Next Day
The fresh morning air whirled all over....the birds flew, flapping their wings excitedly and cooing madly across the blue sky, welcoming the day. The sun's beautiful rays touched the earth softly and lets it bloom under its caress.
In the temple, sweet fragrance of the flowers melded with the cool breeze and the scent of incense added a beautiful aura all around. Radhika was arranging the garlands on her Lord with a pensive look on her face.
She glanced up at her Lord.
"Kaanha....kya huwa hoga? Unki meeting kal kaisi huwi hogi? Waise mujhe yakeen hai ke acha hi huwa hoga....par who thode chintit lag rahe the na...."
She slowly turned around to see if Dev had come.....but the temple was almost empty. Frowning by a fraction, she turned her face to the Lord.
"Kanha....woh ab tak to roz aa jaate hain....aaj itni der kyun lag rahi hai Kanha?" she wondered worriedly.....but then thought that probably she was getting a little more impatient than usual.
Dev got down from his car in front of the temple. The gentle wind received him with a strange enthuse. Closing the door, behind He glanced up at the temple with his same somber, hard gaze and then started walking up. As he entered inside, at once his gaze found Radhika seated near the altar, arranging some stuffs in a plate. His gaze stuck on to her for some few seconds, silently.
"Radhikajee....laaiye main aapki madad kar deta hoon" Another, very familiar voice reached his ears and he swiftly shifted his gaze....only to find Keshav seating himself next to Radhika.
Dev eyes instant turned steely as he saw Keshav near Radhika.....trying to help her with the puja's arrangements.
Radhika glanced up at gave a tiny smile at Keshav "nahi main kar loongi" she said in her soft voice.
"Kyun kya main aapki madad nahi kar sakta.....deejeye......" Keshav insisted. And bought forward his hands to take the plate that she held.
"Laayen....." saying, he held the edge of the plate when his fingers accidently touched her's.
Radhika swiftly pulled back her hand away from his touch.
Dev scowled dangerously as he witnessed the small moment. His fingers rolled in to tight painful fist. The fact that he touched her skin for a fraction of second made his blood boil in anger. Feeling infuriated, he looked away.
Keshav hurriedly glanced up "erm...maaf keejeyega Radhikajee" he apologized genuinely.
Radhika shook her head, silently saying 'that's fine'. Getting up, she turned to look in to other preparations.....But her gaze found him standing at the far end of the temple, near the stairs. A bright smile instantly broke on her face and her feet started moving to him.
Reaching him, she slowly called out softly "aap?"
Her soft gentle voice floated through his ears and he swiftly looked up......only to find her beautiful face, filled with a bright smile. In an instant, all his anger vanished.....her presence and love calmed him down quickly.
A small smile curved his lips as well and his gaze turned warm.
"Kaise thi aapki meeting?" Radhika asked eagerly with a tinge of anxiousness
Dev's smile widened. "achi thi......kaafi achi thi.....humare factory ko who tender mil gaya" he replied in his warm smooth tone.
Radhika's face brightened up and her smile widened, feeling happy. "mujhe pata tha....Kanha mujhe niraash nahi karenge.... aur phir mujhe aap par to pura bharosa tha....." her tone seemed very cheerful.
Dev's gaze turned loving "tumne apne Kanha se pure man se mere liye duwa mangi thi.... puri to honi hi thi" he said affectionately.
Radhika grinned beautifully
"aur phir tumne jo mujhpar bharosa kiya tha.....ye usika nateeja hai. Tumhara vishavas hi meri takat hai Radhika" he continued in the same tender tone.
"Radhikajee....!" the same familiar voice reached them.
Dev's eyes instantly turned cold and he hastily turned his gaze to the direction the voice came from.....and found Keshav coming to them. His brows pulled together furiously.
Radhika, too, quickly hid her smile feeling disappointed that their sweet moment was interrupted.
As Keshav neared them, he saw a man standing along with Radhika. His gaze quickly recongnized him as Dev. "are Dev aap?" he asked warmly.....but somehow he felt that Dev's gaze didn't seem that gentle. "Radhe Radhe" he added.
Radhika glanced up at Keshav, surprisedly, wondering how he knew Dev?
Dev gazed at him for one long moment with his sharp gaze.... "Radhe Radhe" he said flatly.
Keshav didn't miss the cold tone but nevertheless tried to ignore it. "aap yahan mandir main subah subah?" he asked in the same warm friendly tone
Dev gave a tiny sigh to compose his anger. Quickly glancing once at Radhika, he shifted his gaze to Keshav "Ha main yahan office jaane se pehle roz aata hoon" But his tone still remained hostile.
Radhika slowly glanced at Dev hearing the tinge of curtness in his voice and sensing the hostile behaviour that was directed towards Keshav. She wondered whether he really knew everything about Keshav....whether he knew who Keshav really is??
Keshav gave a small smile "acha.....yeh to bahut acha karte hain....Kanha ka aashirwad lekar jaayenge to har din aapka acha jaayega" he said in an affable tone.
Dev gave another sigh, that sounded like an irked one, and turned his gaze away as if showing disinterest.
Keshav noticed this and felt a little odd as to why was Dev behaving like this. He remembered him to be very friendly previous night..... "Lagta hai aap tanaav main hain. Acha hi hai ke aap roz yahan aate hain....Main bhi jab kabhi vrindavan aata hoon to iss mandir main jaroor aata hoon....yahan aake man ko badi shanti milti hai"
Dev glanced at him, and his lips curved up, that seemed to be more like a silent and malevolent one "Hmmm....." his eyebrows arched lightly
"Jee.....waise mere yahan aane ka ek aur kaaran bhi hai....Radhikajee" Keshav stated in the same warm tone and shifted his gaze to Radhika
Dev's little smile vanished and his eyes turned stony, seeing Keshav look at Radhika, and his jaws clenched fiercely
Radhika, too, glanced up feeling a little surprised.
"Jee...inki awaaz mujhe yahan keench laati hai.....Kanha main inki bhakti....inke gaayan main saaf chalakthi hai....." Keshav said shifting his gaze to Dev.
Dev took a small breath and a small sarcastic smile broke on his face. "Sahi keh rahe ho tum...." Saying he shifted his gaze to Radhika "waise sach kahoon to....main bhi yahan inhi ke liye aata hoon" he said, his tone humorless and his intense gaze fixed on her.
Radhika's gaze widened up by a fraction, hearing his words and she swiftly glanced in to his intense eyes with a little fear, whilst her heart started racing.
Keshav, eyed him curiously.
Dev's lips curved up "aur jaante ho....jab main inse pehli baar mila tha....tabhi mujhe pyaar ho gaya tha" he said gazing affectionately at her.....His tone softened down but remained firm
Radhika felt her breath being stuck and her lungs felt seized while Her eyes went wide in shock, unable to believe, what he said!!
Dev's smile widened "inki awaaz se......" he added smoothly and then quickly glanced at Keshav "usi din mujhe inke awaaz se pyaar ho gaya tha" His voice seemed a little less hostile.
Keshav smiled "acha....Ha yeh to aapne sahi kaha.....inki awaaz se to pure Vrindavan ko pyaar hai"
Radhika sensed her breathing start again and she closed her eyes briefly, feeling relieved after that little shock. Opening her eyes, she quickly looked up at Dev wondering why did he say so?
Dev smiled at her and then shifted his gaze to Keshav "waise dekhne jaayen to hum dono ki rahen kitni judi huyi hai na?" he asked with a small unfriendly smile
Keshav's eyes tightened in puzzle "Jee?"
Dev took a small breath "Hmm....par manzil to kisi ek ko hi milegi....." saying he glanced at Radhika again with a small warm smile.
Radhika stared at him feeling mystified.
"are Keshav beta......." Shastirjee's voice floated inside the temple.
Keshav, Radhika and Dev turn their head to Shastrijee and find him entering inside the temple. A few other devotees too, had filled up the temple. Keshav smiles warmly and takes a few steps to Shastirjee "Radhe Radhe Babuji" saying he leans down to take his blessings.
"Jeete raho beta?.....aaj yahan kaise?" Shastrijee asked with the same warmth.
Dev looked away.... as something pinched his heart. The love and warmth being poured on Keshav pinched him badly!
"Jee....woh makaan ke kaam se aana pada" Keshav replied back politely.
"acha....." Shastrijee smiled.....and then he notices Dev standing at a small distance from him, looking away at nothing "Dev beta?" he called tenderly.
Hearing his voice, Dev hurriedly turned his head and forced a congenial smile on his face. "Radhe Radhe...." he said reaching him, and leaned down to take his blessings.
"jeete raho? Kya hua beta....kuch pareshan lag rahe ho? Koi chinta?" Shastrijee asked a little warily
"erm....jee nahi....bas yunhi...." Dev replied, vaguely.
Shastrijee smiled. "acha.....theek hai" He didn't prod him further thinking it to be some personal problem. Shifting his to Radhika, he asked "beta....chalen? bhaktajan bhi aane shuru ho gaye hain?"
Radhika nodded affirmatively and they all proceed for the aarti.
Radhika started singing her melodious bhajan. Dev's gaze never left her.....and Keshav who stood next to her. The mere sight disturbed him badly and he looked away. Closing his eyes, he breathed in to compose his feelings but his heart kept stinging badly.
