Live in relationship vs Marriage - Page 10

Originally posted by: souro

 

I thought people file tax returns separately even if they are married.

They can.  They still have to declare their marital status as "married".  I doubt that saves anything.  Since my husband (After this thread I guess people will be shocked to know that I am not promiscuous and am legally married 😆😆 ) files for both of us, my knowledge is more limited than yours..  perhaps someone else could shed light on this, but the truth is, if it saved married people money by filing separate, I doubt they would have coined the term "marriage penalty" which hits us harder especially in CA as opposed to midwest.  We have filed taxes in both the places and it is much more here in CA.   Somebody needs to convince me the "good weather" is worth all that 😡😭😭
Edited by mermaid_QT - 17 years ago

TO EACH ITS OWN - a blog
http://sakshijuneja.blogspot.com/2005/09/live-in-relationshi p-vs-marriage.html


This is my final post in this thread. I will actually present a great link that will logically make a case against a live in arrangment (atleast in US and India).
I belive that the following points positively argue against live-in and are more convincing FOR ME how marriage could be the right procedure as opposed to its importance based on"social norms", "values of culture" etc.

• Cohabitation affects the cohabitors' children (significantly after an unforseen split) In general, children's emotional development is poorer if a parent is cohabiting than if a parent is married. This poor development is partly due to the high risk that the couple will break up. If the couple does separate, the children pay an economic price, since they have no right to child support from a partner who is not their biological parent. They also pay an emotional price when they lose a caring adult who may have taken a parental role but will do so no longer.

• Although cohabitors try to protect their economic futures (with separate bank accounts, for example), married couples are better off financially. (seen this and hence easy to believe this one)

• Married men earn more than single men (nearly twice as much)(or save more?  that is more believable for me) and married women have access to more of men's earnings than if they are single or cohabiting. This may be explained by the increased financial responsibility men feel when they marry many men have been heard to say, "Marriage made me get more serious about my career and making a good living." (could be!, my husband changed his spending ways after marriage)

• Cohabitors generally do not reap the physical health benefits enjoyed by married couples. Non-married people feel less healthy and have higher rates of mortality than the married. (stress due to uncertainity- not healthy) Compared to singles, married people as a group are also emotionally happier. Married couples are better connected to the larger community, including inlaws and church members who provide social and emotional support and material benefits. ( i can totally see this happening in Bush states and in India )

• Some people would be surprised to learn that marrieds have better sex lives than cohabitors. Although cohabitors have sex at least as often as marrieds, they are less likely to say they enjoy it. Marriage adds the essential ingredients of commitment and security to one's sex life, making it more satisfying. In addition, marrieds are more likely than cohabitors to perceive love and sex as intrinsically connected. (What??  i'd like to see a statistical proof, but ok, i'll believe as i am sick of this thread 🤢, i always thought they they have to keep the quality and frequency up  due to fear of getting dumped otherwise 😆😆)

• Cohabitation may affect relationships with parents. In some families, cohabitation is no longer associated with sin, pathology, or parental disapproval. But in many families cohabitation is still considered morally wrong and embarrassing to extended family members. Cohabitors from those families risk damaging their relationships with their parents and experiencing the withdrawal of parental and extended family support for the relationship.  (indeed makes sense)

Thanks everyone qwerty, CB, dew, souro, tanz  for a great discussion.  Thanks Maya for the unconditional 😆 support.  Thanks CB & Souro for partial support 😛.
 I really liked your following post CB.  I think we are partially on the same page.  Souro.. nahh.. either which way, it is going to be great!  That's the take home message here.  (Don't come after me with a stick after 5 years of the committed relation 😉) 

I apologize if I hurt anyone's feelings.  Adios and see you in another thread.
mQT
Edited by mermaid_QT - 17 years ago

Originally posted by: mermaid_QT

it is all about who you committ to for a life-time.  paperwork doesn;t matter for some people and that is not because they are promiscuous.  That is the only point I am trying to make.
qt

look we can find exceptions almost anywhere. if what you are saying is "some people", then fine, we'll always have "some people" on any side of the divide. but it's usually a pretty weak inference when u have to rely on "some people", rather than "most people", unless they are particularly smart. 

second, other than support the stats you yourself raised which qwerty had questioned, my main point was simply that ppl who get into live-ins dont somewhere have the same level of commitment as the married folks. if they did, then why not the paper-work? after all, there's no marriage tax penalty even in some of the liberal scandinavian countries that i know of. dont know abt the french though- they're generally always off in their own world.

third, nothing i said was supposed to be an indictment of anyone's values. i did mention  how values keep changing and i based my opinion on other aspects. 

fourth, as for promiscuity, in fact i believe live-ins are more monogamous than the singles, the reverse of what has been implied.

that aside, i did find the live-in arrangement "most of the time" as suboptimal to either marriage or to the single life. sort of a go-between that is a sorry compromise. if one wants to have fun the single way or is afraid of commitment, stay single. if one does have that commitment, then it's probably smarter to strengthen it some more and give the relationship more of a chance by getting married. if one doesnt, then a reasonable conclusion can very well be that there is some lack of commitment or conviction etc. No?😊  And that can hardly be considered as trashing someone's values pls

Originally posted by: mermaid_QT

TO EACH ITS OWN - a blog
http://sakshijuneja.blogspot.com/2005/09/live-in-relationshi p-vs-marriage.html


This is my final post in this thread. I will actually present a great link that will logically make a case against a live in arrangment (atleast in US and India).
I belive that the following points positively argue against live-in and are more convincing FOR ME how marriage could be the right procedure as opposed to its importance based on"social norms", "values of culture" etc.

