*From & To Sathish* - Thread 4 - Page 65

Good morning. I wish you a beautiful day.

SOLLA MARANTHA KATHAIGAL

Mise-en-abyme - A story within a story ( BI-POLAR BEWARE)

I think, from looking back at my life, starting from my early years to the recent past, I realize now knew that life and all its twists and turns have always fascinated me and affected my thought processes tremendously. Finishing, reading a book but storing the characters, their emotions in my heart, I used to live with them and interact with them and this I think is one of my hidden techniques when it comes to approaching my amateur writing and acting. Empathy combined with sympathy and action combined with reaction. Simple words but dig deep and you will realize their true worth.

Feel what the other person is feeling and react to it as the character that you are portraying. But then that is acting and totally removed from story-telling and telling it for a long time.

In hindsight, every waking moment and every moment of interaction with others of our species is acting and reacting. “All the world’s a stage” by William Shakespeare holds true then, now and forever. It is sad that Biology, zoology and their functions have totally dominated our psychology.

In my experience, writing and by that, I mean writing hundreds of chapters for a story and writing it well is rather cumbersome and a pain. However hard you try, sometimes a few chapters or the characters that appear in them tend to fall flat and disappoint tremendously. Like life and its characters do.

Sometimes, I wonder, I mean really sit and wonder about it all. How simple thoughts about the tv serials I was acting in gave me reasons to write and thus interact with many of you forum members.

Siru thuli peru vellam endru solvathu pol, small thoughts meandered like tiny streams and rivulets and took form as majestic rivers in full-length articles and stories. Honestly, I have lost track of how much I have written and how many articles, poems, reviews, raves and rants that I have shared via posting in this blog.

There has been many a time when one part of me, the quiet, shy and introvert part of me asks me wispy and whispery questions, like

1-' why do you write Satish?'

2-' Do you write to impress and receive attention?'

3-' Do you lay yourself out and cast yourself as both psychiatrist and psycho?'

4-' do you crave for attention, fame, recognition, and compliments?'

Yes. Why is something that I have asked myself so many times in disgust, in solitude, and with ache?

I think that being a human itself is both fallible and infallible.

Man as a species might sit on the top, penthouse suite of the food chain on this planet and dominate and decimate all that he sees and fancies but still is just another life form to this planet and its nature.

But Human and being human is another word and a whole different ballgame altogether.

I think that this conflict between man and human part of me gives me this bi-polar psyche and thus there is conflicts happening at all times and sometimes the man, the animal wins out and sometimes, rarely the human wins the battle.

The man in me would nod vigorously and say yes to questions 2 and 4 while the human would try and answer questions 1 and 3 and try hard to give the proper answers.

It seems there is a huge and vast gulf of difference between being in the moment and living the moment.

Well, like those exams we went to and the teacher announced looking at his watch ' You have 3 hours to finish and handover your paper', God too has given us this life but the wicked and master comedian that he is did not set a time and the time could be now or not but you know, deep inside that it is.....

Month after month, year after year, I am seated at the table, writing furiously and trying my best to answer all the questions but then again, what does it matter what grades or marks you score.

For who knows, who really knows or does anyone know who or what grades our papers.

Anyway, it does not matter for like I wrote in my chemistry paper sheet ' I tried my best and I know it is not up to your standard but I hope you will judge me kindly and at least give me a pass mark for I tried and you know how hard I have tried.'

So, wish me well as I wish you well. BE WELL.

Freedom and Goosepimples

a state of the skin caused by cold, fear, or excitement, in which small bumps appear on the surface as the hairs become erect. Goosebumps are tiny elevations of the skin that resemble the skin of poultry after the feathers have been plucked. These bumps are caused by a contraction of miniature muscles that are attached to each hair.

Mel Gibson's Braveheart released in 1995 and Ridley Scott's Gladiator with Russel Crowe released in 2000, and I confess that to date these are the only films that gave me goosebumps and do again and again and every time I get to see the film.

I don't know how or why I missed seeing Braveheart on the big screen but finally got around to watching it with my friends on Laserdisc. hey, if you have no clue as to what it means, let me explain it to you.

The Cd or Compact disc that we know first came out I think in 1982 although I first got to see it, touch it only in the mid-1980s ( holy moly, 20th-century cadavers).

Audiotapes had mutated into videotapes and with the arrival of CD'S, it was not long before it to mutated into laserdiscs and the smaller Vcds. Since, the tiny Compact discs could not hold too much information, they further mutated into DVD and now Blu-ray discs.

A new film on a brand new laserdisc is a beautiful experience, a high and well, the dog and crow that I am, it was movie time at my house and many shows were run for I had two sets of friends. One, my Bessie pals and the other my mount road pals.

So, waving protests aside that they did not want to see a period film and that too, an English one, we all seated ourselves and yes, the room was darkened totally and four speakers powered by a Torvin amp announced the start of the film and the movie began.

No one moved in all those 180 minutes for all eyes were glued to the tv screen and then the end credits began to roll and as always it was Loosu ramesh who began to mumble sadly when his usual style was to yell, curse in choicy Tamil four-letter words what he thought or felt. And yet, here he was mumbling ' Dei machaan, otha ennada Azhuva vuttanda, namma hero. Paavam machaan. konnutaanga.'