As the aarti was done, Radhika came to him holding the aarti plate, with a small smile on her face.
Dev glanced up at her beautiful face with a pained gaze.
Radhika's brows twitched in question, seeing his gaze filled with anguish.
Dev shifted his gaze to the fire in the lamp and circling his palms over it, he touched them to his head......and glanced up again only to find her probing gaze still lingering on him. His eyes tightens briefly....but then slowly, he turned towards the steps.
Radhika's brows pulled together wondering about the sudden gush of pain that she was able to see in his eyes........wondering, what was making him so upset? What was bothering him?
"yeh itne chintit kyun lag rahe hain.....kyun inki ankhon main yeh anjane se dard hain?"
Dev slowly walked across the greeny patch of ground, that bordered the stretch of Yamuna waters. The ghat looked enchanting in the morning light......birds chirped away happily....and the luke warm breeze touching him, felt very comfortable.
But Dev's mind couldn't be in peace even in such tranquil atmosphere. It felt heavy and clouded.....everything seemed to be hazy with no clarity.
Keshav blushed a little now as he turned his head to Dev "Jee....aur unhise vivah bhi hone jaa raha hai
Those words again stabbed his heart. His agony filled gaze wandered across the beautiful ghat frantically searching for some answer that would ease his tension.....some answer that assure him that he could get his Love!
As he reached the small kanha's temple, he halted involuntarily and gazed at Kanha for one long moment....while his gaze silently entreated the Lord to show some solution.
Taking a small breath, he folded his hands in front of Kanha's idol "Kanha....use kisi aur ka hote huwe main nahi dekh sakta" he said somberly in a grim tone.
Small tears started moistening his eyes as he gazed at the Lord. "Radhika se milna...... mere dil main uske liye pyaar jagana yeh sab apne kiya hai Kanha...to ab jab humare yeh rishta iss mod pe khada hai to aap kyun koi raasta nahi dikha rahe....." His voice felt thick.
He continued "aaj apne aapko bahut hara huwa mehsoos kar raha hoon....jis se itna pyaar kiya.....kya who meri kabhi nahi ho sakti Kanha?" he asked painfully, stressing each words.
"Who sochti hai uski kismat use mujhse dur kar degi.....par main aise nahi hone de sakta....Us se door hokar main nahi jee sakta Kanha......" he spoke in the same painful tone, yet his voice had a firmness.
"Kanha....main yeh mankar nahi baith sakta ke who meri nahi ho sakti....kyunki.....main to use apna....man chukka hoon to kaise main...use...." his voice trailed off in agony. "Kanha..... hume koi raasta dikhao....jis se hum ek ho saken....." he prayed with all his heart, pleading Kanha to show some way for them
Suddenly – His phone started beeping.
Brushing off the small tears that streaked his stubbled cheeks, he took out the phone and picked up the call "Hello?" he tried to hide the heaviness in his voice.
Dadima's tender voice floated from the other side "Dev? Beta tu kaha hai? tune aaj nashta bhi nahi kiya? Aise hi uthke chala gaya office?" her voice turned worried.
Dev gulped the lump in his throat "er....kuch nahi....office main kaam jyaada tha to bas jaldi aana pad gaya" he lied feeling very uncomfortable.
Dadima felt bad as she sensed his queasiness. "acha...." Her heart knew that he was trying to hide his pains.....and she had to know it....she cannot let him suffer like this.
"Dev....beta aaj ho sake na to tu office se jaldi aaja"
"Kyun.....kya huwa?" Dev asked in his gentle tone.
"Beta mujhe aaj kahi jaana hai.....aur main chahti hoo ke tu bhi mere saath chale..... hmm ....chalega na?" Dadima asked warmly
Dev looked away in the rippling waters, pondering about Dadima's question. His mind seemed to be too disturbed to go out anywhere but at the same time he didn't want to hurt Dadima by saying 'no'.
"kya huwa beta?" Dadima asked feeling a little unsure.
"erm....nahi kuch nahi Dadima....theek hai main aajaonga" Dev said with a small sigh.
A small smile broke on Dadima's face "Theek hai jaldi aaja.....aur ha....office jaake naashta karle.....samjha....." she said lovingly.
"Jee Dadima....." and he hung the phone.
Turning his gaze to the Lord, he again silently beseeched with all his heart only for his love!!
Later.....in the day.
A little away from Mathura......there was a small road that led to a mountain. The road was bordered with huge trees and beneath them were small forest flowers and bushy grasses. Light breeze circling around made the leaves to rustle.
Dev got down the car wearing a light blue kurta and payjaama. Turning, he glanced up at the temple atop....what seemed like a mountain. There were huge number of steps leading to the temple, that appeared very small from where they stood. He gave silent sigh seeing the height at which the temple was situated wondering whether Dadima would be able to climb so many steps in the path that was surrounded by stones and rocks.
Dadima got down from the passenger side and closing the door shifted her gaze to Dev. Her heart felt a small pang of pain seeing Dev and his sad face. All this while from their home to the temple, Dadima had been trying to cheer him up.....by talking on various topics but was unable to do so. And although He tried his best to pay attention.....nod and speak when necessary so that her sentiments aren't hurt.....she could easily see that he wasn't being his self. He just seemed to be trying to hide his pains from her......
Taking a small breath, Dev swiftly glanced at Dadima "Dadima....aap yahan jaana chahti hain?" he asked feeling a little confused.
Dadima gave a small firm smile "hmm...."
Frowning, Dev walked a few steps to her "par Dadima....yeh mandir to kitni uchai pe hai.....aap....." his voice trailed off as he glanced up at the temple again, wondering whether she would be able to do it.
"Dev beta.....to kya huwa.....mera man tha yahan ke mandir main jaane ka....aaj ke din iss mandir main bahut badi puja hoti hai....aur kehte hain ke aaj agar koi iss mandir main aa paaya to use Thakurjee ka aashirwaad milta hai" Dadima said in her gentle tone. "aaj ke din yahan aa paana hi bahut badi baat hai......har koi nahi aa pata" she added.
Shifting his gaze to her, Dev pursed his lips "Dadima par aapko iss tarah jaane ki jaroorat nahi hai.....aapki sehat ke liye yeh theek nahi hai....itni uchai main chadengi to....aapki tabiyat kharab ho jaayegi" he said, voicing his concern.
Dadima sighed with a small smile "are beta....mujhe kuch nahi hoga...tu chal...." saying she pulled his arm to come along to the temple.
Dev followed her but didn't stop protesting "Par Dadima...aap kyun nahi samaj rahi? Main aapko yahan nahi jaane doonga.....Thakurjee ka aashirwaad to waise bhi aapke saath hi haina......aap itne saalon se unki puja....bhakti karti hain....to unka aashirwad pane ke liye aapko itna kasht uthane ki jaroorat nahi hai" he said in his firm voice, requesting her.
Dadima halted in her steps "beta....bhagwan ki jitni puja....bhakti karle kam thodi hota hai.....aur phir main aaj yahan tere liye aayi hoo. Phir rahi meri baat, mujhe pura bharosa hai ke mujhe kuch nahi hoga....agar Thakurjee ne mujhe aaj ke din yahan tak aane ka sobhagya diya hai to aage bhi who saath denge....tu chinta mat kar hmm" she said tenderly.
Dev sighed, feeling unconvinced "Par Dadima....mere liye yeh karne ki jaroorat nahi hai....."
"Dekh beta Vrindavan main rekhe agar main aaj iss mandir main darshan nahi kar paayi to mujhe bahut bura lagega...." she said, with a tinge of disappointment
Dev sighed again, feeling a little angry.
Dadima held his arm "Beta....tu apni Dadima ki itni si baat bhi nahi manega.....aur phir tu hai na....jab tu hai to mujhe kisi cheez ka dar nahi....mujhe kuch nahi hoga" she said with a smile, touching one side of his cheeks.
Dev glanced at her and found her making a cute requesting face. A small smile filled his face, giving in to her "Theek hai chaliye....." But his heart still wasn't convinced with Dadima's decision
Dadima smiled widely seeing him agree. Her real motive in bringing him here was to cheer him up...so that his mind could be diverted.
"are maaji aap?" a small voice reached them and they swiftly turned their head to the direction......and found Devki and Radhika.
"aap log yahan?" Devki asked with a small smile, nearing them
Dev's gaze quickly shifted and found Radhika, next to Devki. She smiled a bit at him and unknowingly a small and genuine smile creeped on his face too.
"Devki....kaisi ho?" Dadima asked warmly. But seeing Radhika, she felt a little worried for she didn't want Dev to be hurt again.
"Jee achi hoon.....aur aapko yahan dekh ke bahut acha laga maaji" Devki replied softly.
"Ha....woh aaj yahan badi puja hoti hai......aur Vrindavan main hoon to socha ke yaha aajaon...bahut saalon baad aa rahi hoon yahape" Dadima said.
Radhika frowned lightly "Par Dadima....mandir to bahut uchai pe hai....aap kaise....?" she said worriedly. Devki, too, silently backed her.
