*From & To Sathish* - Thread 4 - Page 11

Manasellam neeye-1


They looked at the ancient clock that hung behind the head of the Judge that was going to legally separate them forever,legally breaking them by granting divorce and the time was 11.30 am.

It was exactly one year since their separation from each other and a year had been spent living separately,getting on with their own lives and now the separation was going to become legal,sanctioned and their marriage would be dissolved and now as they stood facing Judge Lakshmi,both Raj and shree would be going their own ways.

The court for divorces was in many people's opinions a ghost house,a place where many a soul was crushed,separated from the living and sent to their own private and secretive hells called mental prisons.

Judge Lakshmi looked sideways at the court attendant who on cue stood tall and roared " silence in the court please" and then Judge Lakshmi adressed the couple who in a few moments would cease to be a couple and would become single once more and sighing with sadness,she questioned Raj and Shree 'Mr.Rajashekar and Mrs.Shreelekha rajashekar,has there been any change in your decision to wanting to separate and get divorced from each other.'

Raj looked at his advocate Sridharan and shook his head and shridharan in a loud voice ' No,your honor,my client has had no change of heart and remains firm in wanting the divorce.'

Shreelekha looked at her Advocate Sumangali and with her head still bent staring at the floor,shook her head and Sumangali too announced that her client was for the divorce and entertained no plans for a sudden change of heart.'

Judge Lakshmi looked at both man and woman ' It would be nice if both the parties concerned looked at me while they convey their decisions,if it is not too much to ask for.'

Shreelekha jerked her head up and looking at the judge ' I am for the divorce,your honor' and then the soft voice of rajashekar voiced that he too was for the divorce.

Judge Lakshmi ' The court hereby dissolves the marriage between mr.rajashekar and miss.shreelekha .'

Then she looked at advocate sumangali ' Before i dispose of this case and sign off on it,i want to make sure that your client knows what she is doing when she is waiving the property settlement and alimony that mr.rajashekar is willing to pay.This document that has been signed states it to that affect and there can be no change in the future.Is that clear enough Miss.Shreelekha?'

Shreelekha nodded and then Judge lakshmi slammed the wooden gavel ' Divorce is granted and both of you can go your own ways from this moment onwards.All the best.Next case please.'


And just like that,five years of marriage was over and done with and Raj and Shree walked out single and lonely.

Just as they reached the car parking,Shreelekha called his name ' raj,one moment please' and Rajashekar turned and looked at her ' yes,shree.what is it?'

Shreelekha looked at him ' I just wanted to wish you the best and i wanted to tell you again that i don't hate you and have never hated you.Never.'

Rajashekar looked at her sadly ' I know.Thank you and i too wish you the very best shree.Please,remember that you can call me anytime you want.'

They walked away from one another,he towards his car and she towards her car and life was not the same anymore.


Divorce, also known as dissolution of marriage, is the termination of a marriage or marital union, the canceling or reorganizing of the legal duties and responsibilities of marriage, thus dissolving the bonds of matrimony between a married couple under the rule of law of the particular country or state. Divorce laws vary considerably around the world, but in most countries divorce requires the sanction of a court or other authority in a legal process, which may involve issues of alimony (spousal support), child custody, child visitation / access, parenting time, child support, distribution of property, and division of debt. In most countries, monogamy is required by law, so divorce allows each former partner to marry another person; where polygyny is legal but polyandry is not, divorce allows the woman to marry another person.

Divorce should not be confused with annulment, which declares the marriage null and void; with legal separation or de jure separation (a legal process by which a married couple may formalize a de facto separation while remaining legally married) or with de facto separation (a process where the spouses informally stop cohabiting). Reasons for divorce vary, from sexual incompatibility or lack of independence for one or both spouses to a personality clash.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k2C5TjS2sh4



"It Must Have Been Love"



Lay a whisper on my pillow,
Leave the winter on the ground.
I wake up lonely, there's air of silence
In the bedroom and all around

Touch me now, I close my eyes and dream away.

It must have been love but it's over now.
It must have been good but I lost it somehow.
It must have been love but it's over now.
From the moment we touched, 'til the time had run out.

Make-believing we're together
That I'm sheltered by your heart.
But in and outside I've turned to water
Like a teardrop in your palm.

And it's a hard winter's day, I dream away.

It must have been love but it's over now.
It was all that I wanted, now I'm living without.
It must have been love but it's over now,
It's where the water flows, it's where the wind blows.

It must have been love but it's over now.
It must have been good but I lost it somehow.
It must have been love but it's over now.
From the moment we touched, 'til the time had run out.

Yeah, it must have been love but it's over now.
It was all that I wanted, now I'm living without.
It must have been love but it's over now,
It's where the water flows, it's where the wind blows.

Manasellam neeye-2

AVAN

Why love if losing hurts so much? I have no answers anymore; only the life I have lived. The pain now is part of the happiness then. Anthony Hopkins

Raj's mobile rang,sang sadly as if it too felt the numbing pain that its owner felt and the ringtone,one of his all time favourite songs from the film " Aval appadithaan" and raj smiled for he felt it was just appropriate for his situation,the lyrics and the sad melody and then glanced at the screen and saw it was his mother Kala calling.

Even though he was reluctant to talk and even though he felt the burning and raging desire to be left alone,he reached for it and answered it for Raj was not made thus and had never let his moods and emotions dictate any situations that involved other's moods and emotions and was gifted that way but a gift that had gone sour and now had cursed him,forever.

Kalavathi spoke hurriedly and her voice was filled with concern and anxiety ' Raj,where are you?'

Raj ' Nowhere it seems for i am lost ma,really lost.'

Kala fell silent for the pain in her only son's voice was too much for her to bear ' Dei raj,kanna,please come home and join me and Jaya for lunch.It will be okayda.This too will pass and you will be better.'

Raj sadly and sarcastically ' Mum,not all of us are blessed in the way that you and your husband are blessed and i doubt if your luck and happiness genes has been passed on to me.'

Kalavathi fell silent again ' It is just bad luck raj and it can happen to anyone.It happened to me and your dad and yet i found someone again and remarried and have lived my life happily and you have been a part of it and also a witness to my life with your stepfather.'

Raj smiled ' okay.I will see you soon.Is he there?'

His mother replied ' yes,he flew back from his exhibition in delhi,late last night and he is still fast asleep.Poor guy,looks like he is really beat and deadly tired.Anyway,he will be happy to see you although the circumstances are a bit difficult right now.Come home raj,come home to us and be with us until you get better.More than any of us,granny will be over the moon if she sees you.'