One by one, reviews, thoughts and opinions began to fly, voices raised and heated up into debates and in the end all of us agreed that the final climax scene where Mel Gibson screams " Freedom" and then turns his head to the right to bare his neck and offer it boldly for the descending axe and then magic happens. In those fleeting moments before his death, an angelic chorus begins to raise and William Wallace sees his dead wife among the crowd playing hide and seek with him and then stops and smiles at him and the knife descends on his neck.

Amazing screenplay and scenes with just the right amount of movie magic and justifiable melodrama. And yes, goosebumps or goose pimples as they call it, rise all over my body and they still do.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cCHf8FxqzJc

Jannal Oram 331

The shower rained freshwater on Malik aka Jamun and as it splashed down on his upturned face and flowed down his chest, it seemed to reach inside his heart and place its silver but colorless liquid form around the tension he was feeling since the brief conversation with his current master.

Jamun felt the strain, and stress spiral its way down the drain and he entered the bedroom as himself. Master assassin, and one whose name was whispered with fear in the underworld and in places where criminals gathered to talk and do business.

Gulab's thoughts that had been about her future career were pushed away when she heard his sharp command ' attach the flash drive to the tv and mute the volume.'

She saw his eyes travel all over her body and then linger at the blood that had begun to dry on her thighs and he said ' sorry. Please forgive me for the hurt and pain that I have caused you. It is entirely my fault and I should not have risen to your goading for that is your nature while losing control over my emotions is not in mine. So, forgive me and come back after you have bathed for we need to clear our heads and plan this out. But, not before we have both spoken our minds about this assignment.'

Gulab was about to say something but she stopped herself for she knew from his look and from the tone of his voice that he was not in a mood to be messed with or trifled with even playfully.

She was a survivor and even though she was born with a strong mind and even though she had been through many traumatic experiences that would have killed of the bravest of man or woman, she knew her limits and she knew and more importantly the limits of his affection for her.

Wave after gentle wave came up to Raman's legs and he felt that each wave seemed to caress and whisper ' it is done. It is now over. Go in peace knowing that your brother, friend Vijay is safe in our watery bosom.'

The beach was totally deserted and yet the police had tried to follow Raman as closely as possible but he had politely refused them and then angrily told them that he wanted to be alone while he immersed the ash in the sea.

Kavita got out of the car and was told this and keeping her eyes fixed on Raman's solitary figure that now stood in the salty waves of the dark sea reflecting the dark skies, she slowly made her way trudging through the sand and then came to stand behind him.

Raman sensed her presence and looked at her and said ' come closer Kavita and let's do this together.'

She looked at him with her beautiful but tired eyes and slowly went to him and Raman used his left hand to bring her closer to him and she thought her heart would break for it went mad at the same time with joy and sorrow.

She looked at him and Raman kissed her forehead tenderly and then gently grazed her lips with his and said ' it is okay. Vijay might be gone but I am here and will remain by your side.'

Kavita began to cry and she cried for her soul and the soul of her dead brother and all Raman could do was hug her more closely to his bare chest and she bathed his heart with her salty tears while the night sea seemed to cry with her own salty waters and gently lulled them with her gentle waves.

Some wounds never heal. Some wounds remain open and fester the body to a painful death. But, most wounds heal with love, and kindness, and also with immense patience.

The heart has four openings, two to enter and two to exit and all that which courses through them is love.

Love means understanding. Love means empathy. Love means not only sex, lust, and passion but also means sacrifice and companionship.

Love, in the end, means God and like that supreme being has no color or creed and is pure thought and emotion.

The most important and fundamental aspect of love is respect and also not to take those who love us for granted.

Jannal Oram 332

Gulab had been there when it had all happened and so knew pretty well what was going to appear on the screen but she was now more interested in seeing Jamun's reactions and his thoughts about the whole video, especially Raman killing the two men that had been sent to put Mohan out of his misery.

She cleverly positioned herself a few feet behind him and while his eyes were glued to the large screen, her eyes were glued to his face and body and she sat staring at him as he skipped and forwarded the CCTV footage.

The part where Raman advanced boldly to meet the two thugs came on and Jamun turned to her and asked ' is this the only angle' to which she replied ' no, there is another angle from the front.'

Jamun nodded and went back to playing the video and just as it started it was over and the men fell to the ground and if Gulab had expected any major reaction from him, then it never came but for him playing the video, again and again, many times.

Shaking his head with a wry smile, he turned to her and said ' he is fast. really fast. But, we will know more from the camera that was on him from the other side of the hospital corridor.'

Gulab nodded and tapped a few keys on the laptop and the footage from the from facing camera began to play and this time, she saw Jamun's whole body stiffen in shock and his eyes open in awe and then he stopped and replayed the video, again and again, finally pausing it in the frame where Raman was standing looking down at the already dead men.

' he is good, really good isn't he Jamun?'

Jamun raised a hand and said ' give me a few moments please' and then placing the remote by his side, closed his eyes and went into a kind of trance-like meditation.

Gulab knew better than to disturb him for this was one of his thinking, analyzing and preparation methods and also an area which she knew little about and one which he had been reluctant to impart to her.

Sometimes, he would sit like this in meditation for two or more hours while she went about her work or just went to sleep.

But not today for Gulab aka Sharmilee knew that things were going to happen and happen fast and she had to be on her toes, ready and totally prepared to take advantage of the situation when it was presented to her.

Jamun opened his eyes and spoke ' Gulab, come and sit in front of me so that we both can see each other and know what the other person is really thinking.'