Dadima felt nice seeing her concern. "are bhai ab tumhari dadi itni budhi bhi nahi huwi hai....Dev bhi yahi keh raha tha abhi abhi....kisi tarah use manaya to tum bhi wahi keh rahi ho.....are beta mujhe kuch nahi hoga....." Dadima said pacifying their worries "ab chalo warna mandir main darshan ka samay khatm ho jaayega.....chalo...." saying she started walking.
Dev shook his head in light exasperation....Radhika and Devki followed her silently.
As they started climbing squelchy path slowly, Dev held Dadima's arm, supporting her. There were quite a few tiny rocks and stone that were filled in the inclined narrow pathway that led to the flight of stairs. The path seemed very slippery and soggy....and was surrounded by green patches of grass....ferns and bushes. Radhika and Devki walked beside Dadima. Few other devotees, too, were following behind them.
Strong breeze flowed freely and swirled across them as they climbed on the picturesque mountain......Dev's mind again started wandering across Keshav's and Dadima's words. Although he tried his best to keep those thoughts away, especially when he's around Dadima so that she doesn't get to know about his pains, he just couldn't! He moved mechanically, taking each step unthinkingly......while his heart kept aching.
Meanwhile, Radhika's mind kept thinking about Dev's behaviour in the morning. She remembered how upset Dev had been in the morning. The question had been haunting her day long and now she yearned to ask him. She slowly glanced at Dev and found a tinge of sadness in his eyes.....his face still looked forlorn and lost. It seemed that he was trying to hide those pains....but was unable to. Her gaze fixed on to him, tightened wondering about the reason that was causing him so much distress.
They had to walk for some moments in the soggy path to reach the flight of stairs. The edges of stairs were lit up with beautiful diyas and there was a rope attached along the stretch of steps, for devotees to climb easily.
Dev sensed as if she was gazing at him and he slowly turned his face to her only to find her indeed staring him....as if searching something in his eyes. His brows puckered by a fraction, sensing her trying to comprehend his pains. Swiftly turning his head, he looked away.
Radhika's brows arched by a fraction, seeing this, as her doubts were made certain that he was indeed hiding something.
"Waise.....Devki kya tum log yahan har saal aate ho?" Dadima asked
Devki smiled "Jee maaji....aur Radhika to apne kanha ke kisi bhi utsav ya puja main jaane ka avsar nahi chodti" she said smiling at Radhika.
Dadima, too, glanced at Radhika and smiled "Ha who to hai...."
Radhika smiled back tentatively but soon her gaze shifted to Dev and found a small smile in his face as well. But her gaze again started searching his face, for the cause for his distress.
Dev's gaze tightened seeing Radhika, again looking at him with searching eyes.....But now he did not shift his gaze, he was unable to and kept it fixed on to her's
"Ha Maaji hum to yahan har saal subah hi aa jaate hain.....par iss baar dekhiye na Ammajee ko bahar jaana tha to uss tayari main der ho gayi" Devki replied back
Dadima smiled at Devki "acha.....behenjee bhi aati hai kya yahan har saal?"
"are nahi maaji.....woh Ammajee se nahi hota hai itni uchai pe chadna.....isiliye sirf main aur Radhika hi aate hain.....Radhika ke babuji har saal nahi aa pate" she replied, as she climbed next few steps.
Radhika and Dev kept gazing at each other as they absent mindedly climbed the steps, hardly listening to Dadima and Devki's voices.
Dev kept wondering about Keshav's words
"waise jab pyaar ho jaata hai to aise hi lagta hai......har pal usi ki yaad aati hai"
And Radhika kept wondering about the sadness in his eyes
"Kaise poochoon inse ke kya pareshani hain....yahan to sab hai....woh kuch nahi kahenge.....Kya karoon Kanha?" she wondered, ascending the steps.
Some more minutes passed and they reached a muddy ground. Climbing up on the uneven land, they found a huge mandir standing at a few distance away. The temple seemed to be very ancient and was carved of huge stones. Long colorful garlands hung across the stony walls of the temple. It had a huge dome engraved with beautiful carvings of gods. A magnificent door was held open for the devotees to move in. The entrance was lit up beautifully with small coloured diyas.....even the uneven soily land wherein they stood, had diyas placed at the edges.
Halting, Dadima took a few urgent breaths as she felt out of oxygen. Dev took her aside, seeing her panting badly. Meanwhile Radhika swiftly opened her bag that hung from one side of her shoulder and taking out a bottle of water gave it to Dadima. Few gulps of water made Dadima feel better and she started walking towards the mandir.
Dev, Radhika and Devki felt bad for Dadima's health but her obstinacy was rendering them helpless.....They silently follow her. Dev quickly held one arm of her's whereas Devki and Radhika followed silently.
There were quite a few people who had come for darshan and there was a long queue. They,too, join the queue.
Slowly as the queue moved, they stepped inside the huge stone carved temple....that had no electricity...... But the temple was completely lit up with diyas all around. All the surrounding walls.....each and every corner were filled with small lamps.....that gave a captivating look to the otherwise dark temple. The high rise ceiling was adorned by huge hanging garlands. A huge rope was tied in between and on the sides, that made two rows for the devotees to move in.....also serving to manage the crowd properly. On the left side of the huge empty area....there was a small raised platform wherein sat a group of people singing melodious bhajans of the Lord....the beautiful music filled the air giving it a soothing aura.
A small smile filled Radhika's face as the harmonious bhajans of her Lord reached her ears.
At the centre, straight ahead, was the huge decorated altar wherein a beautiful Lord Krishna's idol was placed. The lord was bedecked with colouful ornaments and garlands....and looked splendid. Beneath on the altar, was kept a huge aarti's diya....other usual worshipping items.
But, even amidst all these soothing environment, Dev found his mind to be very disturbed. His thoughts only circled on the fact that Radhika was engaged to Keshav and he felt helpless for not having any solution. He slowly shifted his gaze away from the lovely idol of the Lord to Radhika, who stood in front of Dadima.......and kept gazing at her...while his heart only pleaded the Lord for his love....Radhika!
As the queue moved.....they reached very close to the Lord's altar. Radhika gave her puja plate filled with garlands, sweets and other puja items to the pandit......who inturn took it inside and worshipped the Lord. Meanwhile Radhika folded her hands....closed her eyes and prayed to the Lord with all her devotion
"Kanha main nahi jaanti ke unke man main kya duvidha hai.....par aisa lagta hai jaise who bahut pareshan hai.....unki pareshani main madad karna Kanha.....unhe har takleef se dur rakhna. Meri bas yahi prathna hai Kanha....ke unhe apne jeevan har khushi, har sukh mile.....woh jis uljhan main use suljhane ka unhe koi maarg bata do Kanha"
Opening her eyes, she glanced up at her smiling Lord. The pandit, after worshipping, gave back her basket with some flowers. Bowing lightly in front of the Lord, she moved along with Devki.
Dadima followed them and gave her puja's thali to the pandit....and closed her eyes, praying for Dev and his happiness.
"Thakurjee....mere Dev ke man main jo pareshani who main jaanti hoon....par kuch kar nahi sakti. Aap to sab baton se gyaat hain......Dev Radhika ko pasand karne laga hai....par uska vivah to......! Main apne bache ko iss halat main nahi dekh sakti....meri yahi vinti hai Thakurjee....ke mere bache ko aur dard na sehna pade....."
Meanwhile Dev, too, prayed silently with all his prayers only asking for her....
"Kanha......aap to sache pyaar karne walon ka humesha saath dete hain na....aaj hume aapki sabse jyaada jaroorat hai....mere aur Radhika ke pyaar ko aapki jaroorat hai Kanha.....Main us se sache man se chahta hoon Kanha....use apne banana chahta hoon....uska haath thamna chahta hoon....par.....kaise?"
"Main use nahi kho sakta Kanha......use pane ke liye kuch bhi kar sakta hoon....par mujhe kuch nahi sujh raha hai.......mujhe koi raah dikhao...." he pleaded to Kanha with all his heart to show one way from this problem.
The pandit after worshipping returned the puja's basket to Dadima. Along with Dev, she moved to the right hand corner of the temple, wherein there was another raised platform, where two pandits were seated....one sat with a huge plate filled with sindoor and other with lots of sweets to be distributed as prasad.
Dev slowly proceeded to them, unthinkingly, following other devotees. Reaching the Pandit, he bought his hands up and taking the piece of sweet, he moved to the next pandit. As he neared the second pandit, he forwarded his palms and the pandit, with a small smile, gave him a handful of sindoor "Jeete raho....." he said, blessing him.
Taking the sindoor, Dev bowed by a fraction and then turned. The crowd started dispersing after taking their Prasad. His gaze finds Dadima and Radhika, who stood in an relatively uncrowded area and he started moving towards them.
A man who had been standing behind Dev in the queue, came next to take the sindoor from panditjee. But before he took it, he slowly spoke "Panditjee.... yeh meri hone wali patni hai...." he said introducing the woman next to him.
Dev felt as if some tug pulled his feet and he involuntarily halted and glanced back.
Panditjee smiled at the couple "Jee raho beta....."
The man spoke in gentle voice "Panditjee hum dono ek doosre se bahut pyaar karte hain.... aur jaldi hi humari shaadi hone wali hai.....par.....humare pyaar ko bahut pareekshaon se guzarna pada hai" he said glancing at the lady beside him.
Dev didn't understand why he was feeling so keen to listen them and slowly turned to them.
