Originally posted by: karandel_2008
Waise bhi when you disappeared some months ago then you said something like seek only if you have the ring or something similar
Here is the the ring --> O
😆
Originally posted by: return_to_hades
Seek only if you can bear the ring. It was an LOTR reference silly.
Jeez karan. You better be planning on doing better than 0 or Os. 😡
Nahin to tumhe bhi 0 milega and I'll take your chocolates too.
Originally posted by: angie.4u
labels not imp 😆
How they met: Through a scheduling mix up, Empti and Ajnu, who have never met before, found themselves in the same sleeping carriage of a train. It was late, the train was full, and everyone else was already asleep. After the initial embarrassment, they both managed to get to sleep; Ajnu on the top bunk, Empti on the lower bunk.
In the middle of the night ajnu leaned over and said, "I'm sorry to bother you, but I'm awfully cold and I was wondering if you could possibly pass me another blanket."
Empty leaned out and, with a glint in his eye, said, "I've got a better idea .... let's pretend we're married."
"Why not," giggled Ajnu (thinking abhi waat lagati hoon iskee. Samajhta kya hai khud ko!)
"Good," Empti replied. "Get your own blanket."
Story did not end here. They fell in love and they ended up getting married. But......but......but --- on one condition: Ajnu had Empty convert to Islam. It was hard for Empti but he had no other way out as he had already promised that he is chhand tarey tod laney type wala ashiq who will become whatever Ajnu wants if and only if Ajnu agrees to marry him. So yes --- Ajnu did marry him, made him convert and made sure he follows the toilet routine that he posted in his other avatar! She also made sure that he makes the bed each morning and he takes out the blankets and hands them to ajnu each morning!
What does Empti do --- He can't do much given his very public declarations of his love and all that he can do for love on Gauri's MOTW. But, he does thank his stars for his earlier avatar getting banned and all those posts getting deleted. Warna pata naheen Ajnu aur kya kya kerwati apart from following the Islamic toilet guidelines that he himself posted. Now a days, Empti enters the bathroom with his right foot in first and leaves it with his left foot out first. Baki sab yahan naheen likha jaa sakta.
SholaJoBhadkey & Qwerty:
Someone asked Bahni at a cocktail party once, "Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?" My Bahni replied, "Yes, I am, I married the wrong man."
This is how they started out their married life --- a blind marriage set up with each other by seemingly well wisher family members. It took Bahni one nazar to figure Qwerty out and realize how her life is all messed up now because, as per her nikaahnama, she can't divorce him for next 50 years! Qwerty knew he will get divorced the moment bahni figures him out, which should not have taken long given how observant my bahni is. This is why he bribed the Kazi to sneak in that 50 yr. clause. Bahni isi gham mei ghuli jaa rahee thhee ki ab kya kareygi. Kaisey kateygi uss kee sari zindagee! Aisey hee ansoo bahatey bahatey ek saal guzar gaya aur shadi kee pehlee saalgirah aa gayee. Qwerty, thanking his lucky stars for the wretched 50 year clause, invited all his friends and family for the anniversary party in the evening --- totally ignoring bahni's relatives and friends. The jerk did not even invite me.
Gham mein doobi bahni went to the Super Market to buy the stuff for the party and got run over by an eighteen wheeler truck. She found herself standing at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter greeted her and said, "These are the Gates to Heaven, my dear. But you must do one more thing before you can enter." (I know she is muslim but it's my MOTW and my imagination --- mein bahni ko kaheen bhi bhej saktee hoon --- Christian heaven mein bhi)
Bahni was very excited to be out of Qwerty's changul, and asked of St. Peter what she must do.
"Spell a word," St. Peter replied.
"What word?" she asked.
"Any word," answered St. Peter. "It's your choice."
Bahni, deprived of all the love and attention for past one year, promptly replied, "Then the word I will spell is love. L-O-V-E."
St. Peter welcomed her in, and asked her if she would mind taking his place at the gates for a few minutes while he took a break. So bahni was left sitting in St. Peter's chair when a man approaches the gates, and, to her horror, bahni realizes it is her husband --- QWERTY!!!
"What happened?" bahni cried, "Why are you here?"
Qwerty stared at her for a moment, then said, "I was so upset when I left your funeral, I got in an accident. Did I really make it to Heaven?"
"Not yet," bahni replied, "You must spell a word first."
"What word?" Qwerty asked.
With a glint in her eyes, my bahni whispered, "Hexakosioihexekontahexaphobia."
Krystal & Icethinker:
This one is a rab ney bana dee type jodi --- perfect for each other as only Krystal can control Icethinker. Still Krystal got so frustrated with him that she decided to divorce him and marry someone else. So she inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Husband wanted". Next day she received 9 letters from all the esteemed ladies mentioned in this post. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."
Now, I know everyone here wants to know why Krystal was so frustrated with Icethinker. Here's why:
Krystal: The car has a flat tire
Icethinker: Does it look like I have 'firestone' written on my head?
Krystal: "Ugh" and walkes outta the room.
The next day when Icethinker walked in from work:
Krystal: The dish washer broke down.
Icethinker: Does it look like I have 'whirlpool' written on my forehead?
Krystal: Ughhhhh
The next day Icethinker came home and noticed the tire was changed and the dishwasher was fixed.
Icethinker: How did you get this stuff done?
Krystal: The guy next door told me he'd fix them if I gave him a French kiss OR if I baked him a cake.
Icethinker: Oh what kinda cake did ya bake him?.
Krystal: Does it look like I have Betty Crocker written on my forehead?
Did I not tell ya that only Krystal can handle Icethinker!
P1nk & Debu:
P1nk's marriage to Debu was on a rebound. After Empti fell for Ajnu and left her, she went to a bar, got drunk and married Debu then and there. The bartender was the witness. P1ink, being the honest person that she is, told debu everything after couple of days when the hangover was gone. Debu asked P1nk, "How come you never tried to get Empti back from Ajnu?" P1nk, mature beyond her years, responded, "When a woman steals your Don Juan of a boyfriend, there is no better revenge than to let her keep him."
Needless to say, Debu and P1nk's marriage was doomed from the beginning because Debu knew that despite P1nk's claims, she was not getting over Empti and that he was a mere rebound for her. One day, after a bitter fight, Debu said to P1nk, "You know, I was a fool when I married you." P1nk replied, "Yes, dear, but I was drunk and didn't notice."
Karan & Sneha:
As we all know, Karan takes the "hum sab bharatwasi bhai-behen hain" part of our National pledge way too seriously. So, he practically roams around with a rakhi in his pocket and makes every single girl he crosses path with his sister. Luckily, Sneha was MIA for a long time and Karan's path never crossed with her. Hence, he grudgingly agreed to marry Sneha, True to his self, Karan started having cold feet right before the wedding and came to me with the some of the questions that were bugging him. Below is how I guided him through his troubled days:
Karan: Is it all right to bring a date to the wedding?
Me: Not if you are the groom (wondering silently whether he was asking about the romantic date or the date as in khajoor!).
Karan: What music is recommended for the wedding ceremony?
Me: Anything except 'Rang Birangi Rakhi Ley Ker Aayee Behna' or "Bhaiyya mere rakhi key bandhan ko nibhana:.
Karan: How can you tell the married men at a wedding reception?
Me: They're the ones dancing with everyone but their wives.
Karan: What is a wedding tragedy?
