Swati, thanks a lot, teenu, I do get bored frequently!!! I know an over-dramatic start, but I had to make it concise since it's a short story and to be honest I wanted to deal with jai and bani rather than raghu, so I made him kick the bucket!!! Ha!!!
And abhi, what does this trademark dhani ff mean??? Elucidate dear!!! My major in college is aything but literature, I am a completely technology driven electronics engineer student, and I love it!!!
PART-2
Bani lay awake…it was not even dawn, hearing the growl rattle of the moving fan…her eyes fell on the silhouette sprawled on the chair, his lanky legs thrown apart, he could go to any extent to save her, only if he had the courage to tell her which she was yearning to listen…she diverted her eyes back to the spinning fan…her hands made their way inside the blanket, then inside her kameez…to the vacant abdomen, it was gone…a tear slipped from her open eyes…her thoughts drifted to the time when she herself was ready to kill her own child, a mother ruthlessly attempted a murder of her own flesh and blood… …
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One cold, overcast afternoon, it was her third month, raghu had fled sensing danger to his life…he was somewhere in Bangkok hiding underground…
Bani lay on her back on the bedroom floor; saira was napping with her son Zaheer in her room. In bani's hands was a metal spoke she had snapped with a pair of pliers from an abandoned bicycle wheel. For a long time bani lay on the floor, sucking air through her teeth, legs parted…
She adored this child from the moment she had first suspected its existence. There had been none of this self-doubt, this uncertainty; in fact she had been on cloud nine, but it took her almost a month and a half to realize the consequences of this impending pregnancy. What a terrible thing it was, Bani thought now, for a mother to fear that she could not summon love for her own child. What an unnatural thing. She didn't want a child to be born in this dark world where there was no light at the other end of the tunnel; she didn't want another raghu, another jai in making, she didn't want to bring a coward into this world where her child would be constantly in fear of death and of survival…she wanted to give her child a free world, a world where there was love, a world where there was peace, a world where people lived without fear… not this world where a life was unworthy, a world where gunshots reverberated more than laughter…
And yet she had wondered as she lay on the floor, her sweaty hands poised to guide the spoke.
In the end, Bani couldn't do it.
It wasn't the fear of bleeding to death that made her drop the spoke or even the idea that the act was damnable - which she adjudged it was. Bani dropped the spoke because she couldn't accept what raghu really did: running away like a sissy rat leaving his friends, leaving her, leaving their child…Sometimes in war an innocent life has to be taken. Her war was against raghu, against the system, against this dark world. The baby was blameless. And there had been enough killing already. She threw the spoke away… …
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Bani removed the blanket which she was sure was covered by jai; she sat on the bed, her trembling toes touching the cold floor. She stood up…walking… …
Jai's head slipped, he opened his eyes groggily…the entire night he had been sitting in the chair, guarding bani…his neck cranked, he flexed his hands and spread his legs…his eyes fell on the bed, it was empty, the bed sheet carelessly hanging from the bed, his pulse raced…Where was she??? He jumped, checking his revolver if the bullets were fed or not, he ran through the house…his heartbeat quickened with every running step…What if she did something to herself????
Suddenly he stopped in his tracks seeing her back in the backyard…she was sitting on her knees…he at once went towards her, puffed with anger…
"Kahaan chali gyai thi aap…kuch hojata toh…" he almost screamed…bani looked calm she didn't turn back continuing with her work…jai walked in front of her…
"Main aapse pooch rahaan hoon…" he bent down…she looked up into his steel grey eyes…
"Ab hone ko bacha kya hain…" she said in a resigning manner…he stood stunned for a moment, yes, what was left to happen…he made note of what she was doing…she was digging a small pit…
"Kya kar rahin hain…" he asked slowly…bani took the small woolen socks and buried it…bani spoke up after a silent second…
"Bache ki atma ki shaanti ke liye…usse dafna rahin hoon…main usse bachaa nahin paayi…" bani said in an emotionless tone…his heart pricked…he looked at the socks lying in the earth's womb, they were the same blue socks which she had woven so lovingly…which were now covered by layers of humus…he kept on looking…leveling the pit, she took a white rose stem, planting it…
Bani viewed the planted rose stem; it would remind her of her unborn child… every time a flower will bloom, it will only indicate that her child is smiling somewhere… before she could get up to water it, she saw a pair of hands holding a mug, pouring water…she instantly knew it was jai… …the first rays of sun hit the green rose stem…
Keeping the mug aside, he held out his palm… bani placed her palm over his, he clasped it gently and pulled her to her feet …leading her inside…
"Fir kabhi bina bataye mat jaaiye…" he reprimanded her lowly…she nodded her head obediently…
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Bani finished her breakfast in pin drop silence…the servant came and cleared the dishes…
"Umm…" jai started…
"Kya…" bani said watching him curiously; something was going on in his mind for sure…
"Aap bura toh nahin maaanengi na…"
"Nahin…" bani leaned back…
"Shyaad aapko apne baba ke paas wapas chale jaana chahiye…iss kaali duniya main aap surakshit nahin hain…"
"Tumhe kya farak padta hain…" she asked looking at him crossly…jai averted his gaze…Wasn't it obvious??? But she would nail him always, sometimes he felt really irritated by her headstrongness…women were meant to be weak fragile, not rigid…but she was different…she had always been different…a cut above the rest…
"Aap wapas chali jaiye…bas…"
"Apne dost ki tarah bhagoda samjhke rakha hain…" she said accusingly…jai flinched…
"Jo bhi hain…tabrez chod aayega…samaan band lijiye…"
"Main darpok nahin hoon…aur main kahin nahin jaoongi…" bani declared…
Jai opened his mouth to counter her but he knew it was of no use…she was a stubborn mule…bani looked at him while he left…MEN…Can't live with them, can't live without them…she groaned…she picked up the receiver of the phone…her fingers pressed the number in order… …
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"Hello…" a shaky voice came from the other side…bani's throat clogged…words evaporated suddenly…
"Kai payije… (What do you want)" the same shaky voice said…bani gathered courage…
"Baba…main…" bani said finally…
"Kaun main…" he asked rather blankly…bani closed her eyes…
"Bani…" she opened her eyes…
"Oh!!!"
