Hi
Hope all of you are doing well. As you all might have gotten to know by the title I have decided to leave. The reason is quite personal.
As you all know I have been quite upset for a long time! But now am tired of all of the things that I have gone through and I seriously quite now!
I don't remember how I came upon this forum but I thank God that I stumbled here and met all the wonderful people here.
When I had decided that I will never ever make friends ever again I got beautiful friends like you.
When I really needed a friend's shoulder to lean and cry my heart out I got you. You beared all the nonsense and stupid ramblings that carried out. You became my second family constantly supporting me, loving me. You were there in both my sorrow and happiness. Standing there like a strong pole of support all the time. Always ready to help me.
You know recently I heard somewhere don't remember where it was like this, "Logon ko hamare ghaav dikhate hai par dard nahi dikhta!" but in my case logon ko mere ghaav tak naa dikhe toh dard dikhna toh door ki baat hai naa! I had been carrying a mask showing that everything is perfect in my life I'm extremely happy aur mujhe koi problem nahi hai. But ab I think uss mask mai bhi darrare padne lagi hai because now I'm too tired to carry this fake mask.
You know even during my younger brother's threading ceremony which should have been the happiest day even there I carried the fake mask, masking my pain, my hurt, and my wounds for the happiness of my family. I showed everybody that I was perfectly fine.
But now everything is over.
I wonder how somebody else if was in my place what that person would have gone through.
Two times I have been hurt by none other than the friends that I had trusted. Do do baar mera vishwas toota hai. Pehli baar sambhal liya aur phir apne chaaro sides pe walls khadhi kara di but these walls didn't help they were removed making me bare and exposed the second time. Aur ab ghaav itne ghehre ho gaye hai ki unka pain is completely unbearable.
I only wanted to live my life like a normal 18 year old studying in 12th who wanted to become a doctor but ab woh possible nahi hai. Because now everything is over and I'm tired.
I want to apologize to all the writers of this forum as I couldn't comment regularly even when I wanted to. I'm very very sorry I hope that 1 day you all will forgive me.
Also another sorry to all those who followed my ff bundles of joy which now I don't think I will be able to write because when I myself am depressed I can't possibly write a happy ff and even if I do it will compromise with the qaulity of the ff which I don't want to happen.
Now to my thank you session. I thank all of the readers of my each and every story who encouraged me to write. You know all of my previous so called friends when I was in school had criticized my writing and hence I stopped writing and only wrote what was needed in the exam to answer my question paper. Just think the girl who had taken education till 12 years in USA, who used to write poems and various stories stopped writing them completely after coming to India who was in the top 5 in English in her standards all because she was constantly told that her stories and writing was very bad. You all encouraged me to write again.
Nemo di deserves the thanks for the stories The last battle' and 'Bundles of Joy' as she encouraged me constantly to write it.
Sakshi (Queen) deserves the thanks that you all got to read 'Asha'.
Kiara dear I read your post and wish you all the very best for your 12th and may you have a brilliant future ahead. I also really appreciate all your effort to help the forum get back to its old glory. I will really miss all your beautiful stories as they all were wonderfully penned hope you keep writing dear.
I was actually hesitating to make this post as I don't want any sympathy. You all helped me come this far but now I'm very tired and I don't know what I will be doing now.
One more thing to all the writers of this forum I would really appreciate if I keep getting PM's for the stories you all write and also updates to your old work. As I really love each and every writer of this forum and will definitely love to read the stories even though I will be leaving this forum.
Sorry for troubling you all with this post but it was needed. The reason why I was active quite a lot the past few days was this itself as I have to leave now.
Don't know whether I will come back or not. But remember one thing that I love you all and this forum very much. You all will always remain in my heart as the last friends that I have made in my lifetime as I don't know whether I have the strength and courage left in me to make new friends ever again.
Goodbye
Love you all
Sayli
Shiv Shakti
