Taani's P.O.V:
He is gone. Anurag is gone. He's not mine anymore.
The promises we made as a husband and wife when we were young is not the same now. The togetherness of us which I had always dreamt of is not the same now. The day dreams I had is not the same now. My prediction that assured me that Anurag will be mine forever is not the same now. Not Any more. Time, change. Things, change.
The droplets of the heavy rain fell on my face which I didn't try to wipe it out. Instead, I let it fall on my face. So that, it could hide my tears that was flowing from my eyes since he went.
I clasped the windowsill tightly to prevent myself from falling. My body went weak and numb after I lost my strength, my hope, and my everything. My Anurag. I lost him.
The sentences we spoke when we were young rang in my ears.
Flashback:
"What would you do if I love and marry another girl when I grow older?"
"I'll happily support you and break our marriage for your happiness!"
End of flashback.
I had never thought those would come true one day and Anurag will leave me for another girl.
It was the time when I don't know the meaning of love. It was the time when I never cared about to learn what does a 'love' means.
If I was aware, I would have told the same reply. But not whole heartedly. I would have been split by pain and agony if he asked me the same after I learnt what is love.
Is it my mistake? He did this because I replied him that way? I don't know. I don't know what lead him towards her.
Now what if I never kiss your lips again
Or feel the touch of your sweet embrace
How would I ever go on?
Without you there's no place to belong'
Fear gripped me when I thought I would not be looking his face first in the morning. His touch still lingered on my body when he hugged me uttering a 'good bye' with a joy on his lips and happiness in his eyes. The same joy and happiness which forbade him from seeing my pain and frustration.
I haven't started to think how my life is going to move on. Who am I kidding? I haven't digested yet that he left me. Am I going to be the same after all this? I won't. I felt like I'm in a strange place where I'm not familiar with. Certainly, this place doesn't belong to me. Only when Anurag is with me, I feel that the whole world belongs to me.
Well, someday love is gonna lead you back to me
But till it does, I'll have an empty heart
So, I'll just have to beleive
Somewhere out there you're thinkin' of me
Never think this is what going to remain. It won't. You'll be back to me one day. You might realize that I did love you. You might wonder, 'Taani had really did love me'. Till that happens, I won't hold any one else in my heart.
The place is yours and I won't insult you by giving that place to someone else. To make myself strong and to make myself believe it thoroughly, I'll imagine that you think of me every moment and cherish.
Till the day I let you go
Till we say our next hello
It's not good bye
Till I see you again
I'll be right here remembering when
Yes, it is not going to be a separation. You always live in my mind and I always live in your mind. Then how could we call it a separation? There's no such thing in our life and I trust it blindly. True love is never separated.
The day when I'll see you again, when you come through my door, I'll be in my place where I stood when you left me, because, I don't want you to search for me and hurt your mind and legs. I'll be right here where you left me, waiting for your arrival.
And if time is on our side
There will no tears to cry on down the road
There's one thing I can't deny
It's not good bye
When the time comes, when the time you are really going to come back to me comes, there won't be tears to cry because it is the only thing I have now, to comfort myself from the attack I just had. My eyes would be dry that time with no more tears to shed in happiness when you come back.
I would not cry when you come back to me. Why should I? We are not separated. I would never accept that we had a separation. I would never.
You think I'd be strong to make it through
And rise above when the rain falls down
But it's so hard to be strong
When you've been missing somebody so long
Did you think it is so easy to take it just like that? It's not. You had the joy and happiness. Not me. You are my everything and when you went, I was left with nothing. It is not that easy as you think.
The weight of the water droplets that is falling on my face is making me fall down. That is why I'm holding the windowsill tightly into my palms. I want to feel strong. But I'm failing every time when I try.
The other day you wondered how I lifted the whole book rack easily without a crease on my face. But now see what the little droplets are doing to me.
It's just a matter of time I'm sure
But time takes time I can't hold on
So won't you try as hard as you can
To put my broken heart together again?
It's all the cruelty of time. It wants to check my sincerity in love for you. But I'll defeat it by my ever living love. Time can take years to check my mental strongness in love. I'm sure the loser will be the time.
But what scares me most is how much time it gonna take? I have never lived without you in a single day. Do you remember how I came to Kashmir to see you when you went for a general body meeting there?
I can stay without you. But please promise me that you will at least try to put my broken heart together again when you come back. Who knows? The broken parts might come on their own and stick together if you, at the least, feel my love.
till the day I let you go
till we say our next hello
It's not good bye
Till I see you again
I'll be right here remembering when
And if time is on our side
There will no tears to cry on down the road
There's one thing I can't deny
It's not good bye
I'm sure that one day you'll be mine again and you'll declare to this world that this what is going to remain forever and ever and ever.
That time, your heart will be filled with me and my heart will be filled with you. Until that, I'll try to understand what has now happened to me. Why it suddenly happened to me. Why you left me. I'll try to figure the things out. I'll try to digest what it is actually happening around me. I will. I will, Anurag.
OK, I know it is a little boring. 😆 But I just thought that the lyrics fits into the situation perfectly. And yes, the song is Laura Pausini's 'It's not good bye'. Thanks to Keanu fan for pointing that I haven't mentioned the song.😆 Please do let me know how was it.
Cheers,
Nafee.
Anupamaa
Kyunki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi 2
