Adultery vs rape

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Charu

@Krinya

Trailblazer

+ 8

Posted: 6 years ago

#11

Lets not compare them . Why are we doing it

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yurimehta11

@yurimehta11

Dazzler

+ 3

Posted: 6 years ago

#12

I was wondering about the same for the whole day. I searched various punishment given to both acts. In majority of the countries there is capital punishment for rape but adultery just brushed off as personal choice. In contrast to this countries following Muslim law have capital punishment for both acts.

If two married people envolved in adultery both will punished for 100 lashes and death penalty.

Why so?

It should be leave upon personal choice than why it is punished?

Because adultery also projected woman as object which can be discarded when bored. Women is violated not only physically but emotionally and psychologically too. And that act doesn't performed by a stranger but someone who is supposed to care provider. It left her to question everything. It shaken the core belief of family. Innocent and naive children and ageing parents also suffer for no fault of them. It destroy the core value of society.

It has same basic psychology as rape. Rapist doesn't care for other one's suffering only his pleasure is important so does for infidelar.Just like rapist punished rape survivor for no fault of her. Infidelar punished his spouse, damaging them with no repair.

There is law, professionals to support to rape victim but abandoned wife left alone in misery.

If we see demography society which accept adultery has most number of rape ex USA, south Africa and India. While crime against women is least in countries which punished adultery like Dubai.

Rape and Adultery is two sides of the coin.

In my opinion if we want to stopped rape we have to discourage adultery too as both objectified women.

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yurimehta11

@yurimehta11

Dazzler

+ 3

Posted: 6 years ago

#13

Rape and adultery both destroy life of a woman. Irony is rape victim gets justice but abandoned wife never get the one.

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DimpledGirl203

@DimpledGirl203

Voyager

Posted: 6 years ago

#14

Originally posted by: apocalypse
@dumpedgirl2013
I know..that post conversations made me to think about this issue. On face value, it appears ridiculous to compare rape and adultery. But when we think about the victims and what they go through, is it thaaat wrong to compare both

Like i said...we cant really compare one with the other and say one was worse than the other...because in both the cases there are victims who never chose to be a part of the crimes!!

How a person tackles with a situation also matters(again..it still doesnt conclude as to which is a bigger crime and causes more pain) What if a rape victim eventually comes out of a trauma and starts living a life normally again and the ema victim chooses to end life? and what if a Rape victim end her life and ema victim chooses to rebuild her life wih a strong will power...can u say that one is bigger than the other in both the cases? no right!!!

The experience of both maybe very different..but the trauma of being objectified..used and thrown their confidence and self respect being ripped apart is still a part of the miseries

From the show's POV...i think people are not able to relate to nandini's pain simply because of the lousy writing...no where a rape victim who is in trauma moves on so fast in life..it takes ages for them to look at themselves with some respect...and even see a guy's face without being disgusted...but nandini got into the bed with a guy within days...which is just not realistic or even possible...so thats where the whole arguments was happening...

but i firmly believe that we shud not consider adultery or rape as one thing smaller or bigger than the others..because a damage it does to an individual is the same at some level!!! it destroys many things inside an individual!! so we shudnt really ne weighing the two

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Nausheen

@nozzy

Explorer

Posted: 6 years ago

#15

@apocalypse

You are right. We are more understanding towards Mauli because she is shown as a victim of adultery. N on the other hand is written so badly that no matter how much we try to understand her character all we can feel for her is hatred or irritation.

As for comparison we shouldn't really compare between the two.

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sweetvampire

@sweetvampire

Beginner

Posted: 6 years ago

#16

Rape or cheating on spouse both cause mental trauma . According to world health organization disease free life or health is defined as a state of emotional and physical well being. It can take years for a person to cope up wth mental trauma. Mental trauma breaks the best of us. I have seen strong independnt individuals shattered losing self confidence and self esteem. In both the case the victim nver had the choice. Both of it is a crime doesnt matter which way the person is gettng hurt. In india we do not have the concept of maritial rape though the 498A of Ipc does state the cruelty against women as a crime . The section 375 has been challenged wthr to include maritial rape. And since we do not have the concept most of females are not even aware of their rights. In short Both are a voliation of constitutional rights.