Me: Hon, Sneha should be asking this one (while praying silently that for Sneha, it's not a case of marrying Karan for love, and then find out he has no money!).
Karan: How do I make Sneha stop buying all these gloves?
Me: Buy her a 6 karat diamond ring, you dumba$$!
Karan bought a 6" diameter rakhi instead and went to Sneha's house in the evening! They split up amicably even before they could become Mister and Mrs, Karandel!!!
Middy & Mindgoogling:
Middy once told Mindgoogling that he should be more affectionate. So, Googly got two girlfriends!!! It's amazing that they somehow got over that obstacle and ended up marrying each other (my condolences to Googly).
Anyways, last evening, I stopped at my favorite watering hole after a hard day's work to relax. I noticed Googly next to me order a shot and a beer. Googly drank the shot, chased it with the beer and then looked into his shirt pocket.
This continued several times before my curiosity got the best of me. I leaned over to Googly and said, "Excuse me, I couldn't help but notice your little ritual. Why in the world do you look into your shirt pocket every time you drink your shot and beer?"
Googly replied, "There's a picture of my wife, Middy, in there, and when she starts lookin' good, I'm headin' home!"..............................................
Angie & POH:
Ahh.........isn't it sweet watching a newly married couple "discuss" their future plans with each other!!! Meet Angie and POH --- they got married last week. They were visiting me when the topic of children came up. Angie said she wanted three children, while POH said two would be enough for him.
They discussed this discrepancy for a few minutes until POH thought he'd put an end to things by saying boldly, "After our second child, I'll just have a vasectomy."
Without a moment's hesitation, Angie retorted, "Well, I hope you'll love the third one as if it's your own."
I am still waiting to hear from POH.
Sarina & Baz:
"Do not argue with a spouse who is packing your parachute!" I heard Sarina yell while she was packing Bazzy's suitcase for his biz trip. Like all other couples in this post, they are my neighbors. We live on the same street --- DM Dhamaka.
The Hades' kitchen window opens to my backyard. I was out tending my rose bushes when I saw Bazzy in his usual place in the morning, sitting at the breakfast table, reading the paper after breakfast. He came across an article about a beautiful actress that was about to marry a football player, who was known primarily for his lack of I.Q. and common knowledge.
Bazzy turned to Sarina with a look of question on his face. "I'll never understand why the biggest jerks get the most attractive wives."
I saw Sarina turn away from the suitcase she was packing on the kitchen counter, look at Bazzy in the eyes and say , "Why thank you, dear!"
Bazzy started fuming but did not say a thing. He snatched his suitcase from Sarina and stormed out of the door. Bazzy knew Sarina was very popular and heart throb of many. He had seen Qwert and Karan lech at her. A jealous Bazzy canceled his biz trip and hired a private detective to check on the movements of Sarina. Bazzy wanted more than a written report; he wanted video of Sarina's activities while he was apparently away from home.
A week later, the detective returned with a video. They sat down together to watch it. Although the quality was less than professional, Bazzy saw Sarina meeting another person!
He saw the two of them laughing in the park. He saw them enjoying themselves at an outdoor cafe.
He saw them dancing in a dimly lit nightclub. He saw them participate in a dozen activities with utter glee.
"I just can't believe this," the distraught Bazzy said.
The detective said, "What's not to believe? It's right up there on the screen!"
Bazzy replied, "I can't believe that my wife could be so much fun!"
Exactly at that moment --- the picture quality improved and became crystal clear. Bazzy noticed that the "person" Sarina was busy having such a gala time with was Ajnu. Bazzy has been MIA ever since. He never returned from the biz trip.
All the neighbors were asking Sarina where's Bazzy? They were wondering what happened --- how come he never returned from his trip. Feeling the heat on her, Sarina decided to lodge a police complaint that her husband is missing. She asked me to accompany her to the police station. The policeman asked for a description.
Sarina said, "Bazzy is 35 years old, 6 foot 4, has dark eyes, dark wavy hair, an athletic build, weighs 185 pounds, is soft-spoken, and is good to the neigbors."
I protested, "Sarina, your husband is 5 foot 4, chubby, bald, has a big mouth, and is mean to us neighbors."
Sarina replied, "Yes, but who wants HIM back?"
Oh well, did I say already that Bazzy is still MIA.
Mahi & Belive:
I once asked Believe how he defines his marriage. He responded, "A very expensive way to getting my laundry done free."
One evening I was walking Sarina's dog, Aria, in the neighborhood park hoping to catch one Italian hunk of a man's fancy (he often visits our neighborhood hoping to catch a glimpse of Ajnu methinks). Instead of bumping into the Italian hunk, I bumped into Summer_3 and Believe. Summer was raving about TNF with that honeymoon glow still fresh on his face. He gushed, "My wife is an Angel!" Believe goes, "Lucky you! Mine is still alive!"
I think Believe was too much under Qwerty's influence before qwerty tapak gaya thhaa. Neighbors often heard Believe say that women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are beautiful. Poor Mahi --- we all used to think --- oh poor poor Mahi! Knowing what kind of person Believe is, I wouldn't blame her for what she did in that crowded elevator the other day. This happened on a bright and sunny Sunday late morning:
As the crowded elevator descended, Mahi became increasingly furious with Believe, who was delighted to be pressed against Krystal.
As the elevator stopped at the main floor, Krystal suddenly whirled, slapped Believe, and said, "That will teach you to pinch!"
Bewildered, Believe was halfway to the parking lot with Mahi when he choked, "I . . . I didn't pinch Krystal."
"Of course you didn't," replied Mahi, consolingly. "I did."
They are still together and Mahi claims Believe is still a WIP!
TNF & Summer:
They just got back from their Honeymoon in Hawaii where they bumped into our neighbor Varsha who was vacationing there. The Summers postponed their honeymoon for over a year because they were neck deep in debt after purchasing the smallest house on the block. Anyways, Varsha, always up for a juicy little gossip, called me from Hawaii just to share a juicy little tid bit about our honeymooners Mrs. & Mister Summer. Per Varsha, whenever they bumped into the Summers, Summer looked on cloud nine and TNF looked bored to death. One time, Summer asked TNF:
Summer: Honey, when I die, will you marry again?
TNF: I am afraid I will. You know how much I hate solitude.
Summer: Will you let him drive my car?
TNF: Well, I think so.
Summer: Will you let him sit in my favorite chair?
TNF: Maybe.
Summer: Will you let him have my gold watch?
TNF: Maybe.
Summer: Will you let him wear my nice suits?
TNF: No, he is shorter.
Hearing this, I was stunned that how can Summer still claim that TNF is an angel! May be he is too good to even see bad news when it is there hitting him on his head. I was walking Sarina's dog, Aria, in the park again the next day when I noticed Summer and Believe talking. I said hi to them and stood near them --- ermmm?.an earthworm right next to believe caught Aria's fancy --- this is why we stopped there.
Anyways, I overheard believe trying to console Summer who'd just found TNF in bed with another man. "Get over it, buddy," Believe said. "It's not the end of the world. Baday baday deshon mein aisee choti choti baatein hotee rehtee thay na. Dil per mat lo. Dimag per lo"
"It's all right for you to say," sobbed Summer. "But what if you came home one night and caught another man in bed with Mahi?"
Believe pondered for a moment, then said, "Its mind over matter. I don't mind and he doesn't matter."