Gulab warily pulled a chair towards him and then both sat facing each other and in touching distance.

' Gulab, listen to what I have to say and please don't interrupt until I am done and then you may ask your questions and I will try my best to answer them.'

She nodded and Jamun looked at her tenderly and his voice full of concern and love spoke ' baby, you are just 24 and there is many a year between us in age but you don't seem to realize that there is also many a year difference in our experiences and thought processes.'

Seeing her impatience and noting the defiance in her eyes, Malik smiled ' I too was like you at your age and when I began this journey but then I got better, way better because I learned to control my emotions, needs, and thoughts. To put it more accurately, I was taught, well trained by my teacher in those hidden and unknown jungles of Burma and I have tried to teach you the same but I realize now that it will take time, a long time.'

Gulab turned away irritatedly ' why all this talk now? let's just get this done and let's fly out of this bloody country.'

Jamun remained quiet and then spoke ' okay. Before I continue, I want you to answer one question and I want you to take your time and answer it honestly and then I will finish saying what I began to say before you rudely interrupted me.'

Gulab aka Sharmilee cursed in her breath and nodded ' Okay master, ask the question and get on with it and I promise that I will not interrupt you again.

Jamun ignored her childish behavior and calmly asked her ' How many times have you seen this footage of this man taking on our men and killing them?'

' Several times. why do you ask?'

' what have you learned or rather what have you understood from that few seconds of video?'

' That he is a good fighter. very fast and maybe even faster than you. But, I have my doubts if he will be able to take you on in a really long fight and match your stamina and experience.'

Jamun nodded and asked her ' what else did you see or notice?'

Gulab thought, hesitated just for a brief moment before replying ' nothing else.'

He looked at her and then raised the remote to the tv and played the moments of Raman moving towards the two killers and taking them down and he played it three times before pausing it and turning to her asked her ' now that you have seen it again, tell me, have you seen anything new or learnt anything new from the video?'

Controlling her irritation, Gulab thought calmly and patiently for a few moments ' sorry, I can't see anything new' and looked at him warily and asked ' why, what is it that you see that I don't?'

Jamun nodded and then with a smile replied ' not your fault for you are still learning and you are still a student. How many years have we been together now?'

Gulab felt his words like a punch to her tummy but more importantly to her ego and staring at him defiantly said ' nearly 8 years. I will complete 8 years in a few months and that is more years than you spent in those Burmese jungles learning from those Buddhist monks.'

He looked at her as a master would look at a teacher, as a father would look at a child and said ' one never stops learning Gulab, not me and most certainly not you.'

Gulab angrily grabbed a cushion that was near her and slammed it on his head and Jamun without reacting to this taunt continued calmly ' tell me my dearest, do you think you can defeat me in a fight?'

She shook her head and he asked her ' why do you think so?'

' Because you still haven't taught me all you know.'

Jamun smiled ' even if I taught everything that I know and even if you practice for another 100 years you will not be able to beat me and the reason is you and nobody else.'

Gulab finally began to understand the depth and seriousness of the talk and whispered ' you are teaching me now, aren't you Jamun?'

He nodded ' glad you could finally get that.'

He gently came forward and with both their faces now close to each other, he lovingly brushed the hair that fell over her face and kissed her lovingly and said ' Gulab, as long as you think that you have mastered everything and as long as you think of yourself as the best, you will remain a student and the last of the worst. The problem with you is that you think you know everything and that you have an answer to all the riddles and puzzles that you are given. You are intelligent, superior in most ways than the average woman and even the average man but sometimes that can to an inflated ego and over-confidence and thus end up underestimating your foe.'

He got up slowly and walked towards the window and stood looking out of it and a sudden cool breeze blew into their apartment and Jamun turned to her and said ' Nearly four to five states are totally flooded and yet this state is totally dry and thirsty. Water is a problem for many and no water is a problem for even more souls. The vagaries of life and they never fail to surprise us with their twists and turns.'

Holding her gaze, he told her to watch the video again and again until she saw what he had seen and until she understood what the nature of his question that he had posed to her.

He turned to the night that lay outside and thought ' soon Raman. Soon, we will meet and do battle, and you will find me a different kind of foe, a totally different beast and unlike anything that you have faced. But, I know that you are a worthy opponent and that you are indeed a mighty one. But, I will see that we are on a level playing field.'

Seeing Gulab struggling to learn something from the video in which Raman was killing their men and taking pity on her, he slowly came and sat by her side and switched of the tv and asked her ' what is the most important organ in the body?'

' The brain.'

' What is the seat of all our power and knowledge?'

' again, the brain Jamun.'

He smiled and asked ' what defines us, and what is the seat of the self ?'

She smiled and replied ' brain.'

Jamun nodded ' brain and what is so important about the brain?'

Gulab in a calm voice replied ' it is the seat of all our thoughts and functions. It is the self, the ego and it is where we exist as we really are. No brain means nothing. The end, nada.'

Malik smiled ' Sharmila, now see the video again and then try and understand the nature of my question, and what I am trying to teach you, right this moment.'

Gulab nodded respectfully and instead of playing the video, she closed her eyes and contemplated for a few minutes and then opening them looked peacefully at Jamun who nodded his appreciation and asked ' why did you not watch the video as I told you to?'

' because the whole thing has been stored in my brain and which I can access at any given moment.'

' so, what have you learnt about Raman and from the way that he handled our men?'