Raj accepted ' Okay amma.How is pattima doing? Hey ma,don't tell her i am coming home and let me surprise her.'

Raj looked at his watch and saw it was nearly 12.30 pm and deciding against going to the office,he speed dailed Pappu's number.Pappu,full name Padmanabhan and he along with Kishore were childhood friends and after finishing their MBA'S had started their own management company and now ran a small but highly successful investment company.

Pappu answered ' dei raj,where the heck are you man? ' and then immediately fell silent and raj knew that pappu had just remembered that raj was supposed to appear in the high court that morning.

Pappu whispered ' machaan,sorry da.Really sorry da raj.I totally forgot it was today.'

' It is okay da gundu.Listen da,amma just called and asked me to join her for lunch and i accepted.I will try to drop in to the office later in the evening.is that okay da?'

Pappu ' dei raj.you don't even have to say it da,i understand da.Take your time and if you want to take sometime off from work,do that and we can manage until you come back.'

Raj sighed sadly ' Thanks gundu and tell kishore i will call him later tonight.'

Pappu's voice trembled with sadness and pain ' Is it over da? Is it really over between shree and you?'

Raj replied ' yes sir.Over and with the blessings of the Judge herself.It is over and yet ...'

Pappu tried consoling him ' Raj,dei chellam.I don't know how to say this or put it in words for both me and kishore feel the pain that you are feeling and we are hereda,always da.Anything for you,anything you want da.'

Raj began to sob silent tears ' Pappu,the judge divorced us and yet,shree is here da,in every breath that i am taking and in every thought of mine.Eppadi,i don't know how i am going to survive this painda.i really don't know and for the first time in my life,i feel lost,totally lost and so lonely that my heart feels like it is tearing itself with every beat.'


Uravugal thodarkathai
unarvugal sirukathai,
oru kadhai endrum mudiyalaam
mudivilum ondru thodaralaam
ini ellaam sugame,


un nenjile bhaaram
unakkaagave naanum
sumai thaangiyaai thaanguven,
un kangalin oram edharkaagavo eeram
kanneerai naan maatruven,
vethanai theeralaam verum pani vilagalam
venmegame pudhu azhagile naanum inaiyalam,

Uravugal thodarkathai
unarvugal sirukathai,
oru kadhai endrum mudiyalaam
mudivilum ondru thodaralaam
ini ellaam sugame,

M: vaazhvenbatho geetham
valargindratho naadham,
naal ondrilum aanantham
nee kandatho thunbam
ini vaazhvellaam inbam
suga raagame aarambam,
nadhiyile puthu punal
kadalile kalanthathu,
nam sonthame indru inainthathu
inbam piranthathu,

Uravugal thodarkathai
unarvugal sirukathai,
oru kadhai endrum mudiyalaam
mudivilum ondru thodaralaam
ini ellaam sugame

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=urpwkaD3GUA

uravugal thodarkathai song - Aval appadithaan

Jannal oram -151

"If your written words become literal nails to crucify you with, then you have done your job well. You provoked a reaction, whether it is positive or negative is irrelevant. Writing that evokes no reaction is a body without a soul. Stewart Stafford

Most people,when faced with a sudden or unexpected question will react very typically and answer thus ' What,what do you mean,why would you ask such a question,what is wrong with you,How does it matter to you?'and so on and so forth.

But then,Neither was Raman most people nor was Judge Lakshmi most judges and both were different,a good kind of different and the minute she asked him 'are you in some kind of trouble raman?',he looked and nodded ' Yes and no,ma'am.But for the minute it is all under control although what the next few days are going to bring forth is not in my hands.'

Judge Lakshmi angled her head,a habit of hers that raman knew she did when she was either irritated and that angling of the head meant the start of a bad day for whoever stood before her in her courtroom.But this was no courtroom and only her private chambers and she had touched on rather a private matter that had no bearing for her or her question.

Judge lakshmi nodded ' raman was that some kind of message or am i wrong and should i understand that it is all i am going to get from you.'

Raman treaded lightly with carefully chosen words for he did not want to offend the judge for he would be appearing before her in many case in the future and maybe even shreekant's and kutty jeeva's case might come before her.

Raman looked at her ' I am sorry judge but you know me better and you know that i would never offend you or disrespect you in anyway but the fact of the matter is that,my answer remains the same and i cannot divulge more for i am unable to do so.'

Judge lakshmi ' i understand raman but you know me well enough and so you should know that i am very fond of you and respect your skills and intelligence and i only questioned you out of pure concern.'

Raman knew he was stuck in a corner and then making up his mind,looked at her ' ma'am,if you can answer to two of my questions,then i will answer to all your questions.'

She did not hesitate even for a second and leaning back into the leather bound cushioned chair ' ask away raman and i will answer them.'

Raman ' simple and open questions ma'am.The first one is why are you fond of me and the second is why are you asking me if i am in some kind of trouble.'

Judge Lakshmi smiled and removing her glasses,placed it in its box and looking at raman ' i will answer the second question first.'Raman,i know that you are familiar with our court and all its functions and that you are a highly respected committee member of the high court bar association.In fact,you are the youngest bar association member in the history of madras high court and there is talk of you becoming a judge in this very court and there is hope among many of us that you will one day in the future sit as one of the judges in the Supreme court itself.'

Raman held up his hands ' ma'am,i apologise for interrupting you but i would like to shed light on the first answer of yours.For an advocate to become a magistrate,he or needs to have practiced law for minimum 7 years and i have but just completed five years and so all this talk and hopes of me becoming a magistrate or a judge is still very far away and in the distant future.'

Judge lakshmi leaned forward ' Correct and if that is the criteria for an advocate to be made a magistrate,judge then he or she has to have an impeccable record.So,if you becoming a judge is still far off,then why are all your cases being scrutinized and why are questions being asked about you and why are so many background checks being done on you for the past few days?'

The reason why he was there in her chambers,the reason why she had asked him all these questions suddenly formed themselves into one answer ' Home minister Vaidyanathan.'

Raman's eyes reflected his anger,frustration and disappointment and Judge laskhmi smiling and with eyes that reflected only faith and trust spoke ' Now,before you say anything,let me finish answering your question and the second answer to is is that i am very close to your Boss Mr.Krishnaswamy iyer and i mean and stress on that word close.'

Raman digested what the judge had just confided in him and remained silent and in a very typical manner that was uniquely his spoke ' Yes,i can now confirm that i am in trouble and way over my head and the person is a high ranking cabinet minister in our Govt.'

Judge lakshmi warily ' High ranking.How high?'

Raman softly ' As high as it goes ma'am and in most people's opinions he is practically running the govt and the others are just puppets.'

