the doorman at the apartment block where heer lived reeled under the impact of her smile. much later when he had fully recovered, he marvelled how much the drawn face lit up under that smile. it was more what it did to her eyes, than how sweetly her lips curled up when she did. she should smile all the time, he thought, bemused, as he watched her walk away, graceful in her customary stride.
in the elevator ride up, heer's smile grew, thinking about how pleased gayatri would be to get her favourite flowers. she had been meaning to do something nice for the old lady, to take her mind off the fact that the date of her wedding anniversary was coming near. today, she and preet had been having an intense discussion about whether it was more important for beauty or functionality in creating structures. one place where they had come to an agreement was that flowers were an example in nature where both existed together. it was then that heer discovered that preet was a walking yellow-pages on flowers available in the city, with a specialisation in jasmine, because they were one of his mother's favourite flowers. she had remembered gayatri's story of how her husband would get her jasmine for their anniversary, no matter where in the world they were. and had resolved to get her some to cheer her up.
she juggled the precious bundle in the woven basket and the portfolio bag, as she stepped out of the elevator and walked to gayatri's door. ''
hello heer'' there was something in gayatri's smile as she opened the door, that made heer's brow furrow, her surprise for gayatri forgotten. ''
there is someone here to meet you. he told me he is your uncle. he has been waiting for quite a while.'' gayatri ushered heer in as she talked, not missing the way heer's footsteps faltered on the way to the drawing room.
there, perched a little uncomfortably on the edge of one of gayatri's chintz covered sofas was the bulky form of her uncle. whose face was drawing back into a tentative smile as he caught sight of her. '
'hello, heer puttar. how are you?''
''well.'' heer's voice was quiet, the smile long gone. she turned quickly to gayatri, standing just as quietly by her side. ''
thank you for having allowed my uncle to wait ...'' she didn't get further.
''don't worry about it so much darling. it was a pleasure to spend some time chatting about back home.'' her smile was warm. ''
in fact, perhaps you and balwant can have dinner with me? jaunita is still here, and it wouldn't be too much trouble to have you join ...''
her voice petered off as both heer and balwant maan murmured their protests. as her uncle collected his coat, heer remembered the basket that she was clutching hard.
''these are for you.'' she handed over the basket to gayatri, and closed the door behind her, shutting out the happy exclamation she heard gayatri make.
in her apartment, they both stood a while looking at each other. ''
please have a seat, uncle.'' she held out her hand to take his coat.
''no, that's alright, puttar.'' she saw him look over her shoulder at the canvas by the window, turned away from his sight. she knew he would not have missed the tubes of paint that were scattered on the table, some on the floor beside, the two palattes that were a sure sign that she was painting. ''
you are painting again, puttar?'' his voice was happy. ''
that is wonderful! i am so gla...''
''can i get you something to drink? a cup of tea? water?'' her voice was distant. it was as direct a cut-off as could politely be done. but his eyes were understanding and kind as he sat down on the sofa that she was gesturing him to.
''no, thank you, puttar. i really do have to leave. i am expected back at dinner, and i'm running late.''
she took a seat opposite him. ''
i was in the neighbourhood, and had your monthly cheque with me. thought i'd drop it off, instead of in the mail.'' he sighed. he knew it was a weak sounding excuse. ''
i wanted to see how you were doing. no matter what you believe, heer, i do care about you, what you are doing, whether you are happy.'' heer didn't say anything, and as he watched her young stern face, he sighed again. he paused for a while, as if he was gathering his thoughts.
''i also wanted to tell you that your cousin is getting married. the wedding is to be in six months.'' heer couldn't help it -- she stiffened against her will. and it did not escape his notice. ''
heer.. it's been so long. we would so love to have you back home, be with us, take part of our happiness as yours. can you not...?'' he fell silent as her eyes, dark and without expression, flashed up at him.
''uncle, i have nothing but the best of wishes in my heart for ashlesha. i hope that she will be happy always. and i wish the same for you and my aunt as well.'' he knew that the visit was not going to give him what he had hoped for.
she stood. ''
i will put the trustee meeting down in my schedule, uncle. although, i really do not think we need any changes -- i am quite happy with the current payment amount and schedule. and i'm sure that you are more than capable of looking over the investments.'' he looked to see if there was any sarcasm in her face, but there was none. heer had never been the sort for inuendoes. she was as direct as her father had always been -- something that his wife had never understood or appreciated. he stood up and followed her to the door. ''
thank you for dropping the cheque off, uncle. i will see you at the meeting. do give my congratulations to ash, and tell her i hope she will be very happy.''
he had turned at the elevator to bid a final farewell. ''
i know you mean it sincerely, puttar. but i hope that you will come and tell her yourself.'' his smile at her was tinged with sadness as the doors closed.
heer's mind was blank as she closed her door. she didn't know how long she stood, still as a statue at the door, as still as the air in the little studio had become. in her mind, she fought for control -- control to not slip back into the past, not to dwell on what had happened, not to think about what she did not have. for a moment, she felt oppressed, the very stillness of the air threatening to stifle her. her hands had just clenched into fists, when she caught sight of the portfolio bag that she had dropped in the middle of the colourful rug. the rug that her mother and her sister had spent a whole summer putting together as a surprise for her.
she wasn't really thinking of anything at all, as she knelt on the rug, and started to pull out the sketches. in minutes, they had been all been laid out. how coincidental that laid out end to end, they practically covered the rug, a strange juxtaposition of her present and her past. in minutes, heer was at the easel, still in the clothes that she had walked into the apartment block in, barely half an hour ago, frowning in her concentration as she pondered the problem in front of her.
in the little studio apartment, the lights blazed all through the night and did not go off until the rays of the early morning sun had appeared in the sky.
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