Gulab with a newfound respect for their foe replied with reverence ' he is a master. He is in complete control of his mind and emotions and coupled with his physical prowess and training, it makes him not just great but really great.'

The moment she said it, something cold gripped her heart with its clammy fingers and Jamun looked at her ' what you just felt is respect and fear for your life and for all your dreams?'

with a trembling voice she asked him ' so, how are we going to get this done Jamun?'

' by breaking his mind we will break his will and strength. Samson's godlike powers lay in his hair and once that was chopped, he was defeated and captured. Like that, this Raman's power lies in his heart and we will tear it, attack it and when he is down and out, we will kill him.'

Tentatively she asked ' where does his power lie?'

Malik looked away lost in thought and answered ' Before we take on this Raman, we have to learn more about him and his mind and for that, we need to meet his master whom he loves dearly and shares a father and son like relationship with.'

He began to lay out his plan in detail and she listened with total attention and they discussed what had to be done late into the night.

It was nearly 11.00 am when the heard the doorbell ring and Jeeva jumping to her feet, ran to the door and opened it and welcomed Raman who smiled at her and asked her ' sweetie, how are you doing? everything okay here and how our folks doing? poor souls, for today, must have been a really traumatic experience for all of them.'

Jeeva looked at him with wonder and respect ' My baby, I love you very much. I just have that to say and nothing else for you never ever fail to leave me speechless with your strength, patience, and love for others.'

Raman smiled sadly ' naa enna, onnu ille. Just think about Vjay's home and all the sorrow and pain that his loss has given to all of them who live there.'

She asked him ' how is Kavita doing?'

' not too well, I think although she does look like she has an immense reservoir of strength and will from which she keeps drawing as she has been doing for these past few days.'

Jeeva placed her hands on his cheeks and pulling his face gently to her, kissed his lips with tenderness and looking at him said ' More than Suja and more than Vijay, I want a son like you. For, now I know what it means to be a wife and a mother and realize that they both are one and the same.'

Good morning. I wish you a beautiful day.

Comedy time

Jeyam ravi's film comali has just released and its story is about a man who has been in coma from the mid 1990s and who finally wakes up now. Forget the title comali and jeyam ravi and instead think about Athi Varadar who has risen from his watery abode and who was made to stand in attention for so many weeks.

God, yes what Varadar is feeling and reacting to is something only he will ever know although the Comali that I am put himself in his feet and lived it for a few moments.

Forty years ago when athi varadar went back to his water bed, MGR was in power and Amma was still around and so to was Kalaignar and I was still in Krishnaswamy school.

LP records were fighting a losing battle with Audio tapes and I was still standing on my toes trying to see if I had any hair on my lip.

Share autos were unheard of and cycle rickshaws were still on the road along with Jutka gadis.

Today, athi varadar must have wondered how he and his fame has gone so viral and also must have trembled in fear at the sight of such large crowds and that which never stopped.

Gone is the time when Kanchi athi varadar's fame was known a bit for he is known all over the world and even the penguins have gotten his darshan in the lost continent of Antartica.

who are the real comalis I ask you?

those that shelled out cash ranging from 1000 to 5000 for a seat in a share auto and shelled out 100 to 200 rs for a bottle of water. those that shelled out 500 and more to use the toilet in private residences.

Lakhs, crores were generated and all in the name of athi varadar and I give you this pic where even varadar is smiling happily for nayantara graced his temple and gave him her darshan.

and check out the priests and please check out the momentarily ignored and orphaned athi varadar.

Jannal Oram 333

Jamun held Gulab's gaze and said ' I am sorry but you cannot have anything to do with this retired cop Devarajan for you have already interacted with him by cracking his skull and nearly killing him in the process.'

' That is why I am insisting that I too be a part of this reconnaissance on this old man ' Gulab said defiantly and Jamun's eyes amplified his anger and she immediately lowered her gaze and then pouted her lips like a petulant child.

He placed a finger under her chin and raising it, looked at her and said ' Gulab, hear me well for it could mean our very lives at the worst or go to prison forever. I want you to follow my instructions and follow them to the last detail. No deviations, no sudden improvisations for that could mean change in plans and we neither have the time or the resources to handle a new situation.'

She nodded and he looked at her ' Winning, victory is all good and great but will mean nothing if you too die in the process or suffer a worse fate like getting seriously injured.'

Taking a sip of freshly made tea, Jamun continued ' Gulab, we are in Tamil Nadu and so let's not forget that we are North Indians and if it becomes a manhunt then we will stick out like sore thumbs. That is why I am splitting us up so that even if we are captured, we can use our fake Ids and make our escape from the cops. Right now, the cops are looking for a woman who attacked their former super cop, ex-DGP Devarajan and not for me.'

Looking at the video that was paused with the frame showing Raman looking at the two dead men at his feet, Jamun said ' then, ,we have this man himself and from what little I have seen of him, I am sure that he will remember something and will try to help the police in this matter.'

Raman had said no to dinner and had instead told all of them that he just wanted to catch some sleep and had walked away without any other word.

The cold shower slightly refreshed his body but failed to do anything to his mind that lay buried in pain and the memories of Suja and Vijay and he knew very well that even if he slept for a whole month, he would wake up tired and fatigued.

He came out of the bathroom and nearly bumped into Jeeva who stood leaning against the wall obviously waiting for him and more obviously concerned for him and his well-being.

