From & To Sathish #5 - Page 26

Vaanathai Pola 385

' It is a long story child. Too long and too complicated to get into right now. I will tell you all about me and that story one day if we happen to meet again and when we have a lot of time on hands and most certainly when the situation is better than the one we are in right now ' and raising his glass pointed to the giant Boeing around them.

Raman's face remained expressionless like stone but in his mind, he thought, ' If there is a next time, I will be better prepared and make sure that I am in charge.'

The man smiled and sighed and looked at Raman with friendly and caring eyes.

' Better prepared for what, for me? ' and his smile became wider and brighter and Raman cursed and asked, ' how do you do that? How do you know what I am thinking? My wife has all of a sudden started doing the same damn weird thing that you are doing and I am having a tough time dealing with it. I am unable to conceal dangerous and classified thoughts from her which I used to do before. I and my wife are very close to each other but this new weird thing that she is doing, like reading my mind without my permission is putting a tremendous strain on both of us. Especially me, for I have never hidden anything from her but had to after joining RAW my nation's security agency. I do that only to protect her from all the evil that exists in the outside world. The common civilian is totally oblivious to all the horrors that people like us face' and his voice died away as he mumbled to himself.'

' I am sorry, Raman. I am really sorry that you feel that way. But, I think I can help you with that like we helped Jeeva and your twins.'

Raman prided himself on being in control of both his physical and mental self in the most trying situations and yet here he was startled and shocked, and nothing like he had ever felt before.

He looked at the man sitting opposite him and gasped out each word, haltingly but menacingly. ' Mister, I don't know who you think you are but it is time to come clean right now and I mean right this moment. I have a limit, a breaking point and you have broken that and crossed that line by mentioning my wife and children. If you don't start talking right now, I am sorry but I will attack you and even if it means the end of me.'

The stranger's smile slowly vanished and his eyes now filled with respect, said, ' I, we are the ones who saved both Jeeva, Vijay and Suja. We were forced to intervene for reasons best left unsaid right now for it will be too much for you to handle right now.'

' Intervene. But, how, how did you and what?' and Raman's eyes suddenly opened wide in realization as his brilliant mind put the missing pieces of the puzzle together and he looked at the man in the pilot's seat and gasped, ' You mean that mysterious little boy that Jeeva said she saw while she was on the verge of slipping into an eternal coma.'

The stranger nodded, ' yes' and looked at Raman, ' Do you still want to attack me? Do you still think I am a threat to you and others?'

Raman shook his head slowly, ' No. You are not but that does not mean that I should lower my guard for I still don't know who you are or what you are and most importantly what you are doing in this hijacked plane.'

Alpha, the head of the Sons Of Gaia answered the call and heard what was said loudly and clearly.

' This man Raman has become a major thorn and that too in our eyes. He is in the plane right now and we have no idea as to what is going on with our men who hijacked the plane and more importantly our own man, the chief pilot.'

Alpha spoke slowly and in deliberate tones, ' Have you tried contacting the pilot and the others?'

' Yes. But no response.'

' Okay. Try again and keep trying and as far as this man Raman is concerned, leave it to me.'

Beta ended the call and thought, ' Poor Raman. If Alpha is going to personally take care of him then he is doomed. He is a dead man walking and knowing the Alpha, he will not stop there and will wipe out the entire family of this Raman. Nothing can save him now. not even God.'

Not even God. HAAAAAAAA. Nalla joke.

Avan, Aval, Adhu 79

Stepdaughter and stepmother said their goodbyes and both ended the call. The call had been disconnected but a new connection had come alive and had forged a new path between their souls. The phone call had cleared out all the major stumbling blocks between them and now a new bond of friendship was being forged.

Madhu's sight was blinded by the tears of joy that erupted like a volcano from her soul and she tasted them as they ran down her lips filled with sweetness and happiness of her soul. She stood before the large life-like photo of her late husband Prem and spoke to him.

' Premji, your daughter, our child has returned to us. I have not forgotten my promise that I made to you and I will fulfill it and the time for that appears to be near and fast approaching us.'