Summer looked up, smiled and hugged Believe real tight saying how deep his words are and how the world does not see the wisdom behind Believes words etc. etc. etc......I dragged Aria away from there as I spotted that Italian Hunk enter the park.
Mister K & my_view:
The Ks, as we call them, moved in our neighborhood few months ago. They seem like a nice couple but keep mostly to themselves. They only speak when you speak to them. K is a software something by profession --- one of those computer geeks, you know. We all often spot him talking to himself on his patio or backyard. One time the whole block was having a block party in our neighborhood park and the Ks were also invited (pstttt...I invited that cute Italian guy too but that stupid Sarina😡 --- she refused to let me bring Aria to the park!!! What a jealous bitch!😡 ---ermmm Sarina not Aria. I think she is hitting on my crush because bazzy is still MIA. She forgot how I helped her in NOT finding Bazzy when I held my tongue back at the police station.....held my tongue back --- can you even imagine how hard it is for me!!!!).
Getting back to the block party --- The Ks came in late and left early. We all got a glimps of Mr. K's sense of humor during that brief visit. K cracked a joke that had the whole block 🤣. We are lame that way. We laugh our heads off over every damn thing. K said my_view gets historical everytime they have an argument. "You mean hysterical," I asked, chuckling. K gave me that look which he reserves for his very favorite people --- the dismissing royally kind of look. I have seen him giving the exact same look to Angie too. I guess Angie and I are his favoritest people on the block😳. I sometimes wonder though how come no one is jealous of angie and me over this😕
Anyways, coming to K's joke at the party --- if you remembered, I said to him he means "hysterical" before getting myself royally dismissed😳. K insisted, "No, I mean HISTORICAL,". "Every argument we have, my_view will go....."I still remember that time when you.........."
🤣 I bet you found that mighty funny too....huh...huh....huh. Why the crap am I talking like Junie B. Jones???? **slaps myself** and **tells myself** --- get back to your senses, Gauri, get back to your senses. You never see Angie react that way --- do you! huh...huh...**okay, stop now**
Anyways, what I remember from that block party is that my_view did not laugh at K's joke. In fact if looks could kill, K would have evaporated into thin air then and there.
That satire was so good that all of us girls just stared at K with our jaws dropped --- I swear that's how good t'was......and I am still speaking like that Junie B **slaps myself again** Anyways, I kinda missed bahni that day ðŸ˜and I swear I heard Souro saying in his head that he was missing Qwerty.
K hugged my_view and told her, "I have a lot of respect for a lot of individuals on this block but if there is one, just one, whom I had to pick, who I know for sure would enjoy the satire of that prose, that would have been you 🤗."
So, my_view had to rub it in how superior they are and how dumb we all are😡. Otherwise, why would she say, "Its your creativity so beautifully articulated Mr. K. Its much more satisfying than hearing the usual banter that goes on this block. You never choose to dumb yourself down to fit in." I mean WHAT THE .....THE....THE.....!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 😲 😲 😲 (I need middy to fill in that last word there).
pstttt....Angie, can I hide behind you --- K is glaring at me
Originally posted by: return_to_hades
GMTA. Funny, that was gonna be one of my tasks for Debu. 😆
[quote=karandel_2008]Here is my evil question that even Gengu didnt answer completely
From a list, I have gleaned some names for my slightly evil question.
Disclaimer: People with angelic hearts are advised to skip the evil question and Gauri's answer and it doesnt matter if someone PMed Gauri or not :P:
Sorry Karan. I only did 10 couples. Took me a long time to put them to shame. You asked specifically na kee kahin muh dikhaney laayak naheen chhodnaTask:
i) Now pick all the users from the list and make 3 types of couples for each of them.
We want at least 16 couples or more from the above list and no one should be left out ;)
ii) Also besides the couples provide some controversial Gauri-special 2-3 liners or more for each of the couple. Its not fun without those lines.
1) hubby (choose male) - wifey (choose female)
Put people who love each other or who secretly love each other or just do what you do.________________________________________________Let me introduce you to the 10 couples who are my neighbors. We all live on the same block - DM Dhamaka - along with some bachelors. There is a cute italian guy that I am crusing over recently but he does not live on our block. He visits our neighborhood park though and I like to think that he finds me cute.Let's take a walk around my block!Mister & Mrs Ajnu: Empty & Ajnu
How they met: Through a scheduling mix up, Empti and Ajnu, who have never met before, found themselves in the same sleeping carriage of a train. It was late, the train was full, and everyone else was already asleep. After the initial embarrassment, they both managed to get to sleep; Ajnu on the top bunk, Empti on the lower bunk.
In the middle of the night ajnu leaned over and said, "I'm sorry to bother you, but I'm awfully cold and I was wondering if you could possibly pass me another blanket."
Empty leaned out and, with a glint in his eye, said, "I've got a better idea ... let's pretend we're married."
"Why not," giggled Ajnu (thinking abhi waat lagati hoon iskee. Samajhta kya hai khud ko!)
"Good," Empti replied. "Get your own blanket." (wait a minute, Ajnu, punchline is going to you babes. Have trust in me)
Story did not end here. They fell in love and they ended up getting married. But?.but?but --- on one condition: Ajnu had Empty convert to Islam. It was hard for Empti but he had no other way out as he had already promised that he is chhand tarey tod laney type wala ashiq who will become whatever Ajnu wants if and only if Ajnu agrees to marry him. So yes ? Ajnu did marry him, made him convert and made sure he follows the toilet routine that he posted in his other avatar! She also made sure that he makes the bed each morning and he takes out the blankets and hands them to ajnu each morning!
What does Empti do --- He can't do much given his very public declarations of his love and all that he can do for love on Gauri's MOTW. But, he does thank his stars for his earlier avatar getting banned and all those posts getting deleted. Warna pata naheen Ajnu aur kya kya kerwati apart from following the Islamic toilet guidelines that he himself posted. Now a days, Empti enters the bathroom with his right foot in first and leaves it with his left foot out first. Baki sab yahan naheen likha jaa sakta.
SholaJoBhadkey & Qwerty:
Someone asked Bahni at a cocktail party once, "Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?" My Bahni replied, "Yes, I am, I married the wrong man."
This is how they started out their married life --- a blind marriage set up with each other by seemingly well wisher family members. It took Bahni one nazar to figure Qwerty out and realize how her life is all messed up now because, as per her nikaahnama, she can't divorce him for next 50 years! Qwerty knew he will get divorced the moment bahni figures him out, which should not have taken long given how observant my bahni is. This is why he bribed the Kazi to sneak in that 50 yr. clause. Bahni isi gham mei ghuli jaa rahee thhee ki ab kya kareygi. Kaisey kateygi uss kee sari zindagee! Aisey hee ansoo bahatey bahatey ek saal guzar gaya aur shadi kee pehlee saalgirah aa gayee. Qwerty, thanking his lucky stars for the wretched 50 year clause, invited all his friends and family for the anniversary party in the evening --- totally ignoring bahni's relatives and friends. The jerk did not even invite me.
Gham mein doobi bahni went to the Super Market to buy the stuff for the party and got run over by an eighteen wheeler truck. She found herself standing at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter greeted her and said, "These are the Gates to Heaven, my dear. But you must do one more thing before you can enter." (I know she is muslim but it's my MOTW and my imagination ? mein bahni ko kaheen bhi bhej saktee hoon ? Christian heaven mein bhi)
Bahni was very excited to be out of Qwerty's changul, and asked of St. Peter what she must do.