She looked at him and saw the tremendous strain that he was and she gently caressed his face with her fingers and felt her heart tear itself in for new lines seemed to have carved themselves near his eyes and forehead and the darkness that was ravaging their lives now seemed to have burst their seams and had darkened the skin under his eyes.

He looked at her and saw the same in her face and felt the tension in her body and reaching for her gently embraced her and told her ' We will be okay. It will all turn out okay in the end.'

Jeeva smiled and looking at his eyes ' I know that and I am certain that at some point an end will reach itself but I worry what will come after that Ram. All that we have seen and experienced will stay on until our last breath and that means for a very long time.'

She took his hands and placing it on her tummy ' More than anything I worry about our child that is in me and the kind of the world that he or she will be coming into. Surely, the poor soul must be experiencing all that is happening around him and in me.'

Raman went to his knees and gently lifting her nightgown, placed his lips on her womb and kissed it and whispered to their child ' Baby, this is your father speaking. I know that at some level you can feel my voice and vibration and so with that hope I am telling you, promising you that everything is going to be all right. I will die before I let any harm come to you and your mother and your Grandparents. Please trust me and rest and grow happily. We are all fighting and doing our best so that you and other babies can come out into a better world and one that is less filled with villains and killers.'

Raman looked up at her and with a naughty smile and a twinkle in his eyes said softly ' and please tell your mother, my wife to wear panties during your father's womb sessions.'

Her eyes filled with passion and her voice quivered and mutely she looked at him and gently pulled his head towards her softness and he buried himself into her and she gave into his lips and tongue and even his unshaved and rough cheeks and chin only served to raise her lust and passion.

Nearly an hour later,Raman slowly opened his eyes and gently got out of bed making sure that Jeeva was not disturbed and slipped into his cotton pyjamas and opened his cupboard that held his personal stuff and reaching in took out the multi-colored Tibetan meditation cushion and said ' Master, bless me with strength and courage and bless me with understanding and patience when I deal with those that are out to harm me and my family.'

His memory flooded him with images, videos of the Judo Tournament that he had taken part in Nepal many years ago and then the next day he had gone to visit the Dalai Lama who had been present there at the same time for a world Buddhist conference.

Raman had bent his head low to receive the Dalai lama's blessings who had laid his right beaded hand and kept it there for nearly a whole minute and had then asked Raman to sit near him and both had discussed worldly matters.

The Dalai Lama had looked at Raman and said ' It will not be easy to hold back but you must and you will for although the Lord has blessed you with so much power, he has also given you the power of the mind. We are all angels and we are all demons. There lies in all of us light and darkness and they continuously wage war in all of us and in the tiniest of cells. But, in you, I see more light and that is for a reason and that is something you will learn about when the time comes. You have my blessings for all those who stand between the good and bad and lift arms to wage war and forfeit their lives knowingly in sacrifice are really angels in disguise.'

Raman sat on the meditation cushion and transported himself into a deep meditation. One by one, he slowly began to close all the windows and doors in his mind and found himself alone in the hospital and the scene from the day before, and he saw everything, remembered everything and forgot nothing and he saw the petite and pretty doctor standing calmly and with a strange glitter in her eyes while everyone else was frozen in fear and were about to soil their pants. He saw her eyes and body shiver in anticipation as he went forward boldly to meet the two men carrying the knives and whispered the question ' who are you?'

Gulab knew that he was not asleep and slowly wriggled her way into and under his arm and asked ' I have never seen you this way before? why and what is so different about this one man? '

' One man he may appear to be but he is not for he is many in one form and right now I am sure that he is thinking about us and preparing for battle.'

She replied ' We are two and we have taken down and killed many people. So why is it going to be difficult with this man and the others?'

' Because he knows, sees and is surely prepared for any eventuality Gulab. we can strike just once and we cannot afford to miss that one chance for then all our energy will be spent in avoiding those who will pursue us and in that scenario, all our exits will be closed and we will be trapped and killed like rats.'

Jannal Oram 334

“I said to my soul, be still and wait without hope, for hope would be hope for the wrong thing; wait without love, for love would be love of the wrong thing; there is yet faith, but the faith and the love are all in the waiting. Wait without thought, for you are not ready for thought: So the darkness shall be the light, and the stillness the dancing.” ― T.S. Eliot

The sun, our star, the giver of all life, the eye in the sky rose in the East and some of its light angels streaked through the trees and their branches and water and gave them their green and blue colors. They zoomed and stretched away from their creator and entering the house of Raman and Jeeva stopped at the windows and set ablaze an orange fire to the curtains that halted their progress and then seeped in as light and then warmth.

Raman sat in his lotus position, drowned in his meditation and only when the light tickled his feet did he slowly begin to awaken and release himself from the trance he had placed himself in.

With one swift and lithe movement, he uncoiled himself from his seated position and stood on his feet and then slowly spread his feet into a comfortable stance and began a series of beautiful Tai-chi movements but movements that looked like that but meant something deeper and stronger. For, they were the movements that monks from ancient monasteries had created, perfected and passed it down over thousands of years.

They were not just stances or breathing exercises but ballet-like dance movements that channeled the universe into one's soul and coupled the practitioner became aware and all-seeing.

Eyes open wide, soul and mind open wide, Raman stretched and then slowly sank into a complete leg split and Jeeva opened her eyes and instead of getting up, lay still and watching as her man summoned the cosmic energy of the universe into himself and prepared for what was coming towards them, slowly but surely.

