape from her eyes. "Don't say that Maan. We're human and we make mistakes but we learn from them and move on. And that's what you want, to move on, right? So that's exactly what we are going to do and I'm going to help you."
Maan smiled at her sadly. "If only it were that easy Geet, if only. The fact is some mistakes are so dire that the scars they leave behind are forever etched into our souls."
She circled her arms around his neck and buried herself within his shoulder and
wept. No amount of wise words could heal such a broken person. Geet only wanted
to assure him of her presence because he needed nothing more than that. "Maan, you aren't going to lose me. I'm always
going to be here. I only ask you to trust me with your pain because I want
nothing more than to help you through it."
Maan could tell she was genuine and had always been in regards to his feelings. He could see Geet was offering to help him heal not out of duty but desire. Trusting her was not an issue it was just that the past made him guarded. A large part of him wanted to be healed from the pain but there was a part of him that questioned whether he deserved it. All these years he had been clinging onto the pain which isolated all those around him. He let the past embitter his present by allowing it to enslave him in a self contained hell. He did all of this not because it was inevitable but because he allowed it to happen. It was his own way of punishing himself for what he had done to others. But ever since Geet came into his life as a breath of fresh air he started to have the urge to live and be happy again. Then seeing Sameera caused all of his past to resurface and he thought maybe he was being selfish in his desires. He now questioned his want to move forward in life, did he really deserve it? Did he deserve to live a normal life while turning a blind eye towards the pain he caused others? It was undeniable that it was pure anguish for him to live in torment but that was the thing, at least he got to live.
The question circled inside his mind continuously. He didn't know the answer to it but Maan knew he couldn't keep Geet in the dark anymore. Her curiosity was warranted after everything that happened today. So he decided to tell her the truth and let her choose whether he was worthy of her, her help and ultimately life itself.
Long time I know, I know but blame my professors for lack of luxury called time. I'm making no promises for the next one so I hope you enjoyed this one. Also the proportion of likes and comments is well...disproportionate. So a kind request to all of you non-commenters your thoughts are greatly appreciated so please don't be afraid to leave your words however few or plenty they maybe. I promise I don't bite! 😆
I only want to know what the readers are thinking about the progression of the story, your likes/dislikes or whatever else relating to it but I can't tell much from what I'm getting now so you know what I'm asking for, right? So thanks in advance everyone! :)
Originally posted by: Dreamy_Mystique
ur ff gives a lot of insight about psychology...
by any chance are u a student of psychology...coz i feel ur story is much layered and very engaging yet and having a mystic feel that the characters emanate...
i find it more intriguing and with each update ur story seems to be drawing me more and more
simply fabulous...
keep writing
reva
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