Raman heard for the very first time,the judge cursing ' Shit,damn them.damn these politicians' and looking at him ' you don't fool around do you raman and even the enemies you make seem to have come out of some nightmare.'

Both sat looking at each other and then she smiled at him ' so,Raman has met his match in a modern day Raavan.'

Raman shrugging his shoulders ' maybe and if that is so,then that old raavan started a war for his sister's sake but this raavan is more dangerous for he is fighting for the legacy of his daughter.'

Judge Lakshmi cautiously ' so,what are you fighting for raman?'

He smiled ' same ma'am,for the very same reasons and i am fighting for the sake of a single father and his only daughter and for the sake of all that is good and beautiful in this world.'

Judge laskhmi shook her head ' This is a very dangerous situation raman and the consequences can be very painful indeed.'

Raman ' it always is ma'am and it always is in matters of the heart.But,i cannot stand by and watch a family being torn apart just to please one person's wish and desire,however noble and loving they may be.The law is the law and it applies equally for all concerned.'

He stood up and looking at her ' I will take leave ma'am for it looks like everything has been suddenly preponed and now i have to adjust and prepare for this new schedule.'

Judge lakshmi extended her hand and raman took it and both shook hands and the judge looked at raman ' Krishna,i mean your boss krishnaswamy iyer considers you his son and i too think of you as the son i never had.I am going to help you with all the powers that has been vested in me by this high court and we will see how this situation can be handled.'

Raman bent his head in a gentle bow and acknowledging it ' Thank you ma'am but very carefully and from the shadows for at this moment and for a very long time,we might never know who is friend and who is foe?'


"And one day when you wake up, you happen to realise that your battle isn't with the man you had got into a brawl with the other day, it isn't with a friend turned foe, it isn't with those parents who chose to give up on you, it isn't with the bus driver for not having waited until you got in, it isn't with the employer who cancelled the application to your leave, it isn't with the examiner who resolved into failing you, it isn't with the woman who did not reciprocate your feelings, it isn't with child who dropped his ice-cream cone on you, it isn't with your ill fate and it isn't with that superior being above you.
Your battle, your fight isn't against the world but against yourself and the only way to come through all of it and beyond, to win, is improvement, self-improvement which needs to be gradual and progressive with the transverse of each day. Chirag Tulsiani

Manasellam neeye-3

AVAL

"It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages. Friedrich Nietzsche

Shreelekha sat in the back of her car and watched the world go by as the driver negotiated the traffic with the Hyundai Verna and headed towards the TCS head office in Siruseri.She was the head of team that handled new ventures and proposals that were placed before the board.A Computer Engineer and an MBA not withstanding,it was not only her academic qualifications that propelled her to the top of her company but her clear cut views and her ruthless ability to clearly cut through bullshit and speak what was essential and the truth.This had garnered a few admirers but many haters and she was feared and loathed by everyone and yet she considered them all as her friends.But the management had in the first years caught sight of her skills at not only managing but leading from the front and so, the so called callous,rude and arrogant attributes only served her to quickly rise to the top of the heap and now the post of Vice president and director of foriegn operations beckoned and would soon be hers.


Shreelekha looked at Manickkam anna who had driving cars in their family for nearly 30 years and he had been driving her from home to school,college to home and now for the past nine years,he had been driving her from work to home and where ever she so desired and wanted to go.

In shree's world,her mother Indumathi,Manickkam anne and a few of her college friends made up her inner and only circle of trust and human bonds and she rejected and ignored all new offers of friendships with a smile that was a clear sign of her beautifully expressive face.

Shree's face was her blessing and also her curse for it was easily read and sometimes it very easily transmitted her thoughts and feeling about people and their thoughts and this worked for and against her.

Shree whispered ' Anne,am i wrong? did i do a wrong thing by going ahead with this divorce?'

Manickkam switching on the left indicator,slowly came out of the busy traffic and entered the service lane and stopped near a tender coconut shop and then pressed the buttons near his arm which lowered both his window and the rear window and yelled at the shopkeepe ' Thambi,two coconuts,water not flesh,okay.'

The young man looked at Driver Manickkam ' what man,what peter english you talking? I too john peter and i am 7th std pass.'

Manickkam ' Thambi,romba sorry.I too only 7th std but fail.'

Hearing them both interact brought out giggles and chuckles from shree and she began to laugh and Manickkam looked at her with concern and sorrow and wondered if this woman who he had known from the time she was five years old was laughing because of happiness or laughing because of sadness.

The coconut guy slashed at the crown and expertly beheaded its top and placing a straw in it gave it to manickkam and then spent a few moments and reached out for a coconut and both manickkam and shree noticed that he slashed carefully,tenderly and then resting it against its other green and orange brothers and sisters,hurriedly unfurled his lungi that he had folded in half around his hip and holding the coconut in one hand and the box of straws in one hand,offered them to shree,who looked at him with surprise and then nodded and said ' Thank you, 7th std peter' and all three of them began to laugh and who knows how much pain and sorrow were behind that laughter,but for them.

Manickkam handed Shree a box of tissues of her favourite Origami So Soft brand hand napkins and looked at her ' shree madam,who is right? and who is wrong? is something that is left to you alone.Now,what remains is what you can do and won't do with the rest of your life.'

Shree looked at manickkam and he continued ' you did what you felt best in the situation and you got what you wanted.'

Shree nodded and she looked at him with her eyes brimming with tears ' then why does it hurt so much? why do i feel all this guilt as if i have murdered someone.'

Manickkam nearly broke down himself and struggling hard to control his own emotions ' shree paapa,you remember those days when coming back from school,you used to try explaining algebra to me and used to bang your head and call me useless,well,it is the same feeling my child,for the questions that you ask and are as puzzling to me as algebra and other things that come so easily to you.'

Shree wiped her tears and looked at manickkam ' Anne,if i am feeling so terrible,what must he be going through? will he also be feeling the same pain that i am feeling?'

Manickkam nodded and turned away from her and thought to himself ' yes,more,a ten thousand times more.'

Shree's phone rang and it was her boss Piyush sharma and clearing her throat,she answered ' Good morning Piyush.'

Piyush replied ' good morning shree.I was just wondering if you are coming in today or not.I can understand your situation and if you want a couple of days off,please take a break for you really deserve it more than anybody.'

Shreelekha hurriedly ' Thank you piyush,but i am on way back to the office and we can go ahead with our team meeting as scheduled at 3.00 pm.'

Piyush sharma took a moment and then with soft and concerned voice ' I am sorry that things turned out this way shree.But take it from one divorcee to another,the pain will eventually fade...'