Raman smiled to himself for in the quiet of their room, he had heard the rustle of the quilt and also the change in her breathing for he knew her well and had spent many a night staring at her and drinking her beauty and soul.

He heard her slowly getting out of the bed and changing positions closed his feet and sat comfortably and then he felt her arms clasp around him and felt her rosebud nipples on his back.

She kissed him and then ran her tongue on his back and whispered ' baby, even your sweat is delicious.'

Pulling her from behind him, he slowly slipped out of his pajamas and she lowered herself onto him and offered her breasts to his mouth and then began to rise and fall on his hardness and instantly poured herself onto him and cried out her orgasm and thought that she was dying of a heart attack. If she had thought of stopping herself, then that thought was burnt away as he gently brought his rough and steel-like fingers and cupped her bum and lifted her up and brought her back down on him effortlessly and moaning she gave into him and both exploded into each other and stayed like that for many a moment and she hugged him tightly and covered him with her hair and said ' I love you Raman, and I knew it the moment both our eyes met on the bus all those years ago.'

Fire will burn

water will flow

air will move

ice will freeze and

Raman will rise to kill and will see only black and white and no grays of any kind.

The law of Manu or Manu Dharma as we have known or might have heard of states that there are only two classes, two divisions of human beings.

They are not man and woman. They are not rich and poor. They are not the high class or the low class. They are not educated or uneducated. They are not the prince or the pauper but they are the two divisions of character.

Melor and Keezhor. Nalla gunam. Ketta gunam

Souls with good in them and souls with evil in them.

Light and dark does not mean white and black of the skin and complexion but the colors of the soul and that is ultimately how we are judged by God but sadly the opposite happens here on earth.

Jannal Oram 335

The Chennai City Police Commissionerate building is a 9-storied building on Poonamallee High Road at Vepery, Chennai. It houses the office of the commissioner of Chennai city police. The new commissionerate was opened by the Tamil Nadu Chief Minister J. Jayalalithaa on 18 October 2013.

The ground floor of the building houses the public grievances redressal hall, passport verification zone, and a reception area. Alongside the cybercrime lab, the elite special unit of the city police, the CCB with its 17 departments, occupy the first and second floors. The third, fourth, and fifth floors house various administrative wings of the city police manned by deputy commissioners. An anti-terror cell (ATC), with specialized personnel from the Central crime branch working in coordination with the city intelligence unit, to monitor and tackle extremist activity in the city, is housed on the fifth floor. The sixth floor houses the intelligence wing of the city police. The seventh floor houses the traffic police control room and another control room with children, women and senior citizen's helpline. The topmost floor is occupied by the commissioner and the four additional commissioners and joint commissioner (intelligence), alongside a large conference hall.

It was in the large conference hall that Raman sat in along with Commissioner Vishwanathan and with Assistant Commissioner Damodaran along with the police departments, official forensic sketch artist, Mathivannan.

Forensic art is any art used in law enforcement or legal proceedings. Forensic art is used to assist law enforcement with the visual aspects of a case, often using witness descriptions and video footage.

It is a highly specialized field that covers a wide range of artistic skills, such as composite drawing, crime scene sketching, image modification and identification, courtroom drawings, demonstrative evidence, and postmortem and facial approximation aids. It is rare for a forensic artist to specialize in more than one of these skills.

Now nearly 60 years old, Mathivannan had started doing sketches and paintings as a passion when he had been just five years old. His parents witnessing his prodigious talent managed to place him with a famous artist that lived near their village in Kumbakonam.

But, Mathivannan realized that there were no takers for his beautiful paintings of Kumbakonam and its surroundings and crawled his way through poverty and doing other odd jobs and finally landed in Chennai, then Madras.

His village friend who was working as a constable in the police dept gave him a place to stay and food to eat and then gave him work when a gruesome murder had taken place in their station jurisdiction.

There had just one witness, an old lady but getting her to describe the perpetrator of the murder had been downright frustrating and then the constable had remembered his pal Madhi and used him to sketch a face using the witnesses description.

That had happened nearly 40 years ago and Mathivannan had come a long way from there and had learnt a whole lot more about not only painting and sketching but in the area of crime and murder.

Mathivannan knew with one brief look that this witness called Raman would have no confusions about what he saw and would be clear and precise with his thoughts and description of the accused.

He was also aware of how high profile the case was along with the witness whose face he had seen last night on television and so addressed him with the proper respect and followed protocol. For normally, Madhi would have been tortured and frustrated by witnesses of dubious nature, drug addicts who will say yes to everything that he would say and witnesses with poor eyesight and far less properly functioning brain and its faculties.

' Mr. Raman, Commissioner sir has already shown you all the employees of Vijaya hospital where the crime took place and you have declared that the person you think you saw is not there in the employee's list.'

Raman smiled and said ' Think, surely not for I know what I saw and I will tell you that person's description in vivid detail.'

Mathivannan had been doing this for nearly 40 years and knew for sure that no witness could ever be that correct and that too when he had not spent any time interacting with the accused and replied calmly ' Sir, what you think and what you saw are two different things for the brain tries and adds a lot to a memory in a short while and makes believe a lot of things, even that which are not true and which never happened.'

Raman looked at Mathivannan ' I understand and concur with your opinion but then I beg to differ from that for I am right and I say that in all humility.'

Turning to AC Damodaran ' sir, how many hours or days of CCTV footage was stolen by the criminals?'

' nearly, Two days of recordings were taken away by the criminal.'