The man continued "humne iss mandir ke baare main bahut suna hai....aur aaj ke puja ke bare main bhi....hum yeh manokamna leke aaye hain ke humare pyaar ko ab aur kisi kathin raston se na guzarna pade....Maine yeh suna hai iss sindoor main....aaj Kanha ka aashirwaad hota hai?"
Panditjee gave a wide smile "Ha beta.....aaj iss sindoor ko puja ke Prasad ke roop main bantha jaata hai.....iss main badi takat mani jaati hai. Rogiyon ko theek karne ke liye.....bachon ko aashirwaad ke roop main....ghar main sukh sampatti ke liye....ityaadi ke liye iss prasad ko log apnate hain"
He continued "Sache prem ko to Biharijee sada apna saath dete hain" he said and gave the sindoor to him "Sache prem se......aur apne pure man se aaj hi iss kanya ke mang main yeh sindoor bhar do....Thakurjee ke saamne yadi tumne aisa kiya....to isi pal se tum dono vivahit kehlaye jaaoge....aur tum dono ke rishte ko sada Thakurjee har prasthithi main jode rakhenge...."
Dev's brows furrowed as he listened
The man beamed "sach panditjee...." he asked, feeling amazed.
"Ha beta.... Aaj iss sindoor main Thakurjee ka aashirwaad hota hai.....agar Sache man se is putri ko chahte ho.....aur agar who bhi pure man se tumhe apnana chahti hai.....to iss sindoor ki shakti aur badh jaayegi....aur tum dono aaj se pati patni kehlaoge....." Panditjee said with a smile
The man nodded in agreement and taking the lady beside........next to the Lord's altar, he filled her forhead parting. The lady beamed in response.
Two pandits blessed them in unision "Tum dono ki jodi sada bani rahe.......Jeete raho"
Dev, who had ben witnessing all these, slowly bought up his hand and opened his palm that held the sindoor powder and gazed at it for a long minute while his brain repeated the words said by Panditjee....
"Ha beta.... Aaj iss sindoor main Thakurjee ka aashirwaad hota hai.....agar Sache man se is putri ko chahte ho.....aur agar who bhi pure man se tumhe apnana chahti hai.....to iss sindoor ki shakti aur badh jaayegi....aur tum dono aaj se pati patni kehlaoge....."
Suddenly a faint voice reached him, jolting him back "Dev....idhar aa na beta...."
He swiftly looked up at the direction, and found Dadima standing with others at some distance....the crowd between them made her voice a little faint. He nodded once and followed them.
Radhika Devki and Dadima started moving towards the door feeling happy that they were able to get a darshan. Dev silently walked to them.
"acha huwa na beta....dwaar khule rehte hi darshan mil gaye" Devki said happily
Radhika nodded in agreement.
As they made their way down, Dadima and Devki started talking about the various stories associated with the temple....how they knew about it....the worshipping details etc.
Behind them, there were many devotees, following in a line, who were also climbing down.... and the steps appeared to be very crowded.
Slowly darkness started engulfing the little blue light on the sky and everything started becoming gloomy. The breeze started becoming stronger causing the light from the diyas, placed along the length of steps, to flicker away.
Some minutes later....
Dadima halted for a moment as they were almost reaching the base of the mountain .....when Dadima suddenly remembered something and called for Dev "Dev....beta?"
There was no response and Dadima turned wondering why he wasn't responding back. Radhika, too, glanced over her shoulder..... But to their utter shock, they didn't find him along with them.....
Dadima's eyes widened by a fraction "Dev?" she turned completely and lets her weak gaze wander in darkness. Radhika, too did the same....
"Dev beta?" Devki called, clearing a little crowd as they were coming down.
Dadima felt worried "Kahan gaya yeh?" she wondered aloud.
Devki too voiced her anxiousness "ha.....itna andhera hai....kaha chale gaye honge who?"
Radhika felt her heart race in worry as well. The crowd behind them was trying to walk past them. Pursing her lips, Radhika slowly said "Dadima....aap aur ma gaadi ke paas intezaar keejeye....main dekh kar aati hoon" her said with a tinge of fret.
"Par beta tu akele?" Dadima asked, concernedly
"Dadima aap fikr na Karen....mujhe yahan ke raste pata hain....main apna khayal rakhoongi" Radhika said in her assuring tone, but her heart was pacing faster, every passing second, with fear and worry.
"Lekin Radhika....andhera bahut hone laga hai....." Devki said slowly
Pushing a few strands of hairs back, that came on her face due to the strong breeze, she replied hastily "nahi Ma main theek hoon....aap Dadima ko gaadi tak lejayen....main unhe dhoond ke aati hoo" she said and turned to climb up again. Her heart knew that she couldn't rest in peace until she finds him.
Devki and Dadima gazed at her for a moment before she disappeared in the dark path. "yeh ladka bhi na.....kaha reh gaya yeh....jab nikal rahe the mandir se to saath hi tha na....to kaha reh gaya....." she said angrily, but it only reflected her worry.
They both head towards the car. "Radhika ko bhi isi wajah se wapas jaana pad raha hai.....pata nahi kaise peeche raha?" Dadima said shaking her head, as they walked to the car.
Radhika stared scaling up the narrow soggy path again. The hard cold breeze made it difficult for her to keep a focus on her path....and the slippery path made things worse for her. The darkness only added to her woes.
"Dev....?" she called, trying to find him amidst the devotees, climbing down. Searching him in between the crowd was gruelsome, but her aching feet just couldn't stop itself......as her heart was worrying madly. And she kept hunting for him..... in the middle of crowds.
"Kanha....kaha hai who?" she muttered anxiously to herself, as she was unable to find him.
Few minutes passed.....
Radhika kept searching and almost reached the temple. Her heart was now thudding in fear wondering where he was? Panting, she took another step looking around.....But all she heard was the continous whooshing sound of the breeze and her gaze only saw the silent, dark forest surrounding the mountain. "Dev......Dev.....?" she almost shouted.....but only painful silence melded with the strange sound of breeze answered her back.
There were hardly a few devotees coming down the stairs....looking at her amusingly for she was wandering aimlessly, shouting. She asked some people about him but they nodded in disagreement and walked down. Feeling helpless, she again started moving up.... she felt tired but her spirits couldn't be daunted.....
She reached on the top where the temple was situated, and climbing another step, she set her foot again on the uneven land wherein stood the temple. Bringing her hands up, she placed them on her waist, breathing heavily, while her anxious gaze wandered around frantically searching around for him.
Suddenly......
Her frantically wandering gaze stumbled on a shadowy figure, visible due to the small light from a lantern placed outside the temple. Her eyes tightened to focus on the figure and her feet involuntarily started moving towards it, intriguingly.
The strong wind whirled around her making odd noises in her ears....making her hairs and duppata blow heavily. The flickering fire from the lamp made it difficult for her focus....but still she kept walking. As she neared the shadowy figure....she was able to see clearly and a huge relief washed through her "aap....." the words came out instinctively and she rushed to him, silently thanking her Lord.
Dev stood on the edge, looking away in the dark space, pensively. The chilly winds were blowing his hairs and made his body cool as an ice....but somehow he didn't sense it. His one hand was tightly rolled in to fists, holding the sindoor protectively.
"Aap yahan kya kar rahen hain?" her voice floated through his ears and made him frown. Taking a small breath, he turned to meet her gaze in the dim light.
Panting, she continued "Boliye na....yahan kya kar rahe hain? Sab aapke liye kitna pareshan ho rahe hain? Kyun ruke hain yahape....Dadima kitni chintit hain...." the words came out a little angrily through her almost shivering teeths.
Dev didn't respond. He kept staring at her motionlessly. A few images floated across his eyes......
His thoughts flew away to the day of janmashtami......
Panditjee's smile grew wider and he placed his hands on their head..... "Tum dono ki jodi sada bani rahe" he said closing his eyes......
"ha. Kehte hai......Jab who kisi ko koi aashirwaad keh ke dete hai......to usme kanha ki marzi hoti hai......."
Then to the moments in Delhi....when they confessed their feelings.
His fingers curling around her arms tightened a bit and he brushed his lips on her wet ears........ "Main tumse bahut pyaar karta hoo........." saying, he quickly placed a small sensous kiss behind her earlobe.....
And slowly the words just came on her lips...... "main aapse pyaar karti hoo......" she said gazing back straight in to his eyes.....
Then....another flash appeared when she had accepted his proposal.
And he repeated the question, looking straight in to her eyes with intense love "bolo na banogi meri patni?"
Gazing in to his eyes lovingly, she slowly managed a small "hmm...."
Nearing her, he slowly tilted his face bringing his lips close to her ears.......and whispered "Radhika Dev Purohit"
And then.....the moment when she had poured her heart in front of him and revealed to him the truth of her marriage
Her facial muscles twitched in pain "Lekin......jo kheenchav main unke liye mehsoos karti thi....main jaanti thi who galat hai.....mere man main aise khayal aana bhi paap hai....par sab kuch jaante huye bhi main uss ehsaas ko nahi rok paa rahi thi....." she said sadly
Another recent instance floated across
"main nahi jaanti ke Kanha ne mere jeevan main aage kya likha hai.....par main itna jaroor jaanti hoo ke....jab tak mere shareer main jeevan hai......main sirf aapse pyaar karoongi"
"Mere bhagya main kya hai who to mujhe nahi pata.....par mere man main sirf aapki chavi rahegi...."