Shree ' fade piyush,eventually fade but will not die out,is that it.'

Piyush shook his head ' No,it will never,ever die out and from my ten years of experience of being a divorcee,i still carry the scars from the separation and divorce and i am sure i will carry it to my grave.'

Shree ' okay.so,i will see you in the conference room at 3.00 p.m.'

Divorced at 11.30 am and back to work by 3.00 pm and this was shreelekha and yet this was not all that she made out herself to be for she wanted to be more,better at everything.


But then shreelekha,our heroine does not yet understand that life is all about balance as are all relationships and striking a balance is virtually impossible and it at all it is possible,then it is only through give and take and even there,balance is lost.

so,here we are taking our first baby steps into the world of marriage and relationships and now the questions looms large and that is " WHAT IS HAPPINESS AND HOW DOES ONE FIND IT?'

"The trouble is not that I am single and likely to stay single, but that I am lonely and likely to stay lonely. Charlotte Bront

Manasellam neeye-4

ADHU

Adhu! yes,if Avan was Raj and if Aval was Shree then what is Adhu,you might wonder.But,you don't have to wonder too much for Adhu is life and constitutes all its funny,good,bad,painful and evil aspects and moments.I think,God,the great comedian maybe tried his hand at cooking and finally ended up with this recipe for special Mixture and not knowing how to go about it,just added up everything and tossed it in the air.So,when one dips his fingers into this special mixture,you will be delighted to find,dry fruits coming up,along with roasted groundnuts and you will go " God,this is god but konjam overkill,konjam too mucha irukku."

Adhu also makes up your family,friends and those so called well wishers who without your knowledge bring and also bear great influences on the decisions made by the parents and Avan and Aval are none the wiser for it.

Adhu before Avan and Aval

Raj did go steady for a few months with a Delhi girl called Smitha,but found her a bit too weird and too dominating and also very clingy.Raj found her attractive,desirable and both made for great sex in bed and their great and quickie sex was not confined just to his bed and her bed and they had screwed like rabbits all over the place.Terrace,car,elevator,car parking,beach and just about everywhere and yet he found her a bit too wanting,too needy and tried talking to her and telling her that sex was not all that he liked and that he liked to hang out with his friends,talk crap,play cricket,hit the bars and generally sit in each of their houses and laze around,talking dirty as all men do.

Smitha confronted him ' Why are you avoiding me? Have i done something wrong? and Raj taken aback,a bit irritated ' Avoiding you.But we met up last night and had dinner together and then i went down on you and you went down on me.All good and so what are you upset about ?'

Smitha usually cornered him in either Pappu's place or kishore's place for they were his best friends and all they did they did together and they were popularly known as the " The Three Musketeers."

That day,when Smitha had caught him drinking beer with both his pals,happened to be at Pappu's place and raj as usual tried his best to calm her down,But then things had escalated the moment smitha had asked that question and that was a question,most men in their late teens or early twenties dread hearing or dread being asked it.

Smitha had just screamed ' you spend most of your time with pappu and kishore and ignore me.'

Raj,even though just 20 years of age had always been a cool,relaxed and laid back sort of person and did things in his own way,but did them correctly and perfectly.Raj hated confrontations,hated raising his voice and generally hated any kind of unpleasant situations and did his maximum best to avoid them and the way he did that was just stand there and smile a goofy smile and accept all the blame and curses,even if he was not the cause of it or deserved it.That was raj and yet,there was a breaking point,a line you did not cross with him and that was when you turned the blame or anger unfairly on his loved ones and friends.

Raj's eyes went hard and he growled ' Smitha,why the f**k are you dragging my friends into this situation? You are angry with me,fine,stick with me but please don't unnecessarily drag my pals into it for they have nothing to do with you or me.'

For smitha,this was a side of raj that she had never seen before and rather than back down,she just went at him ' Are you in love with me or with your friends.Raj'

Raj,true to his style ' what a crappy question,smitha? of course i love you and of course i love my friends too.'

Smitha ' so,you mean to say that you are going to marry them too.'

Raj went still and then collecting his wit and burying his anger said the words that broke him and smitha and would one day break him and shree.

Raj looked at smitha ' I don't know what the word marriage means but let me tell you something and i am absolutely clear about it and that is as of this moment,my friends are more valuable to me than a marriage with you that might happen in the distant future.I love you but i also love my friends equally.I have known you for just a few months but i have known my friends from my childhood.'

Then suddenly changing his tone,raj had smiled ' smitha,we have just started our college life and already you want to talk about marriage and our future together.take it easy babe,we have lots of time for all that.'

Smitha,stepped back,recoiling with anger and shock and spat her disgust ' You stupid clown,i slept with you and you f**king know that i was a virgin and the reason i slept with you was because i loved you.But,here you stand and say all this crappy nonsense when i am trying to talk seriously.'

Raj could not stand smitha like that and had tried to hug her,console her and calm her down but she wriggled away and had looked at him with a strange and sad expression ' Raj,you are a nice guy but i see now that a nice guy does not make for a nice husband.'

with tears pouring out,smitha walked away and then she turned and screamed at him ' one day,someday you will realise and understand this moment and what i was fighting for and you will regret it and then you will be all alone,lost and lonely.'

Rajashekar stood with open mouthed,confused and still not able to understand what had just happened but a tiny part of his souls twinged in pain,warning him that if ignored the pain would escalate into a major problem.



Raj parked his car and slowly rested his head on the steering wheel and suddenly smitha's words came back to haunt him for Shree too had said something similar during their first month of marriage.

' grow up raj for you are married now and your wife should be the number one priority' and raj with a laugh had waved it off ' shree,why does one have to change after marriage when there is nothing wrong with he or she? it is not as if i am going around sleeping with other women but just go out to chill with my friends,have a beer,play cricket and just hang around.Of course you are my top priority and please tell me what i am lacking as a husband.'

Shree had looked at him and raj had never been able to understand that look or the meaning behind it and that was the first crack in the foundation of their marriage and sadly it was also the moment that they had begun to drift apart.

He heard the knock on the glass window and raj looked up to see his step father jayachandran standing there as usual dressed in those ridiculous batik style kurta and cargo pants and with a half hearted smile,he opened the door and got out and both men looked at each other and Jaya took raj into his strong and tender arms and the tears came and they came for they had lain hidden for five years,gathering their strength and now raj cried waterfalls and felt his heart break.

Jayachandran gently patted rajs back ' it is okay my tiger.it is going to be okay for you are home now and appa will look after you.'