Wiping her tears, she smiled, ' Our Gaya has met finally someone again and from what she told me, I think that she has fallen for him and fallen hard. But, surprisingly, the man appears to have not reciprocated her feelings and just from that I can fathom that he must be a good and kind man and someone who is not after Gaya's money.'

Madhu slowly sat down and looked at the photo of her late husband and told him, ' Premji, I am confused and lost as to how to proceed now. Gaya has requested me not to meddle in her life and has specifically warned me not to mess with this new man in her life. Should I respect her wishes or should I overrule them and go ahead and try to find out more about this man?'

While Madhurima sat in her vast, luxurious penthouse, deep in thoughts about the future of her stepdaughter, Gayatri slowly sank into the hospital bed, reminiscing over the just concluded phone call and smiled and loudly clapped her hands and whispered aloud to the room.

' I have mended the broken bridge between me and the only remaining person in my family. I have laid bare my soul and have confessed to my sins and have apologized and my mind is now clear and now all that is left is to listen to my heart and follow its song.'

Closing her eyes, she spoke to her father,' Daddy, watch over me and watch over my heart. Give me strength to go and do what every cell in my body is telling me to do.'

Just like her stepmother, Gayatri's eyes too began rain sweet tasting happy tears and then ran down her chin and dripped down on to her chest and stained her breasts.

She glanced at the stains, ' Tears of joy have now come to wash away all the stains that tears of sorrow had created. Ravi, I am coming to you and I am going to tell you how much I love you and I hope you accept me. Please accept my love.'

Ravi's mother Rasaathi Ammal finishing her morning routine of spending time in the garden behind their house, slowly walked towards the entrance and found her son sitting on the porch, leaning against the pillar and looking totally lost in his thoughts.

She knew her son very well and yet even she feared him and it was a kind of fear that was a mixture of respect and admiration than fear that came from negative emotions.

She stood staring at her only son and hesitated to go to him even though it was obvious to her that he was hurting and hurting pretty badly.

Then her heart unable to take her calf's pain and silent grief willed her feet to move and together and in sync they went to Ravi who sensing the movement looked up with eyes full of salty tears. Tears that come from pain, sorrow, loss and losing. Salty, sorrow tears that come first and come as rain before the sweetness of happy tears can come to wash them away.

Rasaathi Ammal dropping to her feet threw her arms around her son and hugged him tightly to herself and said, ' It's okay, son. It's okay. I know what you must be going through.'

A mother knows. A mother's heart always knows her child.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nuxg8nbxS3k

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l2g2NYKeQ4s

Avan, Aval, Adhu 80

Ravi Kumar had been a student once before he became a headmaster. Ravi was once just a kid before he grew up into the adult that he was now. Ravi was not a very talkative person but he had been always eloquently vocal about his thoughts and views. Ravi had always been a very good student, both in academics and sports but then something happened to him that made those good skills turn to brilliant and it had best described by his class teacher, " Off the charts. His progress has been sudden and meteoric and also unexplainable for now.'

As she held her only child, her grown-up adult of a son in her arms and against her breasts and close to her heart which she would have happily cut out and offered it to him if he wanted it or offer it to God if it could bring peace and happiness to her son.

Holding him tightly, she whispered through her own pain and tears, ' Ravi, I am your mother in just one sense but you are my mother and father in every other sense. I only gave birth to you but you have in your life given me so much more. Joy, peace, strength, knowledge and realization of who I am and what I am. I cannot bear to see you crying, my child for I would rather be dead than see tears fall from your eyes.'

Ravi untangled himself and turning his face away mumbled, ' I cannot help it if I hurt and I just cannot help it if my heart cries and cannot halt the tears that fall from my eyes for I am just a mere human. I am not made of rock to remain stoic and pretend everything is okay.'

Rasaathi Ammal saw her son begin to revert back to his normal and usual self and she grabbed his face and said, ' Please, Ravi. Let it out. Share your pain with me and maybe, just maybe it will reduce this burden you have been carrying for nearly 25 years now.'

