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It had been a long two months. The Birla boys had all worked hard doing things they had never done in their lives, learning, adjusting, changing. They had faced seeing their company almost taken over by others and they had fought back, they had had to tighten their purse strings and learn to do without, they had realized that their days of free lunches had to be put behind them. Of course Suhani had been there with them, pushing until they wanted to strangle her, cheerleading, working as hard or harder than any of them. While a lot still needed doing, finally there was some sense of stability, victory, achievement.
Yuvraj walked into his room, smiling, and bumped into Suhani, who slipped and fell. As usual, he caught her, and chuckled at her clumsiness. "When will you learn to walk properly, Suhani?"
"YOU bumped into ME. What could I do?" she retorted. "Anyway, that's not important. I'm here to say goodbye."
He felt a jolt of panic. "Say goodbye? Why? Where are you going?"
"Going home, you ass, what did you think?"
"Going? But why? This is your home too. And I've told you before, this is your room too. Do you understand what I'm saying?" He felt that crippling shyness that overcame him these days when he thought about telling her...he liked her. Very much. More than liked her...
"Thank you, that's sweet, but we've been down this road before, Yuvraj. No, I DON'T understand what you're saying. But I understand what I feel and think. It's time to cut the knot, go our separate ways."
"If you were going to leave, you should never have come back," he fumed, suddenly furious at this unexpected development. "What about Ma? What about your 'brothers'? Just dumping us all, are you? Nice work, Suhani!"
"Ma will be fine--what are you lot there for? Look after her. And I told you I came back to help you as a friend; I told you I came back to help myself. What are you saying, I cheated you? Did I lead you on like you did me? Did I lie to you?"
"I DID NOT LEAD YOU ON! I DID NOT LIE TO YOU!" He felt enraged, fueled by fear and disappointment, shouting in her face, wanting to grab her and make her take back her words.
"You never told me how much you disliked me. You never told me that you had a problem with my looks, my complexion. You never told me that during our marriage ceremony you vowed to make my life as difficult as possible. You never told me that you thought that I was a party to what my father did. Fine start, wasn't it?
"But that's all old history, Yuvraj. I know you never seriously tried to hurt me. What I mean to say is, I never knew you, you never knew me, not really. I fell in love with a creation of my mind, I ignored all the signs that something was very wrong, I put pressure on you to feel what you didn't, and I'm sorry. Over these past months, I have managed to untangle that web, to let go of those unreal expectations, and I feel free now."
"You said you'd love me forever. You said you'd wait for me forever. Not a very long forever, was it?" He sneered at her, wanting to provoke a fight, go back to their old interaction.
"I will love you always, I think, 'as a friend'. That's what you wanted, right? But I waited long enough. I need to get on with my life. There's someone out there who's right for me, just as I'm sure you will find your dream girl somewhere soon."
Yuvraj felt a level of anger such as he hadn't in a long time. He caught her by the arms and shook her, backed her against the wall, and snarled, "I Don't Want Any Bloody Dream Girl, you stupid woman! And you are married to ME. How can you talk about finding some guy...?" He was livid.
"You're hurting me." He let go at once, shame-faced and embarrassed. "Yuvraj," she said, gently, "This is right. We have to break what was false. I have to start over. So should you."
"Oh just GO. Get lost, then, go find your new guy, and I hope he makes you miserable. I'll be sure to find someone who makes me very, very happy."
He watched in fury as she left, shouting to her disappearing figure, "And this time don't come crawling back in 24 hours!"
He hated her. Really hated her, for betraying him, misleading him, reeling him in and then abandoning him. Talking balderdash about new guys and dream girls. What dream girl could he find now, when this woman had taken him over? No, he'd FIND one. A really beautiful girl he could flaunt in her face. But when he thought of that now, it was her face he saw, her eyes crinkling in laughter, her mutinous expression when he annoyed her, her smile, the way she used to look at him, with all her heart in her eyes. A dozen images flicked through his mind as he sank into an armchair the anger changing into wretchedness, with the creeping awareness that in some part she was right. Their start had been false. He had chosen to forget those early days, but he did remember.
Sharad rushed in to the room. "Guru, Suhani bhabhi..."
"Let her go."
Sharad looked gobsmacked. "But what happened? I thought..."
"Ask her if you want to know. She wants to 'move on'. Let her go. And you go, too. Leave me alone. I'm not in the mood for your proselytizing about Suhani Srivastav. All that love crap is just not my scene." He picked up his gameboy and appeared unaffected and disinterested until Sharad left. Then the mask dropped. He tried to get into the zone, to distract himself, but he just couldn't seem to find what had once been the source of passing hours of his time. What was wrong? This had been his life earlier, why did it no longer hold him? He should go out for a drive. Tomorrow was the start of a new working week, he'd be busy enough. Would she still come to work? He thought momentarily of messaging her, but his pride and his anger would not allow it.
The day was finally over. Yuvraj lay in his bed, trying to sleep. His anger had died down, and he felt plain misery, regret, thinking of a dozen instances when he could've said in words what he unconsciously portrayed in actions. Was it too late? Had she really got over him? The Suhani he knew would not stop loving him, but was this that Suhani? He had changed, so maybe she had too. Maybe as he had changed to embrace her, she had changed to move out of his embrace. But he'd watched Gone With the Wind; tomorrow was another day. He would think about this tomorrow, see how he could bring her home again.