"Spell a word," St. Peter replied.
"What word?" she asked.
"Any word," answered St. Peter. "It's your choice."
Bahni, deprived of all the love and attention for past one year, promptly replied, "Then the word I will spell is love. L-O-V-E."
St. Peter welcomed her in, and asked her if she would mind taking his place at the gates for a few minutes while he took a break. So bahni was left sitting in St. Peter's chair when a man approaches the gates, and, to her horror, bahni realizes it is her husband --- QWERTY!!!
"What happened?" bahni cried, "Why are you here?"
Qwerty stared at her for a moment, then said, "I was so upset when I left your funeral, I got in an accident. Did I really make it to Heaven?"
"Not yet," bahni replied, "You must spell a word first."
"What word?" Qwerty asked.
With a glint in her eyes, my bahni whispered, "Hexakosioihexekontahexaphobia."
Krystal & Icethinker:
This one is a rab ney bana dee type jodi ? perfect for each other as only Krystal can control Icethinker. Still Krystal got so frustrated with that she decided to divorce him and marry someone else. So she inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Husband wanted". Next day she received 10 letters from all the esteemed ladies mentioned in this post. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."Now, I know everyone here wants to know why Krystal was so frustrated with Icethinker. Here's why:
Krystal: The car has a flat tire
Icethinker: Does it look like I have 'firestone' written on my head?
Krystal: "Ugh" and she walked outta the room.
The next day when Icethinker walked in from work:
Krystal: The dish washer broke down.
Icethinker: Does it look like I have 'whirlpool' written on my forehead?
Krystal: Ughhhhh
The next day Icethinker came home and noticed the tire was changed and the dishwasher was fixed.
Icethinker: How did you get this stuff done?
Krystal: The guy next door told me he'd fix them if I gave him a French kiss OR if I baked him a cake.
Icethinker: Oh what kinda cake did ya bake him?.
Krystal: Does it look like I have Betty Crocker written on my forehead?
Did I not tell ya that only Krystal can handle Icethinker!
P1nk & Debu:
P1nk's marriage to Debu was on a rebound. After Empti fell for Ajnu and left her, she went to a bar, got drunk and married Debu then and there. The bartender was the witness. P1ink, being the honest person that she is, told debu everything after couple of days when the hangover was gone. Debu asked P1nk, "How come you never tried to get Empti back from Ajnu?" P1nk, mature beyond her years, responded, "When a woman steals your Don Juan of a boyfriend, there is no better revenge than to let her keep him."
Needless to say, Debu and P1nk's marriage was doomed from the beginning because Debu knew that despite P1nk's claims, she was not getting over Empti and that he was a mere rebound for her. One day, after a bitter fight, Debu said to P1nk, "You know, I was a fool when I married you." P1nk replied, "Yes, dear, but I was drunk and didn't notice."
Karan & Sneha:As we all know, Karan takes the "hum sab bharatwasi bhai-behen hain" part of our National pledge way too seriously. So, he practically roams around with a rakhi in his pocket and makes every single girl he crosses path with his sister. Luckily, Sneha was MIA for a long time and Karan's path never crossed with her. Hence, he grudgingly agreed to marry Sneha, True to his self, Karan started having cold feet right before the wedding and came to me with the some of the questions that were bugging him. Below is how I guided him through his troubled days:
Karan: Is it all right to bring a date to the wedding?
Me: Not if you are the groom (wondering silently whether he was asking about the romantic date or the date as in khajoor!).Karan: What music is recommended for the wedding ceremony?
Me: Anything except 'Tied to the Whipping Post'.Karan: How can you tell the married men at a wedding reception?
Me: They're the ones dancing with everyone but their wives.Karan: What is a wedding tragedy?
Me: Hon, Sneha should be asking this one (while praying silently that for Sneah, it's not a case of marrying Karan for love, and then find out he has no money!).Karan: How do I make Sneha stop buying all these gloves?
Me: Buy her a 6 karat diamond ring, you dumba$$!Karan bought a 6" diameter rakhi instead and went to Sneha's house in the evening! They split up amicably even before they could become Mister and Mrs, Karandel!!!
Middy & Mindgoogling:
Middy once told Mindgoogling that he should be more affectionate. So, Googly got two girlfriends!!! It's amazing that they somehow got over hat obstacle and ended up marrying each other (my condolences to Googly).
Anyways, last evening, I stopped at my favorite watering hole after a hard day's work to relax. I noticed Googly next to me order a shot and a beer. Googly drank the shot, chased it with the beer and then looked into his shirt pocket.
This continued several times before my curiosity got the best of me. I leaned over to Googly and said, "Excuse me, I couldn't help but notice your little ritual. Why in the world do you look into your shirt pocket every time you drink your shot and beer?"
Googly replied, "There's a picture of my wife, Middy, in there, and when she starts lookin' good, I'm headin' home!"?????????????.
Angie & POH:
Ahh??.isn't it sweet watching a newly married couple "discuss" their future plans with each other!!! Meet Angie and POH --- they got married last week. They were visiting me when the topic of children came up. Angie said she wanted three children, while POH said two would be enough for him.
They discussed this discrepancy for a few minutes until POH thought he'd put an end to things by saying boldly, "After our second child, I'll just have a vasectomy."
Without a moment's hesitation, Angie retorted, "Well, I hope you'll love the third one as if it's your own."
I am still waiting to hear from POH.
Sarina & Baz:
"Do not argue with a spouse who is packing your parachute!" I heard Sarina yell while she was packing Bazzy's suitcase for his biz trip. Like all other couples in this post, they are my neighbors. We live on the same street --- DM Dhamaka.
The Hades kitchen window opens to my backyard. I was out tending my rose bushes when I saw Bazzy in his usual place in the morning, sitting at the breakfast table, reading the paper after breakfast. He came across an article about a beautiful actress that was about to marry a football player, who was known primarily for his lack of I.Q. and common knowledge.
Bazzy turned to Sarina with a look of question on his face. "I'll never understand why the biggest jerks get the most attractive wives."
I saw Sarina turn away from the suitcase she was packing on the kitchen counter and say , "Why thank you, dear!"
Bazzy started fuming but did not say a thing. He snatched his suitcase from Sarina and stormed out of the door. Bazzy knew Sarina was very popular and heart throb of many. He had seen Qwert and Karan lech at her. A jealous Bazzy cancelled his biz trip and hired a private detective to check on the movements of Sarina. Bazzy wanted more than a written report; he wanted video of Sarina's activities while he was apparently away from home.
A week later, the detective returned with a video. They sat down together to watch it. Although the quality was less than professional, Bazzy saw Sarina meeting another person!
He saw the two of them laughing in the park. He saw them enjoying themselves at an outdoor cafe.
He saw them dancing in a dimly lit nightclub. He saw them participate in a dozen activities with utter glee.
"I just can't believe this," the distraught Bazzy said.
The detective said, "What's not to believe? It's right up there on the screen!"
Bazzy replied, "I can't believe that my wife could be so much fun!"
Exactly at that moment ? the picture quality improved and became crystal clear. Bazzy noticed that the "person" Sarina was busy having such a gala time with was Ajnu. Bazzy has been MIA eversince. He never returned from the biz trip.
All the neighbors were asking Sarina where's Bazzy? They were wondering what happened --- how come he never returned from his trip. Feeling the heat on her, Sarina decided to lodge a police complaint that her husband is missing. She asked me to accompany her to the police station. The policeman asked for a description.