Ravi looked at his mother and Rasaathi Ammal nodded and said sarcastically, ' I was your mother then and I am your mother now and I will remain your mother to this world long after I am gone and you too are gone.'

Slowly sinking to the ground, she took deep breaths and then glared at him, ' You think I don't see what is happening around my son and what is going on with him and inside him? I see everything, Ravi. I saw then and I see now and all I know is that it concerns your heart.'

Ravi Kumar looked at her, ' Amma, I, I, how?'

' Ravi, I might sound corny and come across as filmy and melodramatic but it is true. A mother knows her son better than she knows herself and that is because her whole world revolves around him and spins around him from the time he comes alive in her womb.'

She looked at him and smiled, ' Ravi, from the time you came out, my eyes, my hands there were to care for you, protect you and love you. I know your every step and can read what is going on in your mind by just the way you walk and talk and with just a glance at your lips and eyebrows, I can say what your mood is even though your face remains stoic and set in stone. I am your mother and I know you for my heart beats with your heart and more than that, we have lived all our lives together and for each other. So, that makes things easier.'

Ravi looked at his mother and Rasaathi Ammal in sad voice, said, ' I know my child. I know it concerns your heart. If it was Madhu who had broken your heart all those years ago by going away. Today, it is Gayatri who has come and who is offering her heart to mend your broken one and you don't know what to do. Am I right?'

Avan, Aval, Adhu 81

Ravi looked at his mother with shock and realizing that he had not hidden his thoughts as well as he had wanted to, turned away in embarrassment.

The shock and embarrassment were compounded by the fact that it was his mother who had found him out and that she had suspected what was going on in his mind for a very long time.

Rasaathi Ammal gently squeezed her son's right shoulder, ' Ravi, it's okay. I am your mother and any good mother will surely be aware of what her son feels at any given point of time and like I said, we share a very close and special bond.'

She reached for her son's face and gently turned it to towards her and said, ' I know who it is you talk to every morning at sunrise and again at sunset not with words but with your thoughts and with your soul.'

She pointed to the garden behind their house and said in a sad voice, ' of all the plants and trees in our garden, there is only one plant that you always talk to and sometimes sing that particular song. That is the only plant you talk, caress and whisper loving words to.'

Ravi's eyes filled with tears and he stared at his mother as the painful memories filled and tore gaping holes in his heart.

Rasaathi Ammal wiped the tears from her son's eyes and said, ' How many times you have cried like this? I have lost count of the number of times I have seen sit next to that particular plant and watered it with your tears of joy and sorrow.'

Ravi unable to hold her questioning and probing eyes, turned away and Rasaathi Ammal pressed on for she knew that if she left slip this moment, then a great opportunity would be lost. She could not afford to do that not after waiting 25 years and years that she had spent in her own sorrow brought on by her son's sorrow.

Ravi tried countering and said in a soft voice, ' Combretum indicum is a not exactly a plant but more of a vine and I planted its for its beautiful and fragrant smelling flowers.'

' True. I don't deny that at all and you cannot deny the fact that the same vine has other names such as Quisqualis Indica, Rangoon creeper, Chinese honeysuckle and Niyog-niyogan and yet......?'

' And yet, what mother? What are you alluding to?'

Rasaathi Ammal knew that it was now or never and safe and comfortable in the knowledge that Ravi was her son and that he would finally see light and hear to reason homed in and bombed his already fragile mind.

' I am alluding to the fact that the plant's Indian name is Madhu Malti and I am alluding to the moments when I have seen you sit near the plant and call it " Madhu, Madhu" and sing your favourite singer Yesudas song that he sang for the Hindi film, " Saajan Bina Suhagan."