Manasellam neeye-5

"When you loved someone and had to let them go, there will always be that small part of yourself that whispers, "What was it that you wanted and why didn't you fight for it? Shannon L. Alder

Jayachandran was called Jai by his stepson Rajashekar and Jaya by his wife,second wife Kala endra Kalavathi.Jai and Kala had met in one of his art exhibitions and it had been instant chemistry between both of them.Jayachandran was already divorced from his first wife from a marriage that had lasted just a few months and they had no children ,maybe because they just never consummated their marriage.He had immersed himself in his paintings and all that he could not openly express through his lips and eyes,he expressed through his art and he was on his way to becoming a great find in the world of art and expressions.

Kalavathi was going through a turbulent time in her marriage for her husband was on a mission to screw anything that moved and looked like a female and the whispers,rumors of his philandering had finally reached her ears and there was a huge fight when she had confronted him along with their three year old son Rajashekar.

Raj's biological father was not a bad guy but just a man with too many weaknesses and vices.He came from a very rich family and could afford to do that and kala later learnt that most of the men in her husband's family were skirt chasers and when not chasing skirts were drinking and playing cards and gambling on horses.

When Kala had confronted her husband with proof,he had looked at her and very calmly asked her ' this is who i am and this is who i will be.I have provided you and our son with a large house,three servants,a driver,a watchman and a bank account.I satisfy your other needs and carry out my husbandly duties pretty well.So,what are you bitching about,unless you too want to screw around and sleep with other men?'

Kalavathi had slapped Ramesh with force and with strength that she never though she had possessed until that moment.But Ramesh,half drunk had looked at her ' I guess i deserve that but stop and think as to what will happen if i hit you back.'

Pouring himself a drink,Ramesh looked at his wife Kala ' behave like a woman,keep your head down and go about your work as a wife.What more do you want in life? eat,attend kitty parties,buy new clothes,buy new jewellery and live a life that a rich man's wife should lead instead of worrying yourself with all these cliched questions and fighting with me.'

Then he had said something that had broken the last thread that connected them with with the bonds called marriage ' Kala,you are not Kannagi and i am not Kovalan.So,take it easy woman and please don't raise your hand against me,never ever.for,i will kill you at that very moment.Understood.'

By the time,kalavathi had decided to file for a divorce,five months had passed and it had been five months of quiet and an uneasy calm for her not for ramesh her husband who actually went all out with his drinking,gambling and philandering and sometimes never turned up home for many days in a row.It had been in those calm and quiet moments that kala had mustered courage and built up strength to ask her husband ramesh for a divorce.

But,then fate had stepped in with its sleeves rolled up and had stepped in as a marriage counselor for her husband had fallen ill and by the time they diagnosed his illness as liver cancer, it had aggressively spread to his pancreas and it was too late for anything and the doctor like in the movies had delivered his dialogues ' advanced stage and the cancer has metastasized.Of course,we can try chemotherapy and other usual treatments but it is too late and will only buy a few weeks at best.'

Ramesh did not stop drinking or smoking and had died in bed,surrounded by his nurse who was administering palliative treatment and also by his black label scotch bottle.The night before he had died,he had called kala and his son to his bedroom and had spoken to her.' Listen,i don't feel sorry about anything and so i am not going to cry and weep and apologize for my behavior.But as then,so to now i will do my duties as your husband and as the father to our son and i am willing everything that i own to you and you alone and in the event of your passing it will all go to my son rajashekar.'

Kala watched as her son's head was shaved and a small white dhoti was wrapped around him.She watched as a small clay pot was placed on his shoulder and she watched with tears as he walked around his dead dad three times.

Mother and son stood watching the flames happily consume the body of ramesh and the smoke rising from the funeral pyre seemed to dance around and it appeared that ramesh's spirit was among that smoke dancing,drinking and rising to the yonder called death.

Raj had looked at kala ' amma,where is daddy going to? won't he feel pain and won't the fire hurt him?'

kala on her knees hugged raj tightly ' no my son,the dead have it easy for they feel no pain but it is us the living that still hang on in pain and sorrow and cry and cry.'

Three year old Raj had gently wiped the tears from kala's cheeks and in his small,tender voice whispered ' don't worry mommy for i will look after you until appa comes back.'

And then jayachandran had come into their lives and three broken people healed themselves and were now a perfect family that was made up of mother,father and child.


Kala watched sadly as jaya and raj walked towards her and she took her son into her arms and let him cry while her heart broke into many pieces as she heard him ask the same question again and again ' Amma,i don't know what went wrong or what i did wrong? I thought all those small,small fights were just an exchange of each others thoughts and ideas about life in general for i have seen both you and jai fight so many times and yet you have live happily for nearly 30 years and counting.'

Kala looked at her son and then at her husband ' raj,it is not about fighting or confronting but it is all about understanding and coming to a mutually likeabale and workable compromise.For in the end,marraige like all relationships is but a compromise,nothing more and nothing less but just a compromise.'

"Ye are Blood of my Blood, and Bone of my Bone,
I give ye my Body, that we Two might be One.
I give ye my Spirit, 'til our Life shall be Done. Diana Gabaldon, Outlander

He said,she said

He wanted leather for the living room.she wanted cane and cushions.
He wanted the small room for his gym stuff and to listen to his old records
She wanted the small room for a study and to store her collection of books

She wanted to stay in have sex over a beer
he wanted to have sex,beer and then go out and see his pals

she wanted to cuddle,nuzzle and soak in their juices
he wanted to do more and then watch football

she wanted punjabi and he wanted chinese food
she wanted a small pug,he wanted a rottweiler

she wanted to own him and spend all her life with him
he loved her,really loved her but also loved his friends and sports

They made a baby and she complained that he was still acting like a baby
he growled ' i was just in the hall watching kohli hit a ton'
and she growled ' super,while i drown in our sons ton of poop'

So,he keeps saying and she keeps saying and they both go on saying.OMG!

Jannal oram -152

We are not Gods,not even Angels but just a species.So,when we ask Him,God ' What do you want me to do? What is my purpose?.'The answer is silence and in the silence we see and understand the truth and that simple but real truth is choice,choices that each and every one of us make.Live,breathe and love not only for yourself but also breathe for all those who need that breath of yours.

That ultimately is the true miracle,true purpose of life for we are all connected in the end by the choices we make and today,right this moment is the time to wake up from the dream and say i am not alone,i was never alone for i am connected to everything and everyone.


Raman walked out of the room,shaken by what Judge Lakshmi had just told him and he stopped and leaned against the balcony and looked around the High court and tried to make sense of the news that Minister vaidyanathan had been moving against him,learning about him and probably keeping tabs on all his movements.

