This is going to be a long read. I hope you will bear with me.
Three weeks later
Anushka had been noticing a change in Joy's behaviour over the last three weeks. He had somehow become more cautious and protective about Anushka. He went to school locking the door from outside and before leaving would drive all the curtains down. And would repeatedly warn... " Don't drive them aside until I'm home. "
When asked he would only say, " the mountains ain't safe anymore. "
Anushka didn't really understand the deal. But of course, she was saved from facing the Olivers alone.
And when Joy was at home too... he would hardly lead to much encounter of the Olivers with Anushka, mostly driving them away with some excuse. One thing Anushka knew, Diana hadn't visited ever again after the church visit. Or even if she did...it was in the mornings and so didn't get hold of Anushka.
Anyways, Anushka strangely realised that Joy was no longer interested in her memory issues. Rather he mostly avoided talking of what would happen next even.
Anushka had seen some men closely enough in her life, but Joy was something different. A man who picked up a stranger from road and treated her with utmost care despite pressure from surroundings, wasn't even a bit interested in shedding this unnecessary responsibility off his shoulders, rather held onto her tighter than ever.
Anushka now really believed that Joy was not only a great person by heart but also a loner who wished to have her in her life for how long he could.
And this made Anushka happy. Because throughout her life only a very few people had wanted her truly maybe. That too for a very short period of time. Or maybe she herself couldn't keep them.
Last night while Anushka sat on her bed flipping pages of a love story, Joy walked in. Anushka smiled as he sat beside her. Joy looked at her..and she couldn't much read his eyes. Anyways she could judge though that it had a mixture of pain and longing maybe, and Anushka couldn't shift her gaze too.
Anushka had really thought about this earlier. Was she attracted to Joy? As a man? Or was it all a dependence, a feeling of safety with him that made her long for him! She didn't know. She only knew, men couldn't much be depended upon. But she so wanted to hold a hand at this point of her life...on will, not under insistence.
" Joy? "
Joy as if woke from a trance.
" Your wounds have almost healed. And you can walk too... " , Joy uttered softly.
Anushka suddenly realised as if that she actually had healed a lot. And with this sudden realisation, a fear gripped her tight...
" Yeah... "
Joy had almost everyday dressed her superficial bruises, and she always felt good about the fact that he cared so much, forgetting as if, that his care would certainly heal...and that would be something so devastating.
" But... I... "
" Dr Matthews might visit tomorrow. He said so I remember, hence, I shall drop school tomorrow and stay with you. "
Anushka stared in disbelief. This man wanted her to heal and leave now? Her throat ached and eyes welled. But she controlled. Though Joy never looked at her directly now.
" Once he certifies you to be fine, we can go searching for your whereabouts in nearby police stations, in Dehradun... surely someone must have come looking for Anushka Sarkar I believe. "
Joy immediately stood up and left the room without even meeting a gaze.
Anushka sat still. The stream she had held back before Joy now found its way down her cheeks.
You cannot do this to me Joy!! You can't!
Anushka unknowingly grabbed the bedsheet. No, she didn't want to go looking for her whereabouts anymore, she didn't want to be the shy, timid, easy to be exploited and trampled Anushka Sarkar again. If not Shelly, she wanted to remain Anushka of Rungpo, nothing more, nothing less, nothing different, nothing usual.
No Joy... you would not do this to me... you wouldn't!
You would not find my whereabouts, you would not dump me back to a house that didn't want me anyway, you would not let me get married to a person against my will just because I cannot stand for myself, I cannot protest against every wrong done to me, I cannot fight for my rights just because they had brought me up, that too for their own fulfillments. And ... I cannot look into their eyes and shout... " TRAITORS! "
Anushka sobbed in silence. Little did she know, the other soul in the very house did the same, a room apart.
*****
" She's fine now. " , Dr Matthews smiled at Joy after making Anushka walk and carrying out his routine check up procedures.
" You can easily make her move now. "
Anushka stared at the distant mountains when Joy came back after seeing off the doctor.
" So... Ms Sarkar has finally recovered! " , a smile lit Joy's face that though didn't light up his eyes.
Anushka remained silent for sometime. Then looked straight into his eyes and said softly, " yes... I finally recovered. Now we can go searching for my whereabouts so that you are relieved of this unnecessary burden... "
Anushka shifted her gaze, but knew his eyes remained fixed on her.
After quite sometime, Joy only uttered, " breakfast is being served. I hope you can walk up to the table. "
Joy left. And Anushka wanted to shout, and wail. But she controlled every bit... and stood still. Totally still.
****
Anushka sat before the cross and lit a few scented candles. Joy stood at the window, and watched the process. His hands didn't move much to create beautiful melodies down the violin strings tonight. Because a heaviness gripped his heart.
No, he couldn't put Anushka into some trouble that concerned only him. Anushka needed to be moved now, however did it hurt.
Joy knew how integral Anushka had become a part of his life in this a little more than one month. And yet... he knew he couldn't keep her forever.
Joy stared at the moon.
" Joy!"
Joy realised that Anushka had come to stand just beside him.