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZPT-rm0C0WE

Madhuban Khusbu Deta Hai

Sagar Sawan Deta Hai

Jina Uska Jina Hai Jo Oro Ko Jiwan Deta Hai

Madhuban Khusbu Deta Hai

Suraj Na Ban Paye To

Banke Deepak Jalta Chal

Suraj Na Ban Paye To

Banke Deepak Jalta Chal

Pul Mile Ya Angare

Sach Ki Raho Pe Chalta Chal

Pyar Dilo Ko Deta Hai

Ashko Ko Daman Deta Hai

Jina Uska Jina Hai Jo Oro Ko

Jiwan Deta Hai

Madhuban Khushboo Deta Hai English Translation

Madhuban Khushboo Deta Hai loosely translates into English as a garden provides fragrance... Khushboo (also Khushbu) means fragrance. Madhuban loosley approximates to forest, and was the name of the place where Krishna frequented. However it became a colloquial term for garden in some places of India. These lyrics are very appropriate for use on Mahatma Gandhi’s Remembrance Day. They highlight a common motif of selfless giving, comparing forces of nature that provide and sustain life continuously, to great souls that also gave their lives for the needs of the many. It explores what a good life could be classed as, for surely it is one that gives others the opportunity and chance to live happily. Hence a selfless life that has lived for the benefit of others is a good life and that is what living really is, Jeena, usaka, jina hai. This type of life makes it possible for others to live.

The lyrics explore how the path of truth is never an easy one to walk upon, and sometimes you will be walking on flowers (Phool) and other times it will be on hot-coals (angaare). Nevertheless, one must remain righteous and true and endure it. If you have read Kabir’s teachings he mentions a similar idea that there is no greater penance in life than truth, because that is a more difficult path to walk.

Everything one does in life matters, even the smallest acts of compassion makes a difference to someone and is noted. Therefore, if you cannot burn bright like the sun, then try to burn bright like candle-light (dipak). Love and compassion are like a handkerchief (daaman) for wiping the tears (ushko) off a person’s face. When someone has fallen, just the smallest amount of compassion can make a difference to them. Ram and Krishna were full of compassion and that is what living really is.

Always remember that the freedom, peace, prosperity, and love, we have today exists because people in the past gave-up their lives (tyaag), knowing that someday you would be able to enjoy these things. Hence, great people give others a life, and they truly know the meaning of life and what living really is, and they go to God.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ibMnlf0eALU

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E0ykSsBTUjA

On Joy and Sorrow

Then a woman said, Speak to us of Joy and Sorrow.

And he answered:

Your joy is your sorrow unmasked.

And the selfsame well from which your laughter rises was oftentimes filled with your tears.

And how else can it be?

The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain.

Is not the cup that holds your wine the very cup that was burned in the potter’s oven?

And is not the lute that soothes your spirit, the very wood that was hollowed with knives?

When you are joyous, look deep into your heart and you shall find it is only that which has given you sorrow that is giving you joy.

When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight.

Some of you say, “Joy is greater than sorrow,” and others say, “Nay, sorrow is the greater.”

But I say unto you, they are inseparable.

Together they come, and when one sits alone with you at your board, remember that the other is asleep upon your bed.

Verily you are suspended like scales between your sorrow and your joy.

Only when you are empty are you at standstill and balanced.

When the treasure-keeper lifts you to weigh his gold and his silver, needs must your joy or your sorrow rise or fall.

Kahlil Gibran - 1883-1931

Avan, Aval, Adhu 82

Rasaathi Ammal would remember this moment and she thought she would maybe even recollect it as she closed her eyes one day in the future in her last action called death. But, she died now or she felt the same cold dread of death fill her as she watched her son's face change from shock to anger and then to revulsion and then she saw her only son's bright eyes fade recede into a distance as he pulled down invisible shutters between them, and a dark void now existed even though there was hardly any gap between them.

She sat next to him her body touching his, and she yet she felt him recoiling and retreating from her and in that very instant a mother knew that she had crossed over an invisible line that she had never known had existed even though she was his mother, friend and so much more to her son.

Rasaathi Ammal knew that it was her son Ravi who was looking at her and she knew that it was their village hero and the headmaster of their school who was staring at her with a look that she had never seen before on his face and in his eyes.