But the next instant, his brows furrowed as Keshav's words rang in his brain.
"Jee....aur unhise vivah bhi hone jaa raha hai"
Radhika gazed back at him worriedly as to why wasn't he responding back. Her gaze found his face still to be sad, lost.....and this worried her more. The cold wind kept touching them hardly. "Aap chup kyun khade hain?" she asked gently, pushing back a few wisps of hairs with her, now, icy hands.
But he stood silently gazing at her.
Although she ached to listen to his worries, she knew that down, Dadima was waiting. "chaliye na...." saying she turned. But when he didn't still move, she glanced back and prodded again "Kya huwa? Aap iss tarah kyun khade hain....kuch boliye to sahi" she said softly.
Dev took a determined breath and slowly leans to grab hold of her wrist. Radhika scowled by a fraction seeing him holding her hand.
Clenching his jaws briefly, he turned, without uttering a word and started walking towards the temple....pulling Radhika along with him.
Radhika frowned seeing him going towards the temple again. Her feet followed him silently...... "par aap andar kyun jaa rahe hain? Kuch kahiye to sahi" she said puzzled.
The temple wasn't as brightly lit.....Only a few lamps were lit. Dev remained silent, as they kept walking towards the altar of the Lord, with a firm resolute look on his face.
Radhika glanced at the Lord and then at him with the same confused look "aap mujhe kyun andar le jaa rahe hain?" she asked anxiously wondering what was happening.
As they reached inside, the Panditjee was about to get down "ek minute Panditjee...." Dev said in his grim tone that demanded Panditjee's attention.
Turning, Panditjee saw two people walking inside "par beta.....darshan ka samay pura ho chukka hai....andhera hone ke baad hum mandir ke dwaar khule nahi rakhte" he said gently.
As Dev and Radhika came next to the altar, Dev halted "Panditjee hume sirf kuch kshan chahiye....meri vinti hai aapse" he requested, his voice remained firm yet polite.
Radhika's gaze shifted from Dev to Panditjee and back to him, feeling baffled wondering what was Dev doing?
Panditjee nodded his head hesitantly and Dev nods back politely "Dhanyawaad" And then turns to Radhika......
Meanwhile Panditjee felt a little confused, and keeps staring at both of them, who stood with their sideways to him.
Radhika gazed at Dev feeling perplexed "aap mujhe yahan kyun laaye hain?" she repeated her question softly.
Dev kept staring at her silently for a moment. His jaws squared and eyes had a steely indomitable look. He slowly spoke "Radhika....tum keh rahi thi na...jab tak tumhare shareer main jeevan hai tum sirf mujhse pyaar karogi.......tumhare dil main mere alawa kisi aur ke liye kabhi jagah nahi ho sakti?" he asked grimly – although he knew the answer, he still wanted to hear them from her again.
Radhika's eyes tightened hearing his question wondering why he was asking all these here. "Jee?"
Dev took a breath "mere sawaal ka jaawab do Radhika....." he said in the same solemn grim tone.
Radhika slowly glanced up at Panditjee, who stared at them equally confounded. Taking a small breath, she slowly shifted her gaze to him and found his intense yet painful gaze staring at her, awating her reply. His question rang in her brain clearly, but she hesitated to give him the answer, especially in front of Panditjee....yet the pain in his eyes urged her to speak out "Jee....kaha tha...."
Dev sighed silently "Tumhare man main sirf meri hi chavi rahegi?" And awaited patiently for an answer.
Somehow his uncomprehendable pain didn't allow her to be silent. "Jee....mere man main....meri aatma main sirf aap basen hain" she spoke soothingly as if to cure his pains.
Dev's face smoothed and he took another firm breath. Radhika kept gazing at him, trying to comprehend what went on his mind.
Keeping his firm gaze fixed on to her's, he slowly bought up his free hand and opened the palms.
Radhika kept gazing in to his intense eyes trying to decipher the unknown pains....to unravel his surreptitious thoughts....
Dev slowly bought his hands up and filled the sindoor on her head.
At first, Radhika didn't realize what happened, his piercing gaze didn't allow her to look anywhere else. All she felt was, him, bringing up his hand and touching her forehead.
Her gaze slowly shifted to his hand and then saw some red coloured powder in the air. Radhika's gaze tightened and as he moved his hand down, she slowly bought up her one hand to touch the same place where he had touched a moment ago. She sensed something like a coarse powder....and bought down her hand down only to find her fingers coloured red.......
Realization dawned and her eyes widened as her mind grasped that he had filled her forehead parting with sindoor!!!!
Her eyes, fixed on to her fingers, widened completely in shock and she swiftly glanced up unbelievingly....
Instinctively but unknowingly a corner of his lips twitched by a fraction to form a teensy smile, as he saw her beautiful face now filled with sindoor.
Radhika gazed at him feeling befuddled with whatever happened. Her chest moved a little heavily, in fear, as she again shifted her gaze incredulously to her sindoor coloured fingers,
Panditjee who had witnessed everything finally spoke up "Tum jante ho ke iska kya arth hai?" he asked in a grim voice.
Dev nodded his head, still gazing at Radhika "Jee panditjee....aaj Kaanha ke saamne yeh aashirwad se bhara sindoor maine Radhika ke mang main bharkar....use apni patni banaya hai...." every word of his oozed his grittiness
As his words floated through her ears, Radhika's heart missed a beat, while she kept gazing at her fingers in shock.
Dev continued in the same tone "Hum humesha se ek doosre ko chahte hain....aur aaj iss rishte ko Kanha ka aashirwaad mil gaya hai......aaj humara vivah ho chukka hai" he added firmly.
Radhika gulped and her heart raced now.
Panditjee smiled a bit "Ha beta....aaj iss sindoor main badi takat hoti hai.....aur Kanha ke saamne.......yeh sindoor tum dono ko humesha ke liye ek bandhan main bandh dega"
'Vivah....', 'Patni.....', 'Sindoor'.....
So many words reached her ears, but her brain wasn't able to process anything. She
felt her mind and body going numb.
Dev smiled and turned his head to Panditjee..... "Hume aashirwaad den Panditjee"
"Jeete raho beta.....tum dono ki jodi sada bani rahe......Thakurjee se yahi vinti hai ke tum dono main yeh prem humesha bana rahe...." he said raising his hands to bless them.
Radhika looked up at Dev, feeling numb. Somehow none of her senses seemed to work.... everything seemed vacant.....blank.....She kept gazing at him, expressionlessly.
Shifting his gaze to her, Dev slowly circled one arm around her shoulder and turned her to face Kanha's idol. She did it mechanically without any resistance. Dev, too, turned along with her and slowly folded his hands to seek blessings from the Lord. Whereas Radhika stood frozen, gazing at her Lord with emotionless eyes, but somehow Kanha seemed to be grinning at her happily.
Turning his head to her, Dev spoke softly "Chalo....sab neeche intezaar kar rahe honge"
Radhika slowly turned her face to him and gazed blankly.
He didn't miss the blank expression in her face. But didn't want to talk anything in front of the Pandit. "Chalo...." he said softly and again bringing his one arm around her....led her, along with him.
Radhika walked as if in trance, her feet moved automatically along with him......but her brain seemed to have frozen at one point.....and kept repeating that same moment
"Jee panditjee.... aaj Kanha ke saamne yeh asshirwad se bhara sindoor maine Radhika ke mang main bharkar....use apni patni banaya hai...."
"Hum humesha se ek doosre ko chahte the....aur aaj iss rishte ko Kanha ka aashirwaad mil gaya hai......aaj humara vivah ho chukka hai"
As they reached outside, Dev wore his chappals....But Radhika stood motionlessly. He slowly tightened his fingers around her arm and called her softly "Radhika...."
She looked up unthinkingly and found him gesturing towards the ground. She followed his gaze and again as if mechanically, slipped her feet in to her sandals.
Panditjee came out, following them "Beta....jaldi prasthan karo.....andhera ho chukka hai....raasta nahi dikhega" he said with a smile and started climbing down the dark steps carefully.
The ice cold wind kept continuously hitting them hardly. Dev looked around and found them to be standing all alone, with only a small lantern hanging on a pole giving them some light in this, now deserted mountain top.
His heart felt much lighter, and happier.....Smiling His gaze returned to Radhika, encircled in his arms.
But the next instant he frowned, seeing Radhika still in such lifeless state. "Radhika....." he called in a conforting voice, coming to face her.
She didn't respond but now she started thawing out from the frozen state and slowly her brain reminisced all the instances that happened a few moments ago – Everything seemed unreasonable for her.....And she didn't know how to react.....how to respond..... what to say? Her mind seemed very clouded and thoughts appeared hazy as it recollected his words and actions.....It couldn't fathom a reason for his step to marry her like this!!
"Radhika..." he again called her in a soothing voice, feeling worried for what must be going on in her mind after all that happened iside. A small fear arose in his mind about her reaction – he married her without asking her consent, but his heart somewhere knew that she could never deny this relation.
Radhika glanced up in to his eyes.....her insides somehow were getting filled with anger. Tears formed and rolled down her eyes, streaking her cold cheeks.