"Baba…raghu…"
"Hmm…newspaper main pada…jurm karne waalon ka yahin anjaam hota hain…"
"Baba…" bani whined…
"Agar tumhe apni galti ka ehsaas hain aur maafi chahti ho toh wapas aa sakti ho…warna tum mere liye bohot pehle hi mar chuki ho…"
"Maine kaha tha na baba…main kabhi nahin haaroongi…kabhi nahin…" bani said confidently…
All she heard was a slight click and the line went dead… …a second later she kept the receiver down…she had defied her principled father but at that moment she was so fascinated by this unreal world that nothing mattered anymore…
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The obese bounded books stood still on the dusty wooden rack which was a bit tilted due to excessive weight…the books were of varied field, especially of high intellect… Tolstoy's 'War and Peace', Gandhiji's life history, "My Experiments with truth', Self-discovery books by Vivekananda…and many more…huddled against one another like lovers…
Nishikant Dixit dusted his books, he loved them and the knowledge they brought…in all these many many years of his service as a school-teacher he had collected them…they were his most prized possessions till date, more valuable than his 4 acres of fertile land half of which his son had inherited…even after retirement his zest for living and doing something constructive for the society didn't vanquish, in fact it had only grown with time…He headed the local school imparting quality education and worked for the social elevation of his village… …
"Baba…main aapse kuch keh rahin hoon…" bani said impatiently…
"Suna maine…behra nahin hoon…" nishikant replied…still busy cleaning…
"Toh kuch bolte kyun nahin…" bani threw her hands in the air…she was sick of her father's sticky assertiveness and his cool exterior made it difficult to rebel…
"Tumhari maa ke jaane ke baad maine tumhe aur Mahesh ko kabhi kuch mana kiya hain…" he asked directly…bani smiled…she didn't think it was that easy to convince him…
"Nahin…"
"Toh…"
"Yaani aapko koi aitraaz nahin…" bani almost exclaimed…
"Main tumhare pyaar ki izzat karta hoon…jisse tum pyaar karti ho woh insaan galat ho sakta hain par pyaar galat nahin…"
"Baba…aap…you are the best…"
"Ek minute bani…par meri ek shart hain…"
"Kya…" the tension was back…
"Tum Raghu se police ke saamne surrender karne ko kaho…jab woh chutega jail se main khud tum dono ki shaadi karwaoonga…agar pyaar kiya hain toh uska saboot bhi do…Raghu ek aam zindagi bitaye...iss samaj ke niyamon ka palan kare…" the bomb exploded…bani fumed…
"Kis samaj ki baat kar rahen hain aap…woh samaj jisne ek bache ko anath chod diya, jisne ek bebas ladke ko jurm karne par majboor kiya…kaunsa samja baba…yeh aapka jo samaj hain na whain raghu ka gunegaar hain…"
"Bani…apne pyaar ki sachai ko sabit karo…main tumhare saath hoon…"
"Nahin baba…aapko kya lagta hain aapke yeh Gandhi waadi adarsh, do darzan usool, uchatam soch…yeh sab lekar aap iss samaj ko badal denge…yeh samaj ek gandi naali ban chukka hain, na koi Gandhi na koi Vivekananda isse badal sakta hain…"
"Sahi kaha tumne…Gandhi ya Vivekananda ki zaroorat nahin hain, bas insaan ko jagruk hone ki der hain, bas ek kadam…"
"Yeh sab baaten sunne main aur kitabon main achi lagti hain…par baba ek baar bahar ki duniya dekhiye…log kahaan pahonch gaye hain…"
"Beta…main jahaan hoon theek hoon…"
"Mahesh bhai sahi kehte the, aap kabhi hume samajh hi nahin paaye, acha hua woh chale gaye…apni zindagi ke liye…kya mila baba apko iss adarsh zindagi se…kya mila…"
"Izzat, atma samaan, garima, aur man ki shaanti…ise zyada aur kya chahiye…mere usool meri atma hain…inke bina main mar jaoonga…"
"Baba main jaa rhain hoon raghu ke saath…"
"Main rokunga nahin…bas itna yaad rakhna, ant main jeet humesha sachai ki hoti hain…"
"Jeet sirf uski hoti hain jo kabhi haar nahin maante… main kabhi nahin haroongi baba…kabhi nahin…"
Bani touched his feet…
"Bhagwaan tumhe sadbudhi de…" nishikant went back to dusting his books…
Bani looked at his unperturbed father…she walked out with a bag of clothes… promising herself never to enter this house again…
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God bless
Dhani
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