Edited by sweetvampire - 6 years ago

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AnnaSloan

@AnnaSloan

Beginner

Posted: 6 years ago

#17

Originally posted by: apocalypse
Hi!
I have never in my life compared and weighed which is more wrong.. Adultery or rape. Both are wrong, heinous and the most despicable thing which can be done to a person. But then I watched this wretched serial & read some discussions here, for the first time I am comparing which is worst. Now before coming to me with pitchforks and fire, I am not comparing the act itself or consent or motive which is associated with the act. I am discussing from the Victim's or a better word, Survivor's POV... whether their plight can be compared or not

Writers presented 2 women-
one woman is victim of abuse and marital rape
other is a victim of adultery and double betrayal(bff & husband)

Some fans believe Nandini's history of suffering abuse and marital rape excuse/justify her actions or at least feel that she deserve sympathy. Even after EMA, even after witnessing Mauli's whole world crashing down, some feel that Mauli's suffering is minimal compared to Nandini's plight reasoning that rape is more heinous than adultery. From these arguments I conclude that some think a Rape survivor suffers much more than a victim of adultery. Is it true?
Does being cheated on by a husband of many years, feels less worse than Rape? I don't know.. I think only person who will know this is the one who suffered both but I really hope that no one had such a fate.

Rape can break people's soul. It leads to varied emotions in the survivors ranging from anger to disgust. The middle aged guy who rubs me 'accidently' in a bus can make me nauseous and smothered. So I can't even imagine the plight of a rape survivor, to be violated to such an extent, the subsequent trauma they face and yes, it requires hell lot of strength to come out of it. I don't think anyone think otherwise

But adultery... a betrayal of trust, love.. can we say its victim's' suffering is as severe as rape victim? The extent of pain and betrayal will vary among victims. But we can safely say that Mauli suffered the worst kind. Some females take years to come back from the trauma and infact never fully recover from the betrayal. When your husband of many years cheat u, especially like in Mauli's case, u start to wonder whether the life u lived was a lie. U will feel your husband is a stranger.. They start to question their worth and their confidence decreases. I had read once in quora that a female felt violated after learning that her husband was cheating on her (https://www.quora.com/Is-it-normal-to-feel-violated-after-being-cheated-on-How-do-I-recover). In some extreme cases some people do commit suicide unable to live with the pain but sadly no one get punished (https://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/1524508/Wife-killed-herself-after-husbands-affair-with-best-friend.html)

I am in no way minimizing rape survivors plight... I am just wondering whether a infidelity survivor suffer as much

A very important question at the right time and I might be prejudiced since I am one of the victims.

Writers presented 2 women-

one woman is victim of abuse and marital rape

other is a victim of adultery and double betrayal(bff & husband)

I am a victim of abuse and rape. However, I am a fighter. After almost a year of seriously troublesome and believe me crazy marriage, I ran away from my abusive husband and his parents. It was difficult. To cope up with something like that is not easy. Even after 3 years of leaving that ordeal, I still am not readily able to accept any man completely in my life. But after that ordeal, being physical with a person who I am in love with is difficult because you still have those haunting memories, sleepless nights, wet pillows and the only question in your head - what did I do to deserve this? So, I can totally understand what Nandini went through with Rajdeep. However, this is a situation in which the victim is FULLY AWARE of what they are going through and they accept it. Emotionally, physically, mentally - they are tortured - they are made to believe they are not going to be loved - they cannot survive without their spouse, and they are blackmailed into keeping shut and bearing everything that is done with them.

BUT, the victim is aware and CAN fight back. I know it is difficult and blah blah... yes it is. When the first time my husband abused me - I cried and let it go, blaming it on his anger. It happened again, and again and again. I was timid, I could not fight but when I realised I don't deserve this, I did and that changed everything and I did it. Did not have a friend/or friends spouse by my side to help me do it. Ran away. After a point of time, if a victim of abuse/rape does not stand up, they become an enabler. That boosts the morale of the abuser to abuse as we saw in the case of Rajdeep. Nandini fought back too late but she did. Good. But how in the world did she jump in bed with Kunal (love or not) is beyond me, I would love lessons because that sort of trauma does not go away in days, months, or even years! So while I sympathize with Nandini - and truly no woman deserves what Rajdeep did to her - she ended up doing the same to her BFF.