Sarina said, "Bazzy is 35 years old, 6 foot 4, has dark eyes, dark wavy hair, an athletic build, weighs 185 pounds, is soft-spoken, and is good to the children."
I protested, "Sarina, your husband is 5 foot 4, chubby, bald, has a big mouth, and is mean to your neighbors."
Sarina replied, "Yes, but who wants HIM back?"
Bazzy is still MIA.
Mahi & Belive:
I once asked Believe how he defines his marriage. He responded, "A very expensive way to getting their laundry done free." One evening I was walking Sarina's dog Aria in the neighborhood park hoping to catch one Italian hunk of a man's fancy (he often visits our neighborhood hoping to catch a glimpse of Ajnu methinks). Instead of bumping into the Italian hunk, I bumped into Summer_3 and Believe. Summer was raving about TNF with that honeymoon glow still fresh on his face. He gushed, "My wife is an Angel!" Believe goes, "Lucky you! Mine is still alive!" I think Believe was too much under Qwerty's influence before qwerty tapak gaya thhaa. Neghbors often heard Believe say that women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are beautiful. Poor Mahi --- we all used to think --- oh poor poor Mahi! Knowing what kind of person Believe is, I wouldn't blame her for what she did in that crowded elevator the other day. This happened on a bright and sunny Sunday late morning:
As the crowded elevator descended, Mahi became increasingly furious withBelieve, who was delighted to be pressed against a gorgeous young blonde woman.
As the elevator stopped at the main floor, the blonde suddenly whirled, slapped Believe, and said, "That will teach you to pinch!"
Bewildered, Believe was halfway to the parking lot with Mahi when he choked, "I . . . I didn't pinch that girl."
"Of course you didn't," replied Mahi, consolingly. "I did."
They are still together and Mahi claims Believe is still a WIP!
TNF & Summer:
They just got back from their Honeymoon in Hawaii where they bumped into our neighbor Varsha who was vacationing there. The Summers postponed their honeymoon for over a year because they were neck deep in debt after purchasing the smallest house on the block. Anyways, Varsha, always up for a juicy little gossip, called me from Hawaii just to share a juicy little tid bit about our honeymooners Mrs. & Mister Summer. Per Varsha, whenever they bumped into the Summers, Summer looked on cloud nine and TNF looked bored to death. One time, Summer asked TNF:
Summer: Honey, when I die, will you marry again?
TNF: I am afraid I will. You know how much I hate solitude.
Summer: Will you let him drive my car?
TNF: Well, I think so.
Summer: Will you let him sit in my favorite chair?
TNF: Maybe.
Summer: Will you let him have my gold watch?
TNF: Maybe.
Summer: Will you let him wear my nice suits?
TNF: No, he is shorter.
Hearing this, I was stunned that how can Summer still claim that TNF is an angel! May be he is too good to even see bad news when it is there hitting him on his head. I was walking Sarina's dog, Aria, in the park again the next day when I noticed Summer and Believe talking. I said hi to them and stood near them --- ermmm?.an earthworm right next to believe caught Aria's fancy --- this is why we stopped there.
Anyways, I overheard believe trying to console Summer who'd just found TNF in bed with another man. "Get over it, buddy," Believe said. "It's not the end of the world. Baday baday deshon mein aisee choti choti baatein hotee rehtee thay na. Dil per mat lo. Dimag per lo"
"It's all right for you to say," sobbed Summer. "But what if you came home one night and caught another man in bed with Mahi?"
Believe pondered for a moment, then said, "Its mind over matter. I don't mind and he doesn't matter."
Summer looked up, smiled and hugged Believe real tight saying how deep his words are and how the world does not see the wisdom behind Believe's words etc. etc. etc??..I dragged Aria away from there as I spotted that Italian Hunk enter the park.
Mister K & my_view:
The Ks, as we call them, moved in our neighborhood few months ago. They seem like a nice couple but keeps mostly to themselves. They only speak when you speak to them. K is a software something by profession --- one of those computer geeks, you know. We all often spot him talking to himself on his patio or backyard. One time the whole block was having a block party in our neighborhood park and the Ks were also invited (pstttt?I invited that cute Italian guy too but that stupid Sarina --- she refused to let me bring Aria to the park!!! What a jealous bitch! I think she is hitting on my crush because bazzy is still MIA. She forgot how I helped her in NOT finding Bazzy when I held my tongue back at the police station....held my tongue back --- can you even imagine how hard it is for me!!!!).
Getting back to the block party --- The Ks came in late and left early. We all got a glimps of K's sense of humor during that brief trip. K cracked a joke that had the whole block . We are lame that way. We laugh our heads off over every damn thing. K said my_view gets historical everytime they have an argument. "You mean hysterical," I asked, chuckling. K gave me that look which he reserves for his very favorite people ? the dismissing royally kind of look. I have seen him giving the exact same look to Angie too. I guess Angie and I are his favoritest people on the block. I sometimes wonder though how come no one is jealous of angie and me over this
Anyways, coming to K's joke at the party --- if you remembered, I said to him he means "hysterical" before getting myself royally dismissed. K insisted, "No, I mean HISTORICAL,". "Every argument we have, my_view will go .."I still remember that time when you?????"
I bet you found that mighty funny too?huh?huh?huh. Why the crap am I talking like Junie B. Jones? **slaps myself** and **tells myself** --- get back to your senses, Gauri, get back to your senses. You never see Angie react that way --- do you! huh..huh...okay, stop now.
Anyways, what I remember from that block party is that my_view did not laugh at K's joke. In fact if looks could kill, K would have evaporated into thin air then and there.
Now, K acts all macho and strong but I think I saw him whimpering inside. I have that special power that can hear and see what people do in their heads. Every MOTW has that power but some waste it like that stupid Karan did last week. I am not stupid like Karan, you see. But don't tell him I said that 'coz he is my best buddy here. It is not always a pleasant experience though --- listening to what folks say and imagine in their heads because some of them thoughts are plain X-rated. I figured that out when I heard Empti thinking one day. And Middy's and Krystal's thoughts are also x-rated and very very violent. Two more days and then my powers will be all gone. I heard that Debu will have them next.Anyways, K knew he screwed up big time. Eventually, we all got nostalgic and started remembering India. Sarina mentioned how she loves Mumbai except for the lechies she had to deal with in public places. This caught everyone's attention and all us girls' started talking about the nightmares we have faced back home at one point or the other. Believe and Souro got defensive as they thought we were talking about them. But K was our hero there ? right girls! He floored the men with his excellent satire that he made up then and there. I swear it was his own creation ? not a copy paste job like I am doing on Karan's task here. K is one of those intellectual types you know. (I know angie is blushing too reading thses lines)That satire was so good that all of us girls just stared at K with our jaws dropped ? I swear that's how good t'was?.and I am still speaking like that Junie B **slaps myself again** Anyways, I kinda missed bahni that day and I swear I heard Souro thinking how he was missing Qwerty.
All of us girls were maha impressed with our new neighbor, Mister K --- the smartypants. Before we could recover, my_view started clapping and said, "That was very good, K!"We thought, "Chalo, all's well between these two at least." But then something happened that made us all hopping mad at the Ks --- yep, you got that right --- we were mad at both of them.K hugged my_view and told her, "I have a lot of respect for a lot of individuals on this forum but if there is one, just one, whom I had to pick, who I know for sure would enjoy the satire of that post, that would have been you ."
