Avan, Aval Adhu 250
The repressed memory is like a noisy intruder being thrown out of the concert hall. You can throw him out, but he will bang on the door and continue to disturb the concert. The analyst opens the door and says, If you promise to behave yourself, you can come back in.
Ravi Kumar closed his eyes and meditated on the question that Gayatri had just asked and even though it had evoked a smile from him, he felt very different inside his mind. His closed eyelids shut out the sights of the outside world and at the same time shut out to others his inside sight for he knew very well that eyes are truly windows to the soul and somehow manage to reveal to others what the host is thinking or worse feeling.
Inside his mind, the pleasant surprise that he had felt upon hearing Gayatri's question concerning Lord Ram and Vali now slowly began to fill his mind with dread and he felt the familiar kind of pain that one feels when one loses someone whom they had loved dearly.
It might sound a bit morbid, cruel and cold-hearted when I tell you that the nature of grief I feel when a young person dies when compared to the passing of an older person and by that I mean one who has crossed seventy years of age. In the same vein, a young person is someone who has not crossed 40 years of existence on this planet.
When I hear the news about old people who have passed on, I go in my head, ' God rest his soul in eternal peace. I hope he or she did not suffer too much before moving on.'
But, when I hear about the death of a young person or read about it in the papers, I feel a different sort of pain and I go in my head, ' Sad. very sad. So many years left to live and to do. But gone too soon.'
I did not understand death when I was a kid and I confess that I still do not understand it now even though I am a middle-aged man.
Death means closure. Death is final and after the pain and sorrow, one invariably over time steps onto the path of hapless resignation or just resigns saying, ' One day I too will be no more. Death comes to all of us in the end.'
Death is also knowing for certain that the person is no more. But, not knowing. OMG! How do I or how is it even possible to encapsulate in mere words the thoughts, the emotion, the pain, the grief that a person or persons feel when someone they love dearly goes missing and is never heard of again?
I apologise for saying it again and again but death and a dead body means, closure. Done.
But what closure will parents and their families get when their child has been kidnapped and is never seen again?
No closure but for the promise from life that guarantees you a life of unbearable pain and misery.
Ravi knew that Madhu was alive and was living somewhere in Mumbai. That was the only thing he knew for certain for he also knew for certain that he would have felt it in his soul if something terrible had happened to her. For all intents and purposes, Ravi was a very practical person and was not given to silly sentiments or wallowing in self-pity. But deep in his heart, he knew that he still loved Madhu and would continue to love her until his final breath. Maybe, it was this love, this fire that burnt for her in his soul, that had given him the energy to go on and at the same time had given him the strength to remain a bachelor all these years.
After the monumental events that had taken place during Meenakshi's marriage, not a week passed by without his parents showing him photos of women that they felt were suitable for him. Almost all of them were highly educated and qualified and reasonably good-looking. Some of them were in fact downright very beautiful and looked like they could have been in the movies if they had desired that. But all that was for nought.
' Thank you but no thank you. I am certain that all these women will make for great life partners, for someone else but certainly not for me. If in the worst-case scenario, if, I did change my mind and agreed to marry one of these ladies, I am sure that their life will soon become hell and before long we will be heading to the courts for a divorce. Is that what both of you want for me and for your daughter-in-law? Ravi had asked his parents and that was that.
The moment Ravi had seen Madhurima in school he had felt different and then the moment he had looked into her eyes he had known for sure that he would never be able to look at another woman let alone another person in the same way and feel the same that he felt when he saw her.
He remembered that time, that moment when Madhu had asked him why he loved her and asked him to explain his feelings for her.
Ravi blushed and whispered, ' I will try Madhu but I doubt if words can explain or capture what I feel when I see you and am with you.'
That had been the moment when she had first kissed him. It was not even a kiss but more of an affectionate peck on his cheek and she had whispered in her strong Bengali accented English, ' Priyatama, Jaanu, I will understand ( ami bujhate habe).'
Ravi had looked into her beautiful, big and soft brown eyes that appeared like two oceans separated by her nose and brow and had told her and drowned himself in her.
' Madhu, when I am with you, I feel complete. I don't know why or how to better explain it but I know I feel a kind of peace. I feel immensely strong and immortal when I am sitting next to you. My mind is clear and sans any questions.'
Madhu had laughed and her laughter sounded like the tinkling of small bells and with a smile that rivalled the sun in the sky, she had said, ' You and without questions. Ravi Ji, you question everyone and everything. Your need, to learn more is insatiable and well-known and I bet even God will run for his life the moment you begin asking him questions.'
' Correct, Madhu. But all that and every other need and thoughts just vanish the moment I think of you and the moment I say your name. It's as if we were meant to be with each other and have travelled a long time to be with each other.'
That had been the moment when she had whispered for the first time, ' Jaanu ' and had kissed him.
It was not just a kiss but more of her offering her lips, her open mouth to him and so they had kissed as if their very lives depended on it. They kissed like lovers who know that it is their last kiss and try to make the most of the moment. It was not just their mouths that fused together but their very souls fused and became one and their hearts joined and sang and danced in a new rhythm. A rhythm of love.
If love was classified as a disease then it can be identified by several symptoms that the patient ( the person or persons who are in love or just feel love) might exhibit. Some of the most easily recognizable ones are " cant eat, cant sleep, cant concentrate, cant work normally, cant think normally " for the one in love is constantly thinking about the person he or she is in love with.