Dev kept staring at her form and the fear in his heart increased. She looked very pale and tears were uncontrollably flowing down her face.
Blinking her eyes once, she managed to speak "Kyun kiya aapne aise?" she asked in a whisper, but her voice seemed curt.
Dev frowned hearing her barely audible words, but didn't utter anything. He realized that he, himself didn't know why he took such a hastened step and married her. Slowly he lets his mind drift to the moment, when after hearing the Pandit's words to that man he had been thinking hard. At that point, the only thing that had been going on his mind was the fact that she could be married off to Keshav and the mere thought stabbed him badly. His feet had halted involuntarily and he didn't follow Dadima and others down. Instead he stood here wondering what he should do? His mind kept pondering about those words repeatedly and somehow at that moment, he didn't find any other solutions to his problems......His heart kept telling him that, this was the solution that Lord has shown him for his problem....
Radhika felt her fury increasing, seeing him silent after doing this to her "Boliye? Kyun kiya aise?" she asked furiously, her pitch increased "Kyun?" her voice melded with the wind and echoed.
Her words bought him back from his thoughts and he gazed in to her eyes, raging in anger, but he remained silent....controlling himself.
"Kya sochke aapne yeh kadam uthaya....boliye? Aisa karne ki kya jaroorat pad gayi......Boliye na?" she almost screamed in anger.
His silence only increased her anger more and she grabbed the kurta near his upper chest "aap achi tarah se jaante the ke main apne babuji ke vachan se bandhi huwi hoon......jaante hain ke main unke diye huwe vachan ko nahi tod sakti......PHIR KYUN!!?"
Dev, still remained silent letting her remove the anger, but his heart was hurting, listening to her accusing words.
"Boliye na.....chup kyun khade hain? Kisliye kiya aise? Kiski marzi se yeh kadam uthaya aapne? Mujhse pooche bina kaise le liye yeh faisla? Kaise?????" she shouted furiously.
Even she didn't know what she said in her anger......all she knew was that he was wrong in taking such hastened step and marrying her like this. "Aapko pata iss ek kadam se main kis duvidha main phas jaaongi....sab kuch jaante huwe bhi aapne aisa kyun kiya?" her eyes were enraged with fury.
Her words were scratching his heart badly. Clenching his jaws to control the anger, that was building inside him, Dev turned his head sideways, not replying her.
"Boliye......Jawab deejeye.....chup kyun khade hain!!" She screamed.
Switfly turning his head to her, Dev held her arms tightly "Kyunki main dar gaya tha.....ke kahi tumhe kho na doon....." he replied, almost screamed in the same cold tone, shaking her a little. "Dar Gaya tha ke kahi tum mujhse door na ho jaao"
Radhika shuddered hearing such cold tone of his and fell silent.
His eyes turned stony "har beet te pal ke saath, yeh dar mere andar baitha jaa raha tha ke tum kisi aur ki ho jaaogi....ke koi tumhe mujhse cheen lega" he shook her again lightly, while his words came out sharply.
Radhika gazed at him silently as he burst his anger at her.....while her heart raced uncontrollably, seeing him like this.
He took a small breath and then continued in a curt tone "Tum apne Babuji ke vachan se bandhi huwi ho??......aur main??....main tumhare pyaar se bandha huwa hoon Radhika!!! Tumse door rehna mumkin nahi hai mere liye......jis se pagalon ki tarah chaha ho.....us se door reh paana mere liye mumkin nahi hai!!!!!......." he shouted angrily.
Radhika felt her insides quivering. She had never seen him so angry....so mad at her.
He gave a humorless chuckle "mere iss kadam se tum duvidha main phas jaaogi....kabhi socha hai Radhika ke main har roz kis duvidha se joojtha hoon.....ek taraf tumhara pyaar mujhe apni taraf keenchta rehta.....aur doosri taraf tumhari who kasam mere pairon main bedhiyan dal deta....it chains my feet Dammit!!" he again shouted, tersely.
This accusation struck home. Her heart stung badly hearing his words and another gush of hot tears rushed down her cold face. She shuddered again....not because of his anger ....but because of the screaming pain hidden behind it!!.
Dev realized that she was shivering, facing the wrath of his anger and slowly loosens his fingers. He turns his head a bit and looks away in to space, controlling his anger.
Radhika stared at him silently. His words started encircling in her brain again, this time more clearly.
Turning his face, he swiftly frames a side of her face "Maine tumhari ijazat ke bina kuch nahi kiya hai.....maine tumse poocha tha ke kya tum mujhse shaadi karogi....aur jiska jawaab tumne mujhe usi din de diya tha" his voice didn't have the anger, now it seemed full of pain. "Bolo.....diya tha na.....?" he asked
Radhika took a moment to reply. "P...par....ta....tab....baat...a...aur thi" she said in her shivering voice.
His forehead formed painful creases "Lekin mere liye tum aaj bhi wahi Radhika ho......jis se main bahut pyaar karta hoon. Maine to usi din tumhari ha sun ne ke baad yeh nirnay liya tha ke main tumse shaadi karoonga.....meri liye sab kuch waisa hi hai" he said in a voice that only oozed pain and tears started rolling down his cheeks.
Radhika felt a twinge of remorse pinching her heart badly and she looked down. The tears still flooded her eyes and then flowed down....as her mind kept replaying his angry words. His words stabbed her, making her realize that she was at fault for whatever has happened. His pains, grief, agony was because of her.....She had no right to shout at him and ask him question when she was responsible for everything.
"mere iss kadam se tum duvidha main phas jaaogi....kabhi socha hai Radhika ke main har roz kis duvidha se joojtha hoon.....ek taraf tumhara pyaar mujhe apni taraf keenchta rehta.....aur doosri taraf tumhari who kasam mere pairon main bedhiyan dal deta....it chains my feet Dammit!!"
The place went silent with the only sound being that of the icy wind blowing across them. Dev kept gazing at her for long moments as if waiting for some reaction or answer. But Radhika kept staring at the ground without any movement.....but the tears didn't stop ......the wind kept blowing her hairs, ruffling it badly and caused her dupatta to stick to her body.
Some moments of silence passed. Deep inside his heart Dev started feeling bad....very bad, as he realized that how madly he had shouted at her a few moments ago.....how he had lashed his anger uncontrollably at her. But....he wasn't just able to control himself, the pent up emotions just burst out in the form of anger.
And now, he repented badly for that. Her downcast eyes and tears slashed his heart..... made him realize that how much he must have hurt her! The person whom he loved so dearly.....to whom he cant even think of giving any miniscule pain was standing in front of him badly bruised by his anger.
Furrowing his brows in pain, He moved a step away and turned feeling penitent for shouting at her. He felt too remorseful. A small part of his heart told him that somewhere he was wrong, in forcing his decisions on her.....told him that, he shouldn't have....need not have lashed his anger at her.
Another moment of silence passed and He spoke slowly "Lekin......"
Radhika glanced up hearing his faint small word.
He continued with much difficulty "Lekin agar tumhe aisa lagta hai....ke maine jo kiya who galat hai.....agar tumhe aisa lagta hai ke humare pyaar ke liye yeh kadam uthakar maine sahi nahi kiya......to......." His voice stuck in his throat.
Radhika's gaze tightened as she sensed his voice trailing off painfully.
Gulping the hard lump, he gazed at nothing firmly and continued in his thick grim voice "to... tum....apne....maang se yeh sindoor....hatha sakti ho" the words came out agonizingly and he closed his eyes, letting the tears roll down. His heart felt crushed.
Radhika, looked up feeling surprised at his words. She sensed how excruiciatingly painful it was for him to say those words and somehow even her own heart felt ripped apart at that thought.
Opening his eyes after a second, he gazed sorely at nothing "Tum beshak iss rishte ko na mano.......na iss shaadi ko man ne ki jaroorat hai....aur nahi humare iss rishte ko" he continued in the same voice, clearly reflecting his anguish.
Radhika looked down and closed her eyes tight, feeling a throbbing ache in her heart.
A moment of silence passed that sliced their hearts.
Slowly Dev turned and came to her. Nearing, he lets his fingers slip across the length of her jaw to nudge her face up.
Radhika quivered lightly and glanced up only to find his tear filled gaze.
"Main tumhe majboor nahi karoonga Radhika....maine yeh faisla tumhe kisi duvidha main dalne ke liye nahi liya. Main sach main dar gaya tha......tumhe khona nahi chahta tha" he said lovingly, but his words oozed pain.
Radhika blinked silently, weeping.
"Tum bhale hi na mano....par main aaj se....iss pal se tumhe apni patni manta hoon.... Kanha ke saamne yeh sindoor tumhari maang main bhar maine tumhe apni patni banaya hai.....aur ab se main sirf tumhara hoon. Mere jeevan main kabhi bhi aur kisi ke liye bhi koi jagah nahi hogi....." he continued somberly, gazing lovingly in to her eyes.
Radhika felt her lips part hearing his words and her heart thudded in pain.
He continued softly "Main tumpar koi dabaav ya jabardasti nahi karna chahta....tum na chaho to iss...... rishte.... ko na mano" his heart broke in to pieces as he said that, and then swiftly turned around to let the painful tears roll down his cheeks.
