Part 4
"Is this why you brought me here?" I asked.
"No and yes..." He said but the rest of what he was saying wasn't audible because his lips were against my neck and his hands were on my waist. I hardly knew where I was anymore. He left me for a moment and closed the remaining lights. The window was open so the room wasn't totally dark. When he returned to me, he looked into my eyes. I held out my arms to him and he moved into my embrace. I felt his breath against my neck for some time. He grazed my cheek with his nose. He touched my neck and pulled me closer. Somehow I could tell he wanted more now.
My heart was now beating so fast that I felt dizzy. I tried to breathe in and out slowly to relax myself. He seemed like he was somewhere else, in his own world and I couldn't possibly do anything to disturb him. I'd given up to such an extent that seeing how my touch was affecting him made me feel like I'd never felt before. Every time I touched him, he reacted. He wanted to go further.
I knew what the next step was. He touched my arm and tugged lightly on my sleeve. I was burning from the heat between us due to the close proximity and from my own desire. This time when he kissed me it was clear that he was telling me that he'd reached his limit and he couldn't wait any more. He moaned as I tried to remove his shirt. With it removed, I touched his chest and back. His movements quickened. The next few moments were quick and passionate. Both of us were undressed. It was now skin against skin and there were no barriers. There was nothing stopping us now. A few minutes more and I knew we'd be unable to stop in time. I wanted all of him at this point and nothing less. His hands were everywhere from my shoulders, to my neck, waist and my legs. We were breathless and for a moment I tried to concentrate on every action and every sound that I felt and heard. Both of us were breathless and desperate.
Our foreheads touched and he finally spoke.
"If you want to stop, tell me now..." He said. His voice sounded husky and heavy with emotion. Why should I want to stop? It felt so right. Even right now I was in his arms. His lips were an inch away from mine. I could make out his face and I saw sincerity in his eyes. A few doubts again crept into my mind and I hesitated in answering him. He moved a few inches away from me when he notices my hesitance. I stopped him and pulled him closer.
"Suhani...I can't continue like this...you have to tell me, yes or no..." He said. I pulled the covers around myself even though it was mostly dark. Suddenly, I felt too exposed. I didn't know why I couldn't say yes. I loved him and I wanted him. Maybe I was just one of those people who couldn't go further without knowing he loved me too. It seemed like he really wanted this but I still had doubts. He moved away from me and lay on his back. I touched his shoulder.
"I'm sorry..." I said.
He turned on the lamp beside him. He faced me.
"Don't be...I didn't even touch you for months and months, and suddenly I'm asking you to..." He paused. "I totally understand, Suhani... this is natural. I deserve it." He said. He still looked like he wanted me to say yes, but he compromised, for my sake.He smiled reassuringly.
"Whenever you're ready, let me know..." He said. I didn't answer him. I wondered when I would be ready. He moved closer to me and touched my face. When he was asleep, I kissed him on the cheek. When I woke up, I was sleeping with my head on his shoulder and both of us were under 1 blanket. I left our room early in the morning and Maa was already awake and when she saw me, we looked at each other. The way she looked at me made me wonder if she was thinking what I thought she was thinking. I blushed. I couldn't make eye contact with her again. I tried to stay away from Yuvraj for the rest of the day and he noticed. He desperately tried to get me alone but I avoided him to the point where it hurt me, but I needed some space to figure out what had happened last night and what was happening to me.
Maa tried to talk to me about what had happened and why I was avoiding Yuvraj. She told me that it was taking a toll on him. That thought pierced my chest with an excruciating force, but I continued. After a few days spent this way, I finally confronted him in our room and told him that I wasn't ready but that I still loved him and always would. I knew that as long as I loved him, I would have to be ready one day or another.
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