Calming himself,raman gathered his thoughts and slowly made his way back to the chambers and opening the door was pleasantly surprised to find Jeeva there,feeding the crows near the small window of the chambers.He stood silently watching her and sensing a presence she quickly turned and seeing him flashed her beautiful smile.

Raman closed the chambers doors and walked towards her and she walked into his arms and they both stood holding each other.

She looked up at him and then tentatively asked him' how did the meeting with the minister go?' and he looked into her eyes and smiled ' It served his purpose and it served my purpose and that's it.In the end it was not a meeting but a sort of understanding between both of us.'

Pulling back,jeeva looked searchingly into his eyes' understanding,that sounds positive but vaguely so.'

Raman warily ' sorry if i used the word understand for i meant it not on a positive note or in the context of hope but that he stated his needs and ambitions very clearly and i stated mine.'

Jeeva's eyes reflected her fear and anxiety ' what now raman? how are we going to handle this problem?'

Raman cupped her face ' not we my lady but me' and then dipped his lips into hers and kissed her deeply and she opened her mouth and let his tongue in and they tasted each other and they stood kissing as their spirits dissolved into each others souls.

He asked her if she had eaten and jeeva made a face ' you know me better than that and should know better than ask that question of me and of all the days,today.No,i have not yet eaten and thought we could eat together and have sent muthu out for lunch.'

Raman went to the window and one of the crows recognizing him put its head in and cawed in an unearthly way and jeeva coming to his side,looked at the crow and warned it ' Hey,beaks off crow for this man is spoken for.'

Raman with a smile ' serious,are you sure that this crow is a female?' and jeeva nodded ' yes.of course it is a female sir.See,it is smaller in size than its partner and yet more demonstrative,affectionate and a lot more emotional.'

Raman grabbed her with one arm and nibbling at her nose ' well my crow expert,the other one is quiet for he is on guard duty and has the whole world to watch out for.'

Jeeva went ' What? whole world?' and Raman replied ' yes my queen,you and my loved ones are my whole world.'

She had a million questions at the tip of her tongue but pushing them aside ' Did you just get here to the court?. Raman sat himself in the chair and she sat opposite him and he answered ' no,i got here sometime back and i am coming back after a long talk with Judge Lakshmi.'

Jeeva ' Oh! you mean that lady judge before whom you and Govind were presenting your case regarding the divorce and child custody of that mehta couple.'

He looked at her ' awesome.You don't forget a single thing and this case was nearly two months ago.'

' so,what did she want to see you about.something to do with that case or a new case.'

Raman fought over his thought,undecided whether it was the right moment to confide in her about the conversation he had just had with the judge and seeing his conflict within himself,jeeva hurriedly ' hey,no problem.It was just a casual question and you don't have to answer it if is something confidential.'

Raman gently took her hands ' Jeeva,It is neither confidential nor does it have anything to do with some other case of mine but it has everything to do about us and when i say us,i mean me shreekanth's case.'

She went still and worriedly ' But baby,shreekanth's case has not yet come to the courts and why is judge lakshmi talking to you about it?'

Raman ' correct,she was talking to me about it because someone has been asking about me and digging into my records and my life.'

' Minister Vaidyanathan,who else can it be ' and raman smiling sadly ' sweetie, i repeat my earlier observation,you should have become a lawyer for you would have excelled at it.'

They heard the knock at the door and muthu came in and he came in bringing his enthusiasm and along with him came his latest ilayaraja ringtone that blared its melody and lyrics from the hit film Moondram pirai and the ringtone was ' Kanne kalaimaane.'

Both looked at him and he looked at them ' what to do but put my favourite actress in my ringtone to honor her death.I am feeling romba sad and feeling so paavam for the great lady.'

All three stayed silent as the famous song sung by yesudas filled the chambers and the chambers of their hearts and through the song all three paid homage and respects to the late Sridevi.

Kanne Kalaimaane Kanni Mayil Ena
Kanden Unai Naane
Anthi Pagal Unnai Naan Paarkiren
Aandavanai Ithaithaan Ketkiren

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qc-aK3BXMHM

Redemption 245

Rudran sat next to Prime minister Jagannath mishra holding the flute of champagne while the older man spooned a rich custard into his mouth and did the same thing that he had been doing with every spoonful of the dessert.

He looked at Rudran ' Rudy beta,i know it is a funny question to ask but i have been wanting to ask this for a long time.But,i have never had the right oppurtunity or rather the right person to ask the question.'

Rudran sipping his still cold champagne ' sir,you need only ask and i will answer it and it does not matter what the question is about.'

Prime minister Jagannath mishra ' no,no.Nothing personal beta although i will come to those maybe a few minutes later or some other day.'

He looked around and seeing that they were alone,he leaned towards Rudran ' Rudy beta,why are these champagne glasses so different from the other wine glasses.I mean why are they long and stretched out.'

Rudran leaning closer ' sir,i myself used to wonder about that very same thing until a wine connoisseur explained it to me many years ago in england.'

Raising the glass with its bubbling champagne that twinkled like miniature diamonds,Rudran looked at it and then explained to his boss ' sir,the very name champagne comes from the historical province of Champagne in the northeast of France.The Champagne province is located near the northern limits of the wine world along the 49th parallel. The high altitude and mean annual temperature of 10 C (50 F) creates a difficult environment for wine grapes to fully ripen. Ripening is aided by the presence of forests which helps to stabilize temperatures and maintain moisture in the soil. The cool temperatures serve to produce high levels of acidity in the resulting grape which is ideal for sparkling wine.Still wines from the Champagne region were known before medieval times. The Romans were the first to plant vineyards in this area of north-east France, with the region being cultivated by the 5th century, or possibly even earlier.Later, churches owned vineyards and monks produced wine for use in the sacrament of Eucharist. French kings were traditionally anointed in Reims, and Champagne was served as part of coronation festivities.

A Champagne glass is a form of stemware designed specifically to enhance the pleasure of drinking champagne and the two most common forms are the flute and coupe. In each the stem allows the drinker to hold the glass without affecting the temperature of the drink.

This inward taper is designed to retain champagne's signature carbonation by reducing the surface area for it to escape.Nucleation in a champagne glass helps form the wine's bubbles; too much surface area allows carbonation to fizzle out quickly. More bubbles create greater texture in the taster's mouth, and a flute's deep bowl allows for greater visual effect of bubbles rising to the top. The flute's narrow cross-section also minimizes the oxygen-to-wine ratio, which enhances both the wine's aroma and taste.'


The prime minister looked at rudran and shook his head ' God rudran,i really had no clue that this golden looking liquid had so much history and it appears to rival the history of most nations that exist today.'