He looked at her.
" What... is this Anushka? Why are you crying? "
Anushka knew, this would break the barrage. And it did. Every emotion down her throat, broke every wall she carefully wound around them, and found their way to her eyes, down them to her neck, creating a red hue throughout her fair skin. Anushka kept sobbing till she had hiccups and beyond that.
" Anushka! Anushka! "
Joy came forward and held her shoulders. She sobbed hard .. and harder even.
" Tell me everything Anushka! Everything that you are holding back since day one! I need to listen to you, I need to listen to your story through your voice. "
Anushka stared at him with wide water filled eyes. She so wanted to blurt out everything at a go... and yet something stopped her again, and again...
" I don't... "
" I swear Anushka, you remember everything! "
Anushka went blank. And numb. And her ever watering throat felt dry now.
He knew!
" I know a lot about you Anushka. And yet I want you to speak out to me... I would like to know how much you can entrust upon me... and how much you hold back. "
Anushka stared at him. She choked, she couldn't breathe for a while. Joy knowing everything was not what worried her, what did was Joy knew she was lying! Joy knew she remembered everything and yet wished to stay with him...
Anushka almost felt like fainting.
" Anushka... will you? "
Anushka as if heard these set of words from a distant world, as she closed her eyes and sat down on a chair, almost dropped onto rather.
A heavy turmoil grew inside her while a series of flashbacks struck her brain. She sat still for sometime, and gathered herself along with everything.
No. I need to speak out. For my sake. For God's sake...
" I... " , Anushka opened her eyes to see Joy's fixed onto her. His face showed a strange calm.
" I lost my parents when I was ten..In an accident. My grandpa, my mom's father brought me to his home. And this was never quite acceptable to my Uncle and Aunt. I never knew then... apart from the fact that they didn't talk to me well. Shreya, their daughter was eight then... and though she talked and played with me...their was a restriction on her part. I don't even know if my grandpa knew these, but he loved me immensely enough to make me not want any other love on earth...
Days went on well...when my grandpa suddenly had a mild cerebral attack when I was eleven only. And not then did I know, but now I do... he maybe was completely wrong, but he did sign the whole of his property including the house and whatever assets he had to my name, and did not sign a penny to anyone else. And I did not know anything about that. Not even the fact, that the papers would mature and come to my hands when I would be twenty four years of age.
My grandpa might have even told me everything then... but I did not understand anything, nor could I remember. A fool in a world full of traitors.
My grandpa expired a year later.
And since then, the behaviour of my uncle and aunt changed to death! I couldn't believe how well they treated me! My aunty would look after all my needs... my uncle would take care of me if I was ill.
Nevertheless I didn't find any endearment in everything they did. It was all as if... they were forced to do... but unlike earlier when they didn't do anything much for me... they did so much now but without a heart. And I the fool was happy with that.
Though I realised enough that they might not love me still and hence I couldn't love them back too... the only person I held onto was Shreya, my sister because I believed she was the only person who loved me with a heart.
Things went on this way till my twenty fourth year. And I didn't still know what power I held. They did. And I know now how well they handled my financial papers beyond my knowledge. I finished my graduations. I wasn't a great student, despite that I wished for higher studies but again because of my timid and coward behaviour, I couldn't speak out to anyone who showed no much interest in my life though.
Meanwhile I met a man...at the college reunions. He was from a different steam and I had never seen him before. Dev! He seemed like such an aura...such a gust of wind that blew me away like grains of sand. Like an idiot I began stalking his social media profiles and came to know he resided nearby. Like an idiot I wound a castle centering him...and he didn't even know I existed.
I talked to Shreya and she kept on decorating my dreams...providing me informations about him...and making me even believe that he too had been looking after me since the college reunion.
Such a fool I was! !
A few days later... Shreya got something signed by me while chit chatting about Dev. And I didn't even know how well Dev played a bridge for her...my sister whom I trusted more than myself.
Only last week did I get to know... Shreya had got me signed every paper that transferred the property that had matured at my 24th to their name, and not only that... she had been seeing Dev for over a month now.
I wanted to end myself. But how low could I fall? How much idiot to the world could I become?
At least they had not thrown me out of the house, at least they had taken care of me even if for the sake of something else.
I forgave each one of them from the core of my heart. My uncle maybe felt something, he promised to get me married to a well to do family. And he did too. I was to get married in fifteen days when I walked out of the house for my last bachelor trip. They agreed too. Strangely. Maybe they were not much, but a little guilty.
I hired a car...my brakes failed... and rest... is what you see... "
Anushka sobbed. Anushka choked. Anushka couldn't talk or see any further.
Joy sat on his knees before her chair. " I know how you feel Anushka, I know how you do..."
Joy slowly stood up and cuddled her hair, wiped off her tears... and Anushka rested her head upon him.
She murmured... " Don't let me go Joy... I have never felt so good before..."
Water trickled down his eyes. He knew by now everything Anushka had uttered, a lot more even, but he wanted to hear everything from her. He wanted to make sure... she needed him more than the children of Holy Child Missionary School...
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