Raman looked at both the senior officers ' Gentlemen, Mohan has been in a coma for nearly two months, and yet, this attack was attempted just yesterday. So, if they waited all this while and made a move now, it means that they are under pressure and that led them to this path. I think it is because the same people who killed Vijay and Poornima were somehow behind my sister-in-law Suja's suicide and Mohan's accident.'

AC Damodaran asked ' suicide, accident. But, not crimes, are they Raman?'

' They are crimes and punishable under the IPC section, if a person who was mentally tortured, brutalized killed themselves for they were unable to bear the trauma of it.'

Raman's voice took on a deep tone and he growled like a tiger ' sir, have you not handled a case where a woman hung ourself over matters of dowry? Have you not seen the burnt corpse of an innocent woman who was forced to choose death over living because her husband and inlaws kept harassing her for money and gold?'

Commissioner Vishwanathan looked pointedly at his subordinate AC Damodaran who shut up quickly realizing that Raman and his intelligence were way out of his league and depth and turning to Raman ' why this topic of the stolen footage Raman?'

' sir, we accept and know that we are dealing with deadly and well-trained killers and if that is true then it is also true that they would have done some groundwork before making this attempt on Mohan who is now no more.'

The moment he said it, Commissioner Vishwanathan banged the table with his hand and yelled ' of course, that means they would have cased the hospital, done some kind of reconnaissance a day or a few days earlier and which means they will be there in the earlier CCTV recordings that are still with the hospital.'

He barked at AC Damodaran ' Now, go now and come back with this whole months CCTV recordings and especially the ones of the floor in which Mohan was in.'

He thanked Raman and getting up said ' I will be back in a few minutes' and left hurriedly.

Raman turned to the dept's forensic sketch artist Mathivannan and said ' sir, I am going to describe the person now but for that, I have to leave you and shut myself into a deep meditation. But, I will keep talking and you will hear me loud and clear as you do now while I am here.'

In their very brief interlude, Mathivannan had seen and realized that this witness was not going to be just the usual run of the mill variety and that he would be one for the books and smiled ' Mr. Raman, please go ahead and I will sketch and also will do one more thing, and that is if you permit me which is make an audio recording of this session between us.'

Raman hesitated and saying okay, closed his eyes, slowed his breathing into a long, and deep pattern and shutting out all outside stimuli went back to reaching into his brains deepest recesses and back once again to yesterdays memories.

Jannal Oram 336

“Enlightenment is tuning our consciousness to the music of the universe.” ― Amit Ray, Enlightenment Step by Step

Raman finished describing the woman that he had seen in the hospital and the only woman who was not identified as an employee of the hospital and then slowly brought himself back into the present reality and opened his eyes and looked at the forensic sketch artist Mathivannan who pointed to the mobile phone and said ' Five missed calls and since you had put it in silent mode, it vibrated and danced around the table.'

Thanking him Raman picked up his mobile and seeing it was not in his contacts, tapped the truecaller app which revealed that the unknown caller's name was Venu Srini who he knew better as Mohan's father Venu Srinivasan.

Raman excused himself and finding a balcony nearby called Venu who answered on the first ring and said ' hello Raman sir.'

' Hello sir, I am sorry I was unable to take your call as I was in an important meeting. Please, accept my apologies and tell me, sir, how I can help you.'

' Raman, both me and Thulasi were watching you at your friends funeral and were wondering if you could make it to our son's cremation too.'

The words felt like somebody had just reached into his chest and had clasped their palms around his heart and were attempting to stop its function. Taking a deep breath, he replied ' sir, I am so sorry for your loss. Please, tell me what time it is going to be and where it is going to be sir and we will all be there.'

After the call with Venu, Raman called Jeeva and informed her and told her to inform the others about the cremation that was going to take place at about 1.00 pm in Anna Nagar and requested her to pick him up on their way there.

Commissioner Vishwanathan entered the conference room and seeing only Mathivannan there asked him ' where is Raman? '

' Somebody gave him 5 missed calls and he is gone to talk to them.'

' But, has he finished with his description of the suspect, this mysterious woman who might or might not be the one we are after.'

Mathivannan smiled ' not only did he finish but in my opinion did a fantastic job of describing the woman.'

Placing his sketch on the table for the Commissioner to see, he added ' I doubt even if this woman's photo will do justice to her.'

Commissioner Vishwanathan leaned on the table looking at the photo of Gulab and said ' she looks North Indian even though she is trying to pass off herself as a South Indian.'

Leaning closer, he looked at Mathivannan and pointed to Gulab's neck ' what is that on her neck? looks like two letters.'

Chennai city's premier forensic sketch artist said ' GJ and that is exactly what Raman said ' and seeing the commissioner's disbelieving look ' I know but I also know that that in all my 40 years of sketching suspects, I have never had such a perfect witness to help me with my work.'

Both turned to see Raman entering the conference room who apologized and pointing to his mobile ' Mohan's dad and he called to inform us about his son's cremation.'

Commissioner Vishwanathan placed a gentle arm on Raman's shoulder ' I am sorry Ram for all that is happening around you.'

' Enna sir panna mudiyum' said Raman sadly and then catching sight of the sketch that Mathivannan had just done, exclaimed and clapped his hands excitedly' Perfectly done, Mr.Mathivannan.'

Lifting it, he looked at the woman in the portrait and said ' we got you and soon we will get a look at your partner too.'