We could see how openly he was sucking up to her. I also heard something crash in Angie's head just like something crashed in mine --- K fell down from that podium both of us had set up specially for him. Still, to be fair to K --- May be he knew how deep in trouble he was given his joke on my_view being "historical". That was a GOOD one, wasn't it .
I guess, by that time, my_view has also guessed how Angie and I get special royally dismissals by her husband and I also feel that she was mega jealous of us both and I don't care any more if I keep speaking like some 2nd grader (Junie B. Jones, you know. She is a super cool second grader --- for all you morons out there who never read Junie B. Jones books)So, my_view had to rub it in how superior they are and how dumb we all are. Otherwise, why would she say, "Its your creativity so beautifully articulated Mr. K. Its (sp) much more satisfying than reading the usual banter that goes on the forums. You never choose to dumb yourself down to fit in."!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
She also said some thing about creativity and sociology and science and other crap like that but I was mighty mad at her and I knew it then and there that I am so gonna tell on her in my MOTW and I just did. So, HA!pstttt....Angie, can I hide behind you? K is glaring at me
🤣 Now I have to comment 🤣 on this post in detail 🤣 while lying here on the ground 🤣
[quote=karandel_2008]Here is my evil question that even Gengu didnt answer completely
From a list, I have gleaned some names for my slightly evil question.
Disclaimer: People with angelic hearts are advised to skip the evil question and Gauri's answer and it doesnt matter if someone PMed Gauri or not :P:
😈
Sorry Karan. I only did 10 couples. Took me a long time to put them to shame. You asked specifically na kee kahin muh dikhaney laayak naheen chhodna😉Task:
i) Now pick all the users from the list and make 3 types of couples for each of them.
We want at least 16 couples or more from the above list and no one should be left out ;)
ii) Also besides the couples provide some controversial Gauri-special 2-3 liners or more for each of the couple. Its not fun without those lines.😉
1) hubby (choose male) - wifey (choose female)
Put people who love each other or who secretly love each other or just do what you do.________________________________________________Let me introduce you to the 10 couples who are my neighbors. We all live on the same block - DM Dhamaka - along with some bachelors. There is a cute italian guy that I am crusing over recently but he does not live on our block. He visits our neighborhood park though and I like to think that he finds me cute.Let's take a walk around my block!Mister & Mrs Ajnu: Empty & Ajnu
How they met: Through a scheduling mix up, Empti and Ajnu, who have never met before, found themselves in the same sleeping carriage of a train. It was late, the train was full, and everyone else was already asleep. After the initial embarrassment, they both managed to get to sleep; Ajnu on the top bunk, Empti on the lower bunk.
In the middle of the night ajnu leaned over and said, "I'm sorry to bother you, but I'm awfully cold and I was wondering if you could possibly pass me another blanket."
Empty leaned out and, with a glint in his eye, said, "I've got a better idea ... let's pretend we're married."
"Why not," giggled Ajnu (thinking abhi waat lagati hoon iskee. Samajhta kya hai khud ko!)
"Good," Empti replied. "Get your own blanket." (wait a minute, Ajnu, punchline is going to you babes. Have trust in me🤗)
Story did not end here. They fell in love and they ended up getting married. But?.but?but --- on one condition: Ajnu had Empty convert to Islam. It was hard for Empti but he had no other way out as he had already promised that he is chhand tarey tod laney type wala ashiq who will become whatever Ajnu wants if and only if Ajnu agrees to marry him. So yes ? Ajnu did marry him, made him convert and made sure he follows the toilet routine that he posted in his other avatar! She also made sure that he makes the bed each morning and he takes out the blankets and hands them to ajnu each morning!
What does Empti do --- He can't do much given his very public declarations of his love and all that he can do for love on Gauri's MOTW. But, he does thank his stars for his earlier avatar getting banned and all those posts getting deleted. Warna pata naheen Ajnu aur kya kya kerwati apart from following the Islamic toilet guidelines that he himself posted. Now a days, Empti enters the bathroom with his right foot in first and leaves it with his left foot out first. Baki sab yahan naheen likha jaa sakta.
SholaJoBhadkey & Qwerty:
Someone asked Bahni at a cocktail party once, "Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?" My Bahni replied, "Yes, I am, I married the wrong man."
This is how they started out their married life --- a blind marriage set up with each other by seemingly well wisher family members. It took Bahni one nazar to figure Qwerty out and realize how her life is all messed up now because, as per her nikaahnama, she can't divorce him for next 50 years! Qwerty knew he will get divorced the moment bahni figures him out, which should not have taken long given how observant my bahni is. This is why he bribed the Kazi to sneak in that 50 yr. clause. Bahni isi gham mei ghuli jaa rahee thhee ki ab kya kareygi. Kaisey kateygi uss kee sari zindagee! Aisey hee ansoo bahatey bahatey ek saal guzar gaya aur shadi kee pehlee saalgirah aa gayee. Qwerty, thanking his lucky stars for the wretched 50 year clause, invited all his friends and family for the anniversary party in the evening --- totally ignoring bahni's relatives and friends. The jerk did not even invite me.
Gham mein doobi bahni went to the Super Market to buy the stuff for the party and got run over by an eighteen wheeler truck. She found herself standing at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter greeted her and said, "These are the Gates to Heaven, my dear. But you must do one more thing before you can enter." (I know she is muslim but it's my MOTW and my imagination ? mein bahni ko kaheen bhi bhej saktee hoon ? Christian heaven mein bhi)
Bahni was very excited to be out of Qwerty's changul, and asked of St. Peter what she must do.
"Spell a word," St. Peter replied.
"What word?" she asked.
"Any word," answered St. Peter. "It's your choice."
Bahni, deprived of all the love and attention for past one year, promptly replied, "Then the word I will spell is love. L-O-V-E."
St. Peter welcomed her in, and asked her if she would mind taking his place at the gates for a few minutes while he took a break. So bahni was left sitting in St. Peter's chair when a man approaches the gates, and, to her horror, bahni realizes it is her husband --- QWERTY!!!
"What happened?" bahni cried, "Why are you here?"
Qwerty stared at her for a moment, then said, "I was so upset when I left your funeral, I got in an accident. Did I really make it to Heaven?"
"Not yet," bahni replied, "You must spell a word first."
"What word?" Qwerty asked.
With a glint in her eyes, my bahni whispered, "Hexakosioihexekontahexaphobia."
Krystal & Icethinker:
This one is a rab ney bana dee type jodi ? perfect for each other as only Krystal can control Icethinker. Still Krystal got so frustrated with that she decided to divorce him and marry someone else. So she inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Husband wanted". Next day she received 10 letters from all the esteemed ladies mentioned in this post. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."Now, I know everyone here wants to know why Krystal was so frustrated with Icethinker. Here's why:
Krystal: The car has a flat tire
Icethinker: Does it look like I have 'firestone' written on my head?
Krystal: "Ugh" and she walked outta the room.
The next day when Icethinker walked in from work:
Krystal: The dish washer broke down.
Icethinker: Does it look like I have 'whirlpool' written on my forehead?
Krystal: Ughhhhh
The next day Icethinker came home and noticed the tire was changed and the dishwasher was fixed.
Icethinker: How did you get this stuff done?
Krystal: The guy next door told me he'd fix them if I gave him a French kiss OR if I baked him a cake.