Renuka slowly came towards them and both men stood up and prime minister jagannath mishra took renu's hand and gently seated her next to him ' So,ma'am you are now Mrs.Renuka rudran.All the very best renukaji.'

She looked at him with great affection and respect ' sir,for you i will always be just renu and no ji or ma'am please.'

Jagannath looked at both of them ' so,where are you off to for your honeymoon?'

Renu looked at rudran with a questioning smile and rudran answered ' we are flying off to london later in the night sir.Renu's father is flying us both in his private jet and i guess both of us need time for ourselves.'

The prime minister nodded ' yes,rudy beta and i agree with you totally for if anybody needs a break and timeoff it is you.You have not rested for more than a day since all these problems began,starting with that Thailand disaster and then you being so grievously injured in shikarpur.'

His voice trembled with emotion and he turned to renuka ' renu,i don't know if rudran has told you the truth and knowing him and his talent for keeping secret,i guess not.But,let me tell you that it was me and for my personal reasons that rudy went to shikarpur and nearly lost his life.'

Turning to rudran ' rudy beta,i don't know how i am going to repay this debt i am in with you for you have served honorably and valiantly not only the country but have stood by me and fought for my family's honor so many times that i have lost count.I don't think i can repay this debt even if i am born a thousand times.'

Rudran looked at him ' sir,it has been a honor to work for you and this country and more than that i look up to you as the father i never had and so this talk of debt and repayment does not arise between us.'

Prime minister Jagannath mishra's eyes went blurry with the tears of emotion and he tenderly patted rudran's hand ' Thank you my child and i mean it from the bottom of my heart.I am but a politician and belong to a political party and that means i am limited in the things and tasks i can do.But,you rudran are part of a more deeper,stronger organisation that will go on functioning regardless of who comes and goes and who is in power.
I used to worry about chakravyuh and that i was granting too much power to it but from what i have seen of you and gen.veer.i know that this country is safe and in good hands for the future.'

Then suddenly he looked at rudran ' rudy,what do you make out of these paintings that have been put up for sale in new york? Do you think that they are real or just a figment of someone's fertile imagination? I mean,it is just too fantastic and borders on science fiction that Aliens from another world could have visited this planet of ours all those centuries ago.If that is true,then i wonder what those aliens are doing right now at this moment?'

Rudran looked at renuka who smiled at him and then casually glanced at the prime minister ' God only knows sir what all this is about and if at all it is true then maybe the aliens are here on this planet right now.'

Prime minister Jagannath mishra shook his head in disagreement ' i doubt it very much for i don't think the aliens can handle the evil stuff that the human species can throw at them and would be flying away in horror and fear of this doomed planet.'

Renuka smiled ' I totally agree sir and if in fact an alien or some sort of creature stayed back then it must take great courage on their part and immense belief in us species and in this planet.If that is so then that individual or individuals must be true heroes or some sort of god even.'

prime minister jagannath mishra ' yes renu,it will take some sort of god to save us and this planet and keep us from destroying ourselves.I hope and truly believe in that and i really wish it was true.'

Everybody in the room suddenly felt a jolt of energy and the whole room felt like a surge of electricity had run through it and all the lights flickered like shooting stars and renu looked at rudran and rudran looked at her womb for deep in the darkness,Nikhil kicked and roared with great power and connected with his father and then went quiet.

Renuka gently stroked her womb and whispered to her son Nikhil and things quietened down leaving everyone in wonder and questioning as to what had just happened.

Malar,the queen of the suryavamsam clan along with her children Arul and Jothi came towards where the three were sitting and conversing and going down on their knees,looked directly at Rudran and chanted their respects' Pakalon,Maasilan,Kathiravan,Meykandan,Koman,Nikaran,Mamannan,azhagan,Rudran,Bhairavan,engal deivam Kavin.we salute you my lord,our king and will serve you until our last breath.'

The boy who went into the dark and came back with light

Manasellam neeye-6

Aanenna pennenna nee yenna naan yenna
yellaam or inam than
ada naadenna veedenna kaadenna medenna
yellaam or nilam than
neeyum pathu maasam nanum pathu maasam
marum intha vesham

Song from Dharma durai


Happy Women's day

Tata Consultancy Services (TCS) IT Park in Siruseri, Chennai was built at a cost of nearly 200 million dollars and opened for work in 2001. Designed by Uruguayan architectural firm Carlos Ott Architects in association with Carlos Ponce de Len Architects, the project stands as an iconic development in the cyber corridor, distinct in the style, grandeur and aesthetics. Being truly an engineering and architectural marvel, the Techno Park is unique in the way it blends both business and lifestyle statements. It combines elements of traditional Indian architecture with modern design. An aerial view of the complex resembles six butterfly wings intertwined with a central spine.

The techno park at Siruseri, Chennai has 6 engineering blocks, customer care center, General services block, Training and library block and other facilities.Intelligently-designed, eco- friendly developed, this innovative design demonstrates environment-friendly processes, techniques and systems to meet the requisites for energy-efficient buildings, ISO 14001 certifications, zero waste disposals, carbon footprint offset, etc. The complex is notable for its microclimate performance based on an open atrium office buildings, providing a naturally-ventilated system. An ecological stream beneath a large overhanging canopy of 400m provides a natural cooling system. The Campus has already applied for Leadership in Energy & Environmental Design (LEED) Certification for Platinum and Gold ratings from the US Green Building Council.


Driver Manickkam parked the car in designated parking spot alloted for Shreelekha that boldly announced " Head of operations,New projects" and as he had done for nearly 30 years got out of the car and hovered near the door and shree stepped out and then bent and picked up her handbag and Laptop and looked at Manickkam ' Thank you.'

Manickkam knew better to speak out of turn and knew that the tiny girl shree kutty was not the woman who stood before him and mumbled ' Shreema,it will be okay.'

Shree nodded and with a small smile that barely hinted her gratitude walked towards the elevators and the dozens of young men and women fresh out of college,hid their cigarettes from her,while many threw them away and vanished into thin air for they all knew shree by sight and better by her reputation.

Shree used to wonder about the effect that she seemingly had but had long since forgotten to even think about it for when she stepped out of the car for work,she had tunnel vision and that meant her every bit of thought and concentration was on work and work alone.

She quickly ran through the agenda for today's meeting which was going to be an informal one,where she and her team along with their immediate boss Piyush would toss ideas about the new accounting and communication software that had been developed and how to better it before passing it on to the next level which was branding and marketing.

Pinky,Kavita,prema were already waiting near the elevator for her and she looked at them ' why are you people hovering here instead of being present and waiting for me in the conference hall.'

