OS- Tears

Night doomed at MM.ragini was unconscious in her bed with her wrist bandaged .sharmishta sat by her. She volunteered to look after ragini after doctor announced she was out danger and that was slight slit on her wrist nothing major happened by gods grace. Everyone thanked God for escaping such incident.

Swara sat on her bed lost in thoughts. Sanskar stood at the window deep in thoughts .laksh was in the lawn again lost in thoughts.

Shekar and dadi were seated in the lounge area of MM thinking over everything happened few hours ago.

Few hours ago:

Laksh called shekar sharmishta and dadi to MM saying he wanted to unveil the biggest truth. When they reached there .they witnessed ragini crying shekar and dadi ran to her.laksh spilled the truth.about her confession.shekar and dadi were shocked and ashamed at ragini's acts. They hung there head low in shame. They apologised swara and sharmishta. They being the big hearted ppl forgave everyone

"M sorry swara.I should have trusted you..please forgive me" pleaded laksh

"I forgave u long back laksh. I don't hold any bitterness towards anyone..it was fate and it happened. But I can't promise you to forget everything" said swara who looked relieved for the first time in many days.

"Hayy mhaari hi poti apni behen k saath itna bura karege Maine socha na tha ..swara manne maaf karde..mhaare hi parvarish main koi kami reh gayi hogi.Jo mhaari ladoo itne galath raste pe chal padi" sobbed dadi

" galathi humari hi thi dadi maa..hamesha se" said ragini in clipped tone

Everyone looked at her puzzled she continued

"It was my fault all along.it was my fault I didn't put my views forward.its my fault I let everyone walk over me.its my fault I made puppet out of myself"

Dadi MA was about stop her when sharmishta nodded no and stopped her.

" when I was little girl I was a lonely girl.I always missed my mother.but dadi MA was more than a mother to me she loved me like a princess. But she was my dadi MA. I missed my father who was always formal with me.who was grieving the lost of someone .I wanted a father who would assure me they were no monster beneath my bed. Who would assure me everything is going to be okay.who would tell me wounds make me stronger. But there was none to wipe my tears which shed in the middle of night. I was on my own from my childhood where I learnt there will none one to wipe your tears. I was almost scared of my father. He seemed like stranger to me ."said ragini looking distantly at nothing in particular.shekar was shocked at this revelation

" my dadi MA thought me everything.m very thankful of her. She thought me how to be sanskari marwari girl.she thought me what my boundaries are.she thought me how to limit my laugh. Because it is a besharam thing to laugh your heart out.she thought it was okay to fight with your neighbour ,it was okay to demean a woman. It was okay to name call another female.it was a great thing to discriminate ppl of their caste and creed."

Dadi maa hung her head low in shame.

"I was little child who was interested in reading new things..knowing new things .but dadi maa told be I should rather concentrate on being a sanskari gharelu girl. These reading and knowing new things won't help me in my sasural.I was not supposed to befriend with non marwari girls. I was clearly told not be even in the distance on 10 foot with any guy. That will make me a besharam person. I agreed with every condition of her without arguing or questioning back.my views were different but I suppressed them for my mother like dadi maa. But in a city of Bengali's how was I not supposed to bump into another Bengali? Every person I met were Bengali or were friends with fellow Bengali girls .that left me alone.and that gave everyone right to judge me and label me as introvert,shy and what not. When I was none what they presumed me."

"I wanted be care free,smiling ,laughing dancing like every other normal girl. But I was supposed to grow into a gud sanskari girl who does not do such things. A sanskari girls is supposed to be simple and quiet.I too wanted to make friends play doll house, tea parties and everything that my neighbour swara gets to do. I envied her every time I see her mother encouraging her to do something i which I wasn't allowed to do.I was so impressed with Bose women for being so strong and independent. I wanted to grow up and be something like sharmishta Kaki. Who had grace and same fighting spirit of a tigress." She smiled lost in her past like she was again reliving her childhood

Ragini walked towards shekar dadi and sharmishta

"Do anyone know what my favourite color is?" Asked ragini out of nowhere

Shekar was confused

"Red" squeaked swara

Ragini looked at swara and gave a empty smile

"White" replied ragini.everyone looked preplexed at her

" I always loved the color white.it gave me a sense of purity peace and serenity.but dadi MA firmly told me I cannot like the color white. As that was considered inauspicious. She rather gave me option of red or green .I could one between the two to make my fav color. Just make her happy I tried liking the color Red.but it always gave me feeling of being suffocated . like m locked in room and the walls are closing into me.every time I see the color I console my saying its just the another that makes my dadi MA happy and I have to do it."she said

everyone were felt the stung.