Ravi had read all this and more as he had researched the topic of love and to confirm for himself if what he felt was real love or just a high school crush that comes with age and hormones.
All his doubts were cleared the moment she kissed him and he tasted the sweetness of her mouth and he breathed in the essence of her soul.
Madhuopened her eyes feeling the wetness on her cheeks, nose and also as it trickled into her mouth and quickly moving back she looked at him with her large, beautiful eyes full of alarm and fear and had asked, ' Jaanu, why are you crying?'
Ravi smiling through the tears that were more soothing than stinging with their salt said, ' I felt overwhelmed and I guess my body not knowing what else to do has done what it knows best and which are tears.'
With wonder and curiosity in her big brown eyes, she tentatively asked, ' Overwhelmed. By what?'
' Overwhelmed by your kiss, the taste of your mouth, the nearness of you and finally getting the answer to the question that I have been tormenting myself with all these months. Rather from the moment I saw you walk into our class.'
Ravi's heart froze and then began to beat faster as Madhu did that thing that was so fascinating and captivating about her. She puffed up her right cheek with air and blew at the strands of hair that had fallen on her lips and at the same time their upper bodies were irritating her eye and cheek.
Ravi's eyes saw but his mind slowed the moment and he saw her purse, puff her beautiful large lips and blow at the curls of hair and saw how they lifted themselves startled by the sudden gust of air that had been launched at them.
' Jaanu, Overwhelmed, tormenting questions and answers? Ami bujhate parachi na? I don't understand you.'
Ravi reached for his handkerchief and taking it out was about to wipe his face when Madhu had stopped him and whispered shyly, ' Please let me ' and proceeded to slowly kiss his face, his eyes, his cheeks and in the process used her lips to remove the tears that lay wet in their twin tracks.
' Even your tears belong to me, not to this universe. You shed them for me and so I am its owner like I am the owner of your soul and your every breath.'
She smiled her beautiful all-encompassing smile that reverberated in her lips, eyes and all over her body and Ravi had thought, ' this is no mere woman or a mere mortal. This is an angel, a goddess who has been sent down to save me and show me what all love can do.'
' Jaanu, Ravi ' she had shaken him out of his beautiful daydream of a poem and had asked him to explain himself and the reason for his tears.
' Madhu, it has been nearly three years since your arrival here to our school and also into my life. I know what I am about to say might sound familiarly tedious and commonplace. But I will say it anyway.'
Her eyes opened wider and then slowly shrank changing size to express curiosity and Ravi could not help but marvel at the way her eyes expressed so little and o much at the same time.
' I knew what you meant to me the moment I saw you. I knew it was that common thing called love that everybody feels and should feel and I asked myself the same thing. Is it love? Am I feeling love for Madhu? If it is love then is it just a temporary and shortlived crush or more?'
Seeing him fall silent, ' And?'
' It is love but something more beautiful than that. I knew it the moment we kissed and the very moment my question was answered. What I feel for you is something special and eternal and at the same time very familiar.'
' Familiar. Compared to what, Jaanu?'
Ravi bent his head unable to look at her while he poured his heart out and said, ' I feel the same comfort, peace and love that I feel when I am with my parents. I feel the same and more than when I am with my best friends. But more than anything, I feel familiar with you and its as if I have known you all my life and in all my early lives.'
Madhu laid her head on his chest and as his arms closed around her to imprison her in his love, she asked, ' How can you know all this and feel all this?'
Ravi had kissed her head and said, ' ask me this after ten years and after we have been married and after we have become parents to half a dozen sweet little Madhu's and I will give you my answer then.'
From the safety and sanctity of his arms, she had looked up at him with her big brown eyes brimming with happy tears and Ravi had bent his head and covered her mouth with his and they had kissed for a long time.
It felt as if he had relived his entire life but his watch told him that it had been just a few minutes and Ravi lifted his head and looked at Gayatri and then she did what she had done.
Gayatri puffed her right cheek and blew angrily at the hair that had dared to disturb her and had dared to come between her and Ravi.
His heart quickened its pace seeing Gayatri do the same thing as Madhu had done and began to speak.
' My answer to your question is yes. The killing of Vali by Lord Ram was totally justified.'
His answer immediately evoked loud protests from both Partha and Daksha but none from Gayatri.
' Dei, what kind of answer is this? I expected better from my friend who I think is a real hero. How can you of all people justify a killing that was done from hiding?'
Daksha protested too but she did it sans emotion and without appealing to Ravi's emotions and friendship.
' Master sir, I am surprised both by your answer and which happens to be your opinion. You are a well-read and highly intelligent person, and yet you are willing to take this stand and justify the murder of a brave warrior who was fighting another warrior and had his back turned to Lord Ram who launched the fatal arrow that killed him.'
Ravi nodded, ' I will explain my stand to both of you later but right now my priority is Gayatri and her doubts in this matter.'
' Okay then, Ravi. Go on and answer the question in detail and we will talk about the rest later' Gayatri said and Ravi did exactly that and proceeded to shake and break the foundations of their newfound love.
It was like Madhu had suddenly inhabited Ravi and who was echoing the exact words that she had used to explain to her late father why Lord Ram was justified in killing Vali and just as he had been made to realize his wrong, Ravi made them all realize the error of their thoughts. As Ravi and as Madhu in one body and as one spirit.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XzP9ha5bLJI
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