' Partner, Ram, what do you mean partner? How do you know that this woman has a partner and how do we even know for sure that this is the woman that we are after?'

' I am sure sir and to make it absolutely sure, we have to take this and show it to the other witnesses but we will start with the best witness and one better than me and the others.'

Commissioner Vishwanathan and Mathivannan looked at each other ' other witnesses, who, where ?'

' My sensei, your former superior and former DGP Devarajan sir' for I am sure that this woman was the one who struck him and nearly killed him while he was talking to someone else.'

We were created with more than five senses. Apart from the basic five, we also have the gut and the third eye. The gut being the seat of all feeling, and the third eye being the seat of intuition (foresight).”

― Suzy Kassem, Rise Up and Salute the Sun: The Writings of Suzy Kassem

Jannal Oram 337

Raman took out his mobile phone and was about to call his master Devarajan when he looked at Commissioner Vishwanathan who after staying silent for a whole minute asked him ' It is obvious that you are working out something. But, it would be better if you confide in me now for I have more people at my disposal.'

Raman shook his head ' No sir, all the policemen in the world will not be enough to catch these two unless they slip up and walk into a trap that we have set up for them or they really goof up and in panic walk into our arms and surrender.'

' So, tell me, Raman, what are you thinking about?'

' If these assassins are as good as I think they are, I bet my last buck that one of them is at the hospital right now.'

' But, Raman, the place is crawling with our people and the crime scene although cleared is still being closely watched. These criminals would be crazy to step into that hot zone that is totally under the scope of the crime branch.'

Raman smiled ' sir, they must have thought what we just thought and I am sure they will make an attempt to get the same CCTV footage that goes back nearly a month.

Commissioner Vishwanathan swore and cursing under his breath ' That is the second time in minutes that you have put one over us. Honestly, I think you would make a great police officer with your brain and its intelligence.'

He called Assistant Commissioner Damodaran and spoke quickly and then called the Two Assistant commissioners who were in charge of the Armed commando wing and ordered them to go to Vijaya hospital immediately and surround the building.

Just before Gulab had left him to go and watch and follow Minister Vaidyanathan, she had asked him what he was going to be doing to which Jamun had replied that he would be returning to the hospital.

' why?' she asked and he answered ' have you forgotten your lessons and training?'

Gulab gently punched him in his rock-like abs ' No, I have not forgotten and neither should you forget that we were both in disguises when we surveyed the hospital and were not together at any given point. So, even if they get their hands on the older hard disks containing our movements from a few days ago, they will not be able to spot and recognize us.'

Jamun agreed ' still, I want to see how good this state's police dept is and I will gamble with you that our man is behind this, somehow helping the cops.'

He looked at her and gently hugged her and said ' Gulab, please take care of yourself and don't do anything without consulting me. Promise me, please.'

Gulab was moved by his words but also angered and frustrated with them and grumbled ' I am not that kid that you rescued from the brothel all those years ago. I am now a well-trained killer not only in fighting and in weapons but also in the art of stealth.'

Jamun smiled and looked at her with love ' There is so much more to learn, child. So much more, that you have to learn by yourself, and they are things that come with experience and wisdom, not with anger and constant aggression.'

He looked at her, all-woman now and wondered where that frightened and brutalized teenage girl he had rescued from the brothel had disappeared to.

Gulab smiled and said ' I will be okay and we will both be okay and soon after all this is over, we will be on some beach with you buried deep inside me thinking and planning for the next assignment.'

' no Gulab. I think we should take a long break and work out our options. We have enough money to last a hundred lifetimes and we don't need to do this anymore.'

He looked away and Gulab amazed at seeing this tenderness on display from her master, pulled his face and said ' say it. say what you want and mean to say.'

' I love you Gulab and more than you will ever know. I was thinking that we should get married and settle down and if you are okay with it, have a child too.'

She looked at him and her mouth and eyes went ' Wow! are you serious?' and asked 'But baby, do you want a child from this body, this flesh that thousands of men have been into from the time I turned 11.'

Jamun nodded ' yes, and we will make a child from our souls, from the love that we have somehow discovered between us and that which God has gifted us.

She jumped on him and kissed him deeply and they stayed kissing for a long time and then getting down from him and turning around, dropped her pants and offered herself and Jamun could not resist it and took her from her back and soon with every thrust into her wetness lost his worries and tensions in her soft wetness and then collapsed on her back as he poured himself into her.

That had been a couple of hours ago and Dhanraj Malik AKA Jamun was now inside the Vijaya hospitals compound and disguised as a middle-aged man, carrying a bag of fruits and a folder with some x-rays and medical reports was honing in on the office room of the hospital and found nearly ten employees there busy at work.

Just as he was thinking of a way to distract the staff from there work, he felt a buzz and activity among the few unarmed constables in the area around him and knew that his instincts were right and thought to himself ' okay, Mr. Raman, the first move is yours. I see you and soon you will see me.'

Still high on Gulab and the crazy sex they had shared, he slowly shuffled away wondering what Gulab was up to.

Two hours ago, Gulab had driven to Greamways road and had kept her eyes open for activity and after seeing Minister Vaidyanathan's vehicle leave the compound, had expertly followed him towards Mount road and into Taj Connemara.

The reason for Minister Vaidyanathan to be at the hotel was that he was planning to meet a person, a lady. That lady was no one else but Sandhya, the partner of his dead friend Periya Karuppan and who he had murdered some time ago.