Icethinker: Oh what kinda cake did ya bake him?.
Krystal: Does it look like I have Betty Crocker written on my forehead?
Did I not tell ya that only Krystal can handle Icethinker!
P1nk & Debu:
P1nk's marriage to Debu was on a rebound. After Empti fell for Ajnu and left her, she went to a bar, got drunk and married Debu then and there. The bartender was the witness. P1ink, being the honest person that she is, told debu everything after couple of days when the hangover was gone. Debu asked P1nk, "How come you never tried to get Empti back from Ajnu?" P1nk, mature beyond her years, responded, "When a woman steals your Don Juan of a boyfriend, there is no better revenge than to let her keep him."
Needless to say, Debu and P1nk's marriage was doomed from the beginning because Debu knew that despite P1nk's claims, she was not getting over Empti and that he was a mere rebound for her. One day, after a bitter fight, Debu said to P1nk, "You know, I was a fool when I married you." P1nk replied, "Yes, dear, but I was drunk and didn't notice."
Karan & Sneha:As we all know, Karan takes the "hum sab bharatwasi bhai-behen hain" part of our National pledge way too seriously. So, he practically roams around with a rakhi in his pocket and makes every single girl he crosses path with his sister. Luckily, Sneha was MIA for a long time and Karan's path never crossed with her. Hence, he grudgingly agreed to marry Sneha, True to his self, Karan started having cold feet right before the wedding and came to me with the some of the questions that were bugging him. Below is how I guided him through his troubled days:
Karan: Is it all right to bring a date to the wedding?
Me: Not if you are the groom (wondering silently whether he was asking about the romantic date or the date as in khajoor!).Karan: What music is recommended for the wedding ceremony?
Me: Anything except 'Tied to the Whipping Post'.Karan: How can you tell the married men at a wedding reception?
Me: They're the ones dancing with everyone but their wives.Karan: What is a wedding tragedy?
Me: Hon, Sneha should be asking this one (while praying silently that for Sneah, it's not a case of marrying Karan for love, and then find out he has no money!).Karan: How do I make Sneha stop buying all these gloves?
Me: Buy her a 6 karat diamond ring, you dumba$$!Karan bought a 6" diameter rakhi instead and went to Sneha's house in the evening! They split up amicably even before they could become Mister and Mrs, Karandel!!!
Middy & Mindgoogling:
Middy once told Mindgoogling that he should be more affectionate. So, Googly got two girlfriends!!! It's amazing that they somehow got over hat obstacle and ended up marrying each other (my condolences to Googly).
Anyways, last evening, I stopped at my favorite watering hole after a hard day's work to relax. I noticed Googly next to me order a shot and a beer. Googly drank the shot, chased it with the beer and then looked into his shirt pocket.
This continued several times before my curiosity got the best of me. I leaned over to Googly and said, "Excuse me, I couldn't help but notice your little ritual. Why in the world do you look into your shirt pocket every time you drink your shot and beer?"
Googly replied, "There's a picture of my wife, Middy, in there, and when she starts lookin' good, I'm headin' home!"?????????????.
Angie & POH:
Ahh??.isn't it sweet watching a newly married couple "discuss" their future plans with each other!!! Meet Angie and POH --- they got married last week. They were visiting me when the topic of children came up. Angie said she wanted three children, while POH said two would be enough for him.
They discussed this discrepancy for a few minutes until POH thought he'd put an end to things by saying boldly, "After our second child, I'll just have a vasectomy."
Without a moment's hesitation, Angie retorted, "Well, I hope you'll love the third one as if it's your own."
I am still waiting to hear from POH.
Sarina & Baz:
"Do not argue with a spouse who is packing your parachute!" I heard Sarina yell while she was packing Bazzy's suitcase for his biz trip. Like all other couples in this post, they are my neighbors. We live on the same street --- DM Dhamaka.
The Hades kitchen window opens to my backyard. I was out tending my rose bushes when I saw Bazzy in his usual place in the morning, sitting at the breakfast table, reading the paper after breakfast. He came across an article about a beautiful actress that was about to marry a football player, who was known primarily for his lack of I.Q. and common knowledge.
Bazzy turned to Sarina with a look of question on his face. "I'll never understand why the biggest jerks get the most attractive wives."
I saw Sarina turn away from the suitcase she was packing on the kitchen counter and say , "Why thank you, dear!"
Bazzy started fuming but did not say a thing. He snatched his suitcase from Sarina and stormed out of the door. Bazzy knew Sarina was very popular and heart throb of many. He had seen Qwert and Karan lech at her. A jealous Bazzy cancelled his biz trip and hired a private detective to check on the movements of Sarina. Bazzy wanted more than a written report; he wanted video of Sarina's activities while he was apparently away from home.
A week later, the detective returned with a video. They sat down together to watch it. Although the quality was less than professional, Bazzy saw Sarina meeting another person!
He saw the two of them laughing in the park. He saw them enjoying themselves at an outdoor cafe.
He saw them dancing in a dimly lit nightclub. He saw them participate in a dozen activities with utter glee.
"I just can't believe this," the distraught Bazzy said.
The detective said, "What's not to believe? It's right up there on the screen!"
Bazzy replied, "I can't believe that my wife could be so much fun!"
Exactly at that moment ? the picture quality improved and became crystal clear. Bazzy noticed that the "person" Sarina was busy having such a gala time with was Ajnu. Bazzy has been MIA eversince. He never returned from the biz trip.
All the neighbors were asking Sarina where's Bazzy? They were wondering what happened --- how come he never returned from his trip. Feeling the heat on her, Sarina decided to lodge a police complaint that her husband is missing. She asked me to accompany her to the police station. The policeman asked for a description.
Sarina said, "Bazzy is 35 years old, 6 foot 4, has dark eyes, dark wavy hair, an athletic build, weighs 185 pounds, is soft-spoken, and is good to the children."
I protested, "Sarina, your husband is 5 foot 4, chubby, bald, has a big mouth, and is mean to your neighbors."
Sarina replied, "Yes, but who wants HIM back?"
Bazzy is still MIA.
Mahi & Belive:
I once asked Believe how he defines his marriage. He responded, "A very expensive way to getting their laundry done free." One evening I was walking Sarina's dog Aria in the neighborhood park hoping to catch one Italian hunk of a man's fancy (he often visits our neighborhood hoping to catch a glimpse of Ajnu methinks). Instead of bumping into the Italian hunk, I bumped into Summer_3 and Believe. Summer was raving about TNF with that honeymoon glow still fresh on his face. He gushed, "My wife is an Angel!" Believe goes, "Lucky you! Mine is still alive!" I think Believe was too much under Qwerty's influence before qwerty tapak gaya thhaa. Neghbors often heard Believe say that women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are beautiful. Poor Mahi --- we all used to think --- oh poor poor Mahi! Knowing what kind of person Believe is, I wouldn't blame her for what she did in that crowded elevator the other day. This happened on a bright and sunny Sunday late morning:
As the crowded elevator descended, Mahi became increasingly furious withBelieve, who was delighted to be pressed against a gorgeous young blonde woman.
As the elevator stopped at the main floor, the blonde suddenly whirled, slapped Believe, and said, "That will teach you to pinch!"
Bewildered, Believe was halfway to the parking lot with Mahi when he choked, "I . . . I didn't pinch that girl."
"Of course you didn't," replied Mahi, consolingly. "I did."