"I enjoyed dancing . It gave me freedom .a serenity where I could forget every pain every smile every nightmare even myself.but I was told acche ghar ki ladkiyan naach nautanki nhi karti hai.I had to strangle another part of me .I lead a life for others.other wishes.I was never there in my life"said ragini her almost choking .

"only music was my support. Which I was allowed to learn but I was limited to sanskrutik music only society never understood they cannot draw line to music. It seeps in even from the tiniest hole and makes the place it's own."

"when I was 15 I had a crush on shahid kapoor.that every girl crush.I had kept it hidden frm everyone but somehow dadi MA got an air about it. That very day she told how it was a sin to show any affection towards any male other my beend. It was my future whom I should repect.,admire and like.love was not even allowed to think because that was supposedly a besharam wala kaam"ragini wiped her tear.

"everytime I saw my reflection in mirror.I saw a girls whose tongue had been tied. Her wings broken .she wanted to scream her pain out . but she isn't able to. She tried to fly but was caged with her legs tied aswell. She was suffocated"her voice cracked

"then entered in my life like a flowing river .unstoppable and free. Which could even cut the stone DAT tries to stop her. My family decided swara would be a bad influence on me and I should get married to the supposed perfect guy they choose for me. They didn't concentrate whether he is really a perfect guy for me. they rather concentrated on his family background the respect his family holds in marwari samajh.I was told this was the guy m going to get married to.I started connecting with him on an emotional level.started liking a gyy who was unsure and was leading a dual life himself. I thought atleast he would try knowing the real me. But I was expecting something which wouldn't ever happen. Swara revealed his reality to his family and mine. My grand parents still wanted to go ahead with this accha rishta. They never asked me whether I wanted this alliance or not. I again strangled my thoughts and got engaged to this person"

Gadodias and maheshwari felt her every word was dagger that was aimed at them

"The biggest revelation of my life was swara bring my sister. That came as a blow to me. A moment where I couldn't even understand anything. I happy shocked angry and every possible emotion.happy that I get sister,a companion.sad that my father never loved my mother,angry at my father how could he cheat a woman the raise questions against his own flesh and blood.proud that a woman like sharmishta Bose will be my mother. Deceived that dadi maa lied about my mothers death.if it wasn't for swara I would hav never took a stand to unite my parents. I would hav never stood still on my decision.unaware of my feelings being played with I let this new friend laksh maheshwari enter the unknown territory of my heart.he led me on with his cute word. Smiles and fight to unite my parents. I had been played with yes and nos many time like I was ragged doll. Then entered this mentally unstable guy who liked my presence who wanted me as his friend. That was new to me because everyone else judged me first .I was happy someone actually likes me. Unaware of the biggest game of lies and deceit where I was just a mere pawn .revenge,rafe love,friendship,relations amidst some many important things ppl forgot about this ragini.there never thought about me,my feelings,my innocent heart who was being shattered every moment". Everyone had tears in there eyes

" that day I decided .I would never let anyone make me their puppet.I had mind of my own . I would get back whatever I lost.this time I didn't let my broken wings and cage stop me. I opted the wrong path for me.I walked the evil way"

"I did every wrong deed.hurt my mother.mysister.my loved one. And most importantly my soul.it was disgusted of my thought's. My soul never gave me satisfaction. It started hating me."