The second woman is a victim of betrayal and double betrayal. For me, this is not bigger than the other - but this could have both positive and negative repercussions. Of course, physical abuse is one aspect but what comes with adultery and double betrayal (BFF) a breaking of the emotional trust that is completely different especially because it comes out of nowhere. The victim is actually caught off-guard, just like Mauli was. One day you are happy in your married life and in your friendship and the next day you realise you were being cheated upon by the two people you trust the most. In this case, the victim does not even have a chance to rightfully fight for herself or her relationship. All she can do if confront, beg, comply or move on or simply die because just like cheating happens out of nowhere - in such a situation a wife who has forever loved her husband would not know what she did wrong and suicide. The couple's relationship might be going through a rocky patch, the husband might have fallen out of love, but the victim here is in the dark with no recourse. And then there is the best friend, you consider as your sister if she is the person who is part of that betrayal - wow! That stuff can make the victim go craz...zyyy! Trust, love, friendship, everything starts seeming like a betrayal. You start questioning every single moment of your life, your memories, your good times, your bad times, your other relationships, everything. That's a recipe for a mental breakdown.

So both cases are horrific. But in this particular case, the abused/raped victim has actually betrayed the trust of her best friend who has done everything to protect her and welcome her in her own house (as would many friends do). Knowing what being cheated like feels in a relationship, Nandini still cheated her friend and had no remorse or guilt until very recently, and that's where the difference lies in the show. That's not real and that's, honestly, strengthening the argument that woman cannot be best friends forever (which is not the case!).

Edited by AnnaSloan - 6 years ago

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apocalypse

@apocalypse

Beginner

Posted: 6 years ago

#18

@Annasloan

Awesome post

Anna, I am really sorry for all that u went through. At the same time I am proud u fought back. And

thank you. your post is awesome and well articulated😊

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441597

Suspended

Posted: 6 years ago

#19

Originally posted by: yurimehta11
I was wondering about the same for the whole day. I searched various punishment given to both acts. In majority of the countries there is capital punishment for rape but adultery just brushed off as personal choice. In contrast to this countries following Muslim law have capital punishment for both acts.
If two married people envolved in adultery both will punished for 100 lashes and death penalty.
Why so?
It should be leave upon personal choice than why it is punished?
Because adultery also projected woman as object which can be discarded when bored. Women is violated not only physically but emotionally and psychologically too. And that act doesn't performed by a stranger but someone who is supposed to care provider. It left her to question everything. It shaken the core belief of family. Innocent and naive children and ageing parents also suffer for no fault of them. It destroy the core value of society.
It has same basic psychology as rape. Rapist doesn't care for other one's suffering only his pleasure is important so does for infidelar.Just like rapist punished rape survivor for no fault of her. Infidelar punished his spouse, damaging them with no repair.
There is law, professionals to support to rape victim but abandoned wife left alone in misery.
If we see demography society which accept adultery has most number of rape ex USA, south Africa and India. While crime against women is least in countries which punished adultery like Dubai.
Rape and Adultery is two sides of the coin.
In my opinion if we want to stopped rape we have to discourage adultery too as both objectified women.

This reply is wrong on so many levels. No, cheating is not a form of objectification, neither can cheating be even considered on the same level as rape.

Rape is a crime because it forces a woman to engage in the most personal act--sex--- without her consent. That is the most extreme form of violation.

Cheating, on, the other hand, is nothing like that. it's not like people cheat on their wives/husbands just because they are bored. People cheat because they are in an unhappy marriage, maybe even in an abusive one. It has nothing to do with objectification. Adultery is a VERY VERY complex and delicate issue, you cannot just generalize it this way.

It is an extremely shallow understanding of adultery as a whole, like this post, which are leading to these shocking comparisons between cheating and a heinous crime like rape. 👎🏼

Edited by krystal_watz - 6 years ago