Even his voice sounded like that of a mortally wounded and dying animal as he asked her one question, ' what did you hope to achieve with your observations?'

The question was a very clear and direct one but not what she would have ever dreamt her child would ever ask of her and that too not in this angry and cold vein.

It was her turn now to recoil and retreat from her son for she did not recognise the man who sat next to her and who had just asked her a question to which she had no answer.

Ravi looked at her, ' Agreed that you could not help noticing what I did, said, sang etc but that does not mean you have to confront me with it. So, I ask you again, What did you hope to achieve by rewinding my times of pain and sorrow that I did my best to do unnoticed and what have you gotten out of it by putting a mirror in front of my face and forcing me to see what I have been desperately avoiding all these years.'

Rasaathi Ammal sat staring at Ravi in shock, fear and guilt and watched as her only son slowly got to his feet and walked towards his room. She heard an unmistakable noise and knew what it meant and crying her heart out, slowly got up to her feet and hobbled with her bad hip towards her son.

The door was wide open and the large duffel travel bag that usually sat on top of the cupboard now lay wide open on his bed and she stood watching him pick out clothes and throw them into it.

' Ravi, I am sorry. I am really sorry. Please believe me when I tell you that I only had your best intentions at heart.'

Ravi turned to her and after staring at her for a few moments, nodded, ' I know that and yet you crossed a line and crossed into my personal space and personal thoughts. I am sorry mother but it was wrong for you to assume to know me better than I do myself. It is not about what you want for me and it is surely not what you think is best for me. I am sorry it is just not about you. It is about me and me only. My personal thoughts are meant for me. What we have as mother and son and as friends and as companions is all good but there is a space that is meant just for me and not for anybody else and you smashed it down and for what, mother.'

Rasaathi Ammal wanted to fall at her son's feet and beg his forgiveness but then she knew it would only trigger his anger and leave him feeling more infuriated with her.

' I am sorry Ravi but I could not help it. I have stood by watching you and did nothing to help you with your pain. I have stayed silent all these years and not once have I broached the subject about your life and marriage. Not after that day, you told both me and your father that you were not interested in getting married and told us in no uncertain terms to drop the topic or get used to the fact that you might leave us and the village and go your own way. That was nearly 18 years ago and you were nearly 25 years old.'

' So, what, mother? So what? Is there a rule that says a man should get married at some point in his life and should not remain single?'

' No. It is not that, son. You know that very well. But...'

' But what? what has changed and what is different now?'

Rasaathi Ammal knew as the whole world knew that Ravi could not be challenged and defeated in debate and logic and her shoulders sagging tiredly, she gave it one last effort.

' Gayatri is a wonderful person and a beautiful soul.'

Ravi's glare of a stare froze her with its ferocity and she saw with her own eyes what she had heard about and that which was whispered about behind their backs and that was fear.

Then she saw him slowly calm down and heard him say, ' Gayatri is a wonderful soul but have you stopped and given a thought about me and if I am the kind of person that she needs in her life right now.'

He looked at her, ' All you can think of is your old age commitments and your age-old sentiments. You think that if you get both of us married then we will live happily ever after. Will we? '

He raised his voice and barked, ' Is getting married the answer? The secret recipe for a happy and peaceful life? What about all this burden and painful memories that exist inside me and are a part of me and what which will tag along in marriage? Answer me, mother?'

Ravi went back to the cupboard and taking a few pants and tees, dumped them all into the duffel bag and stood staring at it and said in a soft voice, ' I need a break. I will be back in a few days time.'

The two stories that I am writing " Vaanathai Pola" and " Avan, aval Adhu" are like two children that I need to take care of and yet it is not possible to do so, given the limited time that I have. More than time, it is the limited energy and drive that I can muster up for a story and so it happens that one will suffer and wait while I tend to the other. In hindsight, sometimes I think I bite off more than I can chew and eat. A lesson learnt.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5lEXg1fD47w