"it's my fault I let every one walk over me.its my fault that I let everyone use me as ragged doll.its my fault I put everyone's happiness ahead of my own.its my fault I let my soul drown in the tears of unspoken words"

" maa the other u asked me why am I going far away from truth.because I hate this reality. I hate this suffocation I hate that my loved ones Hatess me. I hate that everyone that liked being with me ones now finds way to get away from me.I hate that I have to be someone that I am not. I hate I deceive my own soul.everything about me suffocates me" she screamed in pain throwing away her bangles .mata patti. Hurting herself in process. She stumbled down to ground. Crying her heart out.

swara and everyone ran to her.she pushed everyone away and ran towards dinning area. Took a knife from fruit basket

" ragini beta no. Stop that u are strong girl" pleaded shomi

"maa I can live your hate. But I cannot survive sympathy.m not a quitter.but a life of sympathy is worst than living dead" she cried

"no beta ..we don't..we all love you" said shomi

sanskar and laksh some how pulled the knife away from her slightest slitting the left wrist

sanskar slapped her tight

"taking your life is no solution" he stated

his one slap and the cut on her wrist blacked her out.

there family doctor came rushing and nursed her wounds and announced she was out of danger nothing major happened. But she seems to be in depression and they should consult a psychiatrist.

not a. Single person slept a wink.everyone thouths were plundering over ragini's every word.

it was a night of awakening.

dawn broke in to their rescue.

shomi came down .and everyone asked her about ragini's health . she told everyone ragini was okay.

swara wanted to meet ragini. " not now shona."she said

laksh and dadi requested the same. To which she silently denied.

she went towards maheshwari s

"maheshwari ji .I know its been a tough night to everyone of us. But I want to apologise every thing my daughter did. And I want yo take my daughter back"she said sincerely

everyone thought she was talking about swara

"i want to take ragini " she corrected shocking everyone

" mishti tumhe pata bhi hai tum kya keh rahi ho ?" Asked an angry shekar

"haan shekar I know what m talking and what I want .I'm clear with my decision"stated shomi

"mishti tum humare rishte ko insult kar rahi ho.we should take decisions together"shekar said

" together shekar? Our relation has always been yours.your decision.your doubts.your trust issues.it had never been us.but now it's not about u me or our relation.its about ragini this time"

"than m sorry to say I cannot trust ragini this time"said shekar

"as you wish shekar.ragini is my daughter.and she will be my priority"she said firmly

and walked towards stair

she stopped in her tracks. Everyone looked up.there stood ragini dresses in white color.her Rapunzel like tresses left open.

she walked down towards laksh with head held up high and went to him and took his hand and put her mangalsutr in his palm

"now this means nothing to us. A forced relationship can never work. It could only destroy two individuals.u will get divorce papers soon."she said in a calm and composed tone.

"And yes laksh sought out your life.u cannot lead your life with same uninterested and wasted way. In a way hurt everyone. Not everyone choose to be your puppet.don't let your mixed signals fool someone they might actually feel something real.you hav no right to play with others feelings" she said billigerently

she walked towards sanskar

"rage not only blinds you but also pull someone else in the same pit with you." Said ragini

she slowly walked towards swara

"you are too optimistic to be real.happy families,glossy love,happy endings it dsnt happen everyday.it breaks you first . dont let this society supress you. I battled with myself for years, trying to be the person I thought people wanted me to be, that was the hardest and most futile fight I've ever fought, it almost beat me to death but I survived to tell the tale of my true and authentic self." She looked away not meeting swaras eyes " you cannot tie two ppl who cannot stand for eachother. U cannot push them into a relationship which void of understanding. That's where cracks begin"said ragini

" There is a crack in everything.

That's how the light gets in. "Said swara with tears brimming her eyes

" of course There is a crack in everything. That's where we start to break."replied ragini and walked away not wanting to continue knowing where it might lead to.

"M sorry everyone.for my every deed. I walked on a wrong path. Taking everyone with me.and I even all you ppl are ready to forgive me for whatever I said yesterday.but that will not make a place for me in person .but a place will be made out of sympathy.which I will never accept.I confessed my crimes to police I will ensure that I get punished for my every misdeed"

She then turned to shomi."maa you don't hav to fight my demons. I will find my path"

"M not standing by ragini. I am standing by my child. It's my duty to guide my child to the right path. And you cannot deny a mother her rights towards her child" replied shomi

"That will cost you many relations.and I cannot live breaking relations this time"

"For a mother her child is above everything." Relied shomi in a determined tone

Everyone Looked at ragini in shock.not only her appearance changed but also her as a person.a side which hidden from world.. She was more confident. Who have opinions of her own and more sane

Everyone looked at the parting figures of two ladies who knew where they are headed toward and likely to find their destiny.leaving behind many minds to ponder over the seething words of a caged soul.