Open Letter to Swara

Dear Swara,

There has been so much happening in the last few days and you seem so lost that I wanted to talk to you, hence this letter.

You have gone through more in the last few months than most of us would face in a lifetime. It is natural to feel lost and winded. The emotional turmoil wrecked on you would take its toll and yes, it is not easy to deal with the same. Do yourself a favour.

Acknowledge everything that happened to you - the good , the bad and the ugly ones. Think it through - as dispassionately as possible - which, of course, is far easier said than done.

Let us start with Ragini - who has been a permanent fixture in your life - so quiet and innocent than you always want to cocoon her and shield her. It did not turn out to be too well, did it? She found the cocoon smothering and came out on her own. Not the beautiful emperor butterfly you would have expected but a person hiding a vile and devious mind. A mind that is so focused on achieving what she feels is hers' that she has obliterated all lines between good and bad, moral and immoral. No deeds done or words uttered in pursuance of her goals is to judged, they are all worth the prize she wishes to attain. You have forgiven her for all that she has done to you, we appreciate your magnanimity (a little nave - too) but do not take it on yourself to determine what others should do to her. She has hurt all of them and they will deal with that. Your forgiveness is your decision but please, do not insist on others doing so. Also remember, forgiveness does not mean automatic redemption. Ragini has wronged, nay sinned, and she has to pay for her deeds. Let her pay the price! And work towards her redemption and possible salvation. Listening to her suggest how she would be redeemed, if and only if, you forgive Lakshya, is utterly ridiculous. You cannot live your life for other people. You have got to do what is right for you, even if it hurts some people you love. (Nicholas Sparks - The Notebook)

Then we come to Lakshya - really - what is the confusion here - from the very beginning he has displayed the finest example of how it is to be fickle and spineless. Engaged to Ragini; falls for you; breaks off the engagement; then at the first sign of doubt (a supposed video from you) he determines you a deceiver; marries Ragini on the rebound; promises all and sundry that he would be a true partner to her (this was like a thousand times); still goes around moping for you and professing to be in love with you; forces Sanskar to marry you (even though it was Ragini's manipulation he choose to voice it out); insults you at every given and taken' moment; refuses to hear to any voice of reason; manhandles you at every opportunity...the list is endless.

You cannot change someone who doesn't see an issue in their actions. And you are hesitant to hurt him - he who has turned a blind eye to your emotions and a deaf ear to your vehement declarations that you do no love him any longer.

Remember, some people cannot love you the way you want to be loved, because they are emotionally and spiritually frozen. They recoil from or avoid emotion. You will never meet a deep penetrating gaze from their shallow eyes; only a surface glance. They will touch your hand with their hand, but never with their heart. They will serve your body but not your soul. They can connect with you through utility but never with passion. They are empty. They are dead inside. They will break your heart if you let them. You will waste your whole life if you wait for them to wake up to the treasure of what you have to offer. (- Byrant McGill)

And finally, Sanskar - who has proved himself time and again - walked through the paths of purgatory for his sins to be redeemed - he who was the instigator of this cycle has repented, sought forgiveness and worked for it. As somebody said - "True redemption is seized when you accept the future consequences for your past mistakes". Sanskar has done that. Time and time, irrespective of come what may, he has stood by you, fought by you and for you. I am sure he would continue to do so, despite what your course of action would be. As everybody has pointed out, he is a one in a million'. Persons like him, who have been touched by the darkness, yet have the strength to stop them themselves in time, accept their mistakes and work towards forgiveness and redemption are true warriors forged from the fires of repentance; and because they have been touched by the darkness they shine with a greater brilliance, a light which is bright, blinding and a little frightening.

As everyone says - he is your soul mate (that could be as a friend or a husband) - for a soul mate is " like a best friend but more. It is the one person in the world who knows you better than anyone else. That someone who makes you a better person. No, actually, they don't make you a better person - you do that to yourself because they inspire you. A soul mate is someone you carry with you forever. It is the one person who knew you, accepted you and believed in you before anyone else did or when no one else would. And no matter what happens, you will always love them and nothing could ever change that." (Dawson's Creek)

So we come to your dilemma - when everything is so clear why are you so confused and unable to make up your choice? You are categorical when you state that you no longer love Lakshya, you are not completely convinced with Ragini's argument that if she can be forgiven (for attempting to kill you, at the very least), Lakshya should be forgiven for doubting you, nor are you willing to give up your friendship' with Sanskar for the possibility of love'. I think, my dear, it is because you are still hurt at being betrayed and a little frightened that it is possible to love again. Do yourself a favour, for once, just once in your life, think about yourself and only yourself - what you think is selflessness is actually naivet. The world is not carved out in uniform parts of black and white; light and dark. Whatever choice you make, you will never make everybody happy - someone or the other would be unhappy and hurt - so is it not sensible to make a choice which would make you the happiest? For remember, if you are not happy, then all of the people, who love you and wish you well, will be not be happy. When you are happy, even if your choice is not their choice or their idea of happiness, they will be happy.

Give yourself time and a chance to accept what has been done to you and to begin healing. Tell everyone the same - you deserve time to heal, to make choices and to really start living, believing and loving again. You owe yourself a chance and everyone owes you the time. Just remember - Every choice has a consequence. There will be outcomes never dreamed of or dreaded. The lesson is to accept them and move on. You will hurt someone. You could also be hurt. You will be hated, you will be loved. Choose anyway - because on one has the dreams you have and you have to live your life.

Everyone has made and stated their choices - now it all depends on you. The worst battle you will ever have to fight is to choose between what you feel and what you know. May your choices reflect your hopes and not your fears! Choose well and choose wisely.

Your Well wisher,