Radhika didn't miss the pain.....anguish....and torment he was going through as he said those words. Her whole body cringed in pain seeing him going through this anguish.
But her own mind seemed very clouded and no words came out.
Still sobbing, she gazed in to the muddy ground while hazy mind tried to find some clearing.....Lots of things went around in her mind. And at that point, She didn't know what she was supposed to say? He bought her in to such position, that she couldn't choose anything.
Her mind again went blank and vacant! All she could hear was his words echoing in her brain.
"to... tum....apne....maang se yeh sindoor....hatha sakti ho"
And somehow the mere thought seemed to fracture her in to pieces
Agonizing silence ensued between them again.....Only the winds whooshed past their aching body. Their hearts stung badly thinking about the circumstances that have formed.
Dev somehow felt heart broken when she didn't say anything....he didn't know but why his heart was aching for some answer.....his deeper mind longed to listen that she does accept this relation.....And when she kept silent, he felt his heart being torn in to shreds.
But again, he knew that he shouldn't force her....and brushing his tears firmly, he turned "Chalo....neeche Dadima intezaar kar rahi hogi" his voice seemed clear and smooth.
Radhika looked up numbly, not knowing what to do.
Dev saw the pain in her eyes, but didn't let his voice waver "chalen....?" he asked again softly..
Radhika lets her feet move mechanically.....she hardly noticed that she was walking and then climbing down. All she realized was him.....she followed him involuntarily. His voice rang in her brain continiously.
"Tum bhale hi na mano....par main aaj se....iss pal se tumhe apni patni manta hoon.... Kanha ke saamne yeh sindoor tumhari maang main bhar maine tumhe apni patni banaya hai.....aur ab se main sirf tumhara hoon. Mere jeevan main kabhi bhi aur kisi ke liye bhi koi jagah nahi hogi....."
"har beet te pal ke saath, yeh dar mere andar baitha jaa raha tha ke tum kisi aur ki ho jaaogi....ke koi tumhe mujhse cheen lega"
They kept climbing down the stairs.....both looking lost and forlorn, feeling hurt and agonized.
Suddenly, Radhika tumbled.....
Dev swiftly jerked his head sensing this and held her tightly. "Radhika...."
She came out of her trance and glanced up at him in the dark.....but didn't find his gaze, yet she knew that he was there.....His arm protectively wound around her, giving her warmth.
"Radhika.....theek ho na?" he asked softly, holding her close.
Radhika nodded and shifted her gaze straight. Wrapped in his warmth, she wondered how she was suddenly feeling more close to him. They started climbing down again.
Sometime later
Down, near the car, Dadima and Devki were getting worried with every passing minute. Each minute ticked away very slowly making them almost fret. "Mujhe to samaj main nahi aa raha hai Devki....ke najane kya ho gaya hai? Itni der ho gayi ab tak yeh log nahi aaye?" she said aloud.
Devki glanced back at her, in the dim light coming from the lamppost "Jee maaji itna andhera ho gaya hai.....sab log bhi aa chuke hai....Panditjee ko bhi jaate huwe dekha tha....par unse kuch pooch nahi paayi main....woh doosre taraf se chale gaye....Maaji ab to mujhe dar lag raha hai....Radhika ke Babuji bhi nahi hain yahan"
"Nahi Devki.......kuch nahi hoga......Thakurjee ke mandir ke saamne hain hum.....woh humare bachon ki raksha avashya karenge" she said giving Devki assurance but her own heart thudded in fear.
Devki nodded once but still her mind wasn't convinced and wouldn't be till she saw both of them safe. "Hey Thakurjee.....Dev aur Radhika ko surashit rakhna....unki raksha karna bhagwan" she said folding her hands in air.
Just then......
Her gaze found some shadow coming down the narrow path, that led to the temple. Devki took few steps with racing heart beats and tried to concentrate on that point.
A moment passed and as the shadow faded, she saw Dev and Radhika stepping down to the ground. Devki felt a huge relief washing through her and she swiftly glanced back at Dadima "maaji......Dev aur Radhika aa gaye" she said relievedly.
Dadima felt as if.....life has been infused in to her old heart again and she, too, quickly looked up at Devki and followed her gaze only to find Dev and Radhika coming to them "Dev......Radhika" Dadima went to them, so did Devki.
Dev swiftly glanced up, his one arm was still wound around Radhika's shoulder's. As they stepped on the flat ground, he slowly removed his arm.
Radhika sensed him moving his arm, but didn't look up....her face hung low while her gaze wandered on the ground, feeling too mentally exhausted with whatever happened..... but she was aware of her surroundings.
Nearing them, Dadima scolded "Kyun re kaha tha tu?" she asked Dev. "Bol? Itni chinta ho rahi thi.....jaan pe aa rahi thi soch soch ke najane kaha reh gaye tum dono? Tu humare saath kyun nahi aaya?.....jab hum sab neeche aa rahe the....to kahan reh gaya hmm?" she scolded . But behind her anger was her hidden concern.
Dev pursed his lips, as his brain tried to rack some answer for Dadima's question. After a moment, he forced a fake smile "erm.....woh Dadima....kya hai ke.....upar itna acha lag raha tha.....umm....I mean.....its beautiful there. The scenery looks so pleasing" he said, trying to infuse some excitement in his thick voice.
Dadima narrowed her eyes
"er....to Dadima....pata hi nahi chala ke kab andhera hone laga....mera matlab hai ke....main to jaise kho hi gaya Dadima" he tried lying to cover up
Dadima reparimanded "tu jaanta hai teri wajah se Radhika ko wapas aana pada upar....itna ghair jimmedar ho gaya hai huh??"
"er....Sorry Dadima...." he apologized genuinely
Devki softly asked "Par beta itni der kyun ho gayi?"
Dev quickly replied "erm....woh kaki andhera itna ho gaya tha na.....isiliye"
Devki seemed convinced "acha....." And then shifted her gaze to Radhika "sach beta hum to itna dar gaye the.....a....." her voice trailed off when she saw something in Radhika's forehead parting. Focussing on it intriguingly, she took a step towards Radhika, who stood gazing at the ground motionlessly. As she neared, she saw the red colored powder – sindoor on her head. "Sindoor......??" Devki said, feeling astound
Radhika swiftly glanced up, shocked. So did Dev.
Devki continued "Beta yeh teri maang main sindoor?" she asked, surprised
Dadima, too looked on curiously
Radhika felt her throat going dry and her heart raced.
Devki shifted her curious gaze to Dev and then to Radhika "Bol na beta kaise aaya yeh sindoor tere maang main?"
Dev looked down.
Radhika made up an answer hurriedly "erm....woh Ma....main....main wahan upar gayi thi to......mandir ke andar bhi gayi thi inhe dhoondne....to wahan pair phisal gaya aur mera sar who sindoor ki thali main jaa takraya.....tabhi shayad lag gaya hoga" she replied hoping that they would buy her vague reasoning
"are beta tujhe lagi to nahi?" Devki asked hurriedly
Radhika felt relieved for they didn't find her answer dubious "erm....nahi Ma....main theek hoo" she replied slowly
Dadima smiled "acha hai......yeh to acha shagun hai....Kanha humesha apne aashirwaad tumpe banaye rakhenge....."
"Ha maaji yeh to hai.....meri bachi unki itni bhakti karti hai.....to who humesha apna haath rakhenge uspar....." she said glancing at Dadima and then turned to Radhika "main to sach main soch main pad gayi ke sindoor kaha se aa gaya.....le aa main ise ponch doon" she said pulling a handkerchief
Suprisedly, Radhika sensed her eyes widening and heart feeling an excruciating twinge.
Dev rolled his fingers in to fists, staring at nothing with sharp gaze as his heart burned.
Devki took a step towards Radhika, holding up the piece of cloth.
Radhika felt her heart thudding – somehow she just couldn't let it happen!! The mere thought was too agonizing for her. She swiftly took a step back.
Seeing her moving back, Devki looked at her curiously
Radhika took a uneven breath. "Ma....er......Sindoor ponchne ki....kya jaroorat hai....." she said cautiously, looking at Devki.
Dev's fingers loosened quickly and he glanced at her, stunned. His heart jumped in joy
Radhika continued seeing Devki's eyes looking at her "Ha.....woh....erm....Dadima keh rahi thi na.....ke Kanha ka aashirwaad....hai....to kyun pochna hai...." she lets her voice trail off, while her heart still raced fast....
Dev smiled a bit, but his heart was beaming
"Ha yeh baat bhi sahi hai Devki.....Sindoor ko rehne do" Dadima said warmly.
Devki shook her head, agreeing. "Theek hai.....tere Kanha ka sindoor jo hai" she smiled.
"ab chalen....der bahut ho gayi hai na?" saying Dadima shifted her gaze to Dev "Chalo......"
Dev swiftly turned his head to her and nodded unthinkingly.
"Devki beta....tum log bhi humare saath chalo....waise bhi humare hi wajah se tumhe der huyi hai" she said, glaring at Dev.
"Sorry Kaha na Dadima....." he found himself feeling much lighter. "Chaliye" the happiness seemed to reflect in his voice.
They all moved towards the car. Dadima and Devki sat behind, whereas Radhika sat along with Dev.
As they seated, Dev slowly glanced at Radhika with a smile wondering happily about the moment when she refused Devki from wiping off her sindoor.
