Part 2
"Stop. You have annoyed me enough for one day, I think." I pushed him away. He sat and watched me as I placed pillows as a barrier between us. His expression changed. He looked completely annoyed.
He grabbed my hand and stopped me. "Stop it. What you are you doing?" He asked. He got rid of all the pillows. He was pretty much huffing and puffing. I took my own pillow and placed that in between and lay down, and faced the opposite direction and tried to sleep.
"Su-HA-NI." He said. Then I heard the sound of a vase crashing so I got up and saw that he'd thrown my pillow across the room and it caused a vase to fall and break.
"What do you think will happen if we just slept without a pillow between us?" He asked.
"I dunno. I should have asked you that back when we slept with them in between us, for months and months..." I said. It was a dry reply and it agitated him further. He got up and returned my pillow to me. He sat down at the edge of the bed and sighed.
"I didn't mean to hurt you all those months." He said.
"You didn't, not much...I thought I understood why you did it. But I was wrong..." I said.
He moved closer to me and held my hand. At first it was just one hand, and then he grabbed the other one and then he let go of both and held my arms. I couldn't understand what he was doing. I watched him.
"Suhani...I don't know how to explain...but sometimes..." He frowned. He looked like he was having trouble putting his thoughts into words. "It's not that I don't want..." I stopped him.
"It's ok..." I said. I tried to free myself from his grip. I was thinking of leaving now. Everyone must have been asleep by now. He tightened his hold. I looked him in the eye. He was dressed in all black, and I was wearing a blue suit. He tried pulling me closer to him and I was so astonished by what was happening that I didn't notice that my dupatta slipped from my shoulder and fell onto my lap. He saw it fall. He grabbed it and threw it aside. I wasn't able to react properly because whatever happened felt unbelievable to me.
I couldn't understand that look in his eyes because I had hardly ever seen it before. It looked like he was tortured by some emotion which he couldn't fight. He also looked like he was pleading with me to stop fighting him and give in, but give in to what?
He moved even closer and held my face. I pushed his hands away. He was stunned. He looked like someone had just broken the trance he'd been under. I needed to leave so I got up again and he stopped me right away.
"Why are you stopping me?" He said. He looked hurt.
"What are you doing?" I asked.
"Shouldn't it be obvious?" He asked.
I shook my head. "I don't know what you're trying to say..." I was bewildered.
"Suhani, you're amazing..." He said. He put one hand on my waist and pulled me against him. He swallowed hard. "Don't tell me that you still don't get it..." He said. I pushed him away.
"Stop pitying me. I didn't ask for it. I don't need your pity." I said. I was furious. "Are you making fun of me? Why, because I love you?" I shouted. He grabbed me by the elbow.
"No, I'm not...I would never..." He quieted.
"Do you think this is a joke? I can't believe you would do something like this, Yuvraj..." I was in tears. I was confused.
He wiped away my tears. "It's not a joke. I didn't mean it as a joke. I take you very seriously..." He said. He looked down. For a minute he didn't speak and we stood silently in front of each other and didn't move. Finally, he held my hands and looked into my eyes.
"Suhani, I want you to understand something. I would never take advantage of our relation just to show the world, that everything is fine, or just to make you happy. If I wanted to do that, I would have done it a long time ago." He said.
"Then what are you trying to say?" I asked.
"I'm asking you to let yourself FEEL. Please Suhani, for a moment...stop thinking...let yourself feel...whatever you're feeling..." He said. He cupped my cheek. His lips were parted. He bent slightly and lifted my chin. He kissed me near my lips.