YuvAni OS--Beyond Tomorrow, Part 14

Whaddyuknow, he thought to himself, it's not hard to say the words at all. I've actually done it.

She was looking skeptical, which annoyed him. "You don't have to look like I'm handing you a line. That's insulting."

"Don't guys say such things to girls in the heat of the moment, and doesn't it often end in tears?"

"I don't. What kind of guys do you know is my question."

"Now who's being insulting?"

"Suhani, really, it's pointless arguing with you. I just told you something important, and all you do is ignore my feelings and start a debate on lying men and who's insulting whom."

"I didn't start it, you did. You said I was being insulting before I even opened my mouth. And what I said is true."

"You. . .oh just leave it alone." He walked out of the room, banging the door shut, all his euphoria at his confession vanished in his anger at her response. Non-response. She simply didn't care. He wasn't important to her or she'd have been happy at his telling her he loved her.

There was a knock on the door, and it opened a few inches, Suhani's head appearing as she peeked in. He was standing at the window fuming, looking like a big baby. He refused to turn around. She came up to him and put a hand on his shoulder. "Sorry, okay? I'm sorry I felt you weren't sincere, because I know you're not like that. I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings. Ab ladkiyon ki tarah roothoge, kya?"

He didn't respond. "Yuvraj?" No answer. She turned to go, and his hand shot out and grabbed hers, pulling her to him. She stared into his face. He looked angry still, the frown still creasing his forehead, but he also looked desperate. "Yuvraj?"

"It wasn't easy for me to say. I mean, I've thought of saying it many times and it seemed so hard to do and then it slipped out and you act like. . . "

She freed her hand from his grasp, and he felt fear, that somehow it had reached breaking point. But she pulled his head onto her shoulder, stroking his hair again, one hand holding his arm. "Sorry, na. What can I do to make it up to you?"

He was happy again. This girl would drive him mad the way she could upset him and pacify him. "Hold me forever. On second thoughts, I have more entertaining ideas, but I suppose they'll have to wait." He raised his head and pulled her closer. "How would you feel if we were married?"

The instance the words came out of his mouth, he wanted to take them back. This was not the way. He didn't know what he should say or how to explain.

She laughed. "Are you proposing to me? Take it easy, you don't have to get carried away."

Oh thank heavens, she had interpreted what he had said differently than he'd meant. "Insulting again?"

"I'm not."

"And you're sexist too, accusing me of roothoing 'like a girl'."

"You're a big baby."

"Come here, sweetheart, I'll show you what a big baby I'm NOT."

They argued good-naturedly, flirted, he got in a couple of kisses when he couldn't help himself. She was getting more comfortable with his physically expressing himself, and he kissed her hungrily again, his hands moulding her to him, but when he got too heated, she pushed him away, blushing at what she felt and at his obvious desire. As he struggled with controlling himself, she sat down, then got up again.

"I. . .I'll go make some tea or something. The others should be back soon."

"I'll go and take a shower," he said huskily, wryly.

When Pratima and Sharad returned, they were sitting decorously in the living room, drinking tea and ostentatiously watching tv, but both felt churned up, each wondering what could happen next. While Suhani's projection was on what he'd said, what she felt, whether he actually meant they should get married, and allowing herself to seriously consider if they had a future, Yuvraj's mind was filled with hope and trepidation. Suppose she agreed to marry him, couldn't they just re-marry and forget about exposing the past? Why stir up a hornet's nest? But he knew, even though he wanted to avoid the pain he would cause her and himself, they couldn't live with a huge secret hanging over their heads.

Bhavna called him the next day and said the doctor said it was fine to tell Suhani. Her parents were worried, but had agreed. "So how do we do it? Will you both come here, to my place? It's the most neutral. I'll make sure no one's home. Should I call maa and papa, your mother?"

"Just the three of us, I think." He didn't want to say that he felt Bhavna's mother would be more hindrance than help, and if they were to tell Suhani everything, she was going to be furious at her father again. They discussed what to tell her, what could wait for now. Dadi and her meanness, her attempts to get rid of Suhani, such things were not essential for her to know right now, especially now he no longer had to subject her to all that. But the whole marriage truth must be told. All his reactions, Soumya's perfidy, and, most scary to him, the relationship that wasn't between them.

The day before the to-be revelation he was jittery and preoccupied. He had told his mother and brothers what was going to happen, and they seemed far more sanguine than he felt. Suhani was oblivious of course, and he felt a combination of guilt and pity and worry at what they were about to unleash on her.

She came into the garden that night, where he was pacing and dreading tomorrow. "What's wrong? Any problem?"

"Hmmm. Big, big problem. Come for a walk?"

He shouted out to Sharad that they'd be back soon and took her hand as they walked down the road. "So what is it? If you want to tell me."

"Not now. Right now I just want to put it aside. You remember what I told you?"

"What particular thing of all the million things you've told me?"

"Haha, very funny. Remember what I told you yesterday. In your room?"

"I remember."

"Okay, then. I don't suppose you want to tell me anything?"

"Eh? Like what?" Then she looked at his face and understood. "I don't know, Yuvraj. I really don't know if I love you, like you very much, whether I'm attracted to you, whether I'm flattered, or what combination of these."

"It figures," he said, puzzling her. "Paying my dues."

They turned and walked back, and before they entered the house, he stopped her. "I do love you. Please remember that."

"What is wrong, Yuvraj?"

"Can't tell you now." He kissed her very gently, held her to him, wondering if this would be the last time, and then they went into the house.

Bhavna had called Suhani and asked her over, telling her Yuvraj was to come too. Suhani wondered if Bhavna Di had somehow learnt that things had been getting kind of almost hot and heavy between them and wanted to blast them both. But how could she know? Yuvraj was quiet on their way to Bhavna's, which rewoke her suspicions. She asked him again if he knew what this was about and was annoyed when he was noncommittal again. He obviously knew something more than she did. Anyway, she'd find out soon enough.

Bhavna's mother-in-law was not home--in fact no one seemed to be around. They sat down, Bhavna asked for snacks and drinks to be served, and they all waited until the maid had brought in the drinks and eats and left.

"Baat kya hai, Di?" asked Suhani, unable to take the suspense anymore.
Di and Yuvraj looked at each other. What? Why? Had Yuvraj gone and told Di about them? She'd kill him, he had no right.

"Suhani," Bhavna started, "We want to tell you something. It may be a bit of a shock."

Her heart was beating so fast, she felt it would jump out through her mouth. This was serious, whatever it was. Was something wrong with Di? But then why would Yuvraj be part of it?

"Shall I?" Bhavna asked Yuvraj. He nodded his head. His mouth was dry and his heart was pounding. "Suhani," he heard Bhavna say, "You used to be--you still are --married to Yuvraj."