"mujhe pata tha....tumhara dil is rishte ko jaroor sweekar karega!"
Radhika sensed his gaze and shifted her gaze to him only to find him smiling at her....his eyes were beaming happily and she precisely knew why.
But her heart felt torn!! She looked away, giving a sigh and wondered how she wasn't just able to let Devki wipe her sindoor......How she just couldn't stop her feet from moving back....how her heart screamed in pain at that point?
Meanwhile Dev started the car happily.....somehow the smile didn't want to fade away from his face.
"Radhika tum apne maang main bhare sindoor ko kabhi mitane nahi dogi......woh humare rishte ko.....humare pyaar ko bandhtha hai.....to kaise tum use pochne de sakti ho...."
Wondering he glanced again at her but found her to be gazing outside, pensively. His gaze tightened lightly seeing her forlorn face....and then remembered the way he had shouted at her.
"mujhe maaf kar do Radhika......"
He said silently, hoping that she would listen to his apologies....but she was too lost in her own world. Feeling bad, he shifted his gaze to the road and focused on the road.
Radhika kept wondering anxiously about the incidents....his anger....his words that were so true, and his decision to marry her. Her mind couldn't just rest in peace. It just couldn't think anything......what was she supposed to do now? Abide by her father's promise.....or go with the decision that just changed her life!!
Soon, they reached Shastri house.
As Dev halted the car, Devki straightened her back "are ghar aa bhi gaya......dhanywaad beta.......acha Dev beta......chalte hain" saying she shifted her gaze to Dadima but found her sleeping
Dev, too, shifted his gaze to Dadima "er.....Dadima to so rahi hai"
Devki smiled calmly "Koi baat nahi beta.....hum chalte hain....... Radhe Radhe beta....chal Radhika" saying she got down
Radhika, too, turned to open the door when she sensed his gaze on her. She had been avoiding his gaze in the whole way.....but now she found unable to fight the urge, and slowly glanced back at him......only to find his tightened gaze looking at her longingly.
Dev couldn't just hide the yearning in his heart. He couldn't just bear this separation, however small it might be. It pained him to be away from her – His Wife!!
Her heart, too, pained, seeing him yearn so much. And his longing eyes didn't allow her to shift her gaze from him.......her heart seemed to have the same yearn for him!!
The sudden sound that came when Devki closed the door, jerked her back to reality with a shiver. Taking a breath, she tore her gaze away from him and squeezed her eyes shut for a moment, controlling her emotions. Then swiftly opening the door, she got down with heavy heart.
Dev felt his heart cringing in pain seeing her walking away from him.
As Radhika moved to her home, she kept feeling a strong invisible tug, that was irresistible. Keeping herself away from him was always difficult, but now the pull suddenly seemed to have become more strong and invincible.
Her feet felt heavy and didn't feel like taking any more steps. Breaking away from that tug wasn't possible.
Giving in to that urge, she slowly turned and found him still gazing at her with longing eyes. Tears formed in her eyes and her face muscles twitched in pain as she sensed his yearning and her own.
She didn't know why this was happening? Why and How the pull, the force of his Love had become so overwhelming and unbeatable?
Clutching her dupatta, near the chest, she forced herself to turn and rushed to her home.
As she rushed in, Dev slowly started the car.........
Pulling out a small key, Devki opened the door. Radhika slowly walks behind her.
"Beta.....itni der ho gayi hai.....Main jaakar khana banati hoon" Devki said, entering inside. But soon her gaze found Shastrijee coming out from another room.
"are aap? Aagaye?" she asked
"Jee Devkijee.....woh mere paas ek aur chaabi thi. Par aapko itna samay kyun ho gaya?" he asked gently
"Jee who sab baad main bata doongi......main pehle chalke khane ki vyavstha kar loon jee" she replied back.
Radhika, who stood next to Devki, hardly listened on to her. She was lost in her own world of thoughts.
"Radhika.....beta? kya huwa?" Shastrijee asked, seeing her standing so quiet
This bought her back and she slowly glanced up "kuch nahi babuji......" she said feebly. Shfiting her gaze to Devki, she spoke "Ma....kya main jaake aaram kar loon.....kuch theek nahi lag raha hai" her voice seemed feeble. She felt too worn out – but mentally.
Devki swiftly turned to her "Kya huwa beta, tabiyat theek nahi lag rahi kya?" she asked concernedly. "ha wahan itni uchai pe itni thandi hawa chal rahi thi...isiliye to nahi" she added
"Nahi Ma.....bas thodi thakan lag rahi hai" She replied back in the same tired weak voice.
"Theek hai beta.....ja....khana tayar huwa to bula doongi......hmm" Devki replied back warmly.
Shastrijee, too, backed her.
Turning, Radhika slowly headed to her room. As she entered, she slowly pushed the door, to close it lightly and started walking across the length of the room. The room seemed very silent and this lets her confused mind again wander off to the moment when he had poured his feelings in front of her.
As she kept walking, something caught her attention and she halted her feet and turned her face sideways....only to find her own reflection in the mirror. In the small light coming from the lamppost, her face seemed a little tired.....but still something was remarkably different – her sindoor!!
Slowly one hand of her's comes up and touches her forehead coloured with sindoor. Unknowingly a small smile broke on her face and she kept gazing at her face.
"aaj Kanha ke saamne yeh asshirwad se bhara sindoor maine Radhika ke mang main bharkar....use apni patni banaya hai...."
"Patni...." she whispered and her smile widened by a fraction. And her heart beat joyously.....and the happiness slowly started spreading through her veins, making every inch of her body smile. Ecstacy filled her mind covering every other pain and thoughts!!
She slowly bought her hand down and gazed at her coloured fingers. Slowly her smile widened "unki patni......." she said softly. The fact made her heart thud happily.
Bringing her other hand up as well, she touched her Kanha's pendent, beaming. "main.... unki patni......" her gaze moved over nothing, feeling happy as never.
But suddenly, her gaze fell on a Shastrijee and Devki's picture hanging on the wall and her smile vanished......breaking her heart in to pieces, bringing the pain back to her. She realized that she had no right to cherish this short lived happiness that could never belong to her.......Her fingers clutched the pendant tightly, as an overwhelming pain gushed across her body and she closed her eyes in pain, letting the tears trickle down her cheeks.
For a moment, she weeped holding the pendant. Then slowly turning her head to the Kanha's idol, she gazed at her Lord with painful gaze.
She turned and walked towards the idol. Sinking it front of it, she cried "Kyun Kanha......aise kyun hone diya aapne? Kyun nahi roka unhe??"
The idol stood silent.
Her gaze shifted to her coloured fingers. Slowly her mind drifted to Dev's words....his anger.
"aaj pehli baar unhone apne dard ka jikr kiya......" she said in a soft voice, almost a whisper. "humesha maine unka dard unki ankhon main pada hai.....par unhone kabhi bhi use apne hothon tak aane nahi diya. Chahe kitne bhi dukh sehne pade ho....woh humesha use apni muskurahat ke peeche chupa lete"
She slowly shifted her gaze back to the idol "Par aaj....unhone pehli baar....iss dard ko apne andar se bahar nikala....aaj pehli baar unhe iss tarah maine dekha" tears streaked down uncontrollably. "unke dil ki tadap....aaj unke hothon ko chukar nikli" she felt her throat tighetening. Her heart felt ripped off.
"Par Kanha.......ab main kya karoon....aap sab kuch jaante hain....phir bhi aise kyun huwa? Ab main kis rishte ko chunu? Bolo?" she asked agonizingly.
"Kya likha hai humare naseeb main Kanha....kyun hone diya aapne aisa? Aapki marzi to mere babuji ke vachan ke saath judi huwi thi na.....to aapke hi mandir main aapke saamne.........mera aur unka......" her voice trailed off in pain and she sobbed.
"Mujhe kuch samaj main nahi aa raha hai Kanha.....kya karoon....aaj jo huwa who aapki hai....ya who vachan? mujhe kuch batao Kanha.....aise chup na raho....!" she sobbed.
Sometime later in Purohit house......
Dev sat in a couch, in his room, leaning his back and stared at a wall "Maine jo kiya who sahi hai ya galat yeh to nahi jaanta Kanha....par uss pal mere paas aur koi raasta nahi tha. Radhika apne babuji ke vachan ko nibhane ke liye....apni har khushi....humara pyaar....sab kuch tyagna chahti thi" he sighed silently "aur main yeh nahi hone de sakta tha....." he wondered aloud.
He looked away from the wall "Par ab main jaanta hoon......Radhika tum mujhse door ho hi nahi sakti" he said grimly to the empty room. "yeh jaante huwe ke ab meri patni ho....kisi aur se shaadi nahi kar sakti" he added firmly.
Suddenly something flashes across his mind and he swiftly got up, straightening his back "par.......mujhe Radhika par iss tarah awaaz nahi uthani chahiye thi.....use kitna bura laga hoga...." he closed his eyes in pain, feeling guilty. "I am sorry Radhika....." he said solemnly and opened his eyes. "Mujhe maaf kardo.....par main tumhe kho nahi sakta tha....isliye mujhe majbooran yeh kadam uthana pada.......Mujhe maaf kardogi na?" he said aloud, somberly.
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