Yuvraj walked into his room, smiling, and bumped into Suhani, who slipped and fell. As usual, he caught her, and chuckled at her clumsiness. "When will you learn to walk properly, Suhani?"
"YOU bumped into ME. What could I do?" she retorted. "Anyway, that's not important. I'm here to say goodbye."
He felt a jolt of panic. "Say goodbye? Why? Where are you going?"
"Going home, you ass, what did you think?"
"Going? But why? This is your home too. And I've told you before, this is your room too. Do you understand what I'm saying?" He felt that crippling shyness that overcame him these days when he thought about telling her...he liked her. Very much. More than liked her...
"Thank you, that's sweet, but we've been down this road before, Yuvraj. No, I DON'T understand what you're saying. But I understand what I feel and think. It's time to cut the knot, go our separate ways."
"If you were going to leave, you should never have come back," he fumed, suddenly furious at this unexpected development. "What about Ma? What about your 'brothers'? Just dumping us all, are you? Nice work, Suhani!"
"Ma will be fine--what are you lot there for? Look after her. And I told you I came back to help you as a friend; I told you I came back to help myself. What are you saying, I cheated you? Did I lead you on like you did me? Did I lie to you?"
"I DID NOT LEAD YOU ON! I DID NOT LIE TO YOU!" He felt enraged, fueled by fear and disappointment, shouting in her face, wanting to grab her and make her take back her words.
"You never told me how much you disliked me. You never told me that you had a problem with my looks, my complexion. You never told me that during our marriage ceremony you vowed to make my life as difficult as possible. You never told me that you thought that I was a party to what my father did. Fine start, wasn't it?
"But that's all old history, Yuvraj. I know you never seriously tried to hurt me. What I mean to say is, I never knew you, you never knew me, not really. I fell in love with a creation of my mind, I ignored all the signs that something was very wrong, I put pressure on you to feel what you didn't, and I'm sorry. Over these past months, I have managed to untangle that web, to let go of those unreal expectations, and I feel free now."
"You said you'd love me forever. You said you'd wait for me forever. Not a very long forever, was it?" He sneered at her, wanting to provoke a fight, go back to their old interaction.
"I will love you always, I think, 'as a friend'. That's what you wanted, right? But I waited long enough. I need to get on with my life. There's someone out there who's right for me, just as I'm sure you will find your dream girl somewhere soon."
Yuvraj felt a level of anger such as he hadn't in a long time. He caught her by the arms and shook her, backed her against the wall, and snarled, "I Don't Want Any Bloody Dream Girl, you stupid woman! And you are married to ME. How can you talk about finding some guy...?" He was livid.
"You're hurting me." He let go at once, shame-faced and embarrassed. "Yuvraj," she said, gently, "This is right. We have to break what was false. I have to start over. So should you."
"Oh just GO. Get lost, then, go find your new guy, and I hope he makes you miserable. I'll be sure to find someone who makes me very, very happy."
He watched in fury as she left, shouting to her disappearing figure, "And this time don't come crawling back in 24 hours!"
*****
He hated her. Really hated her, for betraying him, misleading him, reeling him in and then abandoning him. Talking balderdash about new guys and dream girls. What dream girl could he find now, when this woman had taken him over? No, he'd FIND one. A really beautiful girl he could flaunt in her face. But when he thought of that now, it was her face he saw, her eyes crinkling in laughter, her mutinous expression when he annoyed her, her smile, the way she used to look at him, with all her heart in her eyes. A dozen images flicked through his mind as he sank into an armchair the anger changing into wretchedness, with the creeping awareness that in some part she was right. Their start had been false. He had chosen to forget those early days, but he did remember.
Sharad rushed in to the room. "Guru, Suhani bhabhi..."
"Let her go."
Sharad looked gobsmacked. "But what happened? I thought..."
"Ask her if you want to know. She wants to 'move on'. Let her go. And you go, too. Leave me alone. I'm not in the mood for your proselytizing about Suhani Srivastav. All that love crap is just not my scene." He picked up his gameboy and appeared unaffected and disinterested until Sharad left. Then the mask dropped. He tried to get into the zone, to distract himself, but he just couldn't seem to find what had once been the source of passing hours of his time. What was wrong? This had been his life earlier, why did it no longer hold him? He should go out for a drive. Tomorrow was the start of a new working week, he'd be busy enough. Would she still come to work? He thought momentarily of messaging her, but his pride and his anger would not allow it.
*****
The day was finally over. Yuvraj lay in his bed, trying to sleep. His anger had died down, and he felt plain misery, regret, thinking of a dozen instances when he could've said in words what he unconsciously portrayed in actions. Was it too late? Had she really got over him? The Suhani he knew would not stop loving him, but was this that Suhani? He had changed, so maybe she had too. Maybe as he had changed to embrace her, she had changed to move out of his embrace. But he'd watched Gone With the Wind; tomorrow was another day. He would think about this tomorrow, see how he could bring her home again.
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