All three women lost their train of thought and what they had to say to her and instead fumbled,mumbled ' we were just going there ma'am.sorry' and quickly walked in the direction of the conference room.

Shree walked,no marched towards her cabin and leaving her handbag on her table,opened a small water bottle and emptied it down her throat.

She walked towards the gigantic glass walls and stood on the 5th floor watching the world outside and wondered if she should have postponed today's meeting for she was beginning to have doubts whether she could last it with the mood she was in.

Her late father's voice blasted in her ear in his typical army roar ' concentrate shree on the job at hand and don't let your mind and thoughts wander.One task at a time and always remember,one step at a time and the journey will take care of itself.'

She strained to see far off in the distance,in vain to see what raj was doing and she knew what he would be doing and she bit her lip to stave off the pain and panic she felt in her soul and she whispered ' you idiot,if i was wrong then you should have corrected me.you said you will never leave my side and that you will fight for me and yet here i stand all alone while you must be in your world,lost,hurting and crying.What happened to us raj,what the f**k happened to both of us and why do we stand now in opposite poles,so far away from each other.'

Piyush stood watching her from outside the glass door and he knew what she must be going through for he had gone through the same thing nearly ten years ago.He wanted to walk in and go to her and gather her in his arms and comfort her.He had been wanting to do this from the moment that she had joined his team,nearly eight years ago and yet he kept his love for her burning secretly in the darkness of his soul and like now at this moment,it had nearly erupted out of its cage many,many times and he had pushed it down to its hidden depths and went about his life for he knew how shree would have reacted.

Piyush sharma knocked and shree quickly turned around and seeing her boss smiled ' give me a sec and i will join you.'

Piyush saluted her in a perfect textbook army way ' okay ma'am.see you there.'

Shreelekha smiled and then took quick deep breaths and her late father's voice ' no tears for tears are for losers.Body erect,chin up and look straight and deep into the eyes of who ever is facing you and let them know that you are shreelekha shankar,daughter of Colonel.Shankar.

Shree whispered ' dad,who am i dad and what do i do now? for i tried living as your daughter and at the same time i tried living as his wife and it did not work out? I have failed dad.I have failed as a wife and should i be proud of that or should i be proud of the fact that i lived by your code and standards.'

Gathering her Laptop,shree slowly walked towards the conference room and and was surprised to see the room jam packed and was even more surprised to see Mr.Ramskrishnan,the vice president of communications and operations standing there with a huge flower Bouquet and everybody loudly cheered and said her name over and over again and then VP ramakrishnan raised his hand and the room fell silent.

Handing the bouquet ' congratulations shreelekha for you have been selected as this years TCS Woman of the year and not only for India but from the branches that are all over the world.Great work and keep up the excellent track record.'

Nobody had ever seen Shree cry,leave alone laugh heartily and yet the nearly hundreds of employees gathered there, saw their leader cry for the very first time and they all cheered her and only piyush stood in silence crying inside his soul for her for only he knew the reason why she was crying.

Shree was crying for her broken heart and her lost love and she was crying and laughing at the same time because on the day the judge had granted her divorce,her company had just awarded her the " TCS Woman of the year.'

Phenomenal Woman
By Maya Angelou
Pretty women wonder where my secret lies.
I'm not cute or built to suit a fashion model's size
But when I start to tell them,
They think I'm telling lies.
I say,
It's in the reach of my arms,
The span of my hips,
The stride of my step,
The curl of my lips.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

I walk into a room
Just as cool as you please,
And to a man,
The fellows stand or
Fall down on their knees.
Then they swarm around me,
A hive of honey bees.
I say,
It's the fire in my eyes,
And the flash of my teeth,
The swing in my waist,
And the joy in my feet.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.

Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

Men themselves have wondered
What they see in me.
They try so much
But they can't touch
My inner mystery.
When I try to show them,
They say they still can't see.
I say,
It's in the arch of my back,
The sun of my smile,
The ride of my breasts,
The grace of my style.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

Now you understand
Just why my head's not bowed.
I don't shout or jump about
Or have to talk real loud.
When you see me passing,
It ought to make you proud.
I say,
It's in the click of my heels,
The bend of my hair,
the palm of my hand,
The need for my care.
'Cause I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

All IS WELL


In the beginning,there was quiet and calm and then life happened.It struck twice in the form of darkness that only death can bring and it is an all consuming darkness that takes a lot to get out from.Then life struck again and tore apart a just mending soul and the cracks were stretched to large chasms of hell.

Thus it began,my unsure footsteps into finding and discovering myself and my place in this world among others.Sadly,at that time,everyone appeared alien and weird and little did i know that they too were ghosts,spirits walking the same road in no particular direction.

My soul beaten and bruised and armed with only death and pain grew up much faster than my body did and too counter that i raged like a tempest and covered myself with violence and anger.

At the onset of my teenage years,freedom from the adults gave wings and i flew,ran helter skelter looking for an outlet to release all that was evil in me and the poison that was corroding my soul and those years ended up being wasted,totally wasted.

Stepping out of my teen years and into the first years of being an adult myself, i now looked at the world differently and tried to make something out of myself.Sadly,i had no clue that the memories of the years behind me still chained me to them through links and bondages.

For much of my adult life,i cloaked myself and lived in the thought of confirmation that i was just a nobody,worthless and that it would be better to bask in the darkness than step out into the light.

Inferiority complex is the easiest and simplest term to define my status and it still defines me to a certain extent to this very day.Yet,i have learnt to live with that,my own definition of myself and my own psychological evaluation of who i am and what i can do.

But,seemingly and unknowingly,mother nature had blessed me with certain traits that seemed to go hand in hand with the faults that were glaringly evident and in many a learned and wiser peer's opinions,i was ' satish,highly talented and Intelligent guy.Just that,he does not apply himself and push himself and relegates himself to the ordinary and the also rans.'

I do agree,that i am not very ambitious and honestly not because i am lazy or lethargic but world weary and worldly wise and have known from a very young age that most and many do things for others.

Sorry,i changed tracks and crossed over to living a life of calm and peace and a state of of quiet obscurity.
It is peaceful,solitary and on this track,my train stops at very few stations that make up my loved ones and i am happy to run between their station.Express speed sometimes and passenger speed sometimes.


From lost and lonely,from angry and violent,from the unknown to the known,from a nobody to myself,from clown to actor,Amateur poet and horrible and incorrigble writer i flit through darkness and light and jump between chasms of hell and grounds of heaven and i am mostly content and happy in my realm.

Welcome to wherever you are.