Thanks everyone for a great discussion.  Thanks Maya for the support.  I apologize if I hurt anyone's feelings.  Adios and see you in another thread.
mQT

Excellent post and excellent link.

BTW, I think you have successfully convinced me that neither marriage nor live-in is worth it. Maybe I'll just remain a bachelor all my life. 😭 😭

Excellent post on Cohabitation, Sakshi. Thanks for the links to the articles. Incidentally, I wrote a post with my own (albeit strong) opinion on this topic, and have added the links you posted in an article on Naaree.com

An American colleague of mine was in a live-in relationship from past 13 years.......guy wanted a kid and she did not w/o marriage....mind that, she only refused to have the kid out of wedlock but never forced him to marry her.......so guy decides they should get married.....she agreed...fixed a date....guy disappears a week befor marriage and is still laapata.....they were supposed to get married two weeks ago!!!

What good came out of this 13 years of live in relationship other than that the cohabitant was able to just walk away and disappear in thin air???? Atleast, in a marriage, there is some level of commitment and security.

I am in favor of either here or there....get married or stay single.  So what if the marriage doesn't work out....if one is open minded enough to be in a live-in relationship, why should a mere divorce be so unacceptable? 

That said and done, I think it is purely individual choice and no one should be ridiculing them for chosing to be in a live-in relationship.

 

Edited by Gauri_3 - 17 years ago

To each his own... whatever turns you on... is how I perceive the situation.

I have friends who have decided (as of now) never to marry and have live in relationships...  Some are rebelling, some have genuine (in their minds) reasons for never marrying... 

Marriage makes it one shade harder to walk away...
Marriage gives a stability to the family

Hmm! This topic is one of the topics in which I was a sincere spectator.Good Contributions by Subha Di, Maya ji ,QWERTY and Tania Mam!

This topic got boiled well like this :

and later on flames also came :

Edited by mythili_Kiran - 17 years ago

I agree both with Priyadi and Gauri.  I just wanted to add that a live-in after a year is also called Common-Law spouse......so it is not that much easy to walk away either.

I know of a lady who lived with a man who had kids from previous marriage.  They lived together for five years before he passed away.  She did have the legal right to some of his estate and had a bitter battle with his kids.  She never wanted much except some things they bought oneanother as memories.

I guess I am old fashioned as I would not want a child out of wedlock or be someone's live-in and then find it does not work.  But that is just my own POV.😳

Originally posted by: Gauri_3

An American colleague of mine was in a live-in relationship from past 13 years.......guy wanted a kid and she did not w/o marriage....mind that, she only refused to have the kid out of wedlock but never forced him to marry her.......so guy decides they should get married.....she agreed...fixed a date....guy disappears a week befor marriage and is still laapata.....they were supposed to get married two weeks ago!!!

What good came out of this 13 years of live in relationship other than that the cohabitant was able to just walk away and disappear in thin air???? Atleast, in a marriage, there is some level of commitment and security.

I am in favor of either here or there....get married or stay single.  So what if the marriage doesn't work out....if one is open minded enough to be in a live-in relationship, why should a mere divorce be so unacceptable? 

That said and done, I think it is purely individual choice and no one should be ridiculing them for chosing to be in a live-in relationship.

 

I agree with you here..... in the example cited by you there are few very interesting observations:

1. They had a live in relationship for 13 years.... That means they liked to be in Live in relationship and it was mutual discretion....

2. She told him that she wont have a child until he marries her.... That means she had an inclination that he may not marry her even after 13 years of relationship.... so she was more than willing to stay in relation even if he does nt marry her....

So as gauri said..... here both the parties were in Live in relationship for mutual benefit and with mutual consent for a long time and they loved to be like that.... its their discretion.... but they cd have just married and then taken a divorce.... as gauri said....

but i think it was better they did nt marry, otherwise the problem of custody of child would come and also property settlement etc....😊......

i think i had not commented on this thread.... IMO keeping aside the religious beliefs, Live in relationships are okk if one wants to be in, it only gives time to know other person. Even in Gauri's example they knew eachother.... If they have been in relation for 13 years, the lady knew that he will never marry... and then the person can marry when they feel that they can live comfortable life forever with eachother and can understand eachother.... it would be better than marrying a totally unknown person logically......

Having said that i will go with my religious beliefs of marriage and no live in relationship 😃😆