They are still together and Mahi claims Believe is still a WIP!
TNF & Summer:
They just got back from their Honeymoon in Hawaii where they bumped into our neighbor Varsha who was vacationing there. The Summers postponed their honeymoon for over a year because they were neck deep in debt after purchasing the smallest house on the block. Anyways, Varsha, always up for a juicy little gossip, called me from Hawaii just to share a juicy little tid bit about our honeymooners Mrs. & Mister Summer. Per Varsha, whenever they bumped into the Summers, Summer looked on cloud nine and TNF looked bored to death. One time, Summer asked TNF:
Summer: Honey, when I die, will you marry again?
TNF: I am afraid I will. You know how much I hate solitude.
Summer: Will you let him drive my car?
TNF: Well, I think so.
Summer: Will you let him sit in my favorite chair?
TNF: Maybe.
Summer: Will you let him have my gold watch?
TNF: Maybe.
Summer: Will you let him wear my nice suits?
TNF: No, he is shorter.
Hearing this, I was stunned that how can Summer still claim that TNF is an angel! May be he is too good to even see bad news when it is there hitting him on his head. I was walking Sarina's dog, Aria, in the park again the next day when I noticed Summer and Believe talking. I said hi to them and stood near them --- ermmm?.an earthworm right next to believe caught Aria's fancy --- this is why we stopped there.
Anyways, I overheard believe trying to console Summer who'd just found TNF in bed with another man. "Get over it, buddy," Believe said. "It's not the end of the world. Baday baday deshon mein aisee choti choti baatein hotee rehtee thay na. Dil per mat lo. Dimag per lo"
"It's all right for you to say," sobbed Summer. "But what if you came home one night and caught another man in bed with Mahi?"
Believe pondered for a moment, then said, "Its mind over matter. I don't mind and he doesn't matter."
Summer looked up, smiled and hugged Believe real tight saying how deep his words are and how the world does not see the wisdom behind Believe's words etc. etc. etc??..I dragged Aria away from there as I spotted that Italian Hunk enter the park.
Mister K & my_view:
The Ks, as we call them, moved in our neighborhood few months ago. They seem like a nice couple but keeps mostly to themselves. They only speak when you speak to them. K is a software something by profession --- one of those computer geeks, you know. We all often spot him talking to himself on his patio or backyard. One time the whole block was having a block party in our neighborhood park and the Ks were also invited (pstttt?I invited that cute Italian guy too but that stupid Sarina😡 --- she refused to let me bring Aria to the park!!! What a jealous bitch!😡 I think she is hitting on my crush because bazzy is still MIA. She forgot how I helped her in NOT finding Bazzy when I held my tongue back at the police station....held my tongue back --- can you even imagine how hard it is for me!!!!).
Getting back to the block party --- The Ks came in late and left early. We all got a glimps of K's sense of humor during that brief trip. K cracked a joke that had the whole block 🤣. We are lame that way. We laugh our heads off over every damn thing. K said my_view gets historical everytime they have an argument. "You mean hysterical," I asked, chuckling. K gave me that look which he reserves for his very favorite people ? the dismissing royally kind of look. I have seen him giving the exact same look to Angie too. I guess Angie and I are his favoritest people on the block😳. I sometimes wonder though how come no one is jealous of angie and me over this😕
Anyways, coming to K's joke at the party --- if you remembered, I said to him he means "hysterical" before getting myself royally dismissed😳. K insisted, "No, I mean HISTORICAL,". "Every argument we have, my_view will go .."I still remember that time when you?????"
🤣 I bet you found that mighty funny too?huh?huh?huh. Why the crap am I talking like Junie B. Jones? **slaps myself** and **tells myself** --- get back to your senses, Gauri, get back to your senses. You never see Angie react that way --- do you! huh..huh...okay, stop now.
Anyways, what I remember from that block party is that my_view did not laugh at K's joke. In fact if looks could kill, K would have evaporated into thin air then and there.
Now, K acts all macho and strong but I think I saw him whimpering inside. I have that special power that can hear and see what people do in their heads. Every MOTW has that power but some waste it like that stupid Karan did last week. I am not stupid like Karan, you see. But don't tell him I said that 'coz he is my best buddy here. It is not always a pleasant experience though --- listening to what folks say and imagine in their heads because some of them thoughts are plain X-rated. I figured that out when I heard Empti thinking one day. And Middy's and Krystal's thoughts are also x-rated and very very violent. Two more days and then my powers will be all gone. I heard that Debu will have them next.Anyways, K knew he screwed up big time. Eventually, we all got nostalgic and started remembering India. Sarina mentioned how she loves Mumbai except for the lechies she had to deal with in public places. This caught everyone's attention and all us girls' started talking about the nightmares we have faced back home at one point or the other. Believe and Souro got defensive as they thought we were talking about them. But K was our hero there ? right girls! He floored the men with his excellent satire that he made up then and there😃. I swear it was his own creation ? not a copy paste job like I am doing on Karan's task here. K is one of those intellectual types you know.😳 (I know angie is blushing too reading thses lines)That satire was so good that all of us girls just stared at K with our jaws dropped ? I swear that's how good t'was?.and I am still speaking like that Junie B **slaps myself again** Anyways, I kinda missed bahni that day ðŸ˜and I swear I heard Souro thinking how he was missing Qwerty.
All of us girls were maha impressed with our new neighbor, Mister K --- the smartypants. Before we could recover, my_view started clapping and said, "That was very good, K!"We thought, "Chalo, all's well between these two at least." But then something happened that made us all hopping mad at the Ks --- yep, you got that right --- we were mad at both of them😡.K hugged my_view and told her, "I have a lot of respect for a lot of individuals on this forum but if there is one, just one, whom I had to pick, who I know for sure would enjoy the satire of that post, that would have been you 🤗."
We could see how openly he was sucking up to her🤢. I also heard something crash in Angie's head just like something crashed in mine --- K fell down from that podium both of us had set up specially for him. Still, to be fair to K --- May be he knew how deep in trouble he was given his joke on my_view being "historical"😛. That was a GOOD one, wasn't it 🤣.
I guess, by that time, my_view has also guessed how Angie and I get special royally dismissals by her husband and I also feel that she was mega jealous of us both and I don't care any more if I keep speaking like some 2nd grader (Junie B. Jones, you know. She is a super cool second grader --- for all you morons out there who never read Junie B. Jones books)So, my_view had to rub it in how superior they are and how dumb we all are😡. Otherwise, why would she say, "Its your creativity so beautifully articulated Mr. K. Its (sp) much more satisfying than reading the usual banter that goes on the forums. You never choose to dumb yourself down to fit in."!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 😲 😲 😲
She also said some thing about creativity and sociology and science and other crap like that but I was mighty mad at her and I knew it then and there that I am so gonna tell on her in my MOTW and I just did. So, HA!pstttt....Angie, can I hide behind you? K is glaring at me
Oh Gosh Gauri where do you come up with all these ...Its past midnight & here I am ROFL , my ppl at home will think I ve gone crazy !!! 😆This needs detailed vishleshan , but I m getting glares now !
Originally posted by: karandel_2008
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🤣 Now I have to comment 🤣 on this post in detail 🤣 while lying here on the ground 🤣I suggest you work on couple by couple with your comments. I soend the whole morning putting it together. You ehsanfaramosh members better give it the apreciation it deserves!K, did you hit "